Drowning Lessons (Beautiful Sunday Mournings)
The dark water was everywhere, making Hunter blind and nearly helpless. The water was sucking the car down, and the thousands of pounds of machinery was sinking fast. Hunter clawed at the seatbelt restraining him and blindly thrashed for the button to make the belt release him. His only thought was to get to Nicole.
By the time the seatbelt was finally free, his lungs were screaming for air. He reached for Nicole, but there was a sudden vice around him that pulled him away. He violently fought against it as he used his little remaining air to try and call her name. The last of his strength was stripped with the futile action, and he started sinking like the car. Freezing water invaded his lungs like the air he so desperately needed, and his vision blurred to black.
The last thing he saw was the eyes of his love.
Hunter awoke panting for air like he was drowning all over again. He was drenched in sweat instead of lake water, but he was shivering fiercely. After several minutes, he was able to regulate his breathing and his heart slowed. He closed his eyes once more to brace himself for the tortures he would have to face.
"Another nightmare?" a beautiful but concerned voice asked close to Hunter's ear. He opened his eyes and turned his head to stare into the brilliantly blue eyes of Nicole. She always said that Hunter's blue eyes were an even prettier shade, but he denied it every time. She had also said time and time again that their children would have the prettiest blue eyes ever. Hunter's heart sank with such a beautiful memory.
Hunter didn't reply to Nicole's question. He forced himself out of bed and headed towards the kitchenette of the tiny apartment. He had thrown back the covers enough to half uncover Nicole; she made a squealing noise and quickly covered herself again. The sound startled Hunter, and he had to pinch himself on the arm to make sure he hadn't drifted into a dream sweeter than the nightmare before. "You can't see me in my dress before the wedding," Nicole explained to Hunter, who was half-turned to look at her. "It's bad luck." She sat up with the blanket held around herself. She was smiling. "A few more days, and we'll finally be married."
It still hurt Hunter to hear her talk about the wedding, even after five months and sixteen days. Hunter turned his back and continued to the counter where the coffee maker was. "There won't be a wedding, Nicole."
"Why not? Don't you love me anymore?" Hunter didn't have to turn to know what Nicole's face looked like as she spoke: her head would be cocked to the side, her beautiful light blonde hair in her wide blue eyes that were filled with more of an innocent dare than sadness from what he had said to her. Hunter's heart ached with the urge to turn, walk over, and brush the soft hair out of her face comfortingly and say, "No, of course not. I'll always love you." Then he'd kiss her, and she'd grace him with an angel's smile. But he couldn't do any of it. He couldn't touch her.
Hunter braced his hands on the counter and leaned on them heavily while his head hung. "You know why," he groaned. His voice had cracked with his heart.
"Why?" she urged. Hunter was starting to think that she was purposely torturing him with making him say out loud what they both knew.
"Because you're dead. I killed you, Nicole."
He heard Nicole move on the bed and the swish of her dress as she walked. She hugged him from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder. It was something she had done a thousand times when she was alive, and then each morning after her death when Hunter would turn away from his former bride-to-be because of how great the pain was to simply look at her. "Don't be upset, my darling Hunter," she whispered into his ear. She kissed his neck softly. His shiver in response wasn't all to do with the fact that her lips were ice cold. Cold as the water in the lake that night. Cold as death. Nicole tilted her head back up to whisper even softer than before, "Look at me, Hunter."
Hunter shuddered with desire and longing. He could do nothing but turn and obey her wish. It was the least he could do, after all that's happened. It almost physically hurt to see her. The dress she was wearing was her wedding gown. The beaded bodice was marred with a bloody gash across her chest, and the fabric was ripped on her stomach and various places on her skirt. Tool, she had always called the fabric. The cut above her right eyebrow made blood trickle down her pale, lovely face. Hunter closed his eyes and tried to imagine the dress without a spot on it, and Nicole wearing it as she walked down the aisle of the church her parents were married in. But all he could see were Nicole's eyes as they were five months and sixteen days ago, when they stared at him lifelessly from the passenger's seat of the car he had been driving.
He opened his eyes to see Nicole smiling softly. "Everything is going to be fine," she promised, "come Sunday." Before Hunter could react, she added, "You're going to be late for work if you don't get going."
Hunter nodded numbly and finished putting coffee on. He then went to the bathroom to wash off the nightmares and sweat still clinging to him. Whenever he saw his hands out of the corner of his eye as he showered, he could have sworn they were red, but when he looked, they were white and clean. Even so, he washed his hands several times in the shower before finally turning off the water and getting dressed.
Nicole, who had been absent prior to Hunter getting the brewed coffee, reappeared as he took a sip from his mug. She inhaled the rich scent deeply. "I miss coffee," she sighed. When she saw Hunter looking at her, she added, "But I miss you more. So much more."
Hunter drank his coffee, which suddenly tasted bitter. He forced the last of it down anyway for the caffeine he would need to push through the morning. He checked his watch—it would be close getting to the subway on time. Hunter had almost escaped his apartment when Nicole said, "Goodbye, my darling Hunter. I love you."
All of the words he so desperately wanted to say sliced up his throat and tangled together in his mouth. The only word that could slip passed his lips was a scratchy, pained, "Goodbye."