A/N: Okay, I was reading over this, and I found a rather remarkable (and humiliating) number of typos. Those have been fixed for easier reading. Also, I realized that I left out the words, "Angel of Music, who deserves this? Why do you curse mercy?" I have added this to the story, as I believe they are quite important.
Thanks to all who have read and reviewed so far. As with all of my work, ANY reviews are welcome, even those that criticize, as long as you are polite while criticizing. Enjoy!
The Point of No Return
Christine finds out what it means to go past the point of no return. Dark and passionate, this Christine-based narrative is based on the 2004 film production. This is truly satisfying to all of you Erik fans.
The pace of my heart sped as the music slowed. I could feel the trembling fingers tracing the skin on my neck. My skin seemed afire wherever those fingers went. When they moved from one part of my skin to another, the now untouched skin was met with cold, making me crave for those hands to touch me there again. I had not noticed that I was cold until the flame-tipped fingers had begun caressing me. Now, my body shivered against the one who held me. As I was drawn closer and warmed, I sighed in appreciation.
A very distant part of me warned me against yielding to this, but I did not want to listen. I could not listen, not with those burning fingers on my skin.
I forgot everything; the audience ceased to exist in my mind. The Paris Opera House itself seemed very far away. Only the two of us existed. I smiled softly. Why had I been so afraid of this? How foolish my fears seemed now! For at this time, I knew that this was what I had wanted all along. Why should I not want this? Why should I leave the comfortable and supporting hold of these arms? Why reject their warmth, which sheltered me from the cold?
I felt my hair being pulled back away from my neck. A pair of hot lips scalded the place below my left ear. Then, I heard his voice singing softly into that ear.
"Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Lead me, save me
From my solitude"
Something about that melody felt wrong, though it was beautiful and calming. Why was it so familiar? I opened my eyes in confusion… and met those of Viscount Raoul de Chagny, my fiancé. His anguished expression and tear-filled eyes hit me like a shock wave jolting through my body. That was why the song was so familiar! It was Raoul's and my song, the one that we had sung on top of the opera house on the night we pledged our love to one another. Yes, the one who held me now was singing the exact same melody… only he had twisted the words, the same way he twisted everything else…
The fear that had filled my mind before the performance had begun consumed me again.
I remembered my words to Raoul as we hid in the chapel: "He'll take me; I know. We'll be parted forever. He won't let me go."
Yet, now I knew that I had been wrong to express this as my deepest fear. No, being taken against my will was not the worst that could happen to me. I now understood that there was a fate to be dreaded even more. Only moments ago, I had been in danger of forgetting who I was. By surrendering, I would lose not only Raoul but also everything that I had been fighting to win for so long. The biggest threat I faced was losing me. I might not be capable of resisting bondage, but my mind would remain my own.
During this revelation, I realized the brute strength of the arms that held me. Where they had once seemed comforting, they now felt menacing and terrifying. Those big hands that had awakened numerous sensations within me could also very easily crush me.
As these thoughts crossed my mind, that same pair of hands placed themselves on my shoulders and turned me so that I faced him. Panic overwhelmed me as his eyes searched my face. Those soul-filled, pleading eyes… I found myself needing to look away, but I could not.
Even as he filled me with terror, I found myself feeling compassionate towards him. Surely, he did not deserve a life condemned by humanity!
Still, my fear was greater than my pity. As his spell-binding voice sang out across the opera house, I felt myself slipping towards my previous state of a dream-like stupor.
"Anywhere you go, let me go too!" He lifted my left hand to his cheek and held it there.
No, no, no! my heart screamed, though no sound escaped past my lips. I had to find a way to stop that siren voice from calling to me, or I would be lost forever. Panic swelled inside me… and then I knew that his voice could only be silenced in one way.
I would have to take off his mask.
I would have to be so repulsed by his ghastly face that I could never be tempted by his voice again. If I could smother these traitorous feelings of sympathy – if I could only forget that he was my Angel of Music – I would be free forever.
His hand was now stroking the side of my face. I fought to disregard the heat on my cheek. I was shaking from my internal battle by now. Stop the voice, stop the voice! was all I could comprehend.
"Christine, that's all I ask of –"
The hand that was still resting against his cheek tore off his mask in that instant, and I beheld the Phantom of the Opera once more.
