[Hey, so this story goes after Surrender. I know it's a bit different than Monster and Surrender but this was particularly hard to write, so I gave it my best shot. Enjoy!]
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon
She looked broken. So completely, utterly broken. He'd never thought he'd see her like that, so helpless. But there she was, bleeding out on the floor in front of him. He wanted to just do it; pick her up and carry her out of this makeshift hell they'd been confined to. But he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't, for fear of making her condition worse. He needed to go; to call someone, anyone, to get them out. He knew he needed to. But he couldn't bring himself to leave her, to abandon her, again.
"Emily, Emily, can you hear me? Stay with me, OK baby? I'll be right back.", he said to her, voice barely above a whisper. He knew she probably hadn't heard him. But those words were more for his reassurance than her own. And they worked, because somehow, they gave him strength to stand up and walk away from her one more time.
"Emily's hurt, make sure they have an ambulance. And Garcia? Hurry.", he just managed to say before dropping the phone and practically sprinting back down the stairs.
One would think that after days of being tortured in a place you came to know as your personal hell would leave a mark. And it did, a huge, gaping, ugly scar that would probably never go away. You would think that just the thought of that basement for him would make him shake, that his worst nightmare would be going down there again. That he could never make himself do it. But somehow, he did. Without even a second thought. Maybe it was because the fear and reality of the situation hadn't quite settled in yet. Or because he was running purely on adrenaline. Or maybe, just maybe, he didn't even think twice about that basement because of a feeling greater than fear.
Hell, yes he was scared. Terrified of those stairs, the ugly white rooms and concrete walls he knew lay after. However love is a much stronger emotion than fear. He could push the fear down far enough inside himself if he felt enough love. And at that moment, that's what he did. He swallowed his fear and faced the horrid place that would surely give him nightmares for years, for her. For love.
Her whole body shook in his hands. It seemed like she was falling apart, from the inside out. Her usually pale skin looked translucent, all the parts of it he could see under the dried blood and purple bruises that had started to form. He'd lay down beside her, somehow hoping to keep her warm, to help.
He hadn't helped her once, he realized, the whole time they'd been here. He just kept putting her in these situations, setting her up to get hurt.
He was so angry. Angry at the UnSub, angry at himself, angry at the world. This sick, twisted world we all live in. No matter how much he did, the team did, it would never be enough. No matter how many rapists and killers they caught, there would always be more, he realized. And things like this would always happen. And innocent people like Emily would get hurt. And there was not a damn thing he could do about it.
Her body seemed to shiver more violently then, her eyelids fluttering open.
"Emily, the teams on their way OK? Just don't give up on me baby, come on, keep those eyes open."
Her mouth opened ever so slightly, like she was trying to say something.
"Shh..", he tried to soothe her. She didn't need to say anything. This wouldn't be their last conversation. He wouldn't let her say goodbye. Because goodbye would mean giving up, and he was never giving up on her.
"I l-love you t-too Derek.", the words were out of her mouth before he even knew what hit him. But her shivering subsided, and he felt her body going limp.
"No, no, Emily, don't give up, hold on!", he said, frantic now, the words spilling out of his mouth, his hand reaching for her pulse.
No, after all she'd been through he would not let her die in his hands. She needed to live. He needed her, the team needed her. This couldn't happen, no, no, he wouldn't let it.
He focused on the faint beating of her heart as he positioned himself so that he was applying pressure to the worst of the wounds. Her pulse seemed to be becoming weaker by the minute, her body getting colder.
Hot tears grazed his cheeks, and he realized he could not remember the last time he'd cried. It had been so long ago, maybe even when he was still a kid. With him, it was always anger. The tears would never come because he'd punch his sadness away. But today, today, he'd been angry, and it seems like that just wasn't enough. So he didn't wipe the tears away, just let them roll down his cheeks, dripping on her already red shirt.
And the beating of her heart didn't stop.
It kept going, fighting, erratic and faint as it was. He was convinced it was the most wonderful sound he would ever hear; the sound of her heartbeat.
That was, until he heard the sirens.
[I love reviews :D, and sorry I keep hurting Emily guys]