Disclaimer: Not mine.
I ran across this fic while looking for something on my harddrive - it's from when I was watching White Collar for the first time last year. It's set vaguely during S5 and sort of goes along with Nothing Left to Say Now to a degree. The title comes from Bad Blood by Bastille.
There is a moment when Peter Burke stops believing in Neal Caffrey.
Neal has lied to him – perhaps not in so many words, but withholding critical information is enough.
Neal has stolen things when Peter's back was turned.
Neal has gotten people killed.
The last one may be an overstatement, Peter decides. Kate's death was not Neal's fault. If anything, it is the opposite. Ellen Parker's death was not Neal's fault either. He doubts that Neal had anything to do with David Siegal's death. But death seems to follow wherever Neal goes. It is a string of unlucky coincidences. Someday it was going to get him killed.
Peter knows that Neal is not particularly violent under most circumstances. (The incident with Garret Fowler notwithstanding, Peter has a hard time recalling any violent episode involving Neal where his CI was not on the receiving end.) If there was anyone who fit the term gentleman thief, it was Neal Caffrey, right down to his uncanny ability to slip out of traps and never pay the consequences.
He has risked his career for Neal over and over again. The Agent Burke that caught Neal all those years ago is not the man he is today and he is not sure he is happy about it anymore.
Maybe it is the time he spent in prison for a crime he did not commit that has changed his perspective. Maybe not. He is not entirely sure about any of that.
What he is sure about is that something is not right. It feels like the U-boat fiasco all over again. He cannot tell if Neal is toying with him or if he is being honest.
Less than a year ago he was saying that Neal should go free. Despite the U-boat. Despite everything that had happened. Less than a year ago he told Neal to run with a look and Neal ran as far as he could – and it turned into a disaster again.
Now he questions whether he should have said that at all. He wonders if any of it was really true and if Neal has changed at all. He believed it then. He believed it without a second thought and he put his career and his life on the line to make sure that his friend was safe.
Peter never thought he would question whether or not Neal had changed. Even after the mistakes Neal had made, there was never anything he thought Neal could not come back from. There was never anything that made him doubt Neal like this.
He is not even sure why he is doubting Neal like he is. He trusted Neal.
A part of him almost, almost wonders if he should have considered letting Neal walk into Kramer's trap, but he can see the betrayal on Neal's face in his mind's eye. He can see all of the hope draining from his face and the dullness he remembers so well from the months after Kate died. He never even considers the thought. That does not keep it from crossing his mind.
He is tired of being lied to. He is tired of being played. Most of all, he is tired of always questioning what Neal says to him. They have their routine, but it still drains Peter to know that he has to keep an eye on Neal even when he is not his handler anymore. It is almost funny, in a way, that he trusts Neal even less now that they are not a team and he is in charge.
After everything that has happened, after he let himself get in so deep that he trusted Neal Caffrey of all people, he has to remind himself that his former CI is a criminal. That was why he chose Neal's new handler from outside the office – so that someone would see Neal for who he was. That backfired spectacularly.
He keeps telling himself that Neal is a criminal, that he cannot let himself fall back into their routine. He hides it in the guise of telling himself that this is what is best for all of them. Neal is still a criminal and he cannot be trusted. The suspicions Peter has had since his release should be proof enough for that, especially after the theft of those Welsh coins.
It is late when the thought occurs to him. Elizabeth is already asleep beside him. He feels like he cannot trust Neal anymore, like he has to treat him like he isn't Neal. But this is the man Peter risked his career to save at Cape Verde. This is the friend he hoped would get a commutation for all of the good he had done. He meant those words he had said at the commutation hearing.
As long as we keep him tethered, as long as we treat him like a criminal, he'll always think that he is one.
He feels responsible for Neal. That will probably never change. But they both need their routine. Neal needs Peter to believe in him. If he does not, there is no telling how quickly he will lose his friend.
Peter knows that he can expect Neal to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. He expects Neal to try to pull the wool over his eyes or go behind his back. He even expects him to try to do the right thing now.
He has let his emotions get in the way again – and he has let doubt creep in under the guise of healthy skepticism. He is angry that he lost six weeks of his life to prison because of James Bennett. He is angry at Neal for getting involved with James.
There is only a year to go before Neal is free. Peter has to trust him to do the right thing. He thinks he can trust Neal to do that, in his own way. He has to take his own advice in this situation.
Tomorrow they can be a team again.