My thanks to Sylvain for the beta work

The Unthinkable

Part 1

The day had started much like any other, with no hint of the nightmare that was to come.

Aaron had been the first to wake, he always was. Then he'd set about waking me, kissing and caressing me awake, gently but expertly arousing me. Sex. It's a great way to start the day. Apart from the cardiovascular workout, it always puts us in a good mood, the best kind of mood. A ready-to-face-anything mood, or so I'd thought, so I'd liked to believe. All was right in my world, we were together and in love, and I truly believed that nothing could ever change the happiness we'd found, not anything.

When we'd finally got out of bed, we'd showered together, then sat down to tea, toast and cereal... sex does wonders for the appetite.

We'd gone our separate ways then, me off in my van, Aaron slipping and sliding the few feet to the garage. We've been living at Dale Head for the past few months and although Aaron often bemoans living on both Cain and work's doorstep, he doesn't complain about the close proximity when the weather's bad like it was this morning. Hailstones the size of marbles had been falling from a leaden sky, heavy snow was forecast, and was already falling in some places. The weathermen had been issuing warnings to road users. Aaron had been worried about me, had told me to drive carefully, to keep an eye on the weather, and if it looked to be turning as nasty as was expected, then I was to finish early and come home. I'd been warmed by the show of concern and promised him I would.

I hadn't thought about telling Aaron to be careful, to look after himself, I hadn't thought there was any need. Maybe if I had, the accident wouldn't have happened, maybe if I had, Aaron wouldn't have been left fighting for his life...

The main roads had all been gritted, I'd had no problems getting to my latest job, it was a barn conversion on the other side of Hotton. I'm expecting to make a healthy profit on this particular job, but then I've more than earned it working in this weather. It's been so bloody cold these last few weeks that I've started to wear the thermal underwear my mother sent me. She'd sent Aaron a matching pair... his face had been a picture of disbelief on seeing the grey Long Johns, and so far, although freezing his bits off at the garage, he's been 'too cool' to wear her gift! Well, I'd rather be uncool than cold.

I worked through lunch, stopping only to phone Aaron, to ask how his day was going. He hadn't answered his phone. I had told myself he was busy, that he'd ring me back when he could. The idea that something had happened to him hadn't entered my head. As far as I was concerned, he was working at the garage, maybe even sipping on tea in the cafe or raiding the fridge at home. I believed him to be safe. But, shouldn't I have known he wasn't? Shouldn't I have sensed something was wrong? Shouldn't some sixth sense have told me he needed me, that he needed me desperately?

It was sometime after two when my mobile rang. I'd been in the middle of something and wasn't able to answer it, nor the second time it rang. I didn't even have chance to check the number before it was ringing again. On finally answering it, I heard Cain's voice. Cain's as hard as nails and I always think of him as unflappable but he sounded frantic, his voice thick with emotion, his news hitting me like a thunderbolt, leaving me shaking, my stomach turning.

I got in the van and drove like a man possessed to the hospital, careering through corridors and crashing through doors in my haste to get to Aaron. But my mad dash had all been in vain, they wouldn't let me see him.

How long we waited there, I don't know, I just know the waiting had been agony. Paddy and Chas had been going out of their minds with worry just like I was.

All Cain could tell me was that Aaron had been called out to an accident, that the breakdown truck had been found upside-down in a ditch, and that Aaron had needed cutting out of the vehicle. What the hell had happened? I tried not to think about it, but sitting in that waiting room, I had little else to occupy my mind. I couldn't bear the thought of him being trapped, of being in pain… of being all alone.

Finally, the waiting room door had opened and a grim-faced doctor had walked into the room. Aaron was alive but his condition was deemed critical. Multiple injuries, amongst them numerous fractures and one in particular giving them great cause for concern. He was being readied for surgery, life-saving surgery.

We were allowed a couple of minutes with him, but what good are minutes when you have so much to say. I told him I loved him, just how much I loved him and that I'd be there when he opened his eyes. Did he hear me? I don't know, but I want to believe he did. Leaving him was the hardest part, I didn't want to let go of his hand… I didn't want to take my eyes off him… I just wanted to hold him, keep him close. But I had to walk away and leave him in the care of strangers.

More waiting, more hoping, more praying to a God I only believe in when things get tough. It helps, it's a crutch to lean on, a strength to cling to when all you feel is helpless, when things are out of your control.

I was vaguely aware of people coming and going, of tears and hushed conversations, of cups of tea and hot chocolate being pressed into my hand. I was functioning on autopilot, my mind, my thoughts were with Aaron, willing him to fight, to come back to me.

It was hours before we saw him again, and along with relief, there was fresh anxiety.

We were told what to expect, the machines, the wires, the drips... the metal scaffolding screwed into Aaron's skull, that it was called a halo brace, and that it was there to stabilize the fractured vertebrae in his neck...

His neck's broken, he's lucky to be alive, it's instant death in many cases... a catastrophic injury the doctor called it, one that will probably leave him paralysed from the neck down!

I keep telling myself he won't be, that he'll be up and on his feet before we know it, that he'll have the doctors eating their words.

But what if he's not? What if… what if the unthinkable becomes a reality, what then?

How do I tell him? How do I help him? Where will the strength come from, where will I find the courage to face what lies ahead?

TBC