New Year's Day
A/N: This was a writing challenge given to me by ElfFlame. I wanted to write a character that I've never had much luck with before. So the challenge was: Remus Lupin, November 1, 1982. Exactly one year and one day after the attack on Godric's Hollow. So, here's what I came up with. Enjoy!
Remus Lupin rolled over in his bed, pulled the sheets up over his ears, and wished the day was over when it had not even yet begun. He had hoped that a year later things would be better, but they weren't. It was just as bad as it had been one year and one day ago. The pain was still as fresh, the emptiness was just as vast. His life was still devoid of meaning. The war was over, but it was still playing out in his soul, and always would be.
"Remus, dear, wake up," his mother's voice called out to him from outside his bedroom door. "I've brought you some breakfast."
Remus moaned as she opened the door and stepped into the room. He didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to eat. He just wanted to lie there, alone, in the dark, with his thoughts and memories. But his mother had other plans. She sat down on the bed and patted his leg until he finally emerged from under the covers and sat up. She smiled and held out the tray of food for him. "Now, eat up. The day always goes better with a full stomach to start off with," she said cheerily.
Remus sighed before picking up his fork and stabbing at one of the sausages on his plate. "I'm just not hungry, mum," he murmured before pushing his plate away a moment later.
His mother looked concerned, and reached out to feel his forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever," she said, sounding relieved. She turned and looked at the calendar on the wall that had not yet been changed to November. "Oh…" she said quietly. She bit her lip and moved over towards Remus so she could wrap her arms around him. "Darling, I am so sorry. This has been such a difficult year for you. But the first year is over. It's in the past. It's a new year now."
Remus allowed his mother to hold him, even though he was a full grown man. Sometimes full grown men still needed to be comforted. As his mother spoke, he thought about his life. How could he start over? How could he go on? Everybody he had cared about was gone. He'd been unable to stop the events that had led to so much death and destruction, and it tore him apart from the inside out. He knew that he couldn't go on. There was no future for him now.
His mother hugged him and kissed him on the forehead. "Remus John, get up," she said suddenly. She stood up and held her hand out for him to take. "I need to go to Diagon Alley today, and I'd like you to come with me."
"I can't go out there today…" Remus moaned.
"You can and you will. Remus, I know you're sad because your friends died in the war. They fought in the war to free the world from that man and all he stood for. It's time to start honouring them. It's time to start enjoying that freedom and peace. It's time to live for them. So, come on, get up." His mother reached down and took his hand in hers.
"I have been living for them, mum," Remus protested.
"No you haven't. You've been wallowing for them. It's not the same at all. Believe me, I know. I've been where you are now. It's terrible. When your father died I thought I've never recover. I was ready to die and be buried with him. But I didn't and I wasn't. I was left behind. I let myself fall into that sadness just like you did. But you can't stay like that forever. Life moves on, and so must you."
Remus looked at the calendar on the wall and focused on the last date of October. It had been a year of hell. A year of sadness and never-ending pain. A year of living in the past. Maybe his mother was right. He wasn't honouring his friends properly by living his life. Finally, he tore his gaze away from the calendar and looked at his mother. He took a deep breath, and placed his hand in hers. "All right," he sighed. "Let me get dressed and we can go."
Remus's mother smiled and walked to the door. "I'll be ready when you are," she said in parting before shutting the door behind her.
Remus slowly stood up and walked to his closet to pick out clothes for the day. He dressed and turned to leave, but paused for a moment before turning and walking over to his calendar. He slipped it off the nail it was hanging from and turned the page to November. He put it back on the wall again, and watched until it had stopped swinging back and forth. When it had moved back into place, he turned and left the room.