Title: Dance, Dance
Summary: Vaan just wanted a "normal' relationship. Balthier/Vaan Happy Valentine's Day!~
Warnings: mentions of sex, but not actually having it.
Word count: 1,120
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 12, or Balthier or Vaan. Trust me. They wouldn't be straight if I did. I also don't own Dance Dance by Fall Out Boy.
A/N: So. First Balthier/Vaan fic. Hope you enjoy. Just wanted to get something out for valentines day so Happy Valentine's Day! Made to Dance Dance.
Balthier always used to say he wasn't good with words. Everyone knew it was a lie but it let him get out of things. Of course there were very few things he every wanted to get out of that had to do with words. But the simple statement often pissed Vaan off.
He was way worse with words than Balthier.
Half of the time Vann couldn't even convince Penelo that we wasn't up to something, be it true or not. And he and Balthier had been going out for a while and he could still just barely crack jokes and say he loved him. And never without stuttering. He guessed Balthier found it cute. It was the only reasonable answer.
Tonight, Vaan was watching Balthier flirt with Fran (again) and he knew he was being overdramatic but the only thing he could think of to fit the situation was 'It can't get much worse' or 'no one should ever have to feel like this'.
He knew it was stupid, girly, and melodramatic. He thought it something Ashe may think if she could ever get anyone with her stuck up holier-than-thou attitude. Or maybe it was what she always thought about anyone and anything. Either way, he knew it was something that he'd be laughed at if he ever said. So he kept sullenly quiet, just watching Balthier and Fran dance verbal circles around each other.
He was at a loss and only really felt like Balthier cared when they were alone even if the elder one was very careful that nothing too intimate happened, no matter how close it got or determined Vaan was.
Still, Vaan never wanted to forget Balthier's voice. Not the smooth rich tone. Not the cream that made one believe even the most ridiculous of tales. And as childish and school girlish as it may've been he always kept the torn piece of paper that Balthier had written 'I love you, Vaan,' on and left on his nightstand one night. It was all Balthier had to say to get Vaan to do anything, and that exactly what he would do. Anything.
They were always dancing circles around each other. Either Balthier was spinning a lie about what happened at the Sandsea and who he flirted with, or Vaan was trying to hide his jealousy or confusion through finding a way out of every conversation they had. Talking was always a carefully coordinated dance for them. And due to this one misstep and they were falling apart once again, yelling at each other in the middle of the night (or the day, god only knows when Balthier did something to set it all off) yet everyone thinks they have it perfect. They manage to create the illusion of love and trust in public if only barely, Ashe, Penelo, Fran, Basch, Larsa, and Vossler being the only ones who ever knew anything was wrong with them, but they never knew the extent. Every argument, every little spat that left one of them leaving and Vaan feeling shitty left him thinking sarcastically that this is what everyone says is perfect and they envy. This is what girls' dream of 'love' being like. He hated it.
If only they knew how much misery loved following him like a lost puppy.
Balthier always walked out before his lies could be overturned too. He'd never admit to his lies and would always find any and every way to keep them in tact. Vaan always wanted to pull his boyfriend from the Sandsea to prevent all of this but never wanted to step foot inside while Balthier was there, afraid of what he'd find the elder up to or who he'd be with.
He figured drinking was Balthier's last call; last chance of any form of escape, but it was only his first flaw. Only the first mistake that ever set Vaan on edge about their relationship. And he knew that Balthier knew about all of this too. Balthier knew the drinking and the flirting both were the main (almost only) things that Vaan was ever upset about, but he kept doing them.
Vaan only wanted a portion of the confidence and surety Balthier had when flirting with (and most probably sleeping with) all the women he flirted with. He just wanted the intimacy, the attention that they got. Nothing else. He didn't figure that was much to ask of a boyfriend. But apparently it was too much for from Balthier. Vaan had tried asking for more intimacy. If they were on a bed, he'd try for more, but Balthier would never let it get there. He just wanted the luxury. It was almost as if Balthier was scared something bad would happen if it ever got that far.
So they never did.
That simple fact lead to more fights and more of Vaan ignoring Balthier who'd always try to comfort him. Vaan was determined that this one thing and this one thing only would get him on good terms with Balthier again. He never got it and eventually Vaan ended up missing Balthier's touch more than he wanted the sex. Vaan had fallen for Balthier before the lust kicked in, so that ended up overpowering anything and everything given enough time.
But he knew nothing would be completely right between them, nothing honestly happy or true, until he had gotten what he wanted, but he supposed that was alright for now. So long as Balthier kept coming back to him, kept kissing him and saying his name with that sweet voice, kept giving him that damned look that always made him melt and kept touching him in just right ways to make him fall in love again everything would be able to last just a bit longer.
He still couldn't believe that everyone thought they were a perfect couple, that they were happy. They were always dancing in circles around each other . Always the careful circles with tight smiles and false words just to make everyone think everything was just fine. It was all so transparent to Vaan, why did everyone fall for it?
It was always the damned dreaded circles.
He could feel the relationship falling apart at the seams, he felt that it would snap soon-that he would snap soon-but he kept trying, kept persisting, kept pretending nothing was wrong and Balthier faked it right along with him. It always pissed him off, but he could tell Balthier wasn't happy about it either (wasn't happy about him? Or the fakeness?) so everything seemed to be right enough, even if untrue.
If only they knew how miserable they both were.
It was always the circles. The never fucking ending circles.