A Christmas Kiss
James stared up at the sky. Snowflakes pattered delicately onto his rosy cheeks. He closed his eyes, barely even feeling the cold anymore, shivering on the snow. There was nothing else to do. What was the point in doing anything.
He sat up and ran a hand through dark brown hair that ruffled over his ears and forehead. James leaned forward, his knees up, head resting on his arms. He stared out over the frozen lake before him. A few of the children were skating on it, laughing hysterically as they fell over and caught each other. Playing. Happy. James groaned and lay back down again. It was too much. Just, too much. He couldn't even smile to them. When they'd asked. Why he'd been so quiet at the party. It was too much, just to smile, when he felt like this. Too much to lie. He didn't have the energy. He didn't care enough.
What was the point.
"Mind if I join you?"
James' heart jumped him upright.
"Lily?"
A rosy-cheeked face with rosy curls bouncing over her shoulders kneeled down in the snow next to James. He shook his head. "No, don't, it's really cold, I'll – "
Lily shrugged and smiled, sweetly. "You seem to be ok."
She lay down in the snow, arms laid delicately onto her chest.
James hesitated, then laid back down, next to her, Lily.
"So. Didn't enjoy the party much then?"
"Oh no, no, it was great, the music was…"
Lily laughed and turned sideways to face him. "Don't worry James. I don't care if you didn't enjoy my stupid party. Just for a laugh, cause so many of us were staying home this year."
Just inches away from her face and James could feel the soft tingle of Lily's shaking breath against his cheek.
"You're shivering," he said, and rubbed her exposed arm with his hand.
"I'm ok. But that's not why I'm here."
James fought the urge to run away. Not Lily. Not her. He couldn't lie to her.
Don't ask don't ask don't ask…there's no point……
"Are you alright?"
His heart started to pound and he laughed weakly. "I'm ok."
"…Why did you leave the party? Sirius said you'd been quiet all evening, we were a bit worried…"
For a moment James smiled. "Oh no, no, I'm fine. I feel very, content, in fact, in a very lacking sort of way."
Lily smiled with him. "Fair enough, if you don't want to talk about it."
She faced away from him and stared at the sky. He waited for her to say something anything else, and then, unsure what to do, turned to face the falling snow.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Lily breathed, smoke protruding her blue lips.
"What?"
"The snowflakes."
She smiled.
James shrugged. "Yeah, I guess…"
He paused. "You look frozen."
She shivered, teeth shattering, and laughed quietly. "Only a little bit."
James frowned and started to get up, taking her arm. "Come on, let me take you inside." He was worried about how cold she was, wearing just that thin jumper.
Lily looked into his eyes and started to get up as well. "Tell me. What's wrong."
He looked away.
"I can see it in your eyes James. Whenever you look at me. Whenever you look away from me. The tears desperate to escape. What is it? What's wrong?"
"You, Lily."
James got up. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and walked to the lake.
Lily was silent. "…Me? What – James where are you going?"
James had walked onto the ice and was delicately, slowly, walking across it.
He heard Lily behind him.
"I'm going this way," he said, answering her question.
"Very good point," Lily agreed, catching up with him, "But stop."
James stared at the icy floor, wondering if it was magic holding him up. He couldn't look into her eyes. Why had he said that. Why was she pushing. Why did she care?
"I'm sorry, for whatever I did James." Lily's voice sounded hurt. "God, you can't even look at me…What did I do wrong?"
He couldn't bear it. "Nothing. You did nothing wrong. You're perfect, Lily."
Her breathing stopped.
"Perfect, all this time, always had been." He looked up at the sky, tears caught at the edge of his eyes. "Maybe perfect is a bit of a harsh word to use. Who could ever live up to being called perfect…but I've never seen any reason to call you otherwise." James turned his face to hers and locked eyes. "You're the best person I know, Lily. You are so kind. So clever, so brave, so…" He stopped, running a hand through his hair. He laughed. "Sorry. This is stupid. Thousands of guys probably tell you this every day. God, um, I should go."
He turned away, half running back across the ice, and slipped.
She threw a hand forward and grabbed the edge of his shirt, toppling them both over onto the hard ice together.
James winced, and closed his eyes, putting a hand to his cold cheek.A gentle touch to his cheek and he shivered, but didn't look. He moved his head softly against her hand, and breathed in deeply, a tingle running through his body. His hand moved to her head, across her hair, and he felt her lean in towards him. Frosty lips melt with a tingle of warmth, and they kissed, gently. James pulled back and felt his eyes flutter open. Lily was smiling at him, an amused look on her face. "Merry Christmas," she whispered.
"What was that for?" he asked quietly, hesitantly, not sure he wanted the answer.
She smiled. "That was for you. And for all the times you've been perfect for me."
James stared at her. He smiled. Suddenly it didn't seem like too much anymore. It was just enough. He put his arms around Lily and leaned in again, kissing her, perfectly. "Merry Christmas," he whispered back across her lips. She giggled softly. Perfectly sweet.