WWF: Smackdown Shakespeare Style
IAGO: How now Roderigo?
RODERIGO: I do not find that thou deal'st justly with me.
IAGO: What in the contrary?
RODERIGO: Every day thou daff'st me with some device, Iago, and rather, as it seems to me now, keep'st from me all conveniency than suppliest me with the least advantage of hope. I will indeed no longer endure it. Nor am I yet persuaded to put up in peace what already I have foolishly suffered.
IAGO: Will you hear me, Roderigo?
RODERIGO: (Faith,) I have
heard too much, and your words and performances are no kin together.
IAGO: You charge me most unjustly.
RODERIGO: With naught but truth. I have wasted myself out of my means. The jewels you have had from me to deliver to Desdemona would half have corrupted a votaress. You have told me she hath received them, and returned me expectations and comforts of sudden respect and acquaintance, but I find none.
IAGO: Well, go to! Very well.
RODERIGO: "Very well." "Go to!" I cannot go to, man, nor 'tis not very well! (By this hand, I say 'tis very) scurvy, and begin to find myself fopped in it.
IAGO: Very well
(4.2.202-227)
ANNOUNCER #1: Welcome to a special edition of WWF: Smackdown. Tonight it's Smackdown Shakespeare Style. You have just witnessed an altercation between two-faced Iago and Roderigo, the fool, as it happened hundreds of years ago.
ANNOUNCER #2: That's right. They even settled it, but they didn't settle it the right way. They didn't do it the Smackdown way.
ANNOUNCER #1: Right as always. Through the marvels of modern invention we have brought them back with a time machine. Now before we introduce them we have to clarify something. The language is out-dated so we have to translate. Roderigo has just found out that Iago is using him. He emerges on the scene with long strides with a look of anger and determination on his face. Iago backs away cautiously, but Roderigo keeps advancing.
ANNOUNCER #2: Iago is figuring out that if Roderigo finds out anymore, then his plan to destroy Othello and Cassio is doomed. Iago decides to put on a face of pure shock and trying to discredit everything that Roderigo says. Iago knows that Roderigo is not the fool Iago thought he was earlier when he was stealing Roderigo's money. "Thus do I ever make my fool my purse" (1.3.426). He decides to act scared at Roderigo's attitude when he says "What in the contrary?" (4.2.205).
ANNOUNCER #1: Roderigo is yelling and roughhousing Iago. He's getting in Iago's face and pushing him along. Clearly, Roderigo has blown his top. He has been sending presents to Desdemona to try to win her hand, but obviously his presents have not gotten there for even half the gifts he gave her would have corrupted a nun. He says this "The jewels you have had from me to deliver (to) Desdemona would half have corrupted a votares. " (4.2.217-219). Roderigo wants revenge on Iago. Roderigo might kill Iago in this rage of his. Roderigo is not going to take this anymore. Roderigo will not suffer anymore.
ANNOUNCER #2: Iago is not responding well to being pushed around. He has been trying to talk, but Roderigo keeps interrupting him. "Will you hear me, Roderigo?" (4.2.212). He is also furious that Roderigo is getting in his face. He has to find a way to calm Roderigo before Roderigo kills him. He sternly tells Roderigo to let him speak.
ANNOUNCER #1: Roderigo tells Iago that he will not listen to him speak because he knows that Iago will say one thing, but mean another entirely. Iago's words and actions don't mix in Roderigo's view. Due to this Roderigo believes that he would be better off if he didn't know Iago.
ANNOUNCER #2: Iago is taken aback at what he calls a most unjust charge. He's starting to act more innocent making Roderigo think that maybe he's wrong. He has stopped pushing him and is pondering his actions and the things that he has said. Iago thinks he has won.
ANNOUNCER #1: WAIT! Roderigo is starting to push again. He's mocking Iago. He's telling Iago that he will not be taken for a fool anymore. YES! Roderigo is making it known that he is not to be messed with. Roderigo's final motive is easy to spot. He wants the fair Desdemona believing that the good General Othello stole her using witchcraft. "She is abused, stol'n from me, and corrupted by spells and medicines bought of mountebanks; for nature so prepost'rously to err-being not deficient, blind, or lame of sense-sans witchcraft could not. (1.3.73-77).
ANNOUNCER #2: Iago agrees only because if he doesn't his plan to kill Cassio and destroy Othello's reputation will flop miserably. He starts to say something, but all documents were lost. (The producers of this show were too cheap to record any more conversation). Now without further ado get ready for the SMACKDOWN!!!
(Title Music Plays over Speakers
followed by Techno-Rock Music)
ANNOUNCER #1: Iago is climbing out of the time machine. He's a little disoriented, but he's ready to fight. Roderigo is next. He's climbing out. OH! He trips on the step and stumbles, not a good way to start.
ANNOUNCER #2: They are climbing in the ring. Iago grabs Roderigo's hair and throws him into a turnbuckle. Ouch! Iago is climbing out of the ring and is making his way to the audience.
ANNOUNCER #1: Roderigo gets up, shakes his head, and launches out of the ring towards Iago.
ANNOUNCER #2: Wait a moment Iago has grabbed something from the stands. It's a gold-plated bust of Janus, the Roman god with two-faces. He backhands Roderigo with it and sends him flying in the opposite direction. Clearly this match is going to be in Iago's favor.
(Entrance Music Blares Over the
speakers)
Wait a moment! Cassio has just stepped from the time machine. This shouldn't have happened. He climbs in the ring and body slams Roderigo. This is an unbalanced match.
ANNOUNCER #1: Roderigo is getting up he's woozy, but he's still in the fight. He reaches inside his vest and produces a knife. This fight could turn ugly. Roderigo attempts to stab Cassio, and misses; this guy truly is a fool!
ANNOUNCER #2: Iago grabs Roderigo's arm and breaks it. The knife drops and Iago snatches it up, and he stabs Roderigo. It's all over, folks. Roderigo is dead. Iago wins. Stay Tuned Next week for a Royal Rumble featuring every Shakespeare character ever. BE THERE.
(Title Music Plays and Fades).