Screams filled the air, the higher pitches of women blending with the lower pitches of men. All screamed. All were horrified.
All except I was afraid of the man whose face resembled that of a monster.
I alone did not look away.
His voice cut off as soon as his mask was in my hand. This time, he did not hide his face. Instead, he looked into my eyes with such a look of hurt and betrayal that I would have willingly faced his wrath again.
The fear and disgust that I had so desperately longed for did not come. I hardly even noticed his deformities. All I knew was that once again, his heart was in his eyes… and that heart was once again broken because of me.
"Christine!" Raoul's voice was hardly audible to me through all of the alarm. I turned and saw that he was leaning anxiously over the balcony's edge. I turned to face the Phantom again… and was immediately petrified by the fury that was twisting his expression. Before I could run, he cut a rope, and the chandelier started falling. Wildly, I turned to see that Raoul was out of danger. However, I could not feel the relief from this, for I was grabbed by the Phantom. He opened a trap-door, and we started falling while he held me close against him. A scream tore out of my throat. Fortunately, the drop was not very long, but as soon as we hit the ground, he seized my wrist and started dragging me behind him. I stumbled, stunned by his actions, and I hurried to keep from falling behind. We passed a serious of passageways in silence, neither of us speaking to the other. I could not comprehend what was happening; my mind was still in shock. Suddenly, as we passed a passageway that looked familiar, I realized that we were descending deeper into the opera house, and I began to struggle fiercely.
"No! Help!" I screamed, terror gripping me. "Let me go!"
He turned towards me then, and the look of absolute rage upon his distorted face caused me to tremble. I had never seen such hate in anyone's eyes. His face bore no pity or even hesitation. I shrunk back, too afraid to speak.
His hold on me tightened as he started pulling me again.
"Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair! Down we plunge to the prison of my mind! Down that path into darkness deep as hell!" He roared, making the voice that had once been tender and beautiful – the voice that had so often comforted me and sung me to sleep – break and become horrible. I fought him frantically, knowing that I would be shown no mercy once we reached the bottom of the opera house.
Without warning, he stopped, making me collide into him. A demonic laugh came from his mouth, chilling the blood in my veins.
"Why, you ask, was I bound and chained in this cold and dismal place?" he spat at me. "Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorrent face!"
I started sobbing wordlessly. How could I have been such a fool as to fall prey to this madman?
As he took me deeper into the catacombs, I hit and scratched him, but this did not even make him pause. So, I refused to move at all once we reached the final passageway before the lake. He did not notice that I had stopped and wrenched me so hard that I fell to the ground. I cried out with pain as the stone floor cut into my hands and knees. As he reached down to pull me up and drag me along again, I jerked away from him, holding my hands in front of me like a shield. He must have seen the blood on my palms, for I heard him inhale sharply. I was gasping and sobbing by this point, and for the first time since he started leading me to his lair, I saw regret in his expression. He reached out his hand to help me stand again, but I shoved it away from me with vehemence. This rejection caused his face to harden again, and as I tried to crawl away from him, he picked me up and began to carry me in his arms. I pushed on his chest and struck him with my fists, but all of my fighting was futile, for we soon reached the lake. A boat waited by the water's edge.
He all but threw me into the boat before climbing in himself. As he rowed viciously, I drew my knees to my chest. I could remember being in this very boat not so very long ago, but oh, how things had changed since then! The last time I had been taken beneath the opera house, the hand that held mine was gentle and reassuring. Now, I was a prisoner being taken by force. Though my Angel of Music had made this crossing with me before, the man who shared the boat with me now was a complete stranger.
Once we reached the shore, he did not give me another chance to resist him. He lifted me out of the boat and carried me to shore as he cried, "Hounded out by everyone! Met with hatred everywhere! No kind words from anyone! No compassion anywhere!" As he set me on the ground, he grasped my arms with his hands and desperately searched my face with his eyes. All of the rage had left him and now we faced each other as we both gasped for air, I and this broken man before with all of the pain of the world in his voice.
"Christine…" he moaned. I could not tear my eyes away from his. "Why?" he whispered. Then, when I did not answer, he angrily repeated his question: "Why?"
