Never Let Me Go
"See you when I'm back."
Tap.
"Thank you."
For the years of his staggered absence in the village, Sasuke maintained communication with the team by sending letters every now and then. Sometimes he would announce his location, as if he could sense how much Sakura and Naruto worried about him being so far away (yet again). Other times, Sasuke would send things that he has found in his travels back to Konoha. His friends would always prefer that embargo; it served as a symbol that the last Uchiha thought of the village as the home he could return to.
Until one day, Sakura gathered enough courage to grab a scroll and ink. She always preferred letter the old school way though Konoha had advanced technologically. She wanted to keep it short, to just tell him how everyone was doing back home, and that they were all happy to see that he was seeing the world with a different perspective. Sakura did not mention how much she missed him, how the short amount of time they got to spend together when he was sorting himself out in Konoha had been some of her happiest days. And how she wished for more to come.
What Sakura didn't expect was what followed.
A few weeks after sending that letter with a slug, along with complimentary antibiotics to help with his blown-off arm, Sakura found a scroll in her mailbox. Sasuke had actually replied. He wished her well. He told her to look after Naruto, that he should start shadowing Kakashi even though many years would pass before he was elected as Hokage. In short, Sasuke was letting Sakura know that he was still thinking about them, that his travels haven't increased the distance between team 7 but made them closer than before.
So, Sakura wrote back. And weeks turned to months, and writing letters became a habit. Her right hand would have chronic black stains, which would then transfer onto her white lab coat and civilian clothing. It didn't matter to her, though. They were a reminder that Sasuke was going to write back, no matter how long it would take him to actually come back.
The waiting did not seem that heavy on her shoulders anymore.
But of course, Haruno Sakura would not be the respectable kunoichi she's become if it weren't for her shishou's efforts to improve the war-stricken nations. By gathering a team of the best medics in the Shinobi Nations, Tsunade, after retiring from being Hokage, led them to the most affected zones. It still struck Sakura that, even though Konoha was prospering after the war, there were still places that felt the repercussions of the most powerful shinobi changing the geography of their continent.
And as expected, she wrote to Sasuke about her own plans to set out and see the world with new eyes. Now that they were in peaceful times, she would pay more attention to giving back to those in need. She was sure that he would be happy with her decision.
The one thing she did not predict was finding herself in the same place as him.
"Sakura-san, there's someone here for you."
She turned to one of her assistants with curiosity. She did not know anyone in Iwagakure who would seek her out, and all the people she was familiar with were traveling alongside her and Tsunade's team. Taking off her lab coat (still stained with black ink and some blood), she proceeded to leave the children's ward in the village's hospital with the intention of coming back in five minutes.
"Where are you going?" her shishou asked her as she passed by the hospital's lobby.
"Someone wants to see me, Tsunade-sama. I will be back in five minutes, six tops," Sakura replied, bowing to her mentor.
The former Hokage stares at her student for a couple of seconds before averting her eyes to the main entrance. She narrowed them, quite aware that Sakura was going to take much more than just five minutes to come back.
Still, without making any references to ruin the surprise, Tsunade replied, "Just take the night off. You've worked too hard."
And with that, she turned and headed down a corridor before Sakura could insist on coming back for a late-night shift.
It was already sunset when she exited the hospital, and she recognized that chakra signature immediately. Her eyes, open as wide as she could, seeked out the same tall figure of the young boy she saw leave Konoha no less than a year ago. It was as if he was hiding from her, waiting to be noticed as part of the outside landscape rather than a figure sticking out from its surroundings.
When Sakura landed her eyes on him, she was met with a slightly taller frame, a dark cloak, and much longer hair.
But there he was, standing not too far away from her to become invisible. His sole arm swinging back and forth, as he approach her with calm steps, his facial expression the most serene she has ever seen.
