A vacation. That was something the Gundam boys had not heard much of, for in war, one does not ponder taking a vacation. It was completely unheard of, and lacking a use in most of their minds.
Quatre had thought it was a good idea, and had rented some nice place on Earth for a while. All the boys were invited, and none would really dare decline. It was a beautiful, quiet place; far away from all the things that used to, and now did, plague the boys.
Heero had been the first to wander off on his own... leaving the other boys to once again remind themselves that the wing pilot had always been the elusive one. Trowa walked quietly through the garden, following the drifting scent of the cherry blossoms. A soft smile spread across his lips as he saw the smaller Japanese pilot sitting underneath one of the trees, a few specks of blossoms sitting in his unruly hair.
"Heero..." he cooed to him softly, watching as he turned around to attempt a smile at him. "You ran off too quickly."
"I wanted to be alone for a little." His voice was deeper now, since he had started getting sick.
Trowa smiled, he really was sick. During the wars, Heero hadn't let his guard down enough to even get the sniffles. His body had finally caught up with him and realized that he was completely run ragged. For right now, he was battling some bronchitis... but Trowa wouldn't be surprised if all those things started heaping back on him again.
Heero's rattling cough yanked Trowa back out of his day dream and he approached a little faster, crouching next to the smaller boy. "Are you okay?"
His coughing continued, but he just nodded. "Fine," he finally managed to choke out after eventually winning the fight with his cough.
Trowa gently cleared the bangs from Heero's eyes, staring into those deep blue pools. He could see the brown bruising under his eyes, and the coloring on his eyelids. "You should sleep."
"Hn."
"I'm not going to take that for an answer." Trowa looked at him sternly, though his green eyes betrayed him and showed his concealed worry.
"Aren't you not supposed to badger some one on their vacation?" he replied with a smirk.
"I suppose not." Trowa finally sat down next to him, carefully wrapping his arms around the Japanese boy's shoulders, almost forcing Heero to lie back onto him.
"Trowa..." His voice was still a little raspy. Heero turned his head slightly, hiding his face in the crook of Trowa's neck.
"Shh..." Trowa ran his closed fingers down the side of Heero's face, ending at Heero's own hand, which they pushed together, intertwining fingers. "Sleep, Heero."
He let out a warm breath against Trowa's neck, slowly moving and inching until he was completely comfortable against the tall, lovely boy. He allowed his eyes to close slowly, drifting into a deep, dreamless sleep. Within a few minutes, Trowa could see the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, his calm and serene face. He kissed Heero's forehead and wrapped his arms gently around him. "I love you."
"They're too cute," Duo laughed, finding himself watching the two under the tree.
"So true," Quatre replied quietly, leaning up one of the other trees. "Why do you suppose it was them, Duo?"
"What do you mean, Quatre?" He really didn't have to ask... he knew what Quatre meant, but he was dancing around the question, as always. He'd rather not be straight to the point about this one.
"Why was it them to fall in love?"
Duo sighed. How was he really supposed to know? It sure didn't seem like the most likely guess, Trowa and Heero. For god sakes, he was expecting Quatre and Trowa to be together for the rest of their lives, but he supposed something had gone wrong... or for Heero, gone right. Those two must have just been too good of friends... just like him and Heero. "They're so much alike, it's not a surprise."
"Quiet, keep to themselves, full of pain," Quatre's smile faded on the last note.
"They're not both like that anymore. None of us are," Duo touched Quatre's cheek, making the smile come back to his face. "We're all giving the wounds from war time to heal. That's why this was such a good idea." Duo smiled and pulled Quatre to him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Quatre."
--
"Please don't ever do that again," Trowa said quietly, trying to clear the matted hair from Heero's eyes. "Please, Heero."
"The war... it's over... I won't..." Heero murmured, his mouth close to Trowa's ear because of his strong embrace.
"Shh, Heero, please, just hold on." The tears had started to drip delicately from the green orbs that were staring back at Heero.
"Trowa..." He reached up a hand and cleared a tear away. "Don't... cry..."
Trowa look a hold of the hand and smiled weakly. "I love you."
"Ai..." Heero suddenly went limp, completely passed out.
--
"Trowa, wake up," Heero said gently, slipping out of the taller boy's arms. "Trowa." He shook him softly, waiting for those green eyes to shoot open.
Trowa slowly woke up from the dream. It had only been a few months ago, but it was still fresh in his mind. "What's wrong?" he asked groggily, taking the other boy's hand.
