Pairings - Ummm… well, Shinichi/Conan and Ran like each other, but they aren't going to get together so does it matter? Ha! That's what I thought!
Warnings - Wow! My first story EVER with no real warnings! I mean, except for the whole kid being in love with someone 10 years older than him… but is that really very important? Ha! I didn't think so! Oh yah, and then angst… I'll try to keep it light.
Disclaimer - Guess what! I don't own Detective Conan! That's Gosho Aoyama our someone with a name like that's… Only One isn't mine either, it's Yellowcard's.
A/N - Another wow… My first Detective Conan/Kaitou Kid fic… Cooly-oly! Anyways, I have no clue what possessed me to write an angsty fic, I guess it's just because in all those stories that I've read, Shinichi/Conan feels like it's his fault that Ran is so unhappy and is really upset (nothing against him there!), but the way he is portrayed, he is some sort of selfish idiot that doesn't give a damn about her feelings, well values his more. I feel that Shinichi/Conan would leave and "make" Ran forget about him, rather than make her suffer. So here's what I've done with that little idea! Oh, yah… -Italics-: -Thoughts… Italics: Flashbacks… Italics: Lyrics…
-Only One-
By - Leila
Edogawa Conan sat curled in a corner of the phone box. Thin arms were wrapped tight around equally slight legs, and the "8-year-old" boy fought off tears, nose buried in his knees and eyes squeezed shut. A single crystalline tear dripped down the boy's cheek, and he bit his lip angrily, drawing blood. 'Conan' removed the faux glasses that balanced on the bridge on his nose and wiped his eyes, standing up and walking out of the box. His shoulders were hunched over and he walked through the pouring rain, seemingly oblivious to the soaking he was receiving. The "young boy" paused in front of "Mouri's Detective Agency", looking up at the silhouette of a crying girl in the window. -Ran…-
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
The boy turned away sharply, tears threatening to fall once again, and he broke into a run. Ignoring the world around him, 'Conan' dashed through the streets and stopped, panting, in front of the home of Kudo Shinichi… His real self. The boy attempted to open the huge gates, but at his failure he collapsed in a heap on the cold concrete. Who knew a mere two phone calls could break the teenage sleuth? 'Conan' began shivering as the cold, wet, and bleak realization of his situation sunk in, deep blue eyes falling shut in a restless slumber.
I feel so broken up (broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just wanna tell you so you know
"I'm home, Ran-neechan!" The voice of a small boy echoed throughout the small home/detective agency, and "Ran-neechan" felt a smile slip onto her face as her "little brother" got home.
"Welcome home, Conan-kun!" the karate champion answered brightly. 'Conan' walked into the kitchen, following his nose eagerly. The "8-year-old" reached out to grab whatever was cooking (not to mention smelt delicious), but a larger hand smacked his away. His "neechan" glared down at him affectionately and ruffled his messy hair, but the observant child noticed the slightly remorseful look behind the mask. Grabbing Ran's hand, the boy looked up at her, an understanding too old for his childish face radiating from his eyes.
"What's wrong, Ran-neechan?" The boy asked curiously. The girl smiled down at him ruefully.
"You don't miss a thing, do you Conan-kun?" She asked, softly. At the sharp shake of the boy's head, the older girl continued. "Nothing really, I guess. But Shinichi promised he'd call a month ago! Do you think something's wrong?" 'Conan's' bright blue eyes widened in shock, and a small hand covered his mouth.
"Oh! I forgot, I told Agasa-kun that I was going to help him with his new experiment tonight! I'll be back later tonight, Ran-neechan! I promise!" The boy exclaimed, running down the hallway. He grabbed his shoes at the front door and slipped them on quickly. He then paused for a moment, waved in the direction of the girl in the kitchen once, called out, "Oh, and I'm sure Shinichi-niichan just hasn't had enough time to call!", and dashed out the front door, running to the phone box down the road. The boy prepared to take the phone off the hook, but a shrill ringing made him pause. 'Conan' looked around, but no one except a few stray cats were in the vicinity. Gingerly the detective picked up the phone, not in his wildest dreams expecting the voice on the other line.
"Kudo?" A small, clear voice questioned. 'Conan' nearly dropped the phone in surprise, an image of the blonde girl running through his head.
"Ai?"
