Lightning in the dark.
Daniel Howell was normal 17 years old boy, or so it looked from the outside. He looked soft. Pastel boy. But nothing was as it looked. He was younger child in his family. The one who ruined everything and everyone's lives. His own parents hated him. And so from all the pressure have left it's marks on his body, soul and mind. Daniel got sick in early years of his life. He was bipolar with manic and depressive episodes, but most of time he suffer from mixed affective episodes.
Daniel have just finished high school and his parents was pushing him to get into university, telling him to finally do something meaningful.
-Get a degree, earn money, pay us back for all shits you have caused us and stop being such a burden! - They screamed in his face over and over, pushing and pushing.
Daniel couldn't take it, he have curl up in a ball and cried grabbing his own hair, pulling too strong causing sharp pain go through all his body.
-Shut up, you rat! - His brother screamed pushing Daniel down on his back before walking away to his own room.
Daniel didn't even have his own room because they never ever planned to have a second child. They didn't want him. So Daniel was sleeping in one small storage room that was still being used as storage room leaving him just enough space to lay down on crappy mattress.
Daniel was shivering and gasping for breath, his mind screaming at him for being such a fool and useless shit.
He didn't even notice when he got up and run out in the dark.
He didn't feel rain pouring down his body and sharp wind trying to tear off his plain black t - shirt from his skinny body.
He just run without seeing or hearing anything else than voices screaming in his mind.
Crush your skull against road
Drwon yourself
Cut your veins open and bleed to death
Run under a car or even better, under a buss
Jump of a building
Kill yourself
Kill yourself
KILL YOURSELF
His mind was screaming louder and louder with each step he took.
Daniel couldn't breath anymore, his lungs was on fire and muscles giving up.
He fell down in the middle of the road gasping for breath, pushing his hands over his ears trying to cut off all the voices screaming at him.
With every breath he tried to suck in, he cough on water getting into his lungs. He felt so weak, so he just let it all crush his bones and closed his eyes.
Phil just got home from his tattoo shop. It was bad storm outside. He got out of his car ready to run inside when he spot something laying on the middle of the road.
- For fucks sake. - He murmured thinking that someone have thrown some trash out or something so when he saw that it's a human body laying there, he was shocked.
- Hey! - He crunch down to see better.
A boy opened his eyes and looked up meeting Phil's blue eyes.
Phil couldn't breath, soft, big brown eyes was looking straight at him making his heart warm.
With that he knew that he need to help this boy in all costs.
Daniel saw blue eyes piercing through the dark like a lighting in the middle of the night.
They were calming him down, making voices quiet down and his breathing to come back.
- I'm Phil, I'm gonna help you get up, okay? - soothing voice said making Dan feel even more calmer.
So when Phil was putting an arm around Daniel, he let him.
It felt weird to let anyone touch him after all these years. But this touch was so much different, it was soft not rough, it was calming not bruising.
Boy, Phil, pulled Daniel up and led him to his appartment.
Phil sit Daniel down in the bathroom putting puffy towel around Daniel's skinny body.
Daniel liked to feel the touch of soft towel around his wet body, he wanted to close his eyes but Phil was more interesting, so he kept his eyes open and looking at Phil.
- What's your name? - Phil asked sitting down in front of Daniel.
Daniel just keep looking at Phil without opening his mouth. He wasn't even thinking about answering. He haven't said a word in years. And to be honest, he wasn't even sure if he still knew how to do that.
Phil was waiting before letting a deep breath out.
- Listen, I need to know your name so I can help you. - Phil tried again.
Daniel just tilt his head to the side watching Phil over.
Phil saw boys eyes scanning him over and understand how he may look to the boy, black hair, tattoos and piercings, leather jacket, true bad boy/ punk look.
- I won't hurt you, I promise. - Phil said taking off his leather jacket.
And for some reason Daniel believed him, he couldn't explain why, he just did. So he stretched out his right arm to let Phil see a simple wristband with his name and diagnose on it.
Daniel Howell
Bipolar Disorder
Phil read it nooding.
- Okay, Daniel. Lets drain you off, you must be freezing. - Phil stretched his hand out to help Daniel to drain off but Daniel jumped to the side, scared, starting to shake.
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry, fuck. Dan, can I call you Dan? - Phil kneeled down in front of Dan trying to look him in the eyes.