"You were crying in your sleep..." Heero said quietly, wiping one of the wet patches on Trowa's streaked face. "What happened?"
Trowa looked up at the cherry blossoms still falling from the sky. It wasn't something he wanted to talk about... watching Heero almost die again... and then saying I love you... had been far too much for him at that point. He touched his own cheek, feeling the damp spot. "What were you thinking about before, Heero, while you were alone?"
"Don't change the subject," he replied bluntly.
Trowa stared at him. "Please, Heero, answer me."
"Answer me."
"I don't want to talk about it," he whispered.
"Then I don't want to talk about it." Heero sat across from him with a huff.
"Don't be difficult." Trowa glared at him.
"Oh, and you're allowed to be?" Heero frowned. He gently reached out his hand, caressing the side of Trowa's cheek. "Tell me." It was a complete order, the tone, the look, except Heero's eyes were actually slightly soft with something... worry?
"Do you remember..." The dream flashed in his mind again. "Remember what happened right after Mariemea was shot?"
"I..." Heero stuttered, avoiding looking at Trowa now. "I do." His hand retreated to his lap.
"Do you remember what I said?" Trowa suppressed the urge to bite his lip, instead, clenching his jaw tightly, wondering what to say next.
Heero tripped for a moment, a sharp sound coming from his mouth. "...No..." He concentrated on his hands, not looking at the other boy.
"Heero, don't..." Trowa could hear the anger in his voice. He paused for a moment, taking a breath and pushing the anger away. "Don't lie to me."
"I don't know if I'm lying or not." Heero seemed dazed, a little confused. "Trowa, what did you say? I've run it over, and over, and over in my mind. I've torn it to shreds trying to decipher what you meant. I still don't... understand what you said. I don't even know if what you said in my mind is what you said really. Or was it just what I wanted you to say."
"Tell me what I said, Heero."
"Ai shiteru." Heero was still looking at his hands.
"In English," Trowa smiled lightly, amused that the pilot would choose to put something so special into his own language.
"I love you. You said I love you to me."
"You didn't hear wrong, Heero. I said it." Trowa could see him curl up slightly, his muscles tightening. He was holding himself... his arms tightly wrapped around himself. "Heero?"
"I..." He moved his mouth, unable to make the sounds or the words. "Why, Trowa?"
"Why?"
"Why did you say that to me? Me of all people."
"Because some one told me once to follow my emotions, and my emotions have only led me to you, Heero. I love you." Trowa reached out and pulled Heero in, wrapping his arms around the... seemingly scared little pilot. He placed his lips right next to Heero's ear, whispering, "I love you, Heero." He pulled his head away a little, leaning in to place a delicate kiss on Heero's lip to seal it.
Heero put his hands out, putting light pressure against Trowa's chest. "You shouldn't kiss me... I'm sick." He yanked himself out of Trowa's arms and stood up. "I don't want you to get sick."
"Heero..." Trowa reached for him, taking hold of his wrist.
Heero broke away. "Trowa, please. I have to... I have to go..." He started to walk away, glancing to see Trowa had stood up. He broke out into a full run, dashing to get someplace away from Trowa.
"Hey!" Quatre jumped out, causing Heero to come to a fast halt.
Please, Quatre, please just leave me alone, please, Heero begged inside. "Quatre."
"How's it going?" Quatre asked innocently, inside he was worried. He had seen Heero's reaction to Trowa... and frankly, it looked not-so-good.
Heero saw the worry in his eye. Quatre was good at seeing other's feelings, but not good at hiding his own. "You were watching, weren't you?"
"...no..." Quatre said quietly, looking at the ground.
"Well, what is it, Quatre? Want to lecture me on how I should feel? Because I sure as hell don't know." Heero sat down on the ground, putting his head in his hands.
Quatre blinked. At first he had sounded sarcastically mad... was he really asking for help? "You want me to tell you...?" Quatre replied quietly, crouching to the ground where Heero was. "Really?"
Heero looked up at it. "What did you think I was asking?"
"You seemed..." Quatre sighed, "Never mind. Want to tell me what happened?"
A glaze of discomfort shot over Heero's eyes. "He... Quatre, Trowa..." He put his head in his hands. "Ai shiteru," he whispered quietly, running his fingers through his own hair.
"He loves you, I know." Quatre put on a soft smile.
"How did you... how do you know what that means?"
"Heero, no matter what language you say it in, it's obvious," Quatre nudged him gently. "So what's the matter with it?"