Here I go
Scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
"Shinichi… Shinichi!" 'Conan' opened his eyes, then squinted at the bright light the met them. Standing over him was a slightly worried looking Agasa. The boy stretched and sat up. Looking around him, he saw he was in Agasa's living room, lying on the couch. Agasa was holding a cup of tea out to the teenager-turned-child, and with a grateful nod 'Conan' took it
"Shinichi, were you trying to get yourself killed? Sitting out there, by yourself, looking like an eight year old, in the pouring rain was not the brightest idea Detective-san!" The man exclaimed, but looking into 'Conan's', no Shinichi's eyes, his glare softened. The boy took another sip of his tea, not answering the inventor.
"What happened, Shinichi?" Agasa asked, voice taking on a gentler tone. The boy sighed, turning away from his friend. He shook his head, implicating he didn't want to talk about it. Agasa sighed, and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Do you want me to contact Ran and-"
"No." Shinichi's eyes darkened (because they were Shinichi's eyes), and he shook his head deliberately. "No, Agasa-kun. I will go home by myself… Later." The boy's cold voice surprised his friend, and Agasa nodded at him. Before leaving the detective to sleep, the man ruffled 'Conan's' hair, surprised as the child tensed. Yet it seemed, some things were best left alone.
I let go
There's just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
"Ai?" 'Conan' heard a snicker on the other line, indicating that his guess was correct. The snickering stopped abruptly though, and 'Conan' sensed a change in the person on the other line.
"Kudo, I have been doing my research like a good little girl, but it seems my discoveries are not altogether promising." The child's voice took on an older, wearier tone, and overall she sounded much to serious for a child of 8. 'Conan' tensed at the scientist's words; he wondered exactly what she had discovered in those six months after she had disappeared.
"Ai, what do you mean the "discoveries are not altogether promising"? Are we stuck like this forever?" In response 'Conan' heard a pained sigh on the other line, and the next words that escaped the blonde girls mouth were meek and tired.
"I'm afraid so, 'Conan'… I just can't make a cure! The longest lasting cure I have is the 24-hour antidote, and if you take that one too many times it'll kill you! We have to stay Edogawa Conan and Haibara Ai until we die." Frustration leaked from wherever Ai was into 'Conan's' phone box, until the sleuth felt he'd suffocate in it. A tear threatened to slip down the boy's cheek, and it was apparent the girl on the other line was already crying softly, but he bit down on his lip hard, and ignored his aching heart. His world was spinning, all the constants that had ever been had been ripped from his small fingers.
"I'm sorry, Shinichi!" the girl whispered remorsefully, before a dull "click" echoed throughout the phone box. Wiping his eyes, the "boy" picked up the phone once more and dialed the agency's number painstakingly, making a decision and praying Ran wouldn't cry. Someone picked up the phone, and the karate champion's voice sounded tired as she said,
"Moshi moshi, Mouri Detective Agency. How may I help you?" 'Conan' put the "bow-tie" to his lips, and in a misleading cheerful voice replied,
"Ran! How are you?" There was an intake of breath, and 'Conan' could sense the smile on Ran's face even over the phone line.
"Shinichi?"
Made my mistake, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for to long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
An hour later Agasa walked back into his living room. 'Shinichi' was sitting on his couch with a haunted expression lurking in his eyes. The boy turned to Agasa, his eyes destroying his childish image. The older man sat on the couch beside the boy, but did not try to touch him.
"Shinichi? What happened to you?" he asked softly. 'Shinichi' turned to look at his friend, and sighed. "It might be better if you talk to someone about it." Agasa prodded. Apparently going over his options in his mind, 'Shinichi' finally nodded.
"Ai can't change me back. I'll be Edogawa Conan until I die. I'm starting over." The boy said with a false calm in his voice, spreading his arms and looking at the thin limbs despondently. Then, with a small, pain-riddled smile, the boy said softly,
"I guess I have something everyone in this world wants, everyone except me. Ironic, ne, Agasa-kun?" Agasa looked at the boy pityingly, but as he opened his mouth to make a sympathetic and hopefully encouraging comment, the "8-year-old" put up a hand to silence him.
"I don't need your pity, Agasa-kun. I've survived like this for 2 years, the rest of my life shouldn't be a problem." 'Shinichi's' bitter laugh echoed throughout the room, and a concerned Agasa left the room to get some more tea.
We saw things breakin' up (breakin' up)
I feel like givin' up (like givin' up)
I won't walk out until you know
"Hai, Ran. How are things going in Beika?" Shinichi's voice had become a bit wearier, but the excited girl on the other end of the line hardly noticed it. Shinichi was informed of all the cases her father had been receiving, and her laugh echoed throughout the boy's head as she told him how like him 'Conan' was in the aspect that he also "attracted dead bodies everywhere he went". Shinichi dutifully laughed in all the right places, and added in his own comments, always avoiding the one question that never went away. But it seemed inevitable that at one point it would rear it's ugly head, and break her heart once again. For the last time.
