"Hair-cut?" The way Noctis said it was if it were some strange, foreign word he'd never heard before.
Ignis kept his calm, continuing his tidying of the little camper they'd stayed the night in.
"Yes, I've noticed your hair is getting a tad long."
There was no response. Ignis turned to see Noctis trying to head out of the camper. Ignis let him go, knowing it would be a long battle. Noctis may be the one with the fishing knowledge, but Ignis was the one who knew exactly how to reel the line and wield the rod when it came to a certain spoiled prince.
It was several days later and they were taking an early evening at a haven.
"There, all better?"
Prompto held up his camera and snapped a selfie.
"Dunno yet, but it's you Iggy, I'm sure I look fantastic!" Prompto said, springing from the chair and dusting the loose hair off of his clothes.
"Alright Noct, your turn," Ignis said casually.
Noctis, already preposterously slumped in his camp chair somehow managed to ooze lower, eyes cracking open to look at Ignis with lazy indignation.
"Nuh-uh," Noctis moaned.
Ignis grit his teeth, tamed the swelling beast of anger, and imagined a calm ocean.
"Come now, don't be a child about it," he replied.
Usually he would leave the underhanded comments about maturity to Gladio, however this was one of the few things in which he did not have Gladio's support. Gladio was a believer in manly waves of luscious hair and usually only allowed a pair of scissors near him when his split ends got too wild.
"C'mon Ig, it's just a bit of hair, I'm sure he'll come whining to you at some point to get it cut so he doesn't look like a girl," Gladio said, looking up from where he was weaving together fibrous plant strands for a twitch up snare.
"It's not a matter of fashion," Ignis started.
"I'd make a hot girl," Noctis said matter-of-factually while Ignis replied to Gladio.
"It's a matter of practicality," Ignis tried to keep going.
Gladio shrugged, having listened more to Noctis than Ignis.
"You'd be the ugliest damn girl I ever met," Gladio replied.
"A matter of safety," Ignis continued, despite everyone ignoring him.
"You only say that because you know I would make a hot girl," Noctis shot back, a smug little grin on his face.
Gladio raised a brow at the challenge.
"A matter of dignity, Noctis is a King."
"Sure you would," Gladio said disbelievingly.
"Back me up here, Prom," Noctis said.
"I think Noctis would pull off being a girl," Prompto chimed in.
Ignis threw his hands up, staring at his companions in disbelief.
"Thanks Prom," Noctis said.
"You know, because of his slim and feminine build and all, I mean, I may be only a bit shorter, but everyone agrees Noctis is the smallest, the one who looks all fragile and damsel-like."
Gladio burst out laughing as Noctis sat up a little, looking like he was a cat who'd been thrown in water.
"Do not!" he retorted.
"Are you even listening?" Ignis asked.
"Prompto's got a point," Gladio said, turning his attention back to his work.
"Thanks for having my back, Prom," Noctis snarled out sarcastically.
Ignis shook his head, turning away. No one listened to him, did they?
"What are best buds for?" Prompto replied with a bright grin.
Noctis muttered something under his breath, crossing his arms and sinking lower in his chair as though pouting.
"What was that?" Gladio asked, barely containing his grin.
"Oh shut up," Noctis spat out.
Ignis meanwhile began plotting his next move.
Ignis pulled his scissors out, neat little things designed specifically for hair and kept wickedly sharp. Noctis was fast asleep on a bench outside the Coernix station, head tilted back and in the perfect position for Ignis to just trim a little off.
Ignis clinically rolled his sleeves. He pushed his glasses up. He held the scissors up to the light, eyes narrowed as he inspected his tool. He opened and closed them with a couple clean, sharp shwick sounds. Then he turned to his victim.
"NOCT! HEY!" Prompto, sweet dear Prompto, called from his position by the car where he was pumping the gas.
Noctis bolted upright, eyes open and looking completely bewildered in his half asleep state. He glanced around at his surroundings and spotted Ignis.
Noctis stared up at Ignis with wide eyes, Ignis standing there, scissors raised, sleeves rolled and sunlight glinting menacingly off of his glasses.
"Ignis, what are you doing?" Noctis asked, tone careful and slow, looking at Ignis like he didn't know the man.
Ignis' cheek twitched.
"I'm, I'm going to go now," Noctis said slowly, carefully raising from his seat and never looking away from Ignis.
Ignis watched his charge walk away, the blonde haired menace who'd stolen his triumph standing innocently by the car, waving at the both of them.
"HEY IGGY!" Prompto yelled, much louder than necessary.
Ignis managed a mechanic wave back. He imagined an ocean with a very, very calm surface.
Ignis didn't get an opportunity to attempt espionage or other dubious methods of trapping Noctis. They were asked to follow a hunt and it had lead them out onto the wasteland plains of Leide. With the sun beating down with its dry heat and everyone sweating, Ignis had little time to mourn over Noctis bangs which hung over his eyes.
It was a mile or so in, a few rock formations jutting up and out to provide meagre shade as they passed them.
Their target was a large pack of dualhorns.
"Damn, that's a lot," Gladio said.
They'd stopped and were crouching behind some bushes. The herd was quite large, almost twenty females and six males.
