This is just a little oneshot that I wrote a while ago, I saw it, remembered it, fixed a few mistakes and put it up. Based on a quote I found, I figured that it'd be funny to watch Harry goad Hermione with it. But, I don't own the quote, Russell Baker said this.
Read, Review, eat cookies (I think I may make some...) and so on and so forth.
"An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious – just dead wrong." (Russell Baker)
Hermione gaped incoherently at the bespectacled boy. "Harry!"
Harry grinned in amusement, "You look like a goldfish." He said, with a grin, watching as she didn't even attempt to close her mouth.
"Harry!"
"That's my name, or so I've heard, got anything else to say."
"That is completely untrue," she began hotly, gathering her thoughts in order as she assumed her usual position, "an educated person is–"
"I believe that I just told you what an educated person is," The raven-haired boy told her, "I don't rightly want to repeat it, it was fairly wordy."
"Harry!"
"There you go again!" He cried out, ignoring her outraged face. "You're wearing out my name!"
"Your name became old years ago," the bushy haired girl said dismissively. "Really, with all that boy-who-lived crap it was only a matter of time before it grew old. Now Dumbledore, he'll go down in history and never become old."
It was Harry's turn to stare at her in horror. She didn't! Did she?
"But, but…" He sputtered out, unable to get wrap his mind around that. She's the devil. "Dumbledore's a dinosaur!"
"That's not nice! He's the headmaster! Treat him with some respect!"
"To a man's whose greatest wish is a nice pair of socks? I think not!"
"At least he's got his priorities in order more than you've got!"
"Yeah, well I don't exactly expect to keel over at any minute! You never know with Dumbledo– oh, I'm sorry, Headmaster Dumbledore! I keep expecting him to fall over every time we're in the great hall! I mean really! How has he not retired! Didn't he set up a retirement plan?"
"Don't you dare–"
"So just cause you're an uneducated person–"
"You did not go there!" She suddenly cried. Her mahogany wand whipped out of her jean pockets as she pointed toward his face. "Take it back! Take it back now!"
"No!" Harry said viciously, and slightly vindictively – it was just reserves. "It's true! You've got to face the facts of life sometime! Can't hide from it forever!"
Bright green sparks flew out of the end of her wand. He mentally reminded himself to never find himself alone with Hermione into an abandoned old corridor… although considering the size of the castle, it was probably impossible to achieve.
"Try not to kill me," he said, smacking her wand out of her face.
"Do you want to die?" She asked sweetly, fingering the tip of her wand, "Cause I think that you have a death wish – suicidal." Hermione twitched in anticipation. "No one would be surprised at your death – accident, went over the edge. Little orphan boy, suicide. I can see the headlines now."
The stars in her eyes freaked him out a bit. "You wouldn't dare," he said boldly, sliding his own wand into his hand, the holly wood gleamed in the light…
Before lights sprang into both of their vision, blinding them with the velocity.
"What happened to you guys?" Ron asked as he plucked another piece of steak before shoving it in his mouth.
Hermione grimaced, "chew Ron, chew. It's quite easy actually."
Ron swallowed, "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "but it looks as though you both we're attacked by Fred and George… or Parvarti and Lavender." He spared an odd glance at Harry.
Hermione had to stifle her giggle, "Yeah… It was pretty… intense."
"Had to fight crazy ninja monkeys," Harry added in, looking at himself peculiarly in his spoon. "You think purple suits me?"
"You look, err… fine, with purple, uh… Harry…"
"Thanks Ron!" He beamed at him proudly, "That's what I get for be educated, huh? I suppose I should be glad."
"Not this again!" Hermione burst out, forcing her straight hair out of her eyes. "We do not need to go over this again!"
"We don't need to have that stupid little spat, do we? Just to be sure everything's clear."
She deflated, pulling a strand of her hair in front of her eyes to look at it, "It does look nice…" She trailed off, not noticing Ron's open mouth as he looked between them.
"Doesn't it?" Harry grinned toothily, and Hermione was once again reminded that her teeth look normal, no longer bucked tooth as they used to be. "And I think that purple is a dashing color on me, don't you?" And she had to admit that the dark purple hair that fell into his emerald eyes did look rather dashing…
"I hate you," she said half-heartedly, beginning to dig into her food. Both of them had finally made it down the hallway (and to the left, then right, straight, left, down, up, and into the entrance hall) safe and sound after their fight.
Or 'lovers spat' as Harry was calling it. It consisted of stupid curses that seemed to just flow out of their wands as they circled each other, ready for the kill, before they found themselves dolled up for the night on the town… or castle, as it were.
Harry was now sporting a shock of deep purple hair on his head, and his robes didn't seem to change much… except for the bright clashing orange color.
And Hermione herself was wearing her hair down – straight. Completely and utterly straight. It fell down her back, longer than she'd thought it'd been, and kept falling into her eyes. It was driving her crazy. But the teeth were nice, no longer large or beaver like, she could rest in peace now. With normal teeth. Her parents need not know why.
"And I love you too," Harry said, lumping a handful of mashed potatoes onto his plate.
Both turned back to their plates, loading it up before they had to get ready to go to bed. Their little 'lovers spat' wore them both down. Ron however…
"Wait, what just happened?"