Here I go
Scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
"Shinichi, when are you going to come back? To your HOME, to your friends, to ME?" Ran's voice was thin and tired, not to mention shaking slightly implicating that tears were coming. Shinichi closed up his heart, and said the first thing that came to his mind.
"Ran, I'm not coming back. Ever." the boy's voice was colder than ice, and it cut into Ran's heart. The girl gasped slightly, the tears she had been hiding trickling down her cheeks. Shinichi bit back the urge to comfort her, the one girl who meant the most to him out of everyone in the world, the only girl who had ever had a place in his heart. He drew a quick breath and waited for Ran's response, ignoring the silent tears that slipped beyond his strongest barriers.
"Shinichi, why? I... I miss you so much!" The implication behind the words that had been spoken by a trembling and pain-ridden voice was clear. But Shinichi didn't need to be told, he knew Ran loved him. And God, he loved her so much, too! But that was why he needed to hurt her so badly... -So badly I can never hurt her again...-
"Ran, I'm sorry! I can't come back, and I... I just don't feel that way about you!" The tears coursing down the boy's cheeks made it so he couldn't see, and it was all he could do to keep the pain out of his voice. -Shinichi, how can you lie to her, how can you make her cry?- The tears that had escaped Ran's eyes were intensifying, until it was all she could do to speak. After taking a deep breath, the girl's heart-broken voice rang out, echoing throughout the phone box, the anger seeping in and taking over the hurt.
"How could you lead me on, make me believe you cared! Why aren't you coming back? Shinichi, answer me! What did I do wrong?" The last five words were whispered, barely audiable, but Shinichi heard them. The tears flowing down his face never faltered, but the young detective felt a smile slip onto his face. -That's right, Ran... Hate me. It'll make it stop hurting.- Now all he needed to do was leave, leave and never come back. Make it so Ran totally forgot about him, make it so she fell in love with someone else and goddammit was happy! Finally, with a deep sigh, the boy replied.
"I told you Ran, I'm sorry!" He exclaimed, letting all his anger at himself leak into his voice. He hoped she couldn't hear the hurt that went along with it. "Ran, you never did anything wrong;" -You're perfect- "you have just never been the girl for me. I'm sorry if it ever seemed that way. You were a good friend though. Goodbye, Ran." Then he hung up the phone and collapsed in a heap on the floor of the phone box, small body shaking with unabashed sobs.
"Goodbye Ran, I love you."
I let go
There's just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
A few moments later Agasa walked back into his living room, holding a tray with... more tea(1). 'Shinichi' gave his friend a skeptical look, but before he could speak the older man shook his head and held out a mug to the boy. Sighing in defeat, the boy took it and drank quickly. The looking at his watch, he got up off the couch and headed for the front door. A hand on his shoulder stopped him, though.
"Where are you going, Shinichi? Do want to stay the night here?" 'Shinichi' smiled at the older man, but shook his head.
"No. I need to get back to the agency. I promised her I'd be back." he said. All the previous anger that had been in his voice was now gone, replaced with a "calm" acceptance. Smiling once more at his lifelong neighbor the small boy walked out the front door, only turning back once to give the man his tea mug. Then, the detective was gone.
Here I go
So dishonestly
Leave a note
For you my only one
Ten minutes later, 'Conan' arrived home smiling happily. The boy walked into his "home", not bothering to call out and inform the members of the agency of his arrival. Looking at his watch once more he came to the conclusion that everyone should be sleeping, and at that conclusion the happy little boy smile had vanished within seconds. But as 'Conan' walked passed the living room, he was shocked to hear someone crying. -Ran...- The detective walked into the room involuntarily, and hearing the little boy footsteps Ran muffled her sobs.
"Conan-kun?" she asked tearfully, turning to look at the little boy. 'Conan' nodded, deciding not to speak... He didn't trust his voice to keep it's boyish quality. The girl's cheeks were tear stained after hours of crying, and her eyes were bloodshot. Her lip was trembling slightly, but she smiled for her "little brother", a heart-broken, tired, and shaky smile, but a smile nonetheless. Just for him. He loved her so much! -She's so... beautiful...- The young boy put a hand on Ran's shoulder, and more tears ran down her cheeks. Then, spontaneously, the teen-turned-child flung his arms around his "neechan's", no around Ran's, neck and he held her tight. Face pressed into the crook of her neck, the "young boy" breathed in the scent that was Ran's and Ran's alone, and prayed each millisecond could last a century, each second a millinium, each minute a forever. The detective stood silently, holding the one thing that meant the most to him as close as he could for the first and last time in his life, and wished he would never have to let go.
