Never let them see you cry
Chapter One
Lily ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. She had looked through a few old case files and still hadn't come up with any leads or intelligent thoughts on any of them. She could always just go home to her cats. But then what would she do? She spent so much of her time working that she didn't exactly have much of a social life.
She started day-dreaming and became lost in thoughts of what it might be like if she had someone she could go home to, someone who'd care about her and be there for her when she had had a really hard day with one of her cases. Her thoughts turned then to Kite. Although at first she had found him and his persistent flirting annoying, after a while it almost became a comfort to her. She knew that if she wanted she could take a chance and start a relationship with him outside of the office. This knowledge had made her feel in control of the situation so also more comfortable with the idea of seeing him.
She had let down the barriers that had shielded her and let him into her life. And she had nothing to show for it at all, only the hurt he cause her, which still lingered painfully inside her. Why had she trusted him and let him in? Damn how stupid had she been! She had let him in because she was lonely and desperately searching for comfort and security in her life, and some part of her believed that he could somehow provide such a thing.
With these thoughts of Kite came the memories of their first kiss and then that time they had gone dancing together. She forcefully shut her eyes as if that would somehow block these images and then pain that they brought with them. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she fought hard to keep with back. She dug her nails into her forearm hoping that somehow the physical pain would override the emotional one. It was something she had learnt to do when she was a teenager when someone had said something hurtful to her, as she could never let him or her see her cry. It had always been successful in the past, and she hoped it wouldn't fail her now.
She was the only female detective in the homicide division and was damned if she was going to let them see her cry. She was never allowed to be afraid, or get emotional about a case; she had to be strong, even if she didn't always feel strong. It was a constant fight for her to keep up this façade of strength. A few tears escaped and slid down her cheeks. She rested her head sideways on her arms on the table. It was late, and she was tired and sick of fighting.