Inside were all his usual foes, but instead of rushing to knock him down into the abyss, they were all busy stirring mixing bowls and singing along to a song playing from a stereo system like you get.
# Are we out of the woods yet?#
#Are we out of the woods yet?#
#Are we out of the woods yet?#
#Are we out of the woods?#
Admittedly it was a pretty good song, but what could possibly explain this turn of events? Then he saw her. The Princess. But she wasn't quite like any other princess he'd ever saved.
"Next we add the chocolate chunks - stir them in good so we can bake bake bake!" She called out. The koopa troopas dutifully followed her instruction.
Mario was starting to wonder if he'd been eating too many mushrooms, if you know I mean! I mean drugs. Because there are mushrooms in the Mario games and mushrooms are also drugs sometimes.
The most baffling sight of all was Bowser, lying flat on his back with a tiny white cat on his belly, staring dreamily into space.
"Oh hi Mario," said Taylor Swift, for it was her obviously, you should have followed the subtle clues the storyteller has weaved in, "I don't really need saving as it turns out."
"While we were waiting for you to turn up I suggested we have a listening party and they've all got over all their personal problems and stopped being so mean!"
"Oh," said Mario, "Then why did they rip that man's head all off?"
"Well," said Taylor, rolling her eyes, "They did that before we listened to the record (1989, available in shops October 27th) but don't worry it's only Ed Sheeran we'll just glue some red string to a balloon and it'll be just as good."
And they all laughed and laughed and laughed.
# gamergate