And I know
You can see right through me
So let me go
And you will find some one
The crying girl was suitably surprised when she felt thin arms wrap around her neck and cling to her like a lifeline, a small body press up against her, and a damp face burrow in the crook of her neck. Uncertainly, Ran put her arms around the small boy and she held him to her, murmuring consoling words to him softly and hoping to calm him. But the gentle reassurances only seemed upset the boy even more, until he was clutching her so hard it seemed he would never let go. So the girl stopped whispering and cried softly on her "younger brother's" head, drawing as much comfort out of his embrace as he seemed to gather from her. Finally, after what seemed like centuries and a mere few moments at the same time, the young 'Conan' untangled himself from Ran, looking at her out of eyes many years too old for his childish, innocent face. Hugging her one last time the boy turned to leave the room, but after a few steps he ran back to her and pressed a boyish kiss to her cheek.
Here I go
Scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
"Goodnight, Ran-neechan. I'm sorry. Please don't be sad anymore." he whispered in a voice too much like Shinichi's, before running out of the room and entering his darkened room for what would be the last time.
I let go
There's just no one
No one like you
You are my only, my only one
Early the next morning, 'Shinichi' clambered out of his soft bed, and after changing out of his pajamas, tiptoed around his small room. He gathered up all the things he needed, and placed them in his small backpack. Then, then boy took the note he had agonized over the night before from his bedside table and crept into the kitchen. Looking around the house, and listening intently, the boy found (to his relief and despair) that no one had awoken yet. The boy laid his note to "Ran-neechan" on the countertop, and peered into the living room. The boy's eyebrows raised as he saw that Ran had not left the living room the night before and was now sleeping on the old, beaten couch in the middle of the room. 'Shinichi' took his coat off, and placed it on the sleeping girl, pressing a last kiss to her cheek before he left. "I love my Ran-neechan" the boy whispered softly, before turning and walking to the front door. He looked around once more, one last time, and then left the apartment. He had already decided he wasn't coming back. He knew if he stayed he wouldn't be able to watch Ran hurt and keep from calling her as Shinichi to apologize, to tell her he loved her. And for her to be happy, he needed to be gone.
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only,
Passengers on the Beika Express were surprised to see an extremely young boy seated by himself on the 5:00 (am) train, a backpack held close in his lap and a stoic expression on his young features. Conan stared out of the window, ignoring the other passengers, wondering exactly where he could go. He could go to America with his parents, be a child for them all over again, but he didn't want that. Osaka? He could live with Hattori Heiji... Although his friend was annoying sometimes (always calling him "Kudo"... and in front of Ran!), the two of them got along well... But no; Heiji couldn't keep anything from Kazuha, who would definately tell Ran where he was, and he needed to stay away from her. Make sure she could smile again. Anyway, Kudo Shinichi was gone, and he was never coming back. The boy looked at the list of cities in front of him, his eyes finally focusing on... Tokyo(2). He knew no one in Tokyo, and would therefore be safe from being discovered. Ran went to Tokyo with Sonoko frequently, but the young sleuth doubted she would look for him there. Besides, there were plenty of murders in Tokyo, and nice mystery to keep the detective occupied was always a plus. Sighing the boy nodded slightly. His eyes began to fall shut against his will, he had been planning all of the previous night and had gotten no sleep at all. He couldn't manage to keep his eyes open, and finally he gave into sleep. -A little rest won't hurt... Besides, I'll wake up before... we get... to... Tokyo...-
XX-XX Four Years Later
"Congratulations, Kazuha-chan!" The young Osakan girl smiled as her blue eyed friend grasped her hands and smiled at her excitedly. Kazuha pulled Ran into a hug, whispering into the other girl's ear,
"I wish Shinichi could be here for you!" Ran tensed, and pulled away from her friend, shaking her head. "Don't." she whispered, her eyes cold and emotionless. The expression vanished momentarily though, and the bright smile was back at full force.