All she wanted to do in that moment was run towards him, wrap her arms around his shoulders, and bury her face in his neck. But Sakura was no longer the twelve year old who would openly express her emotions; she wasn't the sixteen year old who would stay in a trance after seeing his face, either. She was one of the youngest medics in history to receive so much honour, a war heroine, and a former student of two Hokages.
And yes, she was still in love with Sasuke. Hence why she resorted to a simple greeting.
"Sasuke-kun," she smiled. She smiled so much, to the point that she thought her facial muscles were going to collapse.
He stopped near enough for Sakura to see his face. He was older too, clearly, and his features had slightly matured since the last time they saw each other. Sasuke stood there in silence, observing her, unblinking, until his own mouth lifted up on its right side to show his own version of a smile.
"Sakura."
"I didn't know you were here," she said after they began to walk around the village.
The lamp posts were already lighting the streets and sidewalks. Civilians were getting ready to close their stores. The nightlife in Iwa was not as rambunctious as Konoha on weeknights, but Sakura welcomes the quietness of the foreign village and her companion.
She turned to take a look at Sasuke. He had certainly grown a couple of inches after his last departure. He was now wearing a bandana around his forehead, as if he was trying to hide from the public eye or if he was trying to control his longer hair.
After a bit more of walking around, they found themselves sitting in a tavern reminiscent of the ones in Konoha. The place offered food and drinks, and Sakura just realized that after a full day of helping patients, and the unexpected surprise of seeing her former teammate, her stomach had grown a loud appetite. Sasuke sat in front of her, still quiet, and still without keeping his eyes away from her.
Her stomach may be rumbling, but the nerves in Sakura's within caused more commotion to her ears. She noticed that he had never looked at her for such a long amount of time, and it was perhaps of their rekindled connection after the end of the war.
"Have you," she began, feeling that talking would make her less nervous, "have you used the antibiotics and cream I sent you?"
At least a reference to their habit of writing letters to one another would calm her tense shoulders, wouldn't it?
"The scarring isn't as bad anymore," Sasuke replied. "Naruto?"
"He's not much of a brat anymore, fortunately. Still a stubborn idiot half the time, thinking that his artificial arm bothers him. He doesn't say it, but I know he doesn't want to wear it because you're not wearing one."
Her boys. In constant competition. Even if they were miles apart.
Sasuke chuckled, taking a sip of the bottle of beer the waitress had left on their table not too long ago.
"Kakashi?" he asked.
"You know, still reading the same novels. He's a great Hokage. Konoha has seen a lot of advancements since he took over." Sakura also took a sip of her own beer, feeling how the drink went down her pipe and settled in her empty stomach. "Who would've thought that we would be drinking like grown-ups?"
The night was still rather unbelievable in her mind. To be sitting in front of Sasuke. In Iwagakure. While they were both going off in their own paths of life. Sakura wondered if fate was playing tricks on her or if coincidences really did happen and she was bound to see Sasuke one way or another. Then she remembered that in her last letter she mentioned her two-week stay in Iwagakure. Perhaps he had showed up because he was travelling nearby and this could be the only opportunity for them to get together.
"I never thought I was going to make it past sixteen," Sasuke confessed.
Their letters had brought them closer. Closer than Sakura had ever felt. Even though they wrote about mundane things, such as what they saw, what they did on a certain day, the underlining tone was that Sasuke cared. To some degree, he cared enough to reply back every time Sakura sent him a letter. And if that was all that Sakura was going to get from her traumatized-seeking-redemption-for-his-sins love of her life, then she would take it.
"To be given a second chance to make things right. To learn how to endure, believe, and hope. I never thought I was going to have eyes for that after all that's happened."
He was a recovering man. Sakura noticed the way his chakra tensed when he spoke about the past. Even after all this time apart, Sasuke still had a long way to go before he could fully forgive himself for all his past sins.
