All is loneliness
Loneliness before me.
"All is Loneliness" by Janis Joplin
-o-
-o-
It's heavy. So heavy.
The blade grazes his cheek, and he can feel the blood drip down his face. There's a lump of bile in his throat and it won't go away.
So heavy.
His lips are dry and his eyes should water, but they don't. The Hollow before him screams in anger and swings its bladed tail, but Ichigo doesn't put much effort in dodging it. As if only now he's slowly coming to his senses – he can see what's happened, so clear and bright –
Drop and role – avert your eyes. Don't look, don't look, he gives himself the commands.
Still too heavy.
The air is full of acid and metallic taste of blood and for some reason it's becoming harder and harder to breathe. His vision is getting blurry too, but he's not sure if those are tears or just drops of blood. Swing, he orders his arm. And by some miracle of chance, it does.
Agonizing howl. Dispersion.
He feels cold and hot at the same time suddenly. He staggers on his legs, sways a little – left, right, and left – right; this should not be happening. The blade rests dully in his hands, it does not sing as usual.
Too heavy, too heavy.
Close your eyes and don't look over there, he warns himself again. Don't look left of you, don't look at her. Her. Her. No. Don't.
The first aching drop of rain touches his skin and burns just as his head turn against his will, his eyes seeking the figure in the grass. That lump lodges even higher in his throat – he can barely see now.
Blood – so much of it – blood, on the grass, on his robes, in the air – BLOOD –
His muscles flex up and down, his fingers grip tighter around the tilt and then release – his soul slayer stays quiet as it hits the hard pavement. The sudden silence that surrounds him hurts his ears more then the screams of a Hollow moments before.
Drip-dropping of the rain turns slowly into a downpour – Ichigo knows what that means. It's done. Done. The figure does not move, and he can't will his body to do the same either. As if he has gone blind he sways again and falls to his knees. This – this burden – the burden of being guilty for another death – it will be heavy for the rest of his life.
Too heavy – Zangetsu was too heavy today –so heavy. And he was too slow.
-o-
-o-
(half an hour later, when his arms finally find their way around Rukia's broken form he can swear he heard Zangetsu laugh)