Parallel Parking
Summary: The team, (mainly Rossi), needs to teach Spencer how to drive a car in less than a week or he might lose his job as a field agent. However, certain things happen along the way, including a double date and a car accident.
Rated M for language and sexual situations.
I Do Not Own Criminal Minds; it belongs to CBS and was created by Jeff Davis, and I'm only using it for the entertainment of this story.
Author's Notes: This is my first Criminal Minds story and I love the characters so much, that I decided to write a funny and romantic concept. Emily and Spencer are my favorite characters, but they will be written slightly AU and Emily will do something OOC. The first chapter explains what everyone has to do, so it'll be slightly slow compared to the others.
I read many entertaining Criminal Minds stories by many great authors, including RogueStorm84 and they were my inspiration…thanks Rogue!
And a special shout-out to deanstheman for beta reading this for me and you can find her through her most recent stories Across the Bridge of Sighs and Running Against the Wind…thanks!
Warning: This will be a three-chapter story but all the sex parts will be in the last chapter only, which contains slash, so be forewarned if this is not your cup of tea.
Parallel Parking
Chapter One
The team assembled in the conference room bright and early on Monday morning to meet with the new Human Resources Specialist, Duane R. Lippincott, who was known to be 'by the book' and would 'make your life a living hell' if all was not in order within your department.
"Good morning everyone, I am Mr. Lippincott and I assure you this will be quick and painless as I expect to talk without being interrupted," the short, balding man with glasses stated while he opened his brief case.
"I was checking over everyone's personnel files and have found many incomplete forms from my previous successor; therefore, I will need these completed by this Friday before five pm. That is about one-hundred hours from now," he remarked, sitting down at the head of the table. The team all sighed.
"I will go in alphabetical order, which means Garcia, Penelope, is up first," Lippincott explained, motioning for the computer genius to sit down next to him. "Ms. Garcia, you will need to complete twenty-two hours of community service as well as twelve hours of class time on gun safety along with an oral quiz at the end of the lecture. You will report tomorrow morning at 7:00 am in classroom 109 in the FBI Student Quarters." He handed her two folders. "Next is Hotchner, Aaron…"
Penelope interrupted him, "Excuse me, Sir, but I'm not an agent, so I don't need a lecture on gun safety."
"Ms. Garcia, I despise people who disrupt me…" The HR Specialist challenged. "However, since you already have, I will advise you to relook at your career book about yearly procedures you must complete in order to keep working for this fine establishment."
Penelope looked desperately to her supervisor for support but Hotch simply shrugged his shoulders. Knowing her defeat, she sat back down in her previous chair while Aaron took hers, sitting next to the stern man in charge of this meeting.
"Mr. Hotchner, you will need to complete twenty hours of group therapy and your first appointment is at four o'clock this afternoon with Dr. Alice Bailey in Room 613." Duane handed him a folder. "I am quite disappointed though since you are the Senior Supervisory Special Agent of this department and really should set a better example for your team. Next is Jareau, Jennifer."
Aaron stood up while JJ sat.
"Ms. Jareau, you will need to complete thirty hours at the gun range, plus you will be joining Ms. Garcia tomorrow morning at 7:00 am in classroom 109 in the FBI Student Quarters for a class on gun safety with an oral quiz at the end of the lecture. Next is Morgan, Derek."
JJ exchanged smirks with Derek as they passed each other.
"Mr. Morgan, you will need to have a complete physical with Dr. Louis D. Fleming at the Marine Corps Clinic Wednesday from eight in the morning until you are finished. My guess is you will be there for several hours, subsequently Mr. Hotchner, I would not expect Mr. Morgan all day. Next is Prentiss, Emily."
Derek reluctantly abdicated the chair for Emily. He desperately wanted to express his annoyance of having a full day of medical tests, but decided against it.
"Ms. Prentiss, you will need to complete sixty hours of one-on-one therapy with Dr. Nolan Bartowski in Room 623 beginning in one hour from now. Plus, I will need your current birth certificate and social security card."
