"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sanctus" As I made the customary and oh so familiar sign of the cross, I knelt behind the screen that separated my uncle, The Holy Father, from myself and folded my hands together underneath my chin as I spoke the words that came so easily to me.

"Forgive me Holy Father for I have sinned. It has been..."I paused for I didn't want to admit how long it had truly been since I prostrated myself before a man of God in order to be absolved of my sins. "It has been three months since my last confession You Holiness..."

"Corin, child, it is not like you to go so long without confession!"

I sighed heavily and bowed my head in contrition as my fingers danced along the worn out beads of my mother's rosary.

"I know, Holy Father. I am ashamed of myself and in truth it is one of the reasons I bring myself before you now. But alas Holy Father, tis not the greatest sin that weighs on my conscience."

The more I spoke, the tighter I gripped at the rosary while I waited for my uncle to motion for me to continue and as much as I dreaded the thought of my penance, I felt myself weighted down by the guilt of my sin and knew that once I confessed and went through with my penance, my conscience would be clear and I would be free of this guilt.

At my uncle's utterance to continue, I sent a silent prayer of strength up to God and willed myself to speak before I lost my nerve and ran.

"As you know Holiness, I just turned sixteen two moon ago and my father, Caius, has deemed it time that I be found a husband."

"I'm aware child. Your father has already spoken to me about potentially helping to find candidates for your hand"

I looked up from my folded hands and through the screen in shock. I should have known Father would have approached his cousin, The Pope, in this matter and that my uncle would would want to be a part of my marriage negotiations.

"I fail to see where you have sinned my child. I have known you since infancy and you are a pure girl who is chaste and high in morals. What could you possibly have done that upsets you so and weighs like this on your conscience, sweet girl?"

For a quick moment, I faltered. I was weak and selfish and didn't want to admit what I had done yet at the same time, I knew that if I wanted to achieve the absolution I so desperately sought and needed I would have to

"One day shortly after my name day, I received a summons to Father's office. i arrived promptly as a good and obedient daughter should yet my father had not yet arrived. I sat at my father's desk as I normally did whenever I waited for him to arrive and I happened to see several unopened letters strewn upon the desk. I...I'm a curious girl as you know Holy Father and I am ashamed to admit that I...I opened Father's letters to see replies inquiring about my hand in marriage and I..."

I could feel the panic in me rising and I was barely able to wait for my uncle to mutter for me to continue before I blurted out my next words.

"I read my father's letters and I burned them!"

There. I said it. I had confessed my sins and as I expected, my uncle was not pleased.

"Corin! That was your future you are gambling with! Burning those letters is disrupting God's path for you and possibly costing you a husband! What were you thinking?!"

Tears sprung unbidden to my eyes as I listened to His Holiness and heard the sterness in his voice. I had heard this harshness direced at others before but never at myself.

"I know Holy Father and I beg both your forgiveness and God's but I just..."

My voice was thick with emotion and I reached up to wipe away the few stray tears that had begun to fall from my eyes.

"Go on child. To receive absolution you must fully unburden your soul"

I took a few moments to regain control of my emotions and gather my courage before I continued speaking.

"I am scared, Holy Father. I know that Caius only wants what is best for me but...what if I marry and my marriage turns out to be a sham like my parents'?"

A weighty sigh came from my uncle and I slowly dared to glance at his face through the screen as he spoke

"Not all marriages turn out as your mother and father's did, child. Your mother, may God rest her soul, and your father were ill matched and their marriage should never have been allowed to go through. But, though their years together were filled with mostly anger and bitterness at their circumstances, they did happen to produce a modicum of happiness; they produced /you/ Corin. After your birth, your parents were happy for a time but that happiness faded."

Nodding wordlessly, I ran a thumb over the beads of my rosary as I thought back to the years of my childhood before my mother died of the plague. I could barely remember a time where my parents were happy as my uncle was claiming; I barely even remembered my mother for that matter. But what I did remember of my mother was part of the reason why I feared marriage.

