Say You Won't Let Go

Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose

Established Relationship. AU. Marriage proposal going wrong. Romance. Fluff. Hurt. Comfort. Angst. Misunderstandings. Insecurities and Irrational fears. Anniversary Celebrations. Happy Ending.

Seth's heart ached as he sat there on one knee, the ring he bought with so many hopes and dreams dangling from his fingers as tears slipped down his cheeks. He sighed as he wiped at his eye, his other hand retrieving the small jewelry box from his pocket as he placed th, e ring back where it came from.

Before tonight, he had never doubted the love he and Dean shared. He had never questioned what they meant to each other, because every moment that he spent with Dean was a moment he wanted to last forever. Dean who never had anything easy or normal in his life ever before found a stability and belonging with Seth. A home where it was just the two of them and their unconditional love for each other. Dean wanted to wake up every morning in the warm safe arms of Seth, and Seth wanted to kiss his lips each night they went to sleep.

Despite all of that, there were times when Seth wondered how far had he been able to bring Dean when it came to overcoming his insecurities and fears regarding his happiness to last. Dean had a kind of past that left scars for a lifetime, and no amount of love and protection could ever completely erase the affects it had on Dean's psyche. Seth was never afraid of the challenge, he knew he loved Dean enough to make an effort. And was it worth it. Nothing brought him happiness the way Dean did when he finally was able to win him over.

A year ago Seth had bought Dean a beautiful house in Vegas as a surprise. He kept his home in Iowa and they spend majority of their time there. But Seth had come to know how much Dean was fascinated with Vegas and Seth wanted Dean to have everything he wanted but never really asked for just because he wasn't used to have what he wanted. Seth desired to fill Dean's life with every joy, whether it was something minor or of significant nature. Now they had two wonderful homes, stable jobs and an unspoken promise to be each others for eternity. As their fifth anniversary approached, Seth felt like it was only natural that they took the next big step and made it official.

Seth was unsure and nervous, there was no doubt. He backtracked multiple times as he was shopping for the perfect ring for his partner, but each time one thing made him want to take this risk. Every night, every day, whether Seth was waking up or going to sleep he did it with the knowledge that he had a life and a partner that would define his future for as long as he lived.

Eventually, Seth decided on a ring and made his decision. He opened the small box each day before their anniversary date and marveled over the elegance and beauty of the engagement band, and wondered how perfect the moment would be when he'll eventually be able to slip it on Dean's ring finger.

Their anniversary was perfect. Seth took Dean out for a nice little vacation which was a well needed break from their hectic schedules. They had two days roaming around the perfect land and beauty of Hawaii. Then it was the anniversary night and Seth decided to treat Dean to a perfect meal and a cake which Dean devoured happily. Afterwards, hand in hand they strolled into a fancy bar in the area and shared some drinks. Nothing could ever taint a night like this, and Seth's confidence reached a new height with how perfect everything was going.

Later that night Seth found himself fucking into his partner nice and slow, Dean moaning and making all those noises that made Seth's toes curl in ecstasy. One round lead to another, and after a little while Dean was riding Seth and making him loose his mind at what a beautiful picture Dean made as he moved his hips over Seth's perfectly. As they reached their second orgasm for the night, they both were blissfully spent. But Seth's mind was still trapped. He had one thing left to do, and he needed to do it now.

When Seth had dropped down on his knee as Dean sat there on the bed, Dean's whole body had tensed and for a second Seth questioned himself if this was the right idea. But then he imagined a future without Dean in it and he had his answer. Better now then never.

When Seth had said the words and asked for Dean to marry him, Dean had put his hand over his mouth as his widened eyes looked into Seth's. When a couple of tears dropped out of those baby blue eyes, Seth tried telling himself that they were happy tears. When Dean suddenly bolted up and rushed towards the bathroom and locked himself inside, Seth's heart shattered into million pieces.

The most perfect night ended up in a disaster, and Seth was left chasing after dreams of a future that his partner probably didn't even share. He still didn't regret proposing. He wanted to do this, he wanted to show Dean how deep he was in. He owed it to himself and to the relationship they shared. But now what? How will they move on from this? Will the hurt ever go away? Seth was so sure Dean wanted nothing else but him, then why?

Seth didn't know how much time had passed. Half an hour. An hour. He had been standing outside the little balcony, looking up at the star lit sky. Wondering if there was a light in his darkness too. The small box tucked away in his pocket with the abandoned ring felt heavy in its place, and for a small second Seth was tempted to throw it away. He had shed tears, he had muttered angrily over his situation, and he had wondered why things with Dean always had to be so wrong when they should be nothing but perfect.

"S-Seth?"

Seth tensed as he heard Dean from behind him, his voice sounding small and vulnerable. Seth turned his face and looked over at Dean, noticing the puffy eyes and flushed cheeks of his lover. Dean turned his gaze towards the ground, his hands tucked away in pockets as he shuffled nervously on his feet.

"Please say something Seth." Dean's broken voice brought Seth's attention back to the face he loved so much, and his heart felt tight when he saw the pained expression on Dean's face and a fresh set of tears.

Seth smiled sadly at Dean before he extended his hand towards him. Dean hesitantly put his hand in Seth's and allowed Seth to move him forward so they both stood side by side before the railing. Seth didn't look at Dean, but he could feel Dean's nervous eyes searching his face.

"Are you mad?"

Seth looked at Dean, their eyes meeting for a second before Seth looked away. He rubbed his thumb over the skin of Dean's hand, a deep sigh leaving his lips as he said, "No. Just sad and disappointed."

"Its…Its not what you think it is."

