you could say it's my instinct, yes, I still have one
there's no time to second guess it
yes there are things that I'm still so afraid of
but my courage is roaring like the sound of the sun
-Neko Case
***
Later on, much later, when they were together, but still to scared to pieces to be together openly, he fucked her in the back of a taxicab—driver there and all, thank God for opaque cab partitions—on a smoky, humid summer night in Portland. They were coming back from dinner, stone cold sober (it was a halal place, and, besides, Sophie had pretty much gone dry with him at that point anyway).
He kissed her cheek and then her neck and then her mouth and one thing led to another and suddenly he found himself sitting in the middle of the backseat. She was on top, having wasted no time. His linen shirt got unbuttoned, the top of her dress got pushed down and the hem got pushed up. He had the pleasure of running his hands along her bare summer-gold legs as she kissed him senseless.
They were both longhaired and she was slightly sweaty and her perfume was now half on his skin and half on hers, and pretty soon he was mumbling profanities into her hair as she moved over him. Clearly she'd had some forethought that night, because she didn't have any panties on. She smiled a pleased smile and leaned back for a moment and he found her nipple with his tongue, and he heard the sound that caused, too.
Someone pulled up next to them at a stoplight, honked, and hollered something. They both laughed at this, and then Sophie did something that involved a kind of quick flick of her hips and Nate gasped and had to press his palm against her belly for a moment to hold her still while he concentrated on making it last. She wasn't having it, though, and, as he'd once said by way of allegory to a real life non-con engaged couple: shouldn't he just give up and agree with her?
What the hell was with the way she could move those core muscles. He blinked. All that Pilates apparently paid off in spades. She paused and considered him.
He was inarticulate. "Jesus Christ, Sophie, Jesus, I love you—" He smiled a huge ridiculous smile up at her so she began moving again, dramatically, one hand tangled up in his hair, and he came.
"Mmm, I know," she murmured, and he couldn't move or open his eyes for a minute. So she climbed off and sat back down and produced a handkerchief to clean up (so much forethought, this woman; nothing prevented her from getting what she wanted).
"I might be the luckiest man in the world," Nate said, slouched in his seat, slowly rebuttoning his shirt, eyeing her with a smoldering sideways stare a big grin.
"I'm not too badly off myself, I'm beginning to notice," she agreed, and reached over, got the last button for him. They paid the fare and regrouped in her apartment.
Nate had a glass of water over the sink, turned around, kicked off his shoes and picked her up off her feet, declaring, "Round two!" as they made it to the couch.
"I feel like I'm on a honeymoon," Sophie remarked, "but no complaints." She was pretty sure he was going to go down on her somehow involving her couch, her coffee table, or her open curtains in the scenario, and that sounded delicious and she would not hold him up.
***
I love you this hour
This hour today
And heaven will smell like the airport
But I may never get there to see it
So let's not waste our time thinking how that ain't fair
I'm an animal, you're an animal too.
-Neko Case