Hey, yeah! I'm back! ... Not updating my other stories, which I will, mind you! For sure...

ANYWAYS, happy birthday MagicAndSparklez! You're the best, and this is for you! Sorry, I published it a bit late... But *cringes* it's the thought that counts, right?

Also, very AU, slightly (might get more so if I don't reign it in) crack!fic-y.

Chapter 1

William Owen Herondale was the best, thank you very much. He knew this. The world knew this, it's why he was elected as one of the nine (there should have been ten) Princeps Magorum, the highest order of ruling wizards there was! He advised kings, he had been offered the position of King of the Eastern Kingdom before, not to mention the stopped wars! His face was all over magazines, pamphlets, billboards, milk cartons, cereal boxes!

With the territory of only being 17, and already being considered the best wizard in the world (even by the other Princeps Magorum), there came many threats on his life. Sadly, or rather fortunately, no one had been smart enough as to curse him in his sleep before. Until six months ago that was.

He had been attacked in the dark of the night by a man who proclaimed himself Mortmain and wore a very spiffy gray suit embroidered with a golden cog on the front left lapel. (Um, really, the "hand of death", and they said he had a flair for the dramatics! And his outfit!) And he had been...

That's right folks, Will Herondale—a Princep Magorum, greatest wizard in history, advisor to kings, almost a king, tabloid aficionado—had been turned into... A cat.

Oh, the humanity.

At least Mr. Rotten Hand had left him a note saying something along the lines of "Ha ha! Double hah! You've been cursed! You will never be able to speak of your true identity to anyone ever again! You will never not be a cat until you break the spell with true love's kiss! You thought you were better and richer than me, wrong! You're a cat!"

And now, he had been living as a homeless cat (a cat!) for the last six months. Naturally, he had figured someone would recognize him—he was the greatest wizard ever after all, not to mention he still responded to Will, or Herondale, or even That-No-Good-Scoundrel-Who-Stole-Everyone-Else's Seats-On-The-Council! But no! No one had recognized him.

His lack of recognition had gone so far that at one point he had been chased out of the palace kitchens by a floating broom whilst trying to find something to eat.

Hence his five month long moping period, coincidentally, it's what he was doing now! Moaning outside the castle (he had gained quite a reputation as that-one-stupid-cat-who-won't-shut-up, well lookey-here: even as a cat he was well-known) whilst rolling around and matting his gorgeous black coat more. Why did all the best, most handsome men get turned into cats, oh why? Why not ugly, fellow Princep Magorum Gabriel Lightwood (worm!)? Why wasn't he a cat?

Curiously enough, a tingling sensation erupted in his hind-paws, spreading up his legs. And suddenly... Nope! No! Not fun anymore! It hurt, what the heck! A slight tingling in his legs to feeling like they were being ripped off, what even was happening!?

As the flesh tugging sensation spread throughout his whole feline body, his constant complaining moans became louder and more agonized. What did he do to deserve this, hadn't he had enough—being turned into a cat?

Tessa Gray was Determined with a capital D. She was going to do this, she was going to make a name for herself, and—and! —Eventually be welcomed as the missing tenth Princep Magorum!

So what she hadn't had that much training in magic, a month was enough!

So what she hadn't had a formal teacher, or any teacher at all really!

She could do this!

Feeling sufficiently inspired, Tessa finished chalking in the lines of the geometric shape that would allow her to rise to power. The idea had come to her a month ago while she was sleeping quite cozily, she had been peeved—of course—at first to be woken up for such a trivial thing, until she had realized the brilliance of her idea. She had quit working at her Aunt Harriet's bookstore (sadness, but it had to be done), took up residence in one of the properties her deceased parents had left her, and began practicing her witchcraft.

Tessa Gray, Novice Extraordinaire, was going to find the missing for five months (six now) Will Herondale through summoning him, mhmm, and when she did... The wizarding world would be so grateful and so awed at her that she would become the fourth female Princep Magorum! It was foolproof.

She began chanting.

Except, Tessa realized as she stared in front of her, that her plan hadn't turned out as foolproof as it should have.

In desperation Tessa poured over her copious notes, what had gone wrong?

Her eyes flicked back up to the black furred, blue eyed cat sitting patiently in front of her. Where, oh where, had she gone wrong? She narrowed her eyes, "you are not Will Herondale."

The cat hissed, ear flattened and teeth bared.

She frowned. "Now now, Mr. Cat, you've ruined my chances at becoming the final Princep Magorum. I hope you're happy."

Where did she go so wrong?

This thing was a cat.

It wasn't even a regular person who happened to be named Will, no, it wasn't even a human being!

Tessa dropped her head on her desk, dutifully ignoring the ink pot she knocked over, and sighed. The cat shifted its head curiously.

Well, it looked like a stray, and she had summoned it, so... Morally she couldn't just ditch it. Too bad it wasn't Will Herondale. And besides, well, didn't every professional witch or wizard need a familiar?

"I'm Tessa. What do you say Mr. Cat, you've got no place to go—judging from your dirty, matted fur-" the cat hissed angrily, looking affronted. Tessa rolled her steely gray eyes. "As I was saying, you're a homeless kitty" wow, this cat was giving her the dirtiest look ever, "and I, as the professional I am, need a familiar. You up for the position?"

The cat stares at her, offended. She may not know it, but he was the greatest wizard in centuries, he had advised kings, he almost was a king, he'd stopped wars, he was the press's golden boy... And now he was about to become a witch's lowly familiar.

No. No way. Uh-uh, not a chance, nope, nope, nope! Absolutely no!

He struggled his way out of the circular summoning design, and she backed up, annoyed.

He was an independent cat! He didn't need that. He didn't need no witch. Goodbye, Miss Tessa, who smelt faintly of lavender.

Tessa watched with slitted eyes as the cat ran out of the open window. "Fine!" She shouted. "I didn't like you anyway! Too dirty!"

Ohoho, no! First, she couldn't even summon an actual person. Now, the cat that she did summon ran off, as if it was too good to be her familiar! No. She didn't need this. She was not having this!

Stupid cat!

Welp, Tessa thought in annoyance as she yanked her purse and coat off the hooks by the door, the only way she was going to retain a semblance of good humor was if she went book shopping. She slammed the door behind her, huffing angrily down her front steps.

Stupid cat who dared to be summoned instead of Will Herondale! Stupid cat!

So I intend to continue this (but we'll see how well that works out), but only plan for it to be somewhere around five to ten chapters total.

Anyway, you know the drill; please read, review, and favorite! Also tell me what you like and what you don't about it, tell me your suggestions, what you'd like to see *shrugs*, and till next time!