Plutonic boy/girl friendships are difficult when you're in high school. Especially when the girl likes the boy, the boy is gay, but is starting to wonder if he's actually gay, and kind of likes the girl. Difficult indeed.
That is how my friendship with Kurt Hummel was. It was plutonic—nothing more. I had a crush on him, but he explained why he had turned me down. Then, I still had a crush on him, but didn't say so, and gave up hope. I lied. I still had a ridiculous amount of hope.
That is how my friendship with Mercedes Jones was. It was plutonic—nothing more. She had a crush on me, and I explained why I turned her down. Then, we became best friends, and just my luck, I started to like her back. I lied. I started to love her.
I couldn't help but smile at how much he cared about what he wore. I wanted to tell him he'd look great in anything he wore. I did once. Since our friendship was plutonic, he just laughed and said "I wish", then added "I'm jealous of you, Mercedes. You really do look great in anything you wear."
"I'm jealous of you, Mercedes. You really do look great in anything you wear." I can't believe I told her that. She just laughed, and said something about me and sweaters. I don't remember what she said; I was too busy listening to her voice.
His dad never had any objections to me and Kurt being alone. Our friendship was plutonic, and Kurt was gay. I always wished his dad would say something about Kurt spending so much time alone with a girl. He never did.
He never said a thing about how much time I spent with her. Because our friendship was plutonic. He never said a single thing. I wish he'd tell me I needed to keep my bedroom door open, or ask about Mercedes out of the blue, with an interrogative tone. I don't know why I wanted him too. I was gay, and that was that.
He was gay, and me liking him was pointless. I was the first person he came out to, so I should've stopped having those feelings for him then and there. I broke my own damn heart when I became friends with Kurt Hummel.
I broke my own heart when I became friends with Mercedes Jones. I hadn't meant to fall in love with her—I had really thought I would never have those feelings for a girl! No one did, not even her.
I hadn't meant to kiss him. I really hadn't.
I hadn't meant to kiss back. I really hadn't.
Plutonic boy/girl friendships are difficult when you're in high school. Especially when the girl likes the boy, the boy is left questioning his sexuality again, and they kiss. Difficult, confusing, goddamn aggravating, but worth it, indeed.