Warnings: This is a SLASH fic, meaning BOY ON BOY, so if you don't like it, go away. Yaoi fangirls compose the vast majority of the visitors to this site anyway, I'm sure.

Notes: Umm this is just a pointless, extremely predictable fluff piece I wrote when I was bored. :) lol No effort went into this whatsoever, but hopefully it will make you smile if nothing else.

Please read, review, and enjoy!

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It had started out as a normal day at the Host Club…

…well, as normal as the Host Club ever gets, anyway.

The two hours of service had ended, and everyone but Kyouya and Tamaki had gone home for the weekend. In the pleasant silence that permeated the room, Kyouya was content with doing budget checks until, as usual, Tamaki opened his mouth.

"Ne, Kyouya," the blonde said thoughtfully, reclining on the couch and unceremoniously plopping his head in his best friends lap. Tamaki yawned cutely, eyes falling closed as he settled in. "When do you think we'll get married?"

The bespectacled boy paused in shifting his laptop to the endtable, a stillness that was equal parts surprised and annoyed. "You've realized, then, have you? About Haruhi. It took you long enough."

It wasn't like he hadn't seen this coming from the very beginning; his heart had no business clenching like that.

The Host Club king cracked one eye open, peering upwards at Kyouya's chin. "…It's not like you to change subjects so abruptly, Kyouya. What's up?" The blonde received a blink and grey eyes peering down at him in return, one perfect dark brow arched. Keys continued to tap, half his attention still on the club funds (and his jealousy of the younger commoner).

"I didn't change the subject. I was asking you whether or not you've finally decided to marry Haruhi. Have you told her, yet? I assure you, no one will be surprised—"

"EEEHHH??" Tamaki sat up abruptly and whirled around to scowl at his best friend. "Marry Haruhi?! Kyouya, what kind of person do you take me for? You know me better than that! What a terrible thing to say!"

Kyouya blinked, and his full attention abruptly turned to the unexplainably indignant blonde. "'Terrible thing'? There's certainly nothing terrible about Haruhi. I thought you adored her." Tamaki huffed, blathering about in that way of his.

"I know there's nothing terrible about Haruhi! She's our cute daughter, and most definitely is completely adorable even though she's too blunt and has no gender awareness! In fact, I think both of those unscrupulous twins are trying to seduce her more often than usual lately, and you must help me to discourage such incestuous behavior! Mommy and Daddy have responsibilities to watch the kids, you know! Because Haruhi is very cute, very adorable, too innocent for her own good—"

And as Tamaki continued to rant, the confusion meter in Kyouya's brain kept climbing. Hadn't it been Tamaki's idea to encourage incest between the twins in the first place? And if Haruhi was so cute, why would Tamaki be violently opposed to marrying her?

"—and what other crazy ideas has Mommy been entertaining in her little head, hmm?" Tamaki was looking at him reproachfully, as if Kyouya were supposed to be the one doing the explaining.

Barely managing not to choke with frustration on his words, Kyouya bit out "Tamaki, what the hell are you talking about? Start over." Violet eyes blinked at him.

"What? Well, I asked you when you thought we were going to get married, and then you started talking about Haruhi all of a sudden, and quite frankly—"

"Are you," Kyouya cut him off, struggling to find the right words in the face of his best friends amazingly dense reasoning, "talking about when you and Haruhi finally get married, or not?" Tamaki scrunched his nose, it now being his turn for confusion.

"Why would I marry Haruhi? I'm talking about you, Kyouya. You and me. Married. When do you think it'll be?"

"…"

If Kyouya's jaw wasn't an Ootori jaw, it would have dropped to the floor. As it was, his lips parted slightly and he stared, the equivalent of gaping at Tamaki in mystification and incredulity. He knew that a lot of things made sense to the blonde when they didn't make sense to anyone else, but surely not even Tamaki was this oblivious, this stupid…

And damnit, his heart was not supposed to be fluttering right now!

"Tamaki," said Kyouya slowly, after a long moment of deadpan silence, "we're not getting married." If he had expected anger or a dramatic show of tears, the Ootori heir was sorely mistaken.

Tamaki chuckled, reaching out and ruffling his dark hair as if he was a small, naïve child. "Silly Kyou. Of course we are! Who else would we marry, if not each other?"

Kyouya experienced, as usual, the avid desire to both kill Tamaki and kiss his lights out at the same time. "…We're going to marry the girls that our families arrange for us."

The blonde snorted. "Arranged marriage? What a sordid concept. You don't like girls, anyway. Why would you marry one?"

Making a mental note to interrogate Tamaki later on precisely how long that idiot had known he was gay, Kyouya fought desperately with a constricting throat to express his opinions on this lunacy, this utter nonsense…

"I've…you've…we've…" It was a tribute to how emotional Kyouya was feeling that he couldn't find the right words. "…we've never even kissed! And now you're just waltzing around, claiming I'm going to marry you?!" His glasses glinted menacingly. "I don't know what the hell you think you're up to, but it's—"

—not funny.

Only the words never made it out, because suddenly Tamaki's lips were covering his own and a tongue was probing and—

Kyouya clutched blonde hair tightly, forcing their bodies as close as possible while they plundered each other's mouths, panting and gasping and moaning. Pushing Tamaki back onto the couch, Kyouya straddled him and pinned him down, making it very clear just who exactly was going to be Daddy in this relationship—

Pulling away a few minutes later, the blonde grinned up at his best friend. "Like I was saying, Kyouya," Tamaki panted, somehow managing to look smug even with his uniform mussed beyond straightening and his lips flushed and swollen, unmistakable signs that he had just been thoroughly ravished. "When are we getting married?"

A mischievous smirk lit up Kyouya's face, and he leaned down to lick the shell of Tamaki's ear, relishing the shiver that jolted through the blonde's body.

"How about Tuesday?"

xOxOx… Owari …xOxOx