"As much as I should, I really can't find it in me to regret it."
Negan had done worse before. Far worse. But it was different this time. The girl he had taken prisoner wasn't here to pay her debt after committing a crime the community vehemently disparaged. She was there to endure. She was there to become the scapegoat he could chastise so the powerful man he was could let go of a pain she had involuntarily inflicted on him. This young woman had become like a drug he couldn't get enough off. She made him forget so much, she made him feel so good even it when it hurt, she didn't care about his status and the material comfort he could have brought her if she had used him like he was using her.
The charismatic leader of the Sanctuary was usually eager to deliver one of his sardonic witty remarks he was so known for but now, he found himself at a loss for words. Completely speechless and feverish, he couldn't stop looking at her for long minutes as she became restless, like a wild animal in its cage.
"Ryder, Ryder, Ryder…" He whispered in a breath, poisoned by a psychological pain that now was so intense he physically felt it tear him from inside, over and over. Negan pressed his sweaty forehead on the icy iron bars forming the cell's door, trying to cool off the burning feeling that the passion was diffusing through his whole body.
Significant vibrations suddenly radiated through him, as a loud metallic noise resonated in his ears, finally making the man react. In front of him, the reason of all his torments was staring at him right in the eyes, her swollen fists still hanging in the air after she had hit the wall just where his head was resting seconds ago.
"If your men could see your weak ass right now, what would they would fucking think, huh ?" Wondered Negan, intoxicated by all those feelings life was shoving down his throat.
As if the young captive could read his mind, she rubbed more salt on the wound, spitting all her venom under the pression of the adrenaline rushing through her fatigued body :
"Look at you… Forced to lock me in a cell so you won't fall apart like the little cunt you are. I know your "reign" will be over soon, I feel it… And I hope I'll get to see this shit after everything I've had to go through since you became… a fucking sicko ! I won't give in Negan, I won't give you more of myself, it's over. Over ! If you're a real man, you'll get it together and keep this place safe and sound instead of spending so much time crying over me for whatever reasons you are !"
Ryder hoped that she had made the right choice by reminding him of the responsibilities that constituted a role like Leader had. His community was one of the few thing that could stand between him and her so the young woman tried to use this to her advantage.
Her disordered breathing broke the silence, alimenting the thick electricity that filled the underground quarters.
She hoped that such provocations would make him want to hurt her ; in order to do that he'd have to open the cell, therefore creating an opportunity to flee - and it could be the only one she'll have in a long time - if ever. After all, the man was imprevisible and unstable and she knew that more than anyone.
Her captor turned away from her. "He's going to get the key !" realized Ryder with anticipation as he made a few steps in the direction of the wall they were hanged on.
Her heart was beating so fast as Negan swiftly grabbed the key and the poor twenty years old captive thought it would eventually stop because of all the stress she was under.
With eyes wide open, she observed his silhouette with great attention as he faced her again, coming out from the shadow.
A disturbing sadistic smile was plastered on his devilishly handsome face, sweat dripping from his brows.
He slowly unrolled his long fingers, opening his hand, and the key fell on the floor.
"BANG." Ryder had hit the door with all her might before screaming because of the sharp pain that radiated in her arm but also because the frustration was too much.
The young captive wanted to kill him with her bare hands : "His arrogance, his obsession, his sickness…" she thought as she lowered her gaze, unable to look at the folly she was confronted to.
Negan, on the contrary, was eyeing her with an unhealthy intensity, consummated by her presence. He didn't dare to close his eyelids as if she was going to disappear again. Unexpectedly, her words had reassured him :
"Hate, love, isn't it all the same little bird ? Strong feelings that got you fucked up in all kind of ways… And you… You fucking hate me right now, when you loved me like a mad woman two weeks ago so how could it all be gone I mean… SURE, I'm not into that beautiful head of yours but those memories are still a part of you, I know it is even if you won't admit it babydoll." He affirmed with confidence, referring to the short but intense love story they shared. "Now your problem here is that I have all the time in the world 'cause I don't plan on dying anytime soon. Hell ! I have plenty of delicious food waiting in my fancy ass bedroom, everybody either shit their pants or kneel at the very fucking sight of lucky fucking… me !" The tall man was almost singing with his deep voice, enumerating all these "blessings" with his leather gloved fingers.
Ryder, completely overwhelmed and defeated, went as far away from him as she could inside of the cell and sat on the floor, retreating in the darkness, unable to stop her knees from shaking. She knew she wouldn't get anywhere with him tonight.
Negan crouched down to be at her level and held out his hand through the bars as if he could catch her unseizable heart again, and again.
"Babydoll, when you broke out to help Rick the prick and his stupid mother-fucking club, I thought I would fucking die. It hurt so bad. So you see, I'll be damned if I let this happen again." A smirk on his face, his plan was already working : he felt more and more replenished to her contact. He had her to himself once again. He got up with vivacity, realizing how things were finally turning to his advantage. The shock of her disappearance two days ago was slowly fading away now, even though he was still upset by her rejection.
Ryder was trembling when she looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears, wondering why it had to be her. She was mad at him but also mad at herself for not being able to stop that weird sensation creeping up inside of her : hate tinted with a hint of a troubling compassion for her deranged captor. As much as she was trying to keep it in the back of her mind it made her shiver violently the more she tried. "In order to become so damaged, he must had been going through some bad, bad stuff" Ryder thought eying Negan up and down as if the answer was written on him.
Of course, Negan knew that her only "crime" was her dreams to be free and find her place in all of this, but he couldn't stand that he might not be part of her plans anymore - willingly at least. He should have been feeling guilty for breaking her wings so that she couldn't fly away from him, but seeing how he was already feeling so much less stressed out knowing she was not too far…
Negan let his hand fall down to his side and concluded, smiling wide :
"As much as I should, I really can't find it in me to regret it."
————— Thanks for reading this one-shot, it would be so cool if you considered giving me some feedback or just share your thoughts :)
English is not my first language so if you noticed something that sounded weird or any mistakes, please let me know! —————