Prologue - Lies We Tell Ourselves

Disclaimer: Not Mine

A/N – This story is a big change for me – one, this chapter is mostly narrative which is something I'm not really big on personally, and two, its more drama than comedy which I'm much more comfortable with. Then there is the storyline. Not a big fan of infidelity so I'm not sure how it popped into my head. But, I am trying to grow as a writer and that means trying different stuff. Please let me know if I've completely missed the mark. Also, due to content I'm beta free as she is a Will fan. Here's the thing. It's not that I don't like Will but I doubt the character would have ever been brought back to CM had the actress AJ Cook not become pregnant in real life.

The scene was all too familiar, only this time it wasn't Emily fighting for her life it was Reid. The latest threat to the BAU had been apprehended and wouldn't be interfering with their lives any longer but none of their lives would ever be the same. Same story, different day JJ thought sadly, wondering again as she had so often of late if this was all life had to offer her.

After being assured that Reid was fine and would fully recover they left the hospital. The remainder of their rattled, tattered group had gone back to the hotel and went their separate ways. JJ said a quiet goodnight as she exited the elevator and made her way to her own room lost in her thoughts.

She went through the motions of calling home and speaking to her husband, assuring him of her safety, and telling him she would be home the following day. Then she scalded herself in a hot shower trying to wash away imaginary blood she wasn't sure would ever come off.

Seeing Reid broken and knowing that he could have died snapped something inside of her. Life was fragile. It wasn't as though they didn't face conflict before, they had, and they would again she was sure. But now all she could think of was what she was missing in her life.

She paced her hotel room wondering what Hotch was doing. It was something she found herself doing far too frequently lately. She wondered if he was holding it together or if he reached out for someone to help him through the pain. Too often they depended on his strength to carry them through. He'd always seemed infallible to JJ. Except he wasn't, none of them were. It was that reality that had her leaving her room and heading towards his.

She paused briefly outside the room that she knew was his. She had a habit of knee jerked reactions that she ended up regretting once the adrenaline was gone. What she planned on doing wasn't right and it wasn't fair. But she was so tired of thinking and worrying about everyone else. For once she wanted to do something just for her. Again she questioned if he were alone. They were in New York it was possible he called his girlfriend. The thought of him entwined with Beth made her nauseous, angry, and sad.

~~CM~~CM~~

JJ lay staring at the ceiling, afraid that the slightest move would wake him and reality would come crashing back in. She had known how the night would end the minute she'd knocked on his door his hair wet from his recent shower and barefoot.

There had been many times she felt the desire to seek him out before but she'd always resisted. He was married. She was in a relationship. She was married. He was in a relationship. In the end it hadn't mattered. She knocked anyway.

Hotch had answered the door immediately. It was almost as if he'd been expecting her. As she lay awake thinking she wondered if that was true. Wondered if he had times where he laid awake wondering what she was doing, wishing, wanting to go to her. She liked to believe that was the case, that her feelings were reciprocated. He wouldn't have been able to make love to her like he had if he didn't have some affection for her. She lifted to her elbow to look down at him.

Despite the bruises on his face from the battle that he fought earlier he looked peaceful and serene. It wasn't a look she typically associated with him. Unable to help herself she reached out and brushed a lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. He looked so youthful in his sleep. Her hand caressed the side of his face. So carefree. So unlike the man that usually carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was another image she would carry with her when she left the room. It was a different side to the man that she'd been irrevocably in love with for as long as she could remember.

She should have reminded herself when she gathered the courage to come to him that she would also need to have it to leave him. That sobering thought had her fleeing to the edge of the bed. Taking a deep breath and praying that her knees would support her she made an attempt to stand, only to be grabbed from behind. A strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her backwards. Apparently he'd only been resting, not asleep, as she had originally thought. Dark brown eyes regarded her somberly.

"Don't leave." Hotch's voice was thick with emotion. He'd known that she was working up the courage to walk out the door. He laid there feigning sleep knowing that he had to let her go. He'd almost talked himself into when he felt the bed shift and couldn't help reaching out to her. He'd waited far too long for her to come to him to begin with. He wasn't ready to let her go.

He'd known that her warm, generous nature wouldn't deny him. He felt his body's reaction to her settling back down at his side and wondered if he would ever be able to see her and not picture her in the throes of ecstasy.

He had wanted her long before this evening and he'd always been able to stay away. But she took the decision out of his hands when had come to him. He'd been powerless to refuse her. Now he wasn't sure he would have the courage necessary to let her walk away.

He let out a sigh as her body molded itself against his. He decided would worry about tomorrow later. Right now all he wanted to do was surround her soft perfumed flesh with his own, he told himself as he wrapped his arms around her.

Hotch hadn't thought question her presence when she'd shown up at his room. He knew, of course, the decent thing for him to do would have been to turn her away. As much as he might wish differently she wasn't his. But one look in her eyes had him drawing her to him. They were both tired of fighting the attraction.

The soft kiss she placed over his heart had been his undoing. The sweet touch ignited a fire. Their clothes were quickly shed and then he was pressing into her, their bodies straining against one another. It was an activity that would be repeated several times during the night. As battered as his body was, it found solace within hers.

He felt her lips turn up in a smile, no doubt at the evidence of his arousal. He wanted to apologize, not wanting her to believe this is all he wanted from her, but he didn't know how to vocalize his feelings. Then she was crawling over top of him and settling on to him and his brain turned off.

Dusk was creeping into the room when she shuttered with her release. As she started to wind down he flipped her onto her back and pounded into her, building her back up, pleading with her to take the fall with him. He swallowed her cries as she broke apart around him, pulling him along with her. He rolled over once more to his back, bringing her with him, her small body blanketing his. Even as he went flaccid he remained within her snug channel refusing to separate from her.

When he woke several hours later he was alone.

Thanks for reading. Please let me know your thoughts, I'm kind of nervous about this one.