"Sixty hours!" Emily barked while he handed her three folders.
"Yes, "you will need to complete sixty hours of one-on-one therapy with Dr. Nolan Bartowski in Room 623 beginning in one hour from now." Lippincott repeated with a small glare.
"That's not fair!" she shouted, tossing back his folders. "And what the hell is a current birth certificate? I only have the one…you know, from my uh, birth."
"Well, Ms. Prentiss, I understand your frustration, but rules are rules," he stated, "And I am here to uphold those rules, unlike my previous successor."
"Well, Mr. Lippincott, these rules suck!" she bellowed, "And I ain't doing them!"
"Well, I will urgently let my supervisors know when I return to my office," the short man continued. "I am also recommending you for anger management classes and speech lesson class as well."
"What?!" Emily shouted, looking for help among her team. "Hotch, do something; he can't do this, right?"
Aaron slowly stood up, clearing his throat. "Umm, Emily, please apologize to the man and just do the therapy since I have to as well."
With her friends motioning for her to do the right thing, Emily looked the Specialist directly in his eyes. "I'm sorry I yelled and will report for my uh, therapy."
"Thank you. I will accept your sincere apology; however, you might want to consider speech lesson class given that ain't is not a correct form of the English language."
Emily aggressively snatched the folders, shooting him an irritated look.
"Now we can move onto Reid, Spencer," Duane responded when Emily sat back in her chair with a vicious scowl.
"Mr. Reid, you will need to receive a Virginia State Driver's License and will be immediately suspended from all field work until then."
"What, no…that's not fair!" Spencer shouted.
"Yes, it is very fair since you are breaking several federal laws by not having one," he answered, handing him a folder along with a current driver's license manual. "I honestly do not know how it's even possible for anyone not to notice this insane concept…a FBI field agent with no current driver's license on file, especially someone of your intelligence and academic standing. In fact, I could not find any ever issued to you. Mr. Reid, do you even know how to operate a moving vehicle?"
"Of course, who doesn't?" Spencer lied, looking nervous.
"Good, then you should have no problem obtaining one by Friday. Next is Rossi, David." Reid moved while Rossi sat next to the stern man.
"Mr. Rossi, I am extremely delighted to meet you, seeing as I am a huge fan. I find you very fascinating and talented," Duane announced, shaking his hand warmly. "And you are the only one in this entire building who has completed all forms and classes… congratulations, you are free from paperwork."
"Thank you, Sir," David responded with a hesitant smile.
"On the other hand, I know how much this team means to you and will suggest, off the record of course, that you should aid your coworkers so they will meet the deadline on Friday. I will be in my office until 7:15 pm tonight should anyone have questions or comments." Lippincott packed his brief case and then walked to the door. "Have a great day."
"Oh man, was that guy for real or what?" Derek questioned no one in particular.
"I suggest we get moving on these projects because the sooner we start the faster we finish," Hotch suggested.
"Great idea, Hotch," David agreed, looking around to the infuriated team. "Who can I help?"
Everyone remained quiet while they tried to ponder all the facts and couldn't believe how much time will be wasted on these projects.
Derek let out a huge sigh and concurred with his supervisor, "Hey, Emily, how about I walk you over to Room 623 now?"
With an irate huff, she stood. "Yeah, thanks. I guess I should get this crap over with before I have to take anger management and speech lesson classes." Everyone let out a chuckle as they walked out.
Rossi determined Reid needed his assistance the most. "Well, how about I help you study and then take you out onto the traffic course for beginners?"
"I guess."
"Reid, what's wrong?" Rossi asked, sitting next to the quiet man.
"I never learned how to drive…I'm uh, scared." Spencer admitted.
With a warm smile, Rossi lightly grabbed him by the neck, "It's okay; everyone feels that way at first. I promise by Thursday night, you'll be a natural."
"That sounds great and I'll accept your help," the young agent said with a relived smile.
TBC…