A/N: This is the companion piece to Demons that I did, it's another song fic and the reviewer that reviewed for it mentioned a second part. So this is the last part to it. Hopefully I did it justice and it's raw looking than the other one that I will look at some point this weekend if I'm not on platoon. I don't own blacklist or it's characters or it's plots. Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoy it.
Psychopomp – Tea Party
Liz didn't know what to do, she had seen the pain that she caused the man that had done nothing but bee a problem to her the moment that she set eyes on him. What that man also was the one that had done nothing but protect her through everything. Through all the lies and through all the pain that he had caused, he had also been there to steer her through her storm that was her life. Red really had never lied to her, she had been just too blind when it had come to her former husband.
She never realized how much she wanted to live in a fantasy world, she wanted to hide and cower behind what used to be and what used to familiar. She wanted her husband that had been doting, she wanted the baby that they had wanted. She sat on the bed and looked at the pictures of Sam. She stared at the man that had raised her. The man that had kept secrets from her, she had no idea that Sam had known Red, she had no idea that there was a deeper connection to Sam and Red and now she would never know just how much she regretted the pain she caused Red.
You wanted this
So sad to see
The sweet decay
Of ecstasy
Power and control was the name of the game between Red and Liz, it was always something about taking and giving, but more often or not Red always gave into Liz no matter how she saw it. It was she was putting the picture of Sam down and she remember the memories of the fire. There was something there that caused pangs in her heart, Red was there in the fire. Red had been there but there was something wrong the images, everything was all jumbled and she didn't want to admit what she saw.
She wanted to remain in control.
And you want it all
Not realizing that power came with a price she had searched everything after finding that little thing in her stuffed rabbit, how she didn't know it was there she couldn't understand. She had Aram try and figure it, if this was really the Fulcrum then Red was honest. It was never about finding the damn thing, he knew that Liz had it.
"The truth is, if I don't stop Braxton. What he'll discover that he can't get the Fulcrum without you."
Putting a hand to her mouth she looked around as she held the small box in hand squeezing it tight. The man was a contraction but with the way she had treated him it would be a wonder if the man would ever want to talk to her again. Would he push her away to protect what was left of his emotions? Would he care about her regardless? She would never know if she didn't go and find him.
A frozen sun,
Will guide you there
As shadows hide
The deep despair
Red really was darkness, and yet despite that darkness he had never turned Liz away, she had called him repeatedly and yet after the twentieth call, Dembe picked up. It was clear from the way Dembe spoke that Red was in no real condition to talk to her, but Dembe gave her the address to the latest safe house he was staying at.
When she arrived at the house, it looked dark and foreboding, there was no warmth to it. It was clear it was reflecting Red's emotional state. They hadn't seen each other after their last case in Eastern Europe. Walking up to the door she knocked on it and waited on the steps before hearing the door lock click open, Dembe's face was there with a sad look on his face. Stepping to the side he let her in and closed it behind him locking up.
"He's not doing so well, your rejection of him has hurt him more than you will ever know. I tell you this because I care about your well being as well his. Shout if you need my help." Dembe stepped away and disappeared into the darkness of the house. Liz looked around, there had been a fire going in the fire place but she did not see Red, hearing creaking she looked up and heard movement on the floor above. Putting her coat on the banister she started for the stairs and through the darkness she was driven back in the past.
I'll give you something more
And you'll fade away
One last kiss before
You fade away
Red had been sitting beside her with a music box that he had rebuilt for her, after explaining what it was he opened it and watched the emotions that passed over her face. He was trying to comfort her, he was something so much more to her and yet there was the danger that he posed by being around her. He held her as she admitted that Tom wasn't what he was, and the music that played brought out the past of the fire and whatever she remembered of the fire.
The way that he held her and the emotions that Liz refused to see that sat in his eyes, he was trying to whatever it was to keep her comforted and keep her safe. Liz never wanted to believe that Red was anything else but evil because of his criminal actions and past. But when he held her, she felt safe as the timber of his voice soothed her tears just as the kisses to the back of her head conveyed that it really would be okay, she would be okay.
So sleep tonight,
In idle dreams
The pain will drown,
Your silent screams
Making it to the top of the stairs she saw a door half opened, walking to it she saw Red looking at the reflection of himself in the window. Taking a wet cloth she watched as Red wiped at his face his shoulders flinching in pain. She stood there and watched him look back to the reflection, watching him hang his head she saw him drop his head followed by his tie that he all but ripped off from his neck and dropped to the ground.
