Author's Notes: This is something I started tinkering with a couple months ago and decided to finish now in order to help clear the mental block on my other stories. (I probably should clarify that this story derives not only from the TV series, but from Karen Traviss' book, "No Prisoners." In Traviss' book, she often has Rex refer to Ahsoka as "Littl'un," and I couldn't help but feel inclined to use the nickname he had for her in that story.)
Summary: Captain Rex reflects on his existence as a soldier and the mental chaos a certain Jedi Padawan wreaks on him.
Disclaimer: I make no money, and I only write about what I enjoy. Everything belongs to George Lucas, and I merely visit the playground that is his galaxy.
"Balance derives from equal parts of confusion and clarity."
Clone Commander Rex, who rarely went by his identification number CC-7567, strode with purpose down the long corridors of the flagship Resolute, the ship under the command of Admiral Yularen. Moving like the precise soldier he was, he held his helmet under his left arm, crooked perfectly in the curve of his elbow. While he walked, Rex passed by some of his fellow brethren and even some members of the admiral's crew that were not of Clone origin. Those who were below rank to him sharply stopped, pausing momentarily from whatever purpose they were in the midst of, and nodded their acknowledgement to him. Rex, in turn, did the same. It was a gesture of comradeship, a sign of respect, and a silent acknowledgement that they were all in the same fight together for the same purpose. It was orderly, neat, and predictable.
Ironically, any sense of predictability had been blown to hell as soon as he had been given the assignment that he would be the under the command of General Anakin Skywalker. The general's imaginative and, often impulsive, methods proved to be successful more often than not, and Rex had finally grown accustomed to Skywalker's techniques when the Jedi Council decided to further Skywalker's insanities by allocating him an equally flippant Padawan, Ahsoka Tano.
Rex felt the small curl at the corner of his lips at the irony of how a man like him, who was created and raised on such a sterile and orderly world like Kamino, had managed to find comfort and even comradeship with the inventive and often erratic mannerisms of both his commanding general and the general's Padawan.
Then again, Rex wasn't always the straight and narrow kind of soldier either. His own inventiveness had saved numerous brothers in the training exercises, and his field tactics weren't always by the proverbial strategy manual. Instead, Rex liked to think that his proverbial strategies came from the worn and well-kept manual of his own creative endeavors.
Aware again of the sterile and cold gray walls that lined the corridor, Rex once more thought about the neatness and order that accompanied the military. His training on Kamino had been narrowed down to a black and white landscape, as it was full of white armored brothers wielding black-clad weaponry. It didn't matter if the weapon was a small blaster, a grenade, or a heavy repeating blaster. There was something tidy and organized about the colors of black and white. It was only after rank assignments had begun that shards of color had broken out amongst the identical troopers, and further segmentation of their skills began. Even still, that minute color of rank wasn't enough to overcome the ocean of black and white Rex was so accustomed to being amidst. It was only after his experience in real combat that he realized how everything became infinite shades of gray, not so different from the ship he was still moving throughout.
After Rex had been assigned to General Skywalker, color slowly began to creep in around him. First it was Skywalker and his bright blue lightsaber that seemed to strategically cut down anything hostile that got in its path. But, just a couple months ago, a distracting rainbow suddenly exploded around him as Skywalker's Padawan had been brought into the mix.
Rex's initial impression of the kid was that she was reckless, quirky, and dangerous. And that didn't even begin to describe her bad qualities. Rather, her quirky sense of reckless abandon to jump headfirst into danger was the trait that he admired most in her. He wasn't trained to be quite so free, and he thought the Jedi weren't either. However, this littl'un had some kind of spunk in her that he believed the venerable Jedi weren't allowed to display.
This Ahsoka Tano was impetuous and sharp-tongued as well. It was irritating, juvenile. Then, like a switch she could be distant, reserved, and he thought he hated that more. At least as a juvenile, she had personality and was approachable.
Smirking silently again, Rex thought that it was a shame that his Kaminoan flash training wasn't programmed to understand the teenage years of females. It was bad enough that his adolescence was pushed through quickly and suddenly, and all of his time was spent in training and strategy techniques. Thinking back on it, he never had time to worry about or consider the awkwardness that was supposed to accompany those years. As long as he could shoot a blaster and lead his brothers to safety, that was a good day for an age-accelerated teenager.
Then again, he may as well be part of his own species. After all, what woman in her right mind would ever have any interest in a duty-driven man who aged at twice the speed of a normal human? Of course, Ahsoka Tano wasn't exactly a woman, nor was she a human. And, that was where his underlying and hidden confusion always began.
Theoretically, they were closer in age than they should have been. She was in the midst of her teenage years, somewhere around fifteen and probably closer to sixteen years of age by now. He was, technically, a twelve-year old, highly educated clone inhabiting a body that belonged to a twenty-four year old man. Arguably and perhaps even ironically, he was chronologically younger, but his training and his accelerated aging made him much older.
He probably could have dismissed the confusion if the littl'un wasn't so damn concerned for him. It would have been easier to think in black and white if she didn't blur the role between a Jedi Padawan who understood war and a compassionate female who wanted to be comforted as well as offer comfort.
It had always been easier for Rex to keep his mind on the objective of the mission and work to keep his men alive because then he wasn't bogged down by the instinctual need to connect with another being of the opposite gender. Besides, on the battlefield there were no opportunities to ogle a female, let alone allow his thoughts to wander about one. In battle it was all about hitting a target, defending what was his, and pushing his team to the endex.
Maybe that was why Rex avoided downtime as often as he did. They weren't given many opportunities for a respite anyway, but when they did, he made sure to keep himself busy. Whether he was checking in with other squads, working through strategies, or maintaining his training, he didn't want to linger too long near the civilian life or allow his thoughts to wander free into the fantasies that accompanied such an existence.
