The Forgotten
By Garaumond
A/N: Dang. This was harsh to write. I think I might've cried a bit writing this. This is an AU where Cross didn't die, but Allen was still told of the connection between Mana and the 14th. Allen is basically having his memories overwritten by the 14th's, and this is what he forgets. I might do a companion piece on what happens after the end of this, but for now, it is a oneshot. Enjoy and critique!
He forgets Komurin first. It's such an innocuous memory that it could be passed off as laughable. For some reason though, it hurts, and he doesn't know why.
(though it's probably because he doesn't want to acknowledge that his struggle was in vain, or that all of his efforts have been killed because of his awful luck)
Next to go is his perception of Mana. It isn't that he forgets who Mana is, but rather, what Mana is to him. He notices this in the cafeteria, when Lavi (thank god he isn't forgotten yet) brings up the topic of Allen's life in the circus. When asked about it, he freezes up momentarily, and realizes that he has never been in a circus, and neither has his brother (foster father). He passes this off with a smile, and a simple, "It was nice." Warily, he notices that Lavi seems suspicious, and is looking at him with hard Bookman eyes, noting it all down carefully.
(strangely, Mana's memory being gone doesn't hurt as much as it should, with the new knowledge that he has gained a brother)
Names of Finders start to leave him soon after. He is on amicable terms with many Finders in the Order, and most don't hate him as much as the Exorcists do, with the new knowledge that he will become a Noah. It was a moment that could have been passed off as fleeting, a simple hello to a Finder woman he met yesterday. It hits him then that he can't remember her name, but he smiles and continues on.
(later, he notices Lenalee staring at him strangely, and when she is asked, she replies that he didn't say what he name was, even though he always takes care to recognize each Finder with their name)
The Science Department leaves soon after, and it hurts more than it should. Johnny, always kind to him, is now a stranger. Reever, trustworthy and dependable, cannot be remembered. Komui is still known to him, and he wonders why that is.
(probably because Komui is like an older brother in a way, and why would such a strong connection leave so quickly?)
Exorcists have become strangers in his mind as well. Bak, Fou, Noise Marie, Tiedoll, Klaud Nyne, Chaoji, Bookman, Krory, Miranda, all have been swept from his head. He cannot remember anything about them, and it starts to show to others as well.
(Cross, Kanda, Lavi, and Lenalee still remain, like Komui, and he hopes with all of his heart that they stay that way)
The rest of the Order is starting to realize that he is becoming consumed, and tears and sad smiles are sent his way often. He swears that Kanda looks at him with pity, but that seems impossible. That scientist with headphones and glasses breaks down into tears often, along with a strange man with sharp teeth and white hair, and a gloomy woman with long-ish hair. Allen wishes he remembered those Exorcists' names so that he could say sorry. Lavi and Lenalee seem to want to forget that it existed, and make no mention of his consuming at all. Cross is stoic, but seems to want to apologize.
(he wonders if this is what hell feels like, the utter agony of seeing others in misery, and yet not being able to do anything about it)
The worst part for him, however, is the remembering. He gets flashes of memories, but what stands out most is the hatred of Innocence. He cannot remain too near Hevlaska without his eyes flashing yellow, and blood erupting from his forehead. There are good memories though. Memories of playing with the other Noahs, of joyful glee of slaughter of humans, and of killing the Earl. Those help, but he feels like a large part of his personality has been lost.
(he wonders when he began to refer to himself as not-human, but it is a careless thought, and is quickly brushed aside)
His memories of Cross are replaced and rewritten next. All it took for the Order to realize it was the mention of the word "debt" by Cross, yet no depressed reaction from Allen. Instead, he smirks, and asks when Cross will pay off his debt to him. In that moment, the room seems silent, and he sees sadness in Cross's eyes. But that's impossible. The red-headed brat Exorcist he knew would never be so gloomy.
(his skill with gambling remains unaffected, and most in the Order simply accept that Allen was just that good, with or without practice gained from Cross's debts)
Komui goes along with Link and Leverrier, silently, and without recognition. He doesn't recognize the strange Asian man in the beret, the man with the two moles on his face, or the toothbrush-moustache man. He feels sadness at not knowing the first two, but feels thankful at having not known the latter.
(he still wonders what he did to make the man in the beret so unhappy)
Lavi, Kanda, and Lenalee are the last to go. By now, the entire Order has realized that they cannot avoid the topic, and are trying to make his last days with mostly unknown people happy. He smiles through it all, and makes new memories of these people. He learns of "Komui", Lenalee's older brother, "Krory", an Exorcist with Innocence in his teeth, and "Link", a Crow guard from Central, sent to make sure the 14th didn't escape. One morning, he wakes up, and doesn't remember anyone. He wonders why he's in the Order, and who all the people crowding around him are. When he tells them that he doesn't know who they are, they seem so sad. The 14th wonders why that is.
(a small part of him feels like he should comfort that crying Asian girl, as she is precious to him, but the larger part dismisses it as a stupid notion)
He sits alone in a cell, waiting to be overtaken. He clings to the one memory he knows is still Allen's (his). It is of a simple party, apparently to welcome him to the Order. It is filled with unknown people that he should know. They all smile and welcome him, and he knows that this is where his new life began, this is how he learned friendship and happiness. The thought makes him cry more than it should. As his last moments pass, grey skin creeping up his arms, eyes slowly brightening into yellow, head bleeding from wounds, he writes. He scribbles drawing with chalk all over the cell of that memory, to sear it into his head. He writes thousands of apologies to people he can't remember, using their descriptive features. He writes until he can no longer hold the chalk, and then he rests. He sees a yellow golem who has hidden all this time making its way toward him, and tells it one last message.
"Tell them I'm sorry, Timcanpy. Tell them I miss them. Because I do, and I don't want to go. I don't want to die. I know this isn't dying, but it feels like it. God...I wish I could remember why I missed everyone. It isn't a memory...but it's a feeling. I'm so, so sorry..."
The golem leaves, and Allen is all alone. He forgets the memory of the party soon, and starts crying. The tears flow quickly down his face, and he knows that he has never felt so alone in his life. He's even forgotten his name now. What was it? A...A-something. No. Not A-something, but N-something. N..Nate? N...Nauka? N...Neah. Neah's a good name. Oh. That's right. I'm the 14th, aren't I? I'm sorry, nephew. But you must fade to save the world.
(this is how Allen Walker, the Destroyer of Time, fades, and how Neah Walker, the 14th Noah, begins)