As soon as she arrived at Shiz, she had known
As soon as she arrived at Shiz, she had known. She had seen the stares, the looks of pure hatred; she knew there was no chance that she would fit in there. Every step she took caused ripples. Words of disgust or looks of terror, a shove here, a little trip up there; it was as obvious as the fact her skin was green. There was no place for her at Shiz.
She really should have known when she had received the acceptance letter, there was no way people would accept her and carry on as normal—she was green for Oz's sake. That definitely wasn't normal. But she had let herself hope. Hope that her life at Shiz would be different to the life she had at home. No one would judge her, think she was worthless and useless because of what she looked like. But Elphaba should've known that if you dare to hope, you have to be prepared to be let down. That was exactly what happened.
So now she wandered the corridors of the university; outcast by the other students. They hated her. They enjoyed hating her. But she had to admit, it was more attention than she got at home…
"Fabala! " For about the tenth time that day, she had been summoned by her father. She peered around the door to his study, trying to see what kind of mood he was in. Still, at thirteen years old, Elphaba was scared of her father when he was angry at her. Half the time she had no idea what she had done wrong. Somehow, she knew this was one of those times. Feeling brave, Elphaba stepped fully into the room, staring silently at the back of her father's chair; praying that she would be praised for once. "What's this?" The voice came once again from the chair. Frex still hadn't turned to face his daughter, but he held the object up under the dim light of his desk lamp. It was a book. Or, more precisely, it was her book. The one Nessa's tutor had slipped to her one rainy day, when she had been sent up to her room for forgetting to collect some apples whilst she was at the market.
Elphaba never recalled being taught to read; she just knew how. Nessa's tutor had caught her reading one of her father's books about the Unnamed God, and promised that he would find her something more interesting to read. 'I'll save it for a rainy day' he had said. And he did. She had tried to return the book once she had finished reading it, but Ponlot had refused to take it back; saying it was a gift, therefore it shouldn't be returned. So Elphaba had hidden it, in the hope that her father would never find it; so he wouldn't know she had been reading.
"Well?" Her father's voice brought her from her dream-like state.
"I-it's a b-book Father..." She stuttered. Frex chuckled menacingly at the statement.
"I know that Fabala. What I want to know is why it was under your bed?" Elphaba gulped, trying to get rid of the lump that was now stuck in her throat.
"I..." Quickly, Frex slammed the book down on his desk and turned around to face his daughter.
"Don't even try to lie you little thief! You stole that book from Ponlot, didn't you?" Elphaba still couldn't answer. "Didn't you?" Crying silently, Elphaba only nodded; trying everything to get out of the office as quickly as possible; even if it meant lying. Frex promptly brought his hand across her face. She reeled back, holding her cheek as a sharp, stinging pain started to throb there. "Get out of my sight." At the dangerously low tone of her father's voice, she ran from the room, tears running down her cheeks as the pain got worse. She opened the door to her room and ran inside; hiding under the covers until the cover of darkness would hide her tears. No one came to check on her until Nanny came back three days later.
Even after that day, Elphaba preferred the company of books to that of people. Whilst Galinda scurried around their room, throwing clothes in every direction trying to find the perfect shoes to go with her dress, she would sit there, her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose: reading. Whether it was ancient texts about lost languages, arguments about Animal banns, or even fairytales, she would be reading. She would read anything that carried her away from the misery that was her university life.
And if she couldn't read to escape it, she had to try her other tactic.
"Hi, Galinda!" Two perky voices could be heard from outside the door to her room. Elphaba rolled her eyes, waiting for Jaslena and Darena to barge in. Sure enough, after a couple of seconds, the door burst open; revealing the two people the voices belonged to. Even though she wasn't looking, Elphaba could feel the two girls looking at her. A mixture of disappointment, shock, and disgust highlighted their features. Jaslena quickly spoke up.
"Where's Galinda?" Deciding it would be better not to answer her, Elphaba carried on reading. Darena walked over towards Jaslena, whispering rather loudly to her.
"I think she's hard of hearing. She didn't hear you." Smiling to herself, Elphaba shook her head in amusement.
"I heard that though..." She said, turning the page of her book. Jaslena glared.
"Then why didn't you answer me, artichoke?"
"I don't enter a conversation without exchanging formalities first Miss Jaslena." Sensing how angry Elphaba had made her friend, Darena stepped in.
"Who would've thought? The insect is a bookworm!" She exclaimed in a mocking tone; pointing towards Elphaba's book with one manicured hand. The two girls laughed in perfect unison; a typical high-pitched giggle that would've come joint first with nails scratching a chalkboard in the world's Most Annoying Sounds contest. Elphaba sighed.
"You obviously..." The girls stopped giggling and stared – she was going to try to talk to them?
"What was that, greeny?" Jaslena quipped nastily.
"I said: You obviously think of me as a 'bookworm,' as you so kindly put it, simply because you don't have the brain capacity to do anything other than giggle all day..." Elphaba returned to her reading, as though she had said nothing less normal than 'goodbye'. The two girls remained stunned until Galinda bustled out of the bathroom, giving Elphaba one of her 'looks'. At this, Elphaba quickly shut her book and walked towards the door; announcing she was off to the library.
Some time later, Elphaba made her way back up to her room; just as Jaslena and Darena were being waved off by her roommate. She had impeccable timing when it came to those sorts of things. The two girls barged past her, making a point of knocking her on each shoulder with theirs as they went. In the process, her glasses were knocked from her face; they fell to the floor with a small clatter. Sighing, she picked them up; and walked calmly past Galinda into their room. Galinda could only watch in awe as she got ready for bed in silence, before she crawled under the duvet and closed her eyes.
It had always surprised her how strong Elphaba was. She didn't like what her friends did to her, but, what could she do? She had to remain friends with them if she stood any chance of being popular for her whole time at Shiz. Galinda knew she would never understand the ways of her roommate, or how different their lives were. She would never know the full extent of her pain. But she did know it had to change; sooner or later.
"Oh Elphaba, how do you stay so strong when they are so horrible to you?"
Galinda got into bed and turned off the light, not knowing her roommate had heard her question. The truth was: she wasn't strong. Galinda would never know that she cried herself to sleep that night; as she had done every night since she had arrived.
Goliath was a giant,
Taught and mean.
David was a sweetheart,
Squeaky clean.
But it still takes two,
To tell that story.
So I'll play my part,
And in all my glory.
I'll fly ... like a raven
In a sky of doves.
I'll make you love to hate me,
But that's still love,
It's still love.
Love is what I want,
Love is what I need.
You see, beneath this suit of armor,
I still bleed ...
I still bleed.
He used to hold me like a flower,
Kiss me, oh, so slow.
And we talk about forever,
But that was long ago.
And now forever's just a place,
In someone else's story.
And though my heart still breaks,
I'm gonna find my glory.
And fly like a raven,
In a sky of doves.
I'll make you love to hate me,
But that's alright because it's still love,
It's still love.
Love is what I want,
Love is what I need.
You see beneath this suit of armor,
I still bleed.
So I'll fly just like a raven,
In a sky of doves.
I'll make you love ... to hate me,
But that's all still love,
It's still love.
Love is what I want,
Love is what I need.
You see beneath this suit of armor,
I still bleed.
Oh, I, I, still bleed ...