I could only stare at him. Who was he? Why did he hide beneath the opera house? Why did he want me to be his so badly? Those were the questions that had plagued me ever since I had seen his face. That time seemed like a distant dream, though it had happened not so very long ago. I did not understand him. He had been my teacher for seven years, yet I did not even know his name.
When he saw that I was not going to answer, he sneered and said, "Come along, my dear. You must go and prepare yourself!" He indicated the mannequin that wore the elaborate wedding gown he had shown me the only other time I had been in his home. I shook my head frantically.
"You are not a child, Christine! You cannot behave like one any longer; you must pay your debt to me!" With that, he took the gown off the mannequin and pushed it into my arms. Tears started flowing down my cheeks as I silently pleaded with him. He lowered his gaze and added, "Go and change into your gown in your room. Hurry or I will come in there to assist you." With that, he turned and walked away.
I ran into the bedroom as soon as he was out of sight. I longed to throw myself onto the bed and sob endlessly, but instead I changed out of the Don Juan costume and into the wedding gown. The cold air made me shiver as it made contact with my skin. Yet, the coldness within me outweighed the coolness of the air.
Once the gown was on, I sat on the edge of the bed. I breathed slowly, trying to gain control over the pain in my heart. A future with Raoul was lost forever; no hope of this remained within me. I could only pray that he would not find my new home – my prison – and stay safely in the world above my new one.
I could hear the Phantom pacing outside by the shore, and I shuddered. Oh, how I wanted to run out and beg him on my knees for my freedom!
However, he was right; I was not a child anymore. As long as I had believed that my father was still with me, I had remained a little girl with a little girl's mindset. Now, as I found myself utterly alone, I knew that the little girl had vanished and left in her place a woman.
So, I rose and went to meet my bridegroom.
He was fingering my ring – the ring that Raoul had given me – in his hands. Anger boiled within me. How dare he steal me away from the world? I suddenly wondered how many people had been killed by the fallen chandelier. The anger inside of me gave me the strength to ask, "Have you gorged yourself at last in your lust for blood? Am I now to be pray to your lust for flesh?" The bitterness was evident in my voice as I glared at him.
He raised his head to meet my gaze. His countenance was void of all of the fury that had radiated from him earlier. Sorrow had replaced all other expressions upon his face. Slowly, he answered, "That fate which condemns me to wallow in blood has also denied me the joys of the flesh." Here, he reached forward as though to stroke my cheek, but I turned away. I closed my eyes and fought to block out the sudden compassion that rushed through me.
He watched me sadly and added quietly, "This face: the infection which poisons our love!"
I spun around and faced him, but all of the words I was going to say stopped in my throat at the sight of his tears. He took the veil off the mannequin's head as he continued, "This face, which earned a mother's fear and loathing. A mask: my first unfeeling scrap of clothing."
I was moved. His own mother had hated him? This was more than he had ever revealed to me of his past. I put my hand on his arm to comfort him, but he brushed it off angrily. "Pity comes too late! Turn around and face your fate!" He shoved the veil onto my head and turned me around to face him, though not roughly. I was not frightened by his behavior; I somehow understood that the sorrow within him guided his actions at that moment, not his mind.
"An eternity of this!" he shouted, pointing at his deformed face. Then, softly, "Before your eyes." He took one of my hands, pressed the ring into it, and closed my hand again gently.
I watched his face carefully, then sighed and took off the veil. He made no protests, only watched me. "This haunted face holds no horror for me now," I told him quietly. I walked over to one of the mirrors and uncovered it to let him see his reflection. "It's in your soul that the true distortion lies." He looked away, ashamed, and the tears fell from his eyes again. I watched him, feeling conflicted between going to him and retreating back to my room.
However, his expression hardened swiftly. Then, with a cruel smile, he sneered and said, "Wait; I think, my dear, we have a guest."
A guest? I looked in the direction of his gaze… and to my horror, Raoul was clasping the gate and staring at me.
"Sir," the Phantom said with mock courtesy as I cried, "Raoul!" His presence only worsened matters, for now he would see me be forced to wed someone else.
