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Sam slowly climbed the stairs which led to the attic of her house. She had not been up here since Jack died. She held the handrail as tightly as she could so she wouldn't lose her balance. She had been experiencing dizzy spells recently, although she had not told her children. She knew they would insist that she see her doctor, but she had no desire to be poked and prodded and given medicine that would only make her feel worse.
When she had her last physical, over a year ago, the doctor told her she was in good health for a woman in her early seventies. But that had been before Jack passed away and the adjustment of living without him had taken its toll. And now she had not only been feeling dizzy occasionally, but at times, she noticed her energy depleting. She thought maybe her time to go was close at hand, her time to finally be with Jack. Oh, how she missed him. It seemed he had been gone for years, when in reality it had only been eleven months. His death had hit her hard, harder than she had let her family or friends know. She knew that Jack would not want her to grieve for too long, so she made the effort of getting involved in life. She stayed busy with her children and at least once a month, one of the grandchildren would come to spend the night with her. She could see so much of Jack in each of them; from the looks of confusion, his stubborn streak, the lopsided grin, his sense of humor, the deep brown eyes and the mischief that they could sometimes get themselves into. She truly enjoyed spending time with each of them.
As she came to the top of the stairs, she grasped the door knob and gently pushed. The afternoon sunlight filtered through the only window. The room felt warm and stuffy, so she dragged a box over to the door and propped it open to let in the fresh air. She took off her sweater and laid it on top of the box.
She turned on the overhead light as she stepped into the room and looked around at the many boxes. Some had clothes; some had books; some had toys that the children had played with when they were little. She could not bring herself to give away the toys, they held too many memories. The thought came to mind that maybe she should give them to her children and grandchildren as keepsakes.
She reached into one of the boxes and picked up a yoyo that had once been bright blue, but over the years, almost all the paint had worn off. How it ended up in this box, she didn't know; Jack must have put it there. A memory came to mind. She could still remember opening her eyes in the SGC infirmary, so many years ago, to see Jack sitting on the bed next to hers, playing with the yoyo. He was waiting for her to wake up to reassure himself that she would be okay after she had been seriously injured on a mission. She watched as the yoyo went up and down, up and down, until Jack noticed that her eyes were open and she was watching him. Their eyes met as he came to stand beside her and he grasped her hand. No words were spoken for none were needed. She could tell how relieved he was and how much he loved her just from the expression on his face. After that difficult mission, he had resigned from the Air Force. He came to tell her of his decision, saying that when she had been injured, it had really scared him and he wasn't going to let another day pass, wishing and hoping that they could be together. This time, he was going to make it happen. A short time later, they had married.
She put the yoyo in her pocket, thinking she would give it to her youngest grandchild, Jack, named for his grandfather. Young Jack had idolized his grandpa and loved to spend time with him. By the time he had learned to walk, he and Grandpa Jack had become best buddies. He missed his grandpa terribly and now whenever he came to spend the night with her, he would always ask her to tell him stories about his grandpa and of SG-1's adventures of going through the stargate. His grandpa was a hero in his eyes and he had told her that he wanted to be just like him when he grew up.
She noticed a picture album so she picked it up, then sat down on a box and blew the dust off the album cover. She slowly opened it to see pictures of SG-1 when she, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c had first worked together as a team. They looked so young then. Daniel had taken most of the pictures and had captured so many moments of Jack and herself together. She slowly turned the pages of the album as memories flooded her mind of the events surrounding each picture. There were several that she couldn't remember where or when they were made. She looked closely at one in particular. She and Jack were in their dress blues, standing on the ramp with the stargate in the background, and they were laughing at something. Jonas Quinn had captured the moment as they looked into each other's eyes.
Jonas had gone back to his planet a long time ago and the last time she had seen him was when he had returned to Earth for Jack's funeral. Jonas had married and now had children of his own.
There were a few pictures of her father after he had joined the Tok'ra. For a few weeks after he died, she had felt like an orphan and she didn't know what she would have done if Jack had not been there to help her adjust to his death.
The years passed in front of her as she looked through the album.
She stared at a picture of a smiling Teal'c, holding his grandson. Old age had finally caught up with Teal'c and he had died several years ago. She, Jack and Daniel had gone to Chulak for the service. She remembered embracing Rya'c and seeing the sadness in his eyes as he said goodbye to his father.
Daniel had retired and lived only a few miles from her. He had not remarried. She didn't know how she would have gotten through the first dark days after Jack's death if Daniel had not been there for her. Even though he was grieving for his friend who had been like a brother, he took the time to be sure she was okay and had everything she needed. They still got together quite often to go out to eat or just sit and talk.
She took a deep breath as she placed the album back in the box.
She found a box full of papers; events of times that seemed had happened only yesterday.
There were crayon sketches that the kids had made when they were little. She remembered putting many of them on the refrigerator so they could show off their artwork.
In another box, she found the last valentine that Jack had given her, just a few months before he died. Tears came to her eyes. She had wondered where this one had gotten to, she had left it on top of the dresser in their bedroom. She knew the kids had packed away some things just after their father's death and had taken them to the attic. Apparently, this had been one of the things they had put in the box, perhaps thinking it would just make her even more sad to see it. She ran her fingers over the beautiful poem inside the card and Jack's familiar signature. She swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing there would be no more valentines from her husband. She put the valentine on top of her sweater.
She moved a few boxes around until she found what she was looking for. She lifted the lid and unzipped the bag that held her wedding dress. Her youngest child was getting married soon and since they were the same size, her daughter had asked to wear her dress. She gently pulled it from where it lay and looked at it. It was wrinkled and would need cleaning but was in very good shape. She held it up to herself and closed her eyes as "their" song came to mind. She started humming, then swayed back and forth as the tears came. She could see Jack, looking so very handsome as they stared into each other's eyes as they danced at their wedding, forgetting that there were other people in the room. She could still not believe how fortunate she had been to have had this amazing man as her husband for so many years. They had loved each other deeply for such a long time and it seemed that their time to be together would never happen, but their day had finally come. It had taken them eight long years to get to that day.
How she longed to dance again with Jack, to be held in the arms that she felt safest in. It seemed that Jack could always sense when she needed his arms around her. Whether it was a happy or a sad occasion, or just because he wanted to show her how much he loved her, he would encircle her in his arms and she would lay her head on his shoulder, close her eyes and just enjoy being so close to this man she loved so much.
Still holding the dress to her, she sat down on a box as the sunlight moved to shine directly on her. It was as if time stopped. She looked up at the window then closed her eyes and imagined Jack kneeling in front of her, holding her in his arms, feeling his love surround her. For how long she sat there, she wasn't sure, but the next time she opened her eyes, the sunlight had moved and she was no longer bathed in the brightness of the sun. She suddenly felt a chill as if Jack had removed his arms from her and in that moment, she had never felt such loneliness.
Tears ran down her cheeks. She sat there for a few more minutes, gathering the strength to go on with life, to go on without Jack.
She stood and placed the dress back in the bag, then into the box and replaced the lid. She brought the box to the door, thinking how beautiful her daughter would look and the happy occasion when the dress would be worn for a second time.
Wiping away the tears, she took a deep breath.
She picked up her sweater and the valentine and laid them on top of the box as she looked back at the room and whispered "I miss you so much, Jack, but I'll be with you very soon."
She quietly closed the door and went back down the stairs.
THE END