Spoilers ahead; this story is based on interactions in the Japanese version of the game.

Many thanks to Matsuri_Kuu for the beta.

Secret Admirer?

Mash and Ritsuka have just returned from the Singularity after successfully retrieving the Grail, and everyone in Chaldea is exhausted. Of course, they still need to get to the bottom of this, but for now, they must rest and recover their strength. This was their toughest battle so far, and even playing a support role from the Command Room, all Romani wants right now is a good night's sleep. It didn't help, of course, that there was that insufferable Grand Caster...

"Doctor, what's that?" Ritsuka points out the parcel outside his door — his is the nearest to the Command Room, after all, whereas Ritsuka and Mash still have some way to walk.

Romani blinks at the unsuspecting package. Previously, he would have assumed some of his online purchases had arrived, but ever since he moved to Chaldea, they were too secluded for normal deliveries, not to mention a top secret location. Moreover, given their current circumstances, it's not as if there are any shops left to buy from. "I don't know."

Mash transforms back into her Servant form with an anxious frown. "Doctor, that's incredibly suspicious. Please step back while I investigate. Senpai, you as well."

Romani and Ritsuka do as they're told without complaint. It wouldn't be the first time suspicious characters, usually Servants, infiltrated Chaldea and caused trouble.

Bracing herself for anything from explosives to curses, Mash carefully opens the unmarked plastic envelope, and Romani has never felt so relieved when nothing happens. He lets out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding and steps forward for a closer look as Mash pulls the cylindrical item out.

He freezes as it unrolls when she cuts through the vacuum wrap.

It's... a body pillow. A body pillow of Magi Mari in a state of partial undress and compromising position, and even though he didn't buy it himself, Romani has never been so embarrassed in his lifetimes. To have Mash be the one to open it...

He can feel the judgment in the air and the heat rising in his cheeks.

"Well, whoever it is, your secret admirer clearly knows you very well, Doctor," Ritsuka breaks the awkward silence, and it's like a stab to the remaining fragments of his pride.

"I—" Before he can ostensibly dig his own grave a little deeper, he catches sight of a little square of paper on the floor. "What's this?"

He picks it up and turns it over, and suddenly, all the heat has sunk to the pit of his stomach in a ball of cold fury.

In neat flamboyant script, lightly floral scented like the rest of the package, "Rather than parting words, I thought you'd appreciate a parting gift," it reads, and although it is unsigned, he knows exactly whom it's from.

Who else? he thinks, crushing the note violently. Who else could? Who else would? I should have known. "Please destroy it, Mash."

"Are you sure, Doctor?" Ritsuka asks, the innocent dear.

"Yes. I don't want it. I don't want anything from that piece of trash. Destroy it, Mash, please."

That seems to break Mash out of her shocked stupor, but instead, she tosses the pillow at him, and reflex has him catching it. "Be a responsible person and destroy it yourself, Doctor," she sighs as she transforms back. "Senpai, let's go."

Ritsuka gives him a pitying smile, only thinly disguised by tiredness, and follows Mash down the hallway, leaving Romani standing outside his room with the plastic on the floor and the damning pillow in his arms.

Heavens forbid anyone else find him with it.

Quickly folding it to hide the scantily clad image of Magi Mari, he gathers up all the plastic wrapping and marches resolutely to the waste disposal room. Tossing all the plastic down the appropriate chute for recycling, he turns to the incinerator and opens the hatch. It's not very big, however, so he has to refold the pillow lengthwise to fit, but...

Seeing it again, his Magi Mari is gorgeous, all creamy skin and soft curls as she shyly bats her lashes up at him, curves and a rosy blush in all the right places. He runs his fingers over silken softness. It'd be a waste to burn this thing of beauty, no matter whom it is from, right?

Even if it is from that piece of trash... it's still Magi Mari... He shuts the incinerator door. It wouldn't do to waste it, right? he reasons with himself. He's seen the prices for this type of merchandise before and could never bring himself to buy one.

Refolding it into a discreet bundle, he swiftly returns to his room before he can change his mind.