It made her love him even more. This was the Sasuke she had seen through the walls he had kept up since they were young. The one who was capable of caring and enduring. And now, in the privacy of their booth, in the middle of a foreign village, Sakura could fully appreciate how much her love has changed over the years and how proud she was of the progress Sasuke has made. Naruto would be proud too.
"A toast to new beginnings," she declared softly, bumping her bottle with his and then taking a long sip while Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her behaviour. "Hey, don't be surprised. I've spent most of my time with Tsunade-sama since I was thirteen and picked up a habit or two."
Without saying anything else, Sasuke joined her in drinking his own bottle. The food arrived and they began to eat silently, accompanied by the sounds of people near the bar and music playing in the background. If it wasn't because of the circumstances of their get together, Sakura would have thought that this was a...
Her cheeks blushed at thinking of the d-word. It must be the alcohol acting up on her. But she only had one beer. It was nothing compared to the social drinking she had acquired with her shishou!
"You?" Sasuke finally asked, his mismatched eyes looking straight into her green ones. Her mind felt like the person in front of her was a visual illusion. Her Sasuke-kun was so close to her. So calm. And so caring.
"I've been well." I've missed you terribly. "Traveling around with Tsunade-sama and the other medics has taught me a lot. There's never enough to know about the world, you know? Especially in the medical department. We keep discovering things, new ways of helping people. But at the same time, I'm a little devastated at the destruction that still lingers from the war." And the fact that I haven't seen you in a very long time.
Thinking back on her day at the hospital, her mind finally pinpointed why Tsunade had given her the night off. She reminded herself to thank her mentor tomorrow morning.
"... You?" she imitated the question tentatively. Sasuke had already given her an insight of how life was treating him right now, but she wished to find out more. There was never enough space or ink left to write everything in a letter.
"Some days it's difficult," he began. "It's hard to wake up, to continue on with the journey. Then I stumble upon something that reminds me of what to look forward to, and then I keep going. When it gets too hard, I just look at this and tell myself to endure."
His hand left his chopsticks on the table and dug for something in his cloack. Sasuke took out a think stack of neatly folded scrolls and placed them beside his bowl of rice. Sakura's eyes softened at the realization of what those papers were. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth in disbelief.
"You've kept them," her voice said weakly.
She needed to fight back the tears. This was the first time she saw Sasuke in a while and didn't want to mess it up with her crying.
Sasuke pulled out a separate paper from the stack and pushed it across the table until it met Sakura's fingers. She picked it up and saw the photograph they had taken on Kakashi's ceremony day. Much like a mirror image, though a few years into the future, Kakashi stood behind his three students. Sasuke and Naruto were on each of her side, and she had her arms wrapped around her two boys. The four were scarred, tainted with war, tainted with being a shinobi, but had never looked so content with being together.
Sakura smiled inwardly, her heart getting conquered by the warm feeling that always appeared when she thought of Sasuke. He really did care. Now, he wasn't trying to hide his emotions for the sake of revenge and darkness. He could feel freely, no longer bound by the shackles of his past.
He had kept this photograph with him after all this time.
And it touched Sakura's heart much more than the affectionate forehead tap he had given her before leaving.
"Sasuke-kun... I've missed you," she confessed, looking at the brown wooden table, too afraid to gaze up at his face.
She felt a pair of fingers brush over hers.
"You've helped me much more than you think."
When it came to feelings, Sasuke was never direct. But Sakura took his thanks as they were, knowing that the real message was supposed to reach deeper into her heart.
They finished their food, paid, and exited the tavern without much else to say. Sakura realized that this quietness between them was just as welcome as sharing their thoughts through ink and paper or spoken words. She felt that, finally, after almost a decade of being in love, she could openly express herself without the struggle of not knowing if his chakra signature would turn any darker.
Iwa, structurally, was nothing like Konoha. The village was found in the middle of a mountainous region, surrounded my grey peaks and waterfalls. The buildings were connected by hanging bridges. The night had already taken over the sky, with its stars and moon shining down on the two members of team 7 who found themselves in this place.
Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was Sasuke's intention to see her after so long.
After all, he did care.
"Are you sure you don't want the artificial arm?" Sakura asked as she leaned on one of the railings of a bridge. One could really appreciate the beauty of Iwagakure from this point of view. "I have it back in our residence. Tsunade-sama has been using it as an example of a limb prosthetic to teach the other medics how to imitate her technique. It's really neat how it works. Naruto says that he will have to wear a bandage around it for the rest of his life, but he can finally produce a proper Rasengan after some training."
"I don't deserve it," Sasuke replied, looking into the distant mountains. "There's still a lot that I have to come to terms with before I accept it."
Sakura's shoulders slumped. She could see how Sasuke was trying to punish himself by being a one-armed shinobi. It doesn't make him any weaker in his power nonetheless.
"Whenever you're ready. It's only one letter away," she offered.
She gathered the same courage that had led her to write her first letter to Sasuke, and ventured out her left hand to take his right. She remembered the first time they held hands, back in the Forest of Death, when he was suffering from the Cursed Seal and she was in shock from not knowing what to do. Now, he was recovering from his past and she was more than capable of helping him with his physical pain.
Sasuke welcomed her touch. He laced his long fingers with hers, and Sakura felt how callouses in both hands felt one another. She took a step closer to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. It was a bold move she would dream about when she was much younger, but Sasuke did not move from his place. Her heart was beating really fast, almost deafening her ears, but she just closed her eyes and embraced Sasuke's presence beside her. He felt warm, accepting, patient.
He separated their hands and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, embracing her with his cloak as a breeze passed by them. Sakura held him as well, finally able know what it feels like to hug her love.
"It's been difficult for me too, you know. The letters help sometimes, and whenever you send a package back home I get really happy thinking that you'd want to settle back in Konoha when the time comes. But I am so busy all the time, too busy to even write as often as I used to. And I miss looking forward to hearing from you. When I feel at my worst, I think that it's all been a dream, that we're still stuck in the war, and that our team will never return to how it used to be."
"We will always have a bond. Naruto, Kakashi, you, me. I tried cutting everything out but it's impossible with people like you."
Sakura laughed inwardly at that. If there was one thing team 7 excelled in was their perseverance. She looked up to see Sasuke's jawline. He was so close to her right now, closer than ever. And it still felt like a dream. He wasn't afraid of caring. He wasn't trying to kill anyone.
He was just... there. Physically. Holding her as he could with one arm as she traced the reflection of the moonlight on his features.
She just wanted time to stop in that exact second. But he tilted his head to her side and she raised hers.
It was under the moonlight and stars in Iwagakure, far away from their home, in an unexpected meeting, that they shared their first kiss. Sakura had kissed boys before, thinking that it would distract her feelings from the one person she has been in love with all her life, but they had been futile attempts. She could tell that Sasuke was inexperienced. His lips remained in a line until she started moving her own.
Sakura stood on her toes to have better access. She could taste the rice and beer on his tongue, as well as that signature scent she had always associated with Sasuke. He was... responding. Having found confidence, Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck and felt his arm on her waist, pulling her closer under his cloak. She felt the ends on his hair tickle her fingertips and felt comfortable with how long he had let it grow.
They separated for a second, and Sakura found his lips just as swollen as hers. She wanted to say something -anything- but at the same time wanted to continue feeling every fiber of his being and-
"I'm yours," he declared.
Her astonished expression was caught off-guard with a chaste kiss. He looked back at her, finally untangling their limbs and taking a hold of her hand.
"I'm yours," Sasuke repeated, the sincerity in his voice resonated in her ears like an endless echo.
He's... he's...
"It was about time."
She couldn't guess what had been going through Sasuke's mind when he declared those two words, but she expected the thought to have been dancing around in his mind for quite some time. He had kept in touch with the letters, and her hypothesis of him showing up in Iwa when she was finishing her hospital shift made even more sense now. Her head felt light, as if a strong substance had been consumed and she was going through the motions.