"Why are we doing this again?" Prompto asked, fidgeting with his gun.
"They've trampled several crops now, and are responsible for the destruction of a home. No one has died yet, but there are concerns."
"Oh, right," Prompto replied, glancing at Ignis.
"Strategy?" Noctis asked, brushing his bangs away from his eyes.
Ignis kept his mouth shut, resisting the urge to just quickly trim Noctis' hair before they pursued the hunt.
"Keep them herded, stay on the outskirts, and work together to pick them off one by one. We don't want them stampeding, if they get out of control there won't be much we can do."
All three men nodded or verbally gave their assent to Ignis' plan. They crept out, Gladio circling around with Prompto while Ignis and Noctis split up. One of the dualhorns snorted, spotting Gladio, it let out a bellow and charged.
The battle began.
The strategy seemed to work pretty well, the dualhorns unable to scatter as the four kept them grouped in. This caused the creatures to turn and plummet into each other, in some cases the dualhorns were injuring each other.
Ignis however couldn't help but notice how Noctis kept pausing to push at his hair, kept misjudging blows or movements and having to warp at the last second to avoid being injured.
Then, when they were almost done, three females left, one male nearly exhausted, Noctis was thrown in the air. Ignis watched his charge sail up into the sky before attempting to warp out of danger. Noctis however, hair in his face, warped a bit oddly.
Ignis watched with a note of both satisfaction and a bit of sympathy, as Noctis warped himself into the safety of a group of cacti. He only hesitated a moment to ensure that Noctis was indeed safe from serious injury before throwing himself into the fight.
Finally, the last dualhorn fell.
Ignis turned to see Noctis waddling out of the cacti patch, his skin and clothes covered in sharp, thin needles. Noctis awkwardly walked over to Ignis.
"Don't say anything," Noctis snapped, face flush with embarrassment.
Ignis raised a brow, restraining the amused smile that was threatening to come onto his face.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Ignis replied.
"What happened to you?" Gladio asked, looking over with surprise at Noctis.
Noctis looked away in embarrassment. He muttered something.
Gladio frowned, peering a little closer to see why Noctis was walking the way he was.
"What?" he asked, not having heard what Noctis had said.
"I said I warped into the cacti," Noctis snapped out irritably.
Gladio burst out laughing. Prompto, who had been walking among the fallen dualhorns gathering supplies, turned to look to see why Gladio was laughing.
"What's going on?" He asked, jogging over and looking quizzically at Gladio who was bent at the waist.
Noctis at this point was a beet red and glaring at the ground.
"Dude, you got stuff," Prompto's gaze traveled over Noctis, "like all over."
Ignis stepped forward, knowing that though it was amusing now, he would inevitably be the one to remove the offending items from Noctis' skin.
"Noctis' battle efforts led him into a patch of cacti," Ignis explained. "We should head to a haven, I'm afraid it will take a while to remove them all."
Gladio, who was still laughing, but slowly calming down, looked again at Noctis.
"Warped into a patch of cacti," Gladio repeated, wiping at his eyes and still chuckling.
"Come along now, best be going," Ignis called, starting the half mile walk to a haven he knew was nearby.
The others fell in, Prompto trying not to laugh or make fun of Noctis and injure his friend's pride any further while Gladio wouldn't stop bothering him.
When they arrived, Noctis' face was tight with pain and the anger had bled into exhaustion. Ignis felt a little bad for him.
While Gladio and Prompto headed to the car, parked just a little ways off, to grab their gear, Ignis began removing what needles he could by hand. When Gladio and Prompto returned, he took a pair of tweezers from the first aid kit.
Noctis stood there looking miserable and keeping his eyes stuck fast to the ground. Ignis bit his tongue to keep the 'I told you so's from issuing forth. He had no doubt that the spines embedded in Noctis skin were lesson enough.
When Ignis had removed the large spines -Noctis had been "lucky" enough to fall into a cacti patch of several different species- he began to make a glue of sorts for the smaller spines.
When they were nearing the end, Gladio taking over the chore of dinner by making Cup of Noodles, Noctis looked miserable. Ignis' ire had faded partially and now he just felt bad for his charge.
"Maybe, you can cut my hair?" Noctis asked hesitantly. "When you're done?"
"Of course," Ignis replied.
There were a few beats of silence.
"Sorry I didn't listen, you were right," Noctis said contritely, meeting Ignis' gaze for the first time since he'd fallen into the cacti patch.
Ignis felt his 'I told you so' pass away. Noctis had learned his lesson, and that was enough for Ignis.
"Alright, I think I'm just about done."
Ignis pulled off one last strip of glue coated gauze. His eyes purveyed the prince but he found nothing else.
"It might be a bit sore, but you'll be fine. Let's not have a repeat though, it's been a needling enough of an event."
Noctis glanced at Ignis with a deadpan look at the painful pun.
"Why don't you eat? We can get your hair done with in the morning."
"Thanks Specs," Noctis said, heading over to the campfire.
Ignis merely watched him go, following a few moments after. Maybe not a perfect catch, but Ignis had managed to reel in his prince well enough.