"Just be glad that you have Heiji!" Kazuha blushed prettily, looking down at her snow white dress. She knew something was wrong with Ran... Something had been a little off with her friend's behavior since that little Conan boy had left for America four years ago. But the 22-year-old shook her head slightly, today was not a day of the past, but of the future. Arms wrapping around her waist shook her out of her silent reverie, and turning her head the girl smiled up at her detective. Heiji leant down and pecked his bride on the tip of her nose before turning to Ran.
"Thanks for coming, Neechan!" He said brightly, smiling at the girl in front of him. She smiled back, congratulating him before walking off and getting lost in the crowd. Kazuha had not missed the dull look in her friend's eyes, and she turned in his arms to look at him concernedly.
"What do you think is wrong with Ran?" The girl asked, and Heiji shook his head, tightening his hold around the girl. He knew what was wrong with his friend from Beika, she was missing Shinichi and Conan, just as she had been since they both slipped our of her life, as suddenly as they had made their appearance. The Osakan detective leant and kissed his lovely bride's temple gently, before taking the girl to speak to more guests.
Ran walked through the crowd on her own. She smiled, picturing the blissful expression that had graced her friend's face all day, then sighed. She would never have a day like this to herself, her heart was Shinichi's and Shinichi's alone, even after what had happened four years previous. Ran didn't know why she didn't tell anyone of her phone call from Shinichi, ignoring and pretending it never happened didn't make it any less real or painful. But she didn't want the pity that would be inevitable if she told anyone, so she had closed her heart to Shinichi, to the world. A slight bump brought Ran back to earth, and she looked down at a young boy who was now sitting on the floor. The girl extended her hand, apologizing profusely as she helped the small, lanky boy up. The boy smiled at her gently, and he fixed the cap that perched on his pitch hair.
"Gomen nasai, Neechan." the boy said softly, his emerald eyes looking strangely... sad. Ran felt tears fill her eyes as she looked at his small face. If you disregarded the black hair and green eyes, he looked so much like Shinichi! A tear slipped past the barriers Ran had built around her heart, and a stricken look appeared on the boy's face. Fumbling around, the young pre-teen finally pulled a clean, white handkercheif out of his pocket and handed it to the girl.
"What's wrong, Neechan? Did I hurt you? Please don't cry!" Ran was surprised at the boy's absolute remorse at her tears, and she attempted to comfort him, another tear sliding down her cheek unnoticed. Ran hugged the child gently, and said, softly,
"Don't be sorry, little boy. I've needed to cry for a while. Thank you." The boy hugged her back for a moment, before running away quickly and vanishing. "Your handkercheif..." Ran whispered, holding the white cloth out in the direction the boy had run. But he didn't come back to get it. Pulling the handkercheif back, the girl wiped her eyes, suddenly noticing a small pair of embroidered letters in the bottom, right corner. "KS" the script read, and a new rush of tears came, the dam had finally broken and Mouri Ran was able to feel again. "Shinichi..."
The emerald eyed boy watched as a rush of tears began slide down Ran's face in torrents and she clutched the small handkercheif to her body. Kuroba Shinji didn't like watching the pretty girl cry, and he wanted to console her, but he couldn't. Not after he had unknowingly handed her that handkercheif and hurt her once again as he had vowed not to. Yet through her tears Ran seemed to be smiling. Looking directly at the boy who was currently hidden in shadows, he saw her murmer "Thank you". It confused Shinji, why was she happy to have her heart broken? And he wished so hard he could fix it, he could whisper those words she so wanted to hear! But she didn't want to hear them from Shinji, so taking another look at the girl who meant the world to him, Shinji turned and walked away. "Sayonara, Ran." he whispered, heading toward his "Oniichan" and taking his hand.
"I'm ready to go home now." he whispered, looking at a boy who was the mirror image of Kudo Shinichi pleadingly. The young man nodded, and attempted to catch the attention of a pretty, short haired that was talking animatedly. Shinji turned back once, and for the last time he looked at Mouri Ran, watching her slight frame shake with sobs and softly kiss the handkercheif she was looking at as if it were the thing she loved most in the world.
"Come on, Shinji. Aoko's done talking, so we can go home now." Shinji smiled in relief, turning away, a tear of his own sliding down his cheek. He was finally understanding that this time, Ran needed her tears so that the grief and confusion that had been tormenting her for years could finally be at rest, and she could heal.
-Sayonara, Ran. You'll always be in my heart.-
My only one
Owari
A/N - I hope this turned out well, I worked pretty hard on it! Please review if you happen to read this little fic, because I love feedback and want to know what you think! Thank you loads, and take care!
LEILA
(1)tea makes everything better!
(2)Tokyo is where Kaito lives, right?