"This is indeed an unparalleled delight!" my ghastly bridegroom continued. "I had rather hoped that you would come. For now, my wish comes true; you have truly made my night!" As he said all of this, he walked over to me and pulled me close to his side. He smirked at Raoul, who looked murderous. I tried to push the Phantom away from me, but to no avail; he was too strong. "Let me go!" I begged.
Raoul reached through the gate towards me. "Free her!" he ordered my captor. The Phantom grinned maliciously and let go of his hold on me. I took several steps to the side, putting distance between us.
Raoul's voice altered to a pleading tone. "Do what you like, only free her! Have you no pity?"
"Your lover makes a passionate plea." The Phantom turned to me, smiling ruthlessly. I could see that he would mock, torture, and sneer… but he would remain unyielding.
"Please Raoul; it's useless." Pain shot through me with those words, and he shook his head stubbornly, proclaiming, "I love her!" Does that mean nothing? I love her! Show some compassion!"
"The world showed no compassion to me!" the Phantom spat back furiously.
"Christine… Christine…" moaned Raoul. He shook the gate, trying to break it in order to reach me. "Let me see her!"
I held my breath and waited for the verdict.
"Be my guest, sir," my bridegroom answered calmly. He walked over to a lever and pulled it, and the gate lifted.
If I had not been so stunned by this, my initial reaction would have been to run into Raoul's arms. However, I was frozen in place due to surprise.
Raoul stumbled past the gate, his eyes never leaving me. My heart went into my throat. He was so weak! As he drew nearer, I saw that he was soaking wet. Did he swim all of the way to the Phantom's lair? Without the aide of the gate, his legs shook with the effort of supporting the rest of his body.
The Phantom held his arms open in greeting, a smile upon his face. "Monsieur, I bid you welcome. Did you think that I would harm her?" he asked reproachfully. Raoul gave him the darkest look I had ever seen upon his face. Obviously, he believed that the Phantom would harm me.
The Phantom drew closer and closer to Raoul, who was still only looking at me. The Phantom laughed maliciously, and chills went down my spine. "Why should I make her pay for the sins which are yours?" With that, he leapt forward.
The scene unfurled like a horrible nightmare. I could only gasp with terror as the gate fell. Raoul turned his head to look behind him for only a moment… but that one moment was his undoing. The Phantom lunged and shoved him up against the gate. He had a lasso in his hand. I watched, praying desperately. I could not see what was happening; the Phantom blocked the view with his body. All I could do was listen as he shouted, "Order your fine horses now! Raise up your hand to the level of your eyes! Nothing can save you now… except perhaps Christine."
He stepped away, and sobs nearly strangled me. Raoul was bound against the gate by the rope, trying to free himself. He was too weak, though; his efforts were futile.
The Phantom turned to me triumphantly. "Start a new life with me!" he exclaimed. "Buy his freedom with your love! Refuse and you send your lover to his death! This is the choice; this is the point of no return!"
Silence followed. I looked at Raoul. He had stopped struggling; he only watched me sorrowfully. Both men awaited my response.
So, this was the point of no return! Horrified, I remembered that I had sung of this as though it was the bridge to ecstasy… but the Phantom had it designed to mean the destruction of both my freedom and my love. I had believed it to be mysterious and alluring, but really… horror of horrors! It was death in its cruelest form!
I was shaking from the force of my sobs, but I managed to steadily look at the Phantom, all of my betrayal in my face and voice… and all of the hatred, too. For hate burned within me; it was a white-hot flame. "The tears I might have shed for your dark fate grow cold and turn to tears of hate!" I hissed the last words at him, and he reacted as though I had struck him.
"Christine, forgive me! Please, forgive me!" Raoul begged, but I could hardly hear him. I was focused solely on the Phantom, who was gathering another coil of rope. "Farewell, my fallen idol and false friend!" I turned to Raoul, desperation lacing my voice. "We had such hopes, and now, those hopes are shattered!"
"Say you love him and my life is over!" passionately proclaimed Raoul. I wept anew at those words. "For either way you choose, he has to win!" The rope was now around his neck, ready to crush the life out of him.
Say you love him and my life is over! Those were his words, but if he was killed, then my life would be over. I could not live knowing that Raoul was dead. He had to live, no matter what happened to me.
I saw their mouths moving, but I heard not a sound. The screaming in my head drowned out all other noise.
