This is How to annoy Eragon in 22 steps, the written and performed version, for my faithful readers who were treated unfairly by unAUTHORized deletion of stories. This is written in the first person, so you can enjoy in the way that I see it in my weird, twisted little head. By the way…OMD means oh my dragon…XD

How to drive Brom crazy in 22 steps

Disclaimer: I do not own the Inheritance Cycle because if I did you would be reading this in the book, not on this

I walked up to Brom, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey Broom." The man glanced up from sharpening his sword with a scowl.

"Hey, who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to you Braun." Brom blinked.

"What is wrong with you? My name is not hard to pronounce…you've been doing it since you were little…were you practicing a new spell and it messed with your mind?"

"No…hey…O-Ancient-one-with-no-dragon, I heard from a certain fortune teller that you loved someone and she died because of it. Who was it?"

"…" Brom stared at his student, in shock of his rudeness and his question. "…" I waited for a moment, before widening his eyes and covering his mouth in shock.

"OH MY DRAGON! IT WAS DURZA WASN'T IT? I should have known!" Brom cut his hand on his weapon from his surprise.

"What? What is wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?"

"You know…its your fault that your dragon died…if you were stronger and made better decisions, she would still be alive."

"What? You don't know anything!" Brom stood up, furiously, sword in hand. "You don't know what was happening during those times, didn't you listen to those stories that I told?"

"No…those stories were stupid, boring, and had a dry plot…and anyways, Galbatorix rocks."

"…"

"Hey…can I count your gray and white hairs? You don't want to look older, do you? I'll pull them out of your head too…so they can go away and leave room for the un-old hair to grow."

"No." I frowned at his refusal of my happiness, and pulled a rope out of nowhere (AKA my invisible pocket) and proceeded to tie him up. Once I did the somewhat difficult task, I began to enjoy his captivity.

"1…" YANK

"OW!"

"2…" YANK

"OW!"

"3…" YANK

"STOP!"

"4…" YANK PULL TUG TEAR RRRRIIIIPPP

"OW!"

"Oh…6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16…"

"STOP!"

"Fine…it was boring anyways…hey…Brom, can I ask you something?"

"No."

"Please…no one told me the answer to it, and its been bothering me forever!"

"…What is it?"

"Where do babies come from? I don't say the stork or the Dragon Baby-giver…I know those aren't real."

"…But the Dragon Baby-giver is real…"

"Be serious Brom…and since we're on the topic…how do they get wherever they come from?"

"…"

"Brom…why is your face red?"

"…"

"Fine…don't answer my question…but here's a not-so-hard-or-awkward-question for you."

"…You knew it was awkward?"

"Yeah…I knew the answer to it too…but I just wanted to see what you would've said."

"…"

"Why did you die so early in the movie, when in the book, you had a slow…painful…death because of the Ra'zac…and in the movie you were killed by Durza with a spear?"

"…I'm not dead…what are you talking about?"

"Not yet you aren't…can I kill you with poison like how the Ra'zac did to you and see which one's cooler to watch?"

"NO!" I snorted.

"Tch…I'm doing it anyways…I just asked to seem nice and thoughtful…DIE!"

I will let the you all imagine how you attacked and poisoned Brom yourselves here, and once your done with your own little twisted tortures, review and tell me what you did to him so I can laugh at his pain!! XD BACK TO THE STORY/LIST!

Once I poke Brom's remains with my trusty stick, I pull out my book of The Forbidden word of the Ancient Language that old geezers don't tell their awesome students (which was written by the totally cool Galbatorix), and look up 'resurrection spells' in the glossary. Once locating the spell, I recited the weird sounding but at the same time really fun words, and brought Brom back to life.

"Hey Brom, You know that you're going to sacrifice yourself for an ijit who's going to get killed by his hot brother, right?" Then I killed him again with my trusty sword, and then I resurrected him again. "Hey Brom, You know that you're going to sacrifice yourself for an ijit who's going to get killed by his hot brother, right?" Oh…this is going to be fun…I am bored, and I am enjoying his looks of terror that he gives when he sees me…I will be doing this for a while.

5 minutes later

"Hey Brom, guess what? Eragon died because he committed suicide. Apparently he figured out that the rabbits were plotting against him. He knew he was no match for them…I could've told him that…they're too fluffy for him…duh…gosh…the dumbness of blondes…" Brom stared at you will a look of horror.

"…"

"You know Brom…since you watched Eragon because you thought that he was going to turn into his father…but you were wrong."

"…?"

"Well…you should have watched Murtagh, he's the one taking after his father…and he's sooo much hotter…both sides would have won! But you screwed up again…gosh Brom, can you do anything right?"

"…"

"And while you're pondering on that question, my new question is what do you think the definition of sexy is?" I walked away to let Brom think of all the things he messed up on and my new, slightly weird question, and went to the next town to book two rooms for the night at the motel. After I got the rooms and decorated them accordingly, I came back and Brom followed (dragged) me back into town for the night. I wished Brom a good and pleasant sleep and walked into my room, and turned on my T.V that I had wired to feed live footage of his room. Brom walked into his room, automatically closing the door, not aware that it now cannot be opened unless I press the button that is so far from me (I don't want to lift my hand and move it half a foot to the left to press the green button). When Brom turned on the light, he came upon my reason of asking what sexy was. There were posters and pictures everywhere…not a single clear space on the wall that didn't have some picture that a hormone-controlled teenage boy owned and hid under his bed.

"OMD!" Right when Brom thought it couldn't get worse, I made it worse. I pushed the red button on my remote and Justin Timberlake's song Sexy Back began to play in Brom's room, blaring loudly from the hidden surround sound system that I placed all over the room. Yes…I will enjoy this to its fullest…and now I will make it better by putting this song on repeat…Mwahhahahahaha…yawn…I'm tired…I think I shall sleep now…goodnight Brom…I hope you have a fun and sexy time in your room…mwahhahahahaha…

The next day

"Hey Brom…what's wrong with you? You look tired…had a rough night?"

"He's bringing…sexy…back…us…other…fellows…don't…know…how…to…act…"

"OH! I LOVE THAT SONG! So Eragon's room worked after all?"

"…What?"

"Yeah…Eragon picked the room and had it decorated for you…he said something about it being a gift since you were so nice to him when you were training him to become a Rider."

"…ERAGON!!"

Lol…I think that works…this is now how I will write the How to annoy Eragon characters in 22 steps…the admin deleted the original since it was a list…so now I am furiously rewriting in hopes to give my offerings (chapters) to my beloved reviewers…TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! And on a more pathetic note…did anyone happen to copy and save my Eragon, Arya, and Thorn…I don't have those save on my computer…so…help a pathetic writer out…list what you remember so I can make their lives miserable!!

Loves-emo-guys-with-hair