Romani sighs as he settles into bed. Fresh and relaxed from a warm shower after a long day of good work, this is the best way to fall asleep. Sure, he's worried about the coming battle and the part that he might have to play, but he can deal with that tomorrow. For now, the light floral scent is nostalgic, like the bath houses in the olden days, and he lets the ever-present hum of Chaldea's equipment lull him to sleep. Tracing Magi Mari's heart-shaped face on the pillow, he smiles, closing his eyes and drifting off...

"Aww, Romani, I knew you'd love my gift~"

"EEK! OW!" He recoiled, falling off the bed in a tangle of limbs and blankets. "M—Merlin?!" he yelps, rolling to his feet and rubbing the throbbing bump on his head as he gathers his fallen blankets.

"The one and only~" The wizard chuckles. "Why, Romani, you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"A ghost would be preferable," he snaps, fully awake and annoyed now. And, seeing the other playing with his hair upon the body pillow, he snatches it up. "No, in retrospect, I'm going to burn it after all." He whirls, marching out the door and slamming it shut behind him. "I should have known," he mutters, making a beeline for the incinerator. "I should have burned this instrument of the devil."

"Now, now." Warm arms wind around his waist, thick robes pressing into his back. "Do you really think you'll be rid of me so easily?" The other nuzzles the back of his neck beneath his hair, and he shivers. "You shouldn't underestimate me, Archaman."

Disentangling himself, he turns, walking backwards. "What are you doing here anyway? Do something helpful if you're so free."

"Why, I've been been plenty helpful, as you've realized. Now I'm taking a break from all the work we just did, same as you. And visiting an old friend."

"Well, Altria Pendragon's quarters are one floor down. Feel free to locate the incarnation you need yourself."

Merlin scoffs, "Even I'm not delusional enough to think I was any sort of friend to that child. No, Archaman, I'm here for you."

Romani almost walks into a pillar. "Me? You're no friend to anybody, Merlin, least of all me."

"Oh, how cold, Romani!" the other tugs him close, away from the pillar, and leans in. "I could be So. Much. More."

"If you're going to say something like it's been a long time," he pushes off to continue on his way, "just don't."

"When you put it that way," Merlin purrs, chuckling, "it just sounds like you're jealous you're not the only one."

"Don't flatter yourself, Merlin."

They've reached the waste disposal room, but before Romani can open the door, the other pins him to the wall beside it. "Maybe, instead of a pillow, you prefer something like this?"

Merlin's features soften — hard angles melt into curves, thin lips grow fuller and lashes lengthen over rounder eyes. The Magus leans up as iridescent hair changes colour, and Romani finds he can't look away — now that he's seeing this, come to think of it, Magi Mari really does look a lot like—

He shoves Merlin away roughly. "What do you think you're doing?!"

The other smiles, coquettish, the picture of his fantasies, and it's all ruined for him now; he wants to unsee this.

"Aww, you seemed to like it."

Romani opens his mouth to object, but freezes — he remembers kissing back before his brain caught up to reality. Frustrated, he grits his teeth and hisses, "Have you not gotten enough people in trouble through your twisted desires?"

Dark eyes flash. "Oh, I don't want to hear anything about getting people in trouble from you," Merlin grabs his left hand and kisses his ring, "my king," knowing eyes never leaving his own.

Of course Merlin knows — Romani could have put his gloves back on, and it wouldn't have made a difference.

He sighs, sagging against the wall, suddenly weary. "Look, if you're going to be all high and mighty about it, then fix it."

"Heh." Merlin laces their fingers, dispelling the illusion and settling against the wall beside him. "Why would you expect the one you call the 'most useless of the Grand Casters' to fix what you couldn't?"

He looks away, fixes his gaze on the glint of the lights off the unpatterned floor. "I had no way of knowing how. And now…"

"Having regrets?"

He smiles, sardonic. "Shouldn't I?"

"Come on." Merlin pushes off from the wall and tugs him along. "Don't bother with silly things, Romani. Let's talk in your room."

"Oh, why do you care?" he grouses although he doesn't resist.

"I love the world of humans; weren't you listening?" The other grins over his shoulder. "As for you, call it intellectual curiosity."

"You're insufferable. I don't know why I put up with you."

"You were boring until recently. I still put up with you," Merlin counters, and Romani barely stops himself from slamming the door in the Caster's face — he's sure it would do more damage to the door. The Magus of Flowers just breezes past, hooking an arm around Romani's waist to pull him along while flopping back on the bed with a carefree smile. "We should talk like this." He twirls a lock of copper hair around his finger. "Pillow talk is the best."