He had heard a few rumors about some of the men in other squads fraternizing with civilian women, and even a rumor about General Secura and Commander Bly. But, Rex had dismissed the stories, theorizing that they were merely the romantic tales of war, a way for the civilians to have an interest in it by humanizing the heroes of battle as a means to help them understand and relate to combat better. He never understood that need to fantasize, but if it helped to keep the civilians on the side of the Republic, then he wasn't going to argue against whatever drivel they wanted to believe.
"Hey, Rex, wait up!"
Coming to a sudden stop in his quick stride, Rex instantly obeyed the voice of the Jedi commander, the young Padawan under Skywalker's tutelage. Her words never carried what he considered a typical order, but the Jedi were above him in rank, which meant that he had it instilled in his psyche to comply.
He turned with military precision toward the teenage Togruta and stood in place awaiting her approach. The distance between them wasn't more than ten feet, and in the few seconds it took her to close the gap, Rex had once again pondered when the maturing female would find something less alluring to wear. He wondered if he was the only man, or even clone, that had to constantly keep diverting his eyes from the skimpy attire she called clothing.
Concentrating instead on her face, he was then distracted by the large, blue eyes that seemed to pierce into him during her moments of needed comfort. When up close to her, he could see the darker speckles in her irises, something he once mentally likened to a metaphor for what coral must look like in the oceans on vacation planets. He had chastised himself then for allowing such a distraction, and again he silently warned himself that thinking in such luxuries were for civilians, not a man of the Republic Army.
Smiling with cheerful excitement, Skywalker's Padawan looked to Rex. "Can you believe we actually received that request for a week's leave?"
"It is overdue, I admit," he responded.
"So, what are you going to do with your time off?" she asked now.
"I have rounds to make to some of the other squads and data to collect."
With that mix of juvenile irritation and sudden concern in her eyes, the youngling crossed her arms over that tiny cloth that covered her chest and rolled her eyes. "That's not the purpose of the leave."
"With all due respect then, have you decided how to spend your time?"
Her smile brightened, and she practically beamed with joy. "Actually, I'm going back home to Shili. I haven't been there in years, and it would be nice to spend some time with old friends."
Offering a comfortable smile, Rex told her, "I wish you a good trip."
"You can come with me if you want. Master Skywalker is returning to Coruscant and told me that he's giving me some time away from my training. Wouldn't it be nice to just…be?"
Her offer made Rex suddenly uncomfortable in an absurd kind of way. It was just the type of situation he had been trying to avoid: a couple days to live like a civilian…even if it was amongst a brood of predatory humanoids. But, what made him bristle was her last sentence. What exactly did she want to be, and why was she so inclined to have him along? Pushing it aside, he had to remain the responsible captain and keep the proverbial church and state separated.
"Littl'un, I have chosen how to spend my leave, and I don't regret it."
"Would you like me to get something for you while I'm gone then?" she asked hopefully. "I could probably bring you back a few akul teeth or a pelt."
"That's generous of you," Rex said with a smile, hiding how being brought a gift from her, no matter how small, would only strengthen the confusing attachment to her that he felt. He was concerned for her well-being and her safety, but somehow more so than he knew he should. He never could figure out if it was because she was a female, and he was ingrained to protect and respect them or if it was because she was in some ways a child, and it left him feeling protective of her. Unfortunately, neither theory offered any solution, and he decided that he had made his transport off the Resolute wait long enough for him. Taking his helmet from under his arm, he brought it towards his head. "Safe journey, Littl'un, and you don't need to get me anything."
Disappointment crossed her face briefly, a reminder of the child within who didn't like to be told "no," but it passed quickly and the quirky teenager returned to her features. "All right, then," she said allowing the stubborn youngster that she was to emerge, "But, you're going to get an akul tooth whether you like it or not."
Rex laughed at her now, knowing that she had this uncanny gift of persuasion around him. As he placed the helmet on his head, a thought occurred to him. He decided that instead of her giving him a gift, he would turn her generosity into a challenge, something that would encourage her to enjoy her time away rather than sulk about his not accompanying her. Looking at the armor on the back of his hand, he said, "Well, now that I think about it, an akul tooth or two would make a nice adornment on these pieces of armor. So, Littl'un, you best be on your way because you've got a week to get me four of those akul teeth."
The fire sparked in her eyes at the concept of a contest, and that dangerous smirk set about on her face. "Fine. I'll get you six akul teeth and a pelt."
"I suppose it's a deal then," Rex agreed. "But remember, if you don't succeed, Littl'un, I'll send you on a mission to gather useless facts that I don't need, and I doubt that General Skywalker will object."
"You're on," she smiled brightly as she stepped away from him. "See you in a week, Rex."
Turning back towards his original path, Rex found it even harder to get the kid off his mind. He knew a week away would probably make it worse because he wasn't quite sure how to handle the lack of her reckless abandon. For as confusing as it was and as much as he hated it, he had grown attached. He cared about this Jedi Padawan and cared about how his actions made her react. Maybe it wasn't the holovid war romance that the civilians fantasized about, but an attachment with compassion could be just as intense.
Entering the hangar bay, Rex wasn't the least bit surprised when his communications suddenly pinged, and he received the message that their leave had been immediately cancelled. Strangely grateful, Rex spun about and started with a new purpose towards the mission briefing chamber. A week was far too long to allow his mind to wander anyway. Whatever new mission he had been assigned, it was certain to allow him the capacity to make sure Skywalker's Padawan didn't get herself killed. Reckless, quirky, and dangerous could be a volatile combination, but it was also an admirable combination. Maybe that was why he found balance with the kid.