Disclaimer- I don't own anything
Takes place right after "Meat"
Ianto ran his hand through his hair as he leaned against the door post to Jack's office. He didn't know how he felt about what just happened in front of him, because frankly, it was a lot to take in. One-second Jack is clinging to him and whispering his fears of losing him into his ear and the next Jack is declaring his love for Gwen right in front of him. Empty? Was that the right word? He felt so loved and protected for that brief moment of time. His heart never felt so full, then it was just ripped right out of his chest. Jack didn't even look at him when he stormed off past him. He just grabbed the water bottle right out of Ianto's hand and proceeded to blow of steam at his desk. The emptiness inside of him wasn't anger so Ianto turned to look at Jack to see if he wanted anything when he saw Jack was staring angrily at the CCTV footage of Gwen.
Now the emptiness was slowly turning to anger.
Ianto walked into the main section of the hub trying to ignore the sympathetic glances that Owen and Tosh were sending his way. Just make it to the archives, make it to the archives, he had to keep repeating to himself. That place was safe. Nothing would find him there and that was just how he liked it.
It was around seven when Ianto finally surfaced from the archives. Tosh and Owen would have left an hour ago so there was no chance that he would be confronted by either of them. Ianto didn't think he could handle another "talk" from Tosh and Owen. Those two didn't see eye to eye a lot, but telling Ianto about how he should stop allowing Jack to hurt him was one of the things they agreed on. Ianto grabbed his coat and walked silently towards the cog door.
"Where do you think you're going?" a voice echoed throughout the hub. Ianto tried his hardest to suppress his wince. He turned to see Jack standing by his office door, his coat on and hands in his pockets.
"Home."
"Why?"
"Because work hours are long over and I live there."
"Yeah, but you haven't been home in almost a month so I don't really see why you would want to go there."
"Because it's my home, Jack," Ianto snapped back.
"This place is more of your home really-"
"Jack, please. I want to go get something to eat and go to bed. That's all I want to do."
Jack pretended to take that information in before nodding, "Good, that's what I want to do too. Come on."
"No, Jack-" Ianto said quickly but Jack had already rushed past him, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the door.
Ianto was moving the food on his plate with his fork in the restaurant that Jack dragged him to when he came coherent of where he was.
"Ianto? Ianto? Hey!" Jack snapped his fingers in Ianto's face to wake him up.
"Oh, sorry," Ianto mumbled. He knew he shouldn't be apologizing, but it was habit. He looked around the restaurant, confused. "Where are we?"
Jack smiled. "The same restaurant we've been at for the past 45 minutes."
"Oh."
"Are you okay?"
Ianto looked down and shook his head. "No."
"Want to tell me what's wrong?" Jack said while taking a bite of his dinner.
Ianto stared at his hands that were in his lap before looking at Jack. "What is this?"
"What's what?"
"This. Dinner. You asking me how I feel."
"Yan, I don't und-"
"No, you I don't suppose you would."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"How could someone like you understand what it feels like to be completely empty inside? Do you even understand the concept? 'Cause that's what I feel, Jack; emptiness. It's not anger, it's really not. I'm not angry with you or disappointed either, just empty."
"Ianto-"
"No, please don't. They all tell me that I do this to myself, that I let you hurt me over and over again, but it never really hurt Jack because I never expected to have anything to lose. I knew that going into this, whatever this is. I was fine with it, really I was. But Jack, you do this thing when you smile that makes someone feel so invincible, so loved, so perfect. And I had the opportunity to see it, which just made it hurt that much more when you took the feeling away from me. And if you are going to smile like that at Gwen, just do it when I'm not around. It's beautiful Jack, it really is, but I don't think I could take seeing it directed at someone other than me. I feel empty enough already. I love you Jack, so just let me down gently."
Jack stared at Ianto in silence. Ianto just shifted in his seat, waiting. Finally Ianto spoke again. "Jack please, just get it over with."
"You said you loved me."
Ianto lowered his head. "Yes I did."
"You've never said that before."
"Please Jack, don't make this harder than it already is."
Jack sat back in his seat. "Who would have thought we'd see the day when Ianto Jones was wrong?"
"Excuse me?"
"Wrong. First off, I am sorry about what happened with Gwen. I know what I said was wrong and I was hoping to make it up to you. Secondly, I do know what it feels like to be empty on the inside. I felt it during that year I was away, the year that never was, when I watched you die. I felt it again today when I heard those gunshots go off and I thought I lost you again. I know that feeling well because you too have that smile that makes everything feel complete and to know that I will never see it again terrifies me. Finally, I'm not breaking up with you. I want the opposite. I wanted to tell you that when I watched Gwen and Rhys on the CCTV today all I thought about was how we never did anything like that. Ianto, I want that with you. I'd get down on one knee, but I know you don't want that. So, are we going to be okay?"
"You'll have a lot of groveling to do," Ianto said. Jack nodded. "No more of this back and forth thing." Jack nodded again. "And the second something goes wrong, we are going to have a long talk about it."
"Nothing is going to happen."
"Can you promise me that?"
"I love you, Ianto Jones."
"I'll take that as a yes."
Happy Valentine's Day! Please review! - TOL