Dan looked Phil in the eyes calming down right away.
- You don't like to be touched? - Phil asked to be fully sure he don't make another mistake.
Dan nood pulling towell closer around him.
- Okay, I won't touch you without a warning, okay? Come, I will give you dry clothes to wear so you can sleep. Will you please come with me? - Phil stretched out a hand for Dan, waiting for him to take it.
Dan looked at Phil and than at his open hand, than back at Phil and back at his hand before he took a deep breath and took his hand in his own.
Phil smiled making Dan's heart skip a beat.
That smile, it was breathtaking. Dan wanted to see it more.
Phil led Dan to his own bedroom and switch the light on letting go of Dan's arm.
Phil qickly search for dry clothes to give Dan, he pulled out a black sweater and soft, black boxers.
- Here, put these on, I hope they will fit. - Phil smiled giving Dan clothes turning around himself and starting to undress.
Dan watched every Phil's move, how his muscles flexed when he was pulling off his shirt, how his fingers unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down.
Dan swallow hard trying to look away but no matter how he tried, his eyes stayed glued to Phil's perfect body.
Phil saw Dan looking and smiled.
- Like what you see? - Phil turned around making Dan look down and stumble back a bit.
Phil let out a joyful laugh stepping closer to Dan.
- Do you want me to help you change into dry clothes? - Phil asked close to Dan's face.
Dan tried not to blush.
- You can change into them here, I will be in the kitchen. - Phil smiled walking away leaving Dan alone in Phil's bedroom.
Dan looked around the simple bedroom that made Dan feel welcome, more welcome than his home have ever felt like.
Dan changed into Phil's clothes going to search for Phil holding his wet clothes in his hands.
He find Phil in the kitchen putting down two cups of some hot liquid.
There was some simple sandwiches put down on the table too.
Phil looked up smiling at Dan.
- Give these to me, I will put them in the washing machine. Sit dow, I made some sandwiches and tea for us. Feel free. Eat. - Phil smiled taking wet clothes from Dan and walking away.
Dan looked back where Phil went before sitting down and wrapping his slim fingers around hot cup, closing his eyes, feeling warmth slipping in his cold skin.
Dan opened his eyes when he heard footsteps come closer, he marked in his mind how Phil's footsteps sounded like, to remember it later if needed.
- Please eat something, you probably are hungry. - Phil sit down sipping from his tea and taking one sandwich in his hand, starting to eat it.
Dan looked down at the food in front of him, no one have offered him a food for years, heck, Dan didn't even remember when that have ever happened.
He always needed to earn his food, his parents didn't give him anything he didn't earn with hard work.
So it shocked Dan a bit, he felt unsure.
Was Phil joking and waiting to hit Dan?
Dan tilt his head to the side watching Phil eat.
- Please, eat, you are really skinny. Don't worry, I am eating too. - Phil smiled pushing a plate closer to Dan.
Dan looked down at the food finally stretching out his hand to take some.
And to be honest, it taste delicious.
Dan closed his eyes, enjoying food.
- Earth calling Dan, - soft laugh made Dan zoom back in opening his eyes to see smiling Phil watching him.
Dan tilt his head to the side questining.
- You zoomed out for about 15 minutes. It's time to go to sleep, it's almost 1am and I have a work tomorrow. - Phil said with kindness not anger, still smiling at Dan.
Dan nod getting up ready to leave.
Phil grabbed his hand before Dan could open apartment's door.
Dan looked at him without understanding what Phil was doing.
- Where are you going? It's too late and too shitty weather out for you to go anywhere. You are staying here with me. In the morning I will take you home. Now come on, lets go to sleep, I'm really tired. - Phil couldn't help but yawn.
It looked so cute. Dan made sure to put this moment in his "remember" box in his mind.
Dan let Phil lead him to the bedroom, different one this time.
- This is guest bedroom, you can sleep here. My room is down the hallway. If you need anything, just come and wake me up. - Phil said looking deep in Dan's eyes.
Dan nod getting in the big bed, it was so big that Dan felt a big awkward sleeping there.
- Good Night, Daniel! - Phil smiled at Dan before switching off the light but leaving door open walking back to his room.
Dan felt warm seeping through his body just by hearing these simple words.
He breath in the scent of Phil's sweater closing his eyes and falling asleep.
For the first time in years Dan actually slept the entire night. He felt in peace.