Save him!
Be free!
I MUST save him!
You will be binding yourself to a monster! Free yourself from him!
No. Not a monster. Not an angel, either. Not a demon, not a ghost, and not a phantom. Only a man… it was a man before me. Only a man could have so much despair and hopelessness inside of him.
I looked at him, all of the hatred gone from me. Only intense sorrow remained. One last time, I pleaded with him. "Angel of Music," I cried. "Who deserves this? Why do you curse mercy?"
He did not release the rope… it was as if he did not hear me.
As I met his gaze, all hope left me.
"Angel of Music, you deceived me," I told him sadly. "I gave you my mind blindly."
His face twisted. "You try my patience. Make your choice!" With that, he jerked the rope around Raoul's neck. Raoul choked and gasped. I shrunk back, terrified. Then, he met my eyes, pleading with me.
I looked at the man before me. Despite the fact that he would kill Raoul if I refused him – I had no doubt of that – he still looked… vulnerable. Even though he would carry out his revenge if I would not give myself to him, he would still feel the pain from my not loving him. His eyes begged me to love him even as his body threatened to destroy my childhood sweetheart.
I met Raoul's eyes one more time. He started shaking his head, horrified.
I'm sorry, Raoul. Please forgive me… but I cannot live if you die.
I started walking towards the man who had the power to destroy two lives with one pull. "Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known?" I asked sadly. I slipped the ring onto my finger as I reached him, praying, "God give me courage to show you; you are not alone!" With that, I leaned in and touched his lips with mine.
I forgot everything. I could feel him shaking with emotion, and I put my palm against his cheek to steady him.
The kiss was not repulsive like I thought it would be. When our lips met, the world seemed right again. I did not think about the rope that was in his hand or anything that he had done in the past. All I knew was that we were together now, and everything was as it should have been in the first place.
I pulled away. He looked into my face, astonished. I smiled gently at him. Then, I kissed him again. I could taste the salt of our tears, for our tears and lips met at the same time, our sorrow mixing with our joy… and when I kissed him, I knew that he was more than a man.
He was an angel.
He stiffened, and I pulled away again, confused. He was gasping and sobbing heavily. My eyes searched his face, and my fingers brushed his hair back. He stepped away from me, still sobbing. I was about to follow him when he said, "Take her. Forget me. Forget all of this."
I took a step forward, bewildered. Why was he crying? Did he not know that everything was going to be alright now?
He stepped away from me as if I was the plague. "Leave me alone! Forget all you've seen! Go now… don't let them find you!"
Them?
Less than a moment later, I heard the mob. I turned towards the lake, and I saw Raoul still tied to the gate.
Raoul!
That cleared the fog in my brain. I ran to Raoul and started untying him. He helped me as soon as his hands were free. In the background, I could hear the tortured man saying, "Take the boat. Swear to me never to tell the secret you know of the angel in hell!"
Raoul was freed from the ropes at last. He grabbed me and pulled me close to him in a hug. I closed my eyes so that he would not see the tears in my eyes. I heard a moan and opened my eyes to look at the man on the shore. He met my eyes. Despair was in every line of his face. His heartbroken expression made me want to run from Raoul's arms into his, but he shouted, "Go now! Go now and leave me!"
Raoul needed no further urging. He took my hand and led me to the boat that was resting against the shore. He climbed in and then turned towards me. He held his hand out expectantly. I reached for him… and then saw the ring that was still on my finger.
"Raoul!" I cried. "I have to return his ring!"
"Christine, we have to go!" Anxiety was in his expression and tone.
"I promise that I will come right back!" I said. Then, I turned and ran back towards the bank.
"Christine!" Raoul shouted after me, but I ignored him. To not leave the ring would be a cruel thing to do. I had to at least give him that.
I found him sitting on my bed, smiling sadly at his music box. I stopped.
"Masquerade… Paper faces on parade. Masquerade… Hide your face, so the world will never find you..."
I gasped, and he looked up at me. He was crying. Even now his eyes were pleading with me as he whispered, "Christine… I love you."
I swallowed. Then, I slowly walked up to him. I took his hand and turned his palm up. I placed the ring on it and closed his fingers to conceal it.