Taking a quiet step forwards she watched as he lifted something to his lips and he put it back down on the window ledge and pulled of his vest and dropped it on the ground without a care. Even from behind Liz could see that Red was broken, he wasn't powerful like he normally was, this was a broken man that basically had given up. It broke Liz's heart a little as she watched, it felt like voyeurism, but she also felt bad that she wanted to comfort the man that hadn't lied, but withheld information. She watched as Red removed his shirt and this was it. The silent tears that ran down her face, the scarring on his back was horrific, she couldn't believe this man was still alive as the images of a man face down in a fire was her father. It couldn't be, it just couldn't be. The man face down was never her father, it was Red. He had done nothing but get shot and left for dead in a fire, but how did she get out of the fire. The images of memories assaulted her everything finally fell into place.
And you want it all
Pushing the door open she watched as the man stepped away from the window, he didn't turn towards her, he didn't give any indication that he heard her. Liz kept a hand to mouth as tears continued to stream down her face. The bandages were old that much was clear. There was old dried blood from healing laceration, it must not have been deep enough require stitches but he must have opened the scabbing. Following quietly Liz watched as the remains of the bruising from when he saved her life in that explosion marked his face.
It was then that she realized how ungrateful she really was, all that anger, all that pain she wanted to project onto Red had taken their toll. He was hiding and hiding from her, he didn't want her to see the pain he was in, the pain he had taken just to make sure she lived. She regretted everything she had ever said, regretted every disparaging comment she made to him, she regretted so much that her breathing hitched. Red had turned from changing his bandages around his torso hearing the soft sniffling of someone.
Tucking it and taping the bandage down Red wiped at his chest and his face before putting the cloth down. Stepping out into the room his face softened as he saw Liz on his floor with a hand to her mouth and other around his middle. Shaking away the alcohol induced haze he made his way over. Liz's tear stained face was than enough. Kneeling down he wrapped his arms around her, Liz broken down more as he held her whispering softly that it was okay, everything would be okay and that he would be there for her. Liz wrapped her arms around Red who groaned lightly, but with her hands exploring the scars on his back amongst the bandages, Red knew that she learned more than he wanted her to and his hold on her tightened as he apologized to her.
The past which they both held onto was fading away into the future that he was able to give her. He kissed the top of her head as she wept in his arms. She was repeating her "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" into his chest. Whatever Red had been feeling, the despair was clearly shared between the two, they sat there despairing about the past, and they were sitting there thinking about the lives they once held, it was painful but it was always something they would have.
Red pulled back enough to cup Liz's face in his hands.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, you have nothing, nothing to be sorry for. I did this, I changed your life from a very young age. I'm to blame, but I gave everything to make sure that you lived. I made sure you had the best. I'm not the man you think me to be Lizzie, but I will always try to be what you want me to be.
You remember me to be your father, I can't take that away from you as that is all you have left. You can't remember your father, in so many ways he died, but in so many ways he lived. I made sure that you lived, as a father I had to make sure you lived and I always will. I'm the one that should be sorry, but I would not change a thing. If you want to be my daughter… say it and I will be your father." Liz's eyes were closed tight against Red's chest as he rocked her humming the song that he had hummed her when he had seen her when she was a child.
Thinking on what he said, Liz gripped as tightly as she could to Red and nodded into his chest. She was tired of blaming him, she needed to acknowledge that everything she had been told, everything she had listened to about Red was wrong. Red had done nothing but been there for her even if her had hurt unintentionally to make sure that her memories were left safe. She cried herself to sleep and that last thing that she felt was being lifted from the ground and deposited onto a soft bed and covered in a blanket after her shoes and jacket were taken off. She felt the ghosting of lips against her forehead and a whisper in her ear.
"Sleep well Lizzie, and know that I will always do everything I can do make sure you are loved and safe. Know that I love you and always will, I may not be your real father but I can be yours if you want me to."
With that Liz fell into darkness, this time her dreams were of a man that had knelt down on grass and a little girl that Liz knew to be her. The man was a young Red with his arms spread open as he smiled brightly at her.
"Daddy!"
I'll give you something more
And you'll fade away
One last kiss before
You fade away
Lives you once adored
Will fade away
Lies you can't ignore
You soon repay
As you fade away