This time when Seth looked at Dean, Dean was biting at his lip and sniffling. His wet eyes looked up to meet Seth's, and a sad sigh escaped his lips. "You must think I'm crazy. Well, I am. But this is…Fuck, I am such a mess. I wait my whole life to have happiness and when I do, I do not even know how to handle it. Its not easy being in my head, Seth. I just…I knew you loved me. You never made me question that. But I still never thought you would want to settle down with someone like me…Like, we have fun and we are we. But I am still me, Seth. I cannot be normal, I cannot be open, I can't cook for shit, I drool all over my freakin' pillow…You deserve to have a normal life with a normal family and it just came crashing down on me that I cannot ever give you any of that. Is it selfish of me to want to keep you all to myself and deny you all the normality a man like you deserve to have in your life? I do..I do want to marry you. Call you my husband. Proudly wear your ring and even take your name so everyone can know you chose me and I'm yours. 's too good, Seth. Good things never last for me. What if it all gets pulled away from under my feet and I fall down so hard that I can never get up? Do you really, really wanna marry me and give up on everything else you can have? I was shocked…I was taken aback, but not because I'm unsure of how I feel. I just didn't want it all to be taken away from me one day when you wake up and realize you probably made a mistake. A few years by now, you'll want to have a baby. I can't give you that. Why can't I fucking give you everything you should have?"

Seth was slapped by so many different emotions in a matter of few minutes that he almost felt lightheaded. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, he wanted to fucking smack Dean upside down. His lover just gave him a broken heart over basically…nothing?

"You got to be fucking kidding me." Seth mumbled, unable to keep the tone of annoyed shock out of his voice. He heard Dean huff besides him, and he chanced a look up to see him pouting like a scolded child. And Seth hadn't even started the session of scolding yet.

He shook his head and let out a deep sigh before grabbing both of Dean's shoulders and turning him around so they were face to face. He tried to look mad, but he ended up laughing at the absurdity of the situation. "You fucking shattered my heart over nothing, you asshole. I plan this for days and put all this effort to give you a perfect proposal and you turn that into a sob fest when we should be on that bed consummating our engagement. You have the worst timing ever, and I wanna pull you over my knee and make you feel every bit of pain that I just did in the last half an hour. Only I know you would enjoy that a little too much so its not worth it."

Dean's face was a perfect blend of multiple emotions as he listened to Seth's words. Regret, realization, sadness, shame, even amusement at the last bit. It produced a small wet chuckle out of both men, which did lighten the mood slightly. But as Dean realized how he had managed to turn a perfectly romantic night into a complete disaster with his sad insecurities, he felt a sudden weight of self loathing consuming him. He slapped his hand over his face as he groaned. "What the fuck is wrong with me."

Seth shook his head and looked down, he contemplated for a second whether he should drill Dean some more but the man already looked upset enough. So he decided to have a heart to heart with the man he wanted as his, it was only fair that Dean knew exactly where he stood with this apparent promise of future.

Seth took hold of both of Dean's hands and stepped closer to his boyfriend. "I want you to look into my eyes, Dean. And I want you to listen to each and every word I say. Do you hear me? Here's the thing. 5 years ago when I met you, I knew it wouldn't be an easy journey. We both worked hard on where we are today. Not just me, you too. I want you to start giving yourself some credit. You managed to keep me happy for all these years and never once I regretted choosing you to spend my life with. Even when you drool all over my chest and our pillows. Or even when you leave the kitchen counters all messy. Or even when you leave a pile of your shit on the floor while I clean up after you.." Seth laughed when Dean interpreted him with a pout and a tug at his hand. He laced his fingers with Dean's and continued, "Point is, none of that or anything in future will ever change my mind about wanting to spend my every waking moment with you. You are the love of my life. I may not be able to knock you up, but we can still have babies. There are other options. I don't wanna experience any of those things if I don't have you by my side. You hear that? Everything you think I deserve, its worth nothing if I'm not able to share it with you. When I bought that ring for you and decided to propose, I knew what I was doing. I had been wanting to ask for a long while, I just wanted to wait for a perfect moment."

"And I ruined it for you." Dean sniffled, his eyes downcast and voice laced with regret and sadness as he said that.

Seth sighed and nodded a little. "You did and you didn't. You still have a chance to make up for it by accepting my proposal."

Dean suddenly looked up at Seth with these wide surprised eyes, like he couldn't believe Seth still wanted to do this. "Offer's still up?" He asked carefully, eyes nervous and unsure.

Seth nodded, a small smile on his face as he let go of Dean's hand and fetched the small box from his pocket. He opened it and took the ring out, before his eyes gazed into Dean's. "Wanna marry me baby and make me the happiest man alive?"

The smile on Dean's face was so raw and genuine, Seth almost forgot everything that happened an hour ago. If Seth had any doubt before, he didn't now. He smiled too, laughing when Dean extended his left hand for Seth to slip the ring on. "Yes. A thousand times yes." Dean said as he openly cried now.

Before Seth could slip the ring on Dean's finger, Dean suddenly pulled his hand back. Seth's heart caught up in his chest, his eyes looked into Dean's questioningly as Dean smiled sheepishly at him. He pointed at the floor and said, "Do it properly."

Seth rolled his eyes and muttered 'Brat' before bending down on one knee anyways. "Here, happy?" Seth asked, trying to sound annoyed but ended up sounding amused. Dean nodded happily and grinned when he placed his hand back into Seth's. His eyes filling with more tears when Seth slipped the ring finally on his ring finger and kissed his hand.

Dean pulled Seth up and the two lovers hugged tightly, happy tears and laughter surrounding them as they kissed each other.

When they pulled apart, Dean's eyes were glinting and the smile of his face reached his eyes fully. Seth's expressions matched his partner's, their forehead pressed against each other's as Seth held Dean's left hand tightly in his. "I'll love you forever."

Dean smiled at Seth's statement, his lips pressing against Seth's once more before he replied with, "Me too."