"I have heard you speak of this before Holy Father but I...for many years when I was a young girl before my mother's death, she tried to poison my mind against Caius. It never worked mind you..."

A soft and serene smile crossed my lips as I thought on my relationship with Caius.

"I am a true father's girl and my mother spent too little time with me to truly poison me against Caius. But from time to time she liked to speak of marriage. Not just her's and my father's but of other marriages of people who were close to our family."

"Go on child..."

I cleared my throat and sighed sadly, my fingers still restlessly moving along the beads of the rosary

"My mother, I believe, always resented me for not being a son and bringing her more prestige in the family and in Florence. So from time to time she would tell me that a marriage was only successful and happy if a son was born. That I should not expect the love and protection of my husband if I did not do my duty and bear a legitimate son and heir to carry on his name! But Holy Father I am weak and I am selfish and I do not believe I can survive a loveless marriage. I want my husband to value me for more than my childbearing abilities. Is that possible or is such a wish the sin of pride and selfishness? ||I glanced up when I heard my uncle sigh and waited with baited breath for him to speak."

"My child, the only sin you are guilty of is allowing your mother's foolish thoughts and words to cloud your better judgement. You are your father's only heir and his most treasured daughter. You do him a great disservice to doubt that he will not find you a husband that will value you for more than just the sheath between your legs"

My face flared up with warmth and I looked down at my rosary in slight embarassment

"Aye, but what if a man is only interested in me with the hopes that my father will never have a legitimate son and I inherit his duchy?"

"Oh Corin. Again you do your father a disservice and myself as well. I assure you that your father and and I will find a husband for you that will love you for /you/. For your kindness and your piety and your sharp mind. Caius would never allow you to marry a man that would not treasure you like the valuable gem you are Corin. Nor would I."

I couldn't help but feel a deep shame as I listened to my uncle chastise me and as much as the petulant child in me wanted to protest as such a scolding. I knew that what The Holy Father was saying was true

"I beg your forgiveness Holy Father. I do not mean to doubt you or Caius and your intentions for my future. But in truth I am scared; scared of my mother's musings coming true and not being a good wife to my future lord and husband. What if maritial life is not my calling, Holy Father? What if my calling is for that of a nun?"

"You believe you have a calling to serve God child?"

I paused for a moment and kissed the rosary in my grasp.

"I do not know Holy Father. All I know is that I am torn on to live a life dedicated to God and yet still fufill my duties as a good wife. Is that possible?"

I admit when I heard The Holy Father let out a chuckle, I looked up at him with a slight frown until the words he spoke caused my frown to melt away

"My silly child, you can live a life dedicated to God yet not be a Bride of Christ. I know what is in your heart young one and if anyone is capable of living both a life for God and a life as a proper Italian noblewoman, than it surely would be you"

My frown was replaced with a soft smile as I let out a sigh of relief at the reassurance from my uncle and the release of the fear I hadn't fully realized I had been holding onto. This was one of the main reasons I was such a devout and faithful follower of the Roman Catholic faith; to have an outside source help you sort out your fears and give you clarity and spiritual guidance was of a great comfort to me.

"Are you ready to hear your penance, my child?"

I let a soft "yes" slip through my lips and yet again played with my rosary beads.

"You shall fast for two days and two nights and confess to your father what you have done"

I blanched at the thought admitting to Caius that I read his letters and then burned them before he could see them. My father was a good and fair man but Caius had a temper and I knew he would be absolutely furious with me||

"I shall do as you command Holy Father and I thank you for hearing my confession"

I made the sign of the cross when my uncle blessed me and then slipped silently from the confessional to cross the church to the entrance where Caius's groom waited to escort me back to our villa here in Rome. I knew my father would be away until late tonight for which I was immensely grateful. I needed time to gather my thoughts and my courage to make the confession to Caius that the Holy Father ordered me to make. I only hoped that once I confessed my sins to my father, he would understand my naive fears and not punish me too harshly.