If Mondays had a face, Shadow mused, he would stab it with a butter knife. Well, if he could actually reach the face and not cower under its tall, strangely human persona. Or would he be the person to loom over the other's quaking form? He sighed; that would be highly unlikely.

Instead, the hedgehog was greeted with paperwork. Mountains of it. Every week. Only his sense of duty kept him from quitting this utter piece-of-shit profession, flipping his partner off on the way out, and becoming an angsty poet or some other pretentious bullshit that actually paid well.

Then again... The utter lack of cash lining his pockets could also be attributed to his abysmal partner. Sonic was by no means cut out to be an assassin — he was too gentle to kill innocents, too selfless to accept money from jobs where he would down corrupt politicians or domestic abusers, and too messy to be trusted with even a single scrap of paperwork.

Hence, Shadow's current predicament remained a fact that had to be dealt with whether he liked it or not.

His partner snoozed lazily on the couch — idiotic, considering the hedgehog's proximity to his bedroom — cuddling a Batman plushie and ignoring his glaring responsibilities with every rise and fall of his chest. Again. As per usual, a coffee stain branched accusationally from beneath the mug nearby his outstretched fingers, to Shadow's chagrin. How this utter brat remained the most hunted and feared killer on the continent remained a fucking mystery to him, as the bundle of blue could barely even take care of their chao, Jojo, in a competent manner. Hell, if the faker hadn't partnered with Shadow two years ago he'd likely be dead. Or jailed. Or both.

"..Chil..i... dogs," Murmured the deadly assassin, drool dangling from the corner of his mouth. Demanding food even in the depths of his slumber? What an ass. Shadow never caught a break with this nuthead.

Both were roused from their respective activities of brooding and rest, however, by the two brisk knocks reverberating about the house with an earthquake's force. Sonic shot up like lightning, on his feet and at the front entrance before Shadow could even blink. The ebony hedgehog sighed; Well, at least that blue idiot has decent reflexes. As door swung open, Shadow quickly traded his incriminating list of targets for the month — courtesy of their tie, code-named "Tails" — for some boring-looking paperwork from RobotniCorp. No sane cop checked those twice, and as such it remained the best cover he could ever hope for.

"Hi there!" Sonic cooed from the doorway. Two officers hobbled past him with remarkable speed, eyes scouring their surroundings like lasers. One was a short, stocky human with a bright red beard and a penchant for supplying for both the duo's scowling, while his partner was a red-and-yellow armadillo that had taken to beaming at them both.

"Officers Mighty and Otatop, nice to meet you!" The smiling armadillo cheered. "Pardon the intrusion, but we have reason to believe the Blue Blur could be operating out of this very building!"

The cop next to him gave a morose cough, unimpressed with his co-worker's enthusiasm.

Immediately, Sonic clapped an alarmed hand over his mouth. "Here?" He squeaked, shock palpable and entirely fake. "But — but who?"

"We're not sure," Rumbled the human from the throes of his beard. Shadow felt the man's stare bounce off of his faux-concern like a tennis ball. "All we've gotten are anonymous tips indicating their relative location. Nothing solid, but if there's anything even remotely suspicious that you've seen..."

"Of course." Nodding enthusiastically, Sonic waved them into chairs with varying amounts of energy emitting from the two in response. If the speedster put as much enthusiasm into his actual job as he did playing the fool, Shadow mused, then maybe they could purchase more of the chili dogs that the former treasured so dearly. Perhaps informing him of this would finally incite the blue hedgehog to take things seriously, but... oh, who was he kidding, he probably wouldn't.

Whipping a rather well-loved police notepad out of seemingly nowhere, the armadillo cleared his throat. "So — how long have you lived in this apartment complex?"

Sonic tapped his cheek in a thoughtful gesture. "I think... Two years? Wow! It seems like it's been such a long time—" Turning, the green-eyed bastard sent Shadow an innocent smile. "Doesn't it, honey?"

Oh, so they were going with that script, were they? "No matter how much time passes, you remain a blessing, beloved," He replied, tone saccharine.

Otatop scoffed, as was his chosen approach to any and all situations. Mighty, however, looked absolutely delighted. "So," He squealed, "How long have you been together?"

"That hardly seems like part of the investigation, officer," Grumped the human. His beard seemed to flourish from his flabby chin like a flowing sea of his internalized rage.

Sonic just smiled serenely. "It's alright. It's been three and a half years, now —" Bullshit, of course, "— But enough about us. We need to help find the Blue Blur! Who knows which residents might be his next targets if we don't act quick." This was also bullshit, as innocents never found residency under the hedgehog's radar.

Mighty nodded. "Right. Has there been any suspicious activity from your neighbors as of late?"

After a beat of silence, Shadow piped up for the first time since his brief reply to his beloved. "Well, there's this one silver hedgehog that's an ass. Keeps telling me 'it's no use' while waving a candle in my face. He's always rocking back and forth in a state of hysteria, as though—"

"Dear!" Scolded Sonic. "Quit picking on Silver. He's just got PTSD, you know that." There was genuine annoyance in those bright green eyes now, and the lack of falsehood was a momentary relief.

Before anyone else could contribute to the catastrophe of an interrogation, Otatop let loose a rowdy laugh, surprising all three in the room.

Shadow also felt his mask slip; this man actually experienced joy. He couldn't believe it.

"Apologies, beloved," Shadow amended gently, giving Sonic what he hoped was a soft, affectionate gaze. "I'd never upset you if I knew I could avoid it." He topped off his performance with a regal nod of his head, requesting both forgiveness and later recognition for the brilliance of his acting.

Sonic still looked aggravated—mainly because Shadow got all the good lines—but turned back to Mighty and Otatop nonetheless. "We haven't seen anything too unusual," The blue hedgehog explained, "But if you pay a visit to room 103... Use the buzzer, don't knock."

"Right!" Agreed the cheerful cop. "Okay. So, last question: have you seen any suspicious characters in or around the building?"

They both shook their heads in an eerie unison, earning a baffled gape from the bearded cop. It was still a mystery to Shadow how they managed to pull stunts like that on the fly, but the magic of improvisation works wonders, he supposed.

"Thank you both very much!" Mighty hopped to his feet, giving a little half-bow; beside him, Otatop rose with a vaguely grateful grunt.

"Oh, our pleasure!" Sonic fussed. "If you have any more questions, feel free to call on us again."

WIth a fair bit more smiling and nodding — begrudgingly on the darker hedgehog's part — the cops were ushered from the room in a flare of (mostly) positive farewells. As soon as the door creaked shut, Shadow's fake smile dropped like an anvil off a cliff.

"Can I go to sleep now?" Sonic murmured hopefully to his companion, eyes suddenly heavy with exhaustion.

"Yes, yes." Shadow grumbled. "You nap while I manage invoices. Again."

Sarcasm flying by his head, Sonic beamed, reclaimed his plushie, and collapsed dramatically back onto the couch.

Shadow was developing a migraine. In record time, he might add.

Fucking. Mondays.