He looked back up at me, despair filling his eyes. I met his gaze for one more moment, and then, I left.
I did not look behind me as I climbed into the boat behind Raoul. I leaned against him and buried my face in his back. He started rowing down the lake. Still, I did not look behind me. I did not want to look back.
Suddenly, I heard his voice singing my song, the song that he had sung for me so long ago. "You alone can make my song take flight."
I looked then, and my heart was torn out by what I saw.
He was standing on the shore, still holding the ring in his hand. Tears were streaming down from his eyes. All hope was gone from his face… his eyes no longer pleaded with me. He opened his mouth and with his song, he proclaimed his heart: "It's over now, the music of the night!"
With that, we rounded a bend, and he was gone from my sight.
I started sobbing with my face still buried in Raoul's back. Somehow, I felt as though my heart was left with him. I knew that without him, my music would cease to exist, too.
Music was meaningless without him.
Everything was meaningless without him.
In that moment, I knew that I loved him.
I also knew that I could not leave him.
"Raoul… I have to go back," I said softly.
"Go back?" he asked, confused. "But you returned his ring."
Tears streaked down my cheeks. By following my heart, I would break Raoul's. No matter what I chose, someone's heart would be left shattered.
I looked at Raoul. He would be devastated, yes… but he would mend. He had a heart made to love. He would find someone else. Happiness was still possible for him.
"I cannot leave him, Raoul," I said gently. "I am so sorry…"
He turned towards me and put his hands on either side of my face. "But Christine… why? He is a murderer! This is what we have been fighting to gain for so long. How can you just throw that away?"
I shook my head helplessly. "Please… try to understand. By leaving, I am taking everything away from him. And… I love him." I hated having to say those words, which caused Raoul to inhale sharply and look away. Yet, what else could I do? That was the only way I could free his heart and allow it to find love again.
I kissed his cheek gently. "You will find happiness, dear," I promised him. "Thank you for everything. Please, learn to love again."
I turned, but he grabbed my hand. Tears were in his eyes. "Christine… I love you."
Those same words: I love you. I knew that I held both Raoul's and my angel's hearts in my hands. I had the power to make only one of them swell with joy, but I would have to crush the other one. I had to choose.
So, I took a deep breath and crushed Raoul's heart. "Goodbye, Raoul." As soon as the words left my mouth, I left him behind me.
My dress made traveling through the lake rather difficult. I was shivering from cold and shaking by the time the riverbank was in sight. I saw my angel preparing to leave.
No! "Angel, wait!" I cried.
He turned, and his eyes widened with astonishment when he saw me standing in the river in front of him. "Christine… what are you doing here?" He asked.
I stumbled towards him. He was frozen in place. I stopped when I was right in front of him.
"I could not leave you," I said, gasping for air.
I saw the hope relight in his eyes, but the shadows of despair chased it away. "Christine… you… you must go. I set you free…" his voice trailed off as I shook my head.
"I am not leaving. I am staying with you."
He looked at me with bewilderment. "But Christine… why?"
I smiled softly. I had already been asked that question once. I knew the answer, and as I gave it to my angel, I looked into his eyes. "Because," I whispered. "I love you."
His eyes filled with tears again. "And I… love you, my angel," he said, his voice overcome by emotion.
I smiled again. "I believe you have something that belongs to me," I informed him.
He looked down and slowly opened his fist. My ring was still there.
I picked the ring up and placed it on my finger. Then, I took his hand and squeezed it.
He swallowed hard. Then, slowly, carefully, he gently touched my cheek with his hand. I leaned into it and closed my eyes.
"Christine…" he whispered again. I opened my eyes. "I love you," he said.
"I love you too," I whispered back. Then, he put his arms around me, and his lips took possession of mine again.
Everything exploded into color. I heard the most beautiful music in my ears, and
I smiled.
Once again, I had reached the point of no return. Yet, now I knew that the point of no return does not mean life or death. It is a bridge into the unknown, the mysterious. No one knows what is on the other side… you have to cross that bridge to know.
For me, it meant that I would spend the rest of my life safe in the arms of my Angel of Music. The road before me was still curved and not traveled, but enough flowers were by the roadside to overcome the rocks.
So, the Angel of Music and I went together to a new life… past the point of no return.
End.