Title: What was in the energon?
Authors: BitterEloquence and Wyntir Rose
Rating: T
Series: G1
Character(s)/Pairing(s): The Constructicons, Devastator/Omega Supreme implied
Summary: The Constructicons wake up in a newly created clearing with no memory of what (and who) Devastator did last night.
Warnings: None, though things are implied. Is it an orgy if Devastator is involved?
Disclaimer: Transformers belong to Hasbro and Takara, and are licensed to IDW and Dreamworks. My original characters are my own and any similarity between them and any existing characters from canon or fandom is purely coincidental. I claim no ownership by writing this work.
Scrapper came online with a groan as he became aware of a weight lying across is legs and a pleasant buzz running through his system. He onlined his optics and tried to look down at the weight without moving, but when he saw the top of Scavengers helm and realized that the power digger was wrapped around his legs he kicked out.
"What are you doing, Scavenger?" he demanded.
"Ow! Why did you kick me?" Scavenger whined.
"Because I'm not your nanny bot. Now let go!"
"Will you both shut the frag up?" Hook snarled from nearby.
Scrapper looked over at the crane and scowled. "Not until someone tells me why he's wrapped around my legs and why we're- Hey, where are we?"
Mixmaster sat up from where he was lying and grabbed a handful of dirt. "After analyzing the components we're sitting on-"
"I don't need the analysis, Mixmaster," Scrapper sighed as he tried to stand up. He was finding himself far too shaky. "I just need to know where we are."
"And what the frag was in that energon. Last thing I remember is us trying out your latest brew on the Nemesis , Mixmaster," the crane pointed out testily as he carefully sat up. Only to find his cable completely tangled around Long Haul. "Hey! Wake up, you fragger!"
Meanwhile, Bonecrusher just lay there idly watching the completely destroyed forest around them. "Looks like we had a fun night."
"Oh, did we get into a fight?" Long Haul asked eagerly as he tried to untangle himself from Hook's cable.
Scrapper took in the whole scene and began to turn the possibilities around in his processor. "Unlikely, if we'd won, there'd be a body here and if we'd lost, we'd be sporting a lot more damage."
He then noticed Long Haul—or more precisely, the swath of grey paint covering the majority of the truck's back. "Umn, Long Haul?"
"Hmn?" came the truck's distracted grunt.
"Why do you have grey paint all over you?"
"Wait, what?" That certainly perked up the slightly out of it Decepticon and he franticly tried to twist around to see his back. Unfortunately, he ended up tripping over the coils of Hook's cable and ended up crashing on top of Bonecrusher in the process.
"Ow, OW! Watch it you slagging idiot!" Hook yelped as his surprisingly sensitive and tender cable got yanked about once again.
And that was when he noticed the orange and grey paint running the line of his cable.
"Okay, what the frag? WHAT was in that energon, Mixmaster?"
Bonecrusher shoved Long Haul off roughly and stood up, examining the splintered and cracked trees and the double set of massive footprints in the soft soil. "Whatever it was it led to one great fight, that's for sure!"
"I don't know about that," Scavenger murmured. "Feels like I had a great night of 'facing."
The other Constructicons just froze and looked at their youngest member.
"What?"
"We swore off the whole orgy thing after the last time," Long Haul reminded him.
"It's not my fault you had an adverse reaction to the lubricant," Mixmaster sniffed haughtily.
"Well if it wasn't a fight and it wasn't an orgy then how in the pit did we get all this paint on us?" Bonecrusher demanded.
"I have no idea," Scrapper replied, irritably. "But there has to be a logical explanation for this. Maybe we got into a knockdown brawl with Menasor."
"But Menasor has no orange paint on him," Scavenger interrupted with a confused look on his face.
"Fine, then it wasn't Menasor. I still want to know what was in that energon." Hook glared at Mixmaster.
"Nothing out of the ordinary," the chemist replied nonchalantly. "Just some-"
"It doesn't matter what's in the damned energon!" Scrapper spat out in an uncharacteristic show of anger. "What I want to know is what the frag happened last night!"
"If I were to venture a guess, I'd say we 'faced with O—"
"Shut up, Scavenger!" Hook snapped.
"I'm just saying-"
"We don't care, Scavenger," Bonecrusher rumbled dangerously.
Scavenger looked at his gestalt-mates like a kicked puppy and sat down in the dirt. "You don't have to be mean about it," he sulked.
Long Haul managed to finally get untangled from Hook's line and threw it to the ground, glaring at the crane. "What the frag were you doing with your cable anyways?"
"I. Don't. Fragging. Remember!" the crane grit out. "What the frag was in that energon?!"
"Would you stop worrying about the fragging energon and concentrate on the important things now?" Scrapper growled.
"Oh, forgive me for wanting to know just who we had wrapped up in my cable."
"Bondage filled wild night with Om-"
"Shut up, Scavenger!" rang through the clearing as all the Constructicons replied in unison.
"All right, fine, then who was it?" Scavenger replied.
"I don't know," Scrapper spat out. "But it can't have been him because if it was he'd've shot us full of holes. Now I'm open to other suggestions."
"Who has grey paint, huh?"
"Megatron?"
A shudder ran through the group.
"He's silver, you idiot."
"Thank the Unmaker," Long Haul muttered.
"I've got a novel, idea," Hook drawled. "Why don't we get the frag out of here before the Autobots come to investigate and figure out what happened later?"
"Anyone know where we are?" Scrapper turned on his triangulation systems and found them offline. "Slag. Any of the rest of you know where the frag we are?"
"Southern Oregon," Scavenger provided helpfully.
"Great, so we're right in the Autobot's back yard," Hook grumped. "Can we go now?!"
"Yeah, yeah. Transform and let's haul aft out of here," Scrapper ordered.
As he sank down into his alt-mode he heard Mixmaster's hysterical giggle behind him.
"What?" Scrapper demanded.
"From the location of those paint smears, I'd say that Devastator had you wrapped around whoever he interfaced with last night," the cement truck replied.
"It looks like he had you wrapped up too, Mix," Bonecrusher pointed out. "Between your colors and his, I'd say that Devastator had both legs wrapped tight 'round someone's waist.
Hook shook his head and took to the air. "None of that matters. We need to move out. Now! And when we get back to base you are slagging well telling me what was in that fragging energon Mixmaster!"
As they started back towards the Nemesis, Scrapper flew close to Hook. "When we get back...," he murmured aside to his second.
The crane spared him a curious glance but didn't prompt his commander.
"Run a diagnostic and make sure we didn't do anything stupid like bond with him!" Scrapper continued.
Hook joined him in a shudder of disgust. "Ugh. Right."
"And for frags sake, don't let Scavanger know. Last thing we need is him moping around the base for months on end again."
"No problem, boss. And I still want to know what the frag was in that energon."