This. This is what it felt like to be in love.
Sasuke's inn wasn't too far away from the bridge they were standing in. He took her by the hand, lent her his cloak so that the honourable Haruno Sakura, the respectable medic kunoichi from Konoha, wouldn't be recognized by the locals while they went in the building. It worked, for nobody seemed to identify her hidden pink hair and hitai-ate.
The room was nothing special. It was small, with four walls, a single bed, and a small window that looked into the mountains. The lights were off and they did not bother turning it on. Sakura dismissed the heavy cloak on the edge of the bed and faced her former teammate.
Neither of them spoke a word as she unwrapped the bandana that covered his hair. She let that fall on the floor, all the while his intense gaze did not leave her every move unseen. She ran her hands through his hair, feeling its softness against her fingers, and then settled them on his shoulders.
"I like it," Sakura confessed, playing with the ends of his hair with her fingertips.
Sasuke ran his thumb over her cheek, memorizing every sentiment it radiated. Sakura could see it in his eyes; she could she that he had finally turned back on his past and was ready to move on. And she was here to help him, to encourage him.
She once again stood on her toes to kiss him sweetly on his exposed forehead before reaching for his lips. While still connected, he guided her to the single bed until she was lying on her back with him on top. Sakura dismissed the jacket he was wearing, revealing the bandaged end of his left arm while his right supported his weight.
"I'll be okay," he replied before she could ask the question.
Sakura could see all the scars that have formed after years of training and living clandestinely. She wondered if half of those scars were left untouched as a reminder of his past mistakes; she could easily erase them with her own fingers.
Sasuke put support on his knees as he lifted his right arm and reached for the zipper of her jumper. He paused as he was about to bring it down until he heard her repeat the same words. "You'll be okay."
And it sounded so sincere coming from her that he believed it.
Sakura let him undress her as she dismissed his shoes and pants. They lay naked, looking at one another under the moonlight, Sakura basking in how scarred and yet beautiful Sasuke's body was. Every dip, every cut, bruise, muscle had its own memory and she ran her fingers through all of them.
Sasuke was at first uncomfortable under her touch, but loosened up when she guided him to lay beside her. Sakura propped herself up on her elbow and look at him exposed. She understood how vulnerable Sasuke must have felt like in that moment. To open oneself up like that to someone else after years of emotional seclusion was a giant leap.
He trusted her. And she was ready for him.
She closed the distance between them, feeling her skin friction against his as he gained more confidence in his own senses. He began to run his hand through her body much like she had done before. She felt his heart beat pick up like hers, and a certain familiar feeling appearing under her belly. They were clumsy at first. Shinobi and all, everyone's first time is always not the best.
When Sasuke position himself on top of her again, she had to help him hold up as he adjusted between her legs and entered. Sakura held in a whimper on the first thrust, aware that it was going to hurt.
"Be gentle," she told him and he nodded, re-positioning himself so that he wouldn't cause her as much pain. "How're you doing?" It would be a lie if she wasn't concerned for what was left of his left arm.
Her question was met by a groan coming out of his mouth, and Sakura knew that he was going to be fine.
"Sakura, are you supposed to-?"
"Don't worry about the blood."
Men. They never bothered learning about the female anatomy.
The next morning, Sakura woke up to the touch of foreign sheets and an arm wrapped around her naked figure. The soreness between her thighs was a common factor that came after having her first time, and she welcomed it knowing that it had been a wise decision. She looked up to see Sasuke's slumbering face, calmly breathing in and out.
She kissed his lips once. Twice. And then snuggled closer to his body, committing this moment to memory. The bed sheets felt rough on her skin, the mattress too hard on her back, but she figured that Sasuke might be traveling on a budget or did not care about the comfort of his sleep. After all, he hadn't had access to his family's assets since he defected the village years ago.