Romani frowns, catching the other's hand. "You're fixated."

"Of course. It's in my nature. But it's one of the finer points of being human, too. You should enjoy it." The hybrid winks. "Before you run out of time."

"Wow, you are trash." Romani rolls onto his side to face away, blinking the lint out of his eyes — it's probably Fou's fur all over the furniture again. "I can't believe you're actually saying that."

Behind him, he feels Merlin shrug. "All I'm saying is, if there's someone else you'd like to enjoy the rest of your time with, you should go to them while you can. Isn't that how it is for mortals? To cherish one's limited time? I learned that from a human I used to know."

"Oh, now that makes sense," Romani scoffs. "I was about to say, 'Like you'd know anything about that.' And even so, it's typically hypocritical of you. Don't go telling people to do things even you wouldn't do."

Merlin bursts out laughing. "Now, that's unfair, my dear Doctor. You and I are hardly the same."

Resolutely, Romani squeezes his eyes shut and wills the other's lilting voice away. Once, he could have easily banished the other Magus from his room for peace, but now, he'd just have to endure the other's presence and try to sleep regardless.

"And you could be, you know."

When the Magus doesn't continue, Romani reluctantly takes the bait and turns to side-eye him in question.

"The only one," the other clarifies, locking their gazes.

Searching the other's eyes, Romani blinks slowly. "All right, I'll concede that was pretty good."

"Cold, Romani. I was telling the truth. After tomorrow, neither you nor I will be able to meet this way again, so it's true you'll be the only one."

"You can't know that," he whispers, and it comes out more hoarsely than he expected.

"Can't I?" Merlin challenges, like he's having fun. "There are only two possible outcomes tomorrow: either Chaldea saves the world, and I'm stuck in my tower again, or the mission fails, and you're destroyed with the rest of it. Maybe something else goes wrong, and one or all of you die saving the world. Either way, it's true we won't meet again like this."

Averting his eyes, Romani draws a steadying breath. "Now you just sound desperate. Don't you have—"

Merlin cuts him off, pressing their lips together with a hand in his hair, and okay — he has to admit the wizard's reputation is well deserved. The other's tongue slides sensually along his own, and he's not even sure how he ended up half-draped over the Magus of Flowers with their legs intertwined and his hands buried in unbelievably soft hair.

"Other options?" A smooth hand slides up his spine beneath his shirt to press him close, trailing heat in its wake. "Undoubtedly." Sharp teeth nip at the shell of his ear and worry his earlobe, and it's enough to send his blood rushing down, to make him forget any objections he may have had. "But this is a personal hobby."

His fingers unfasten fine robes with the ease of familiarity, proof that neither of them belong here, to this time, and he gasps as the other rolls them over and mouths his way down the side of his neck. "Even once," Merlin murmurs, lifting his shirt to lick a circle around a nipple. "I wanted to try this."

"Even once?" Romani echoes breathlessly, and it's impossible, he thinks, impossible for everything to feel this good.

Dark eyes are glowing when they catch his as they push each other's clothes out of the way, and a kind of desperation has him clinging on despite his better judgment. He's transfixed — he can't look away.

"Don't worry." Merlin smirks, predatory. "Your pleasure is like nourishment for me, so I'll make sure you feel good." So saying he drops, and—

"M—Merlin!" he chokes out, back arching as his eyes roll back in his head. "F—ahh!" He sags, boneless, trying to catch his breath, but the other doesn't stop, and he writhes, fingers and toes curling in the sheets, hypersensitive. He tries to tell Merlin to stop, but it only comes out a moan, and it's strangely good, too — the pleasure is building again.

"Exquisite," the hybrid breathes, flipping iridescent hair out of the way with a laugh, exhilarated. "Simply exquisite. I'd almost forgotten." He drops a kiss on the side of a knee, hair like a curtain of flowing silk over heated skin, leaving flower petals wherever they touch as he licks a trail up his lover's inner thigh.

"Show off," Romani mutters, tugging lightly at those curls.

Merlin obliges with a grin, shifting up, but catches his hand to nibble on his fingertips. "Well, it's not my fault you gave it up… or that this is your first time in this life~"

"I hate you."

The other's response could only be described as a giggle. "Think of it as helping me help you? Hm…" He takes the fourth digit into his mouth and swirls his tongue around it before pulling off with a lewd pop, and it leaves Romani breathless all over again for some reason. "I suppose I should be honoured?"

"Please don't."

Eyes alight, Merlin smiles, and it looks like understanding. Then his eyes flutter shut, and he twines their fingers to hold Romani's hand to his cheek, ducks his head to press an emphatic kiss to the inside of the doctor's wrist, and for all that Romani knows this isn't love, he'll be the first to vouch for Merlin's illusion of it.

The other kisses his way up to mouth at his neck, and Romani tilts his head back to offer better access, moaning as Merlin rocks their hips together. The Magus reaches behind him, and there's a tingle of magecraft, so the intrusion doesn't hurt, but—

"Nngh…" He bites his lip as his insides clench. Whatever the other is doing inside, it's—

"Won't you scream my name like you did earlier?" Merlin teases with a peck on the nose. "That was nice."

"You—" It's lost in a loud cry as Merlin crooks his fingers just right, then captures his lips to seal them.

If he could, he's sure his nails would be drawing blood from the Caster's back as the other slides in — he can only close his eyes against the intensity of the feeling as Merlin soothes the bite marks on his lower lip.

"You know, I'll remember you always," Merlin cradles him close to whisper, lips brushing the shell of his ear as they move as one. "Just like this. Even when there's nothing and no one left. There's some benefit to being trapped in Avalon, don't you think? Romani Archaman, do you like my parting gift?"

Groaning, Romani pulls the other into a kiss, and he'll die before admitting it wasn't just to shut Merlin up.

"Hey."

He's not sure how much time has passed, but they're still lying side-by-side, limbs loosely tangled under the blankets, and he can't sleep. Fanned out on the pillow, Merlin's hair smells like a garden, probably the same one he's trapped in, and it's actually a nice change from the sterile smell of Chaldea. The other nudges him with a shoulder after several moments of silence, and he continues to ignore it.

Chuckling, Merlin chides, "Don't pretend, Romani. I know you're not asleep," and lifts his chin with two fingers, so they're nose to nose.

"What?" He glares. "Can't I even get a good night's sleep now?"

"Was it worth it?"

Dark eyes are uncharacteristically gentle, strangely serious, and he feels compelled to answer. It's not like he has anyone else to talk to about this.

"I don't know," he sighs, flopping onto his back to look up at the ceiling. How many nights has he fallen asleep to the bluish ambient light in the corners just like this? "These eleven years have passed like a dream."

Those dexterous fingers tracing idle circles in his scalp are oddly soothing. "Was it a good dream, at least?"

"Yes," he decides firmly after a moment's reflection. "I don't want to give it up, and I'd do it all again. You may think it's s—"

"Nonsense," Merlin interjects sharply. "That'd be like saying I would change a thing about my life, knowing that I'd end up here. No, I'm glad to hear that, for what it's worth. Even that sorry excuse for a Caster playwright didn't write only tragedies, you know."

"Sorry excuse for—" Romani snorts so hard he has to grip his nose in pain as he realizes the reference. "Something we agree on for a change. Would you look at that."

"Whatever do you mean?" The other's tone is teasing, smile coy. "Last I checked, we both want to preserve a good outcome for humanity. Surely that hasn't changed for you?"

"Of course not! I'm not some kind of vagrant like you!"

"Juuust checking~" comes the reply, sing-song. "Well, in that case, I'll do my part till the end. For you as well."

Romani steals a glance at his companion, but doesn't find any sign of insincerity. In a strange way, this was almost… nice. "Hmph, I guess you're not all bad, after all," he allows grudgingly, snuggling into the other's side.

"Ooh…" Merlin chuckles, waggling silvery eyebrows. "Does that mean we can do this again sometime?"

Again? "Wait, I thought you said—"

"Well, it's the thought that counts, but if there's a will, there's a way~"

Romani flicks the winking Magus sharply on the nose, but tucks his head back into the crook of Merlin's neck. "Don't make me take that back."

A/N: As this site has been banned in my country and getting around that is a bit of a pain, this may well be the last thing I post here in a while. If you're interested in my work, you will find it on AO3. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this story.