The light coming through the small window was evidence that morning had arrived. She recalled last night's event, a blush appearing on her cheeks as the same electrifying feeling traveled through her naked body. Sakura knew that she had to properly wake up and go back to the hospital. Tsunade-sama had already done enough by letting her take the night off, but she could not slack any longer.
Sakura took one last look of Sasuke's sleeping face and kissed his lips. She would have never thought that things were going to turn out this way, but she did not regret a single thing.
He cared, after all.
She put her clothes back on in silence, her eyes not averting from how peaceful her love looked in that moment. It seemed as if the past years hadn't happened, that he was never affected with the trauma of losing his family, sinking into darkness, and losing an arm to his best friend. Sakura took a small scroll out of her pouch, a bit of ink, and scribbled a simple thank you before leaving the paper on the bed beside Sasuke.
The soreness between her legs disappeared a few days later. Her time in Iwa was almost up and Tsunade was meant to redirect the team back to their own villages to share the findings they have gathered while helping patients. Sakura did not mention anything about the night she spent with Sasuke, and neither did her shishou ask if she had done anything interesting.
She respected her mentor even more after that.
Her recollection of that night played ad nauseum in her mind. She wanted to relive it from beginning to end, and to truly appreciate how much her relationship with Sasuke had progressed since the end of the war. She could never let him go; he was too important to her. He meant the real home, the only one who could make her feel complete. Though she didn't hear anything from him since she left his room, Sakura was not expecting much. Sasuke was a reserved person who still had issues to deal with. He had already shown he cared, had already confessed, so now Sakura just had to help him maintain their connection.
She understood his decision to continue traveling alone. The world had a lot to offer and she was granted the opportunity to see it through her own eyes, much like Naruto had when he trained with Jiraiya. It was Sasuke's turn now. And whenever he was ready, she would be waiting with open arms, whether it was at Konoha's entrance of another meeting point they agree on.
It wasn't until her last day in Iwakagure, when she was in the process of cleaning out her supplies and packing her materials, that she found Sasuke standing in the office she shared with Tsunade at the hospital.
"Sasuke-kun," she greeted him with a warm smile, wanting to kiss him right then and there. She was aware that the other staff would be watching and needed to keep her composure. "I thought you left."
He was wearing the same clothes from the night they had spent together. His katana was hanging across his back, with its hilt on his right side, while the bag he had left Konoha with was hanging across his chest. His eyes traveled from her face until a small paper lying on her table. Sakura picked it up, turned it around, and read Sasuke's writing.
I'm ready.
My version of their first time n.n and also, as many Sasusaku shippers deem it, my own celebration of us being FUCKING CANON. THAT MEANS THEY HAVE A DAUGHTER AND OFFICIALLY BANGED. LIKE. OFFICIALLY. (Sometimes I should really behave like I'm 22)
Can you imagine Sasuke being a daddy with his little girl, who calls him papa, while Sakura is just watching them interact with her eyes filled with love!? Ahh the feels! I just love, love how he ended up having a daughter, because little girls symbolically (and socially) represent innocence and femininity, whereas Sasuke's character has been an emotional roller coaster and killing spree for most of the series. He would try to be so delicate with Sarada but as well as tough because, come on, with a mom like Sakura you can't have weak arms. And Naruto too, omg he's such a hot dad. Him being all responsible with little Boruto T_T okay I'm gonna stop before I keep ranting. (ANDHINATAWITHLITTLEHIMAWARIWHYDIDN'TTHEYHAVEAPANELSHOWINGALLTHEUZUMAKISTOGETHER!?)
I felt like crying while writing Sasuke's dialogue in regards to him traveling alone. The wound is still too fresh and it just... hurts. Finally, I didn't want to dig too deep into their first time because that's something that will be explored in Delivery HOHOHOHOHO
But I had to get this out before continuing everything else :3 Hope you liked it, loves!
Sincerely,
MSM