"The matter?" Heero sighed. "Everything. Quatre... I'm only made for war. I wasn't meant for anything after. I wasn't meant to affect Trowa like this."
"But you did... don't you think that means something?"
"It means I'm lying to him about what I am... and I'm stealing part of his life away." Heero sighed, feeling the urge to cough again. He broke out in a racking wheeze and then coughed for a few moments, much to Quatre's worry.
"Heero, haven't you seen a doctor about that? It sounds awful..."
"No, no doctor," Heero wheezed. "I'm fine. And that's not the point. Quatre... I can't just stop Trowa from living life to the fullest..."
Quatre laughed gently, spreading a bewildered look across Heero's face. "Don't you see? He only lives it for you, Heero. If you left... well, lets just say it wouldn't help accomplish what you want."
"I don't know." Heero got up, and began to walk off.
"Follow your emotions, Heero."
--
Heero watched him as he slept. "So peaceful..." he whispered gently, as he cleared some of the bangs that obscured Trowa's face. "Koi... Ai... Trowa, Ai shiteru." He placed feathery kisses on his face, on his eyes, his cheeks, and one gentle, long lasting one on his lips. Heero almost hoped that he'd awake with the last kiss, and maybe grab him and tumble in the sheets with him for a while, but no. Trowa remained motionless, completely asleep.
"I tired you out today, having you chase after me..." he said, almost forlorn. "You won't have to do that again, Trowa. And I'm sorry... I never told you how I felt, too." Heero gritted his teeth. Please, please, wake up, Trowa. Look at me. Stop me. No such luck, Trowa remained in dream land. He glanced at the clock... 1 AM.
Heero rose slowly from the bed, nothing in his hands, nothing in his pockets... Nothing in my heart. He added. The door creaked as he opened it, another sign which he wished Trowa would awake for. Why, why am I so afraid to leave? I... don't want to hurt him. As if the pain from the coughing wasn't enough, the pain of this also constricted in his chest, creating more pressure.
I don't know anything about this place... I don't know where I am... It's better this way... His thoughts were sporadic as he felt the rain starting to soak into his hair. He had left the pleasant warmth of their bed, of Trowa, and the "resort" where they had been staying. Walking the streets aimlessly, beginning to get soaked to the bone, Heero knew this was all he could do. All I can do to save Trowa.
Trowa sat up in the bed suddenly, the sound of thunder rattling through his head. Damn storms... He turned to look for Heero, but his spot in the bed was empty... and cold. His fingers grazed the sheets. He'd been gone for some time now. Probably a coughing fit has him up again. Trowa walked out of the bedroom and into the small sitting room attached to it. No Heero.
Taking a trip down the hallway, Trowa searched every conceivable place he could be. Hiding again, Heero? I thought I caught you enough for today... He looked out on the deck of the house. It was empty and deserted. Where have you gone to?
Heero stopped in the rain for a moment. He'd already begun to shiver. I don't know where to go. I'm so lost... Always lost without Trowa. The cough gripped at him again, this time a wet hacking. He couldn't stop himself, and soon enough the constant coughing brought him to his knees with dizziness. I'm so tired... oh, God, it hurts... He laid down on the grass, curling up tightly in a ball. Trowa...
That's it. Trowa grabbed his jacket, quickly just slipping on a pair of pants over his boxers. I've waited a couple hours for him to come back, but he's not here. It's goddamn 4 in the morning and he's out in this rain. Damnit, Heero. He practically knocked the front door off it's hinges, walking quietly into the pouring and pounding rain. There were footsteps in the mud... but more than one pair, leading in more than one direction. Guess I'll be taking a walk tonight...
--
"Trowa... can I ask you something?" The wing pilot seemed... well, out of the ordinary to Trowa. His stance was more inward, almost afraid. His eyes grazed across the room, never once making real contact with him.
"Ask away." Trowa said, standing from his chair, now right in front of Heero.
"Where will you go... after you've recovered?" It's funny that he said recovered, considering he was the only one who had really suffered much after the final battle. Trowa himself was fine, Heero was the one with the bandages still freshly wrapped around his extremities.
"Quatre said I could stay with him... or I could always go back to the circus-"
"Trowa..." It was almost as if Heero hadn't ask to hear those answers. "Stay with me?"
--
Heero's dream world was sweet, the memories of Trowa and himself. But what he didn't realize was the dream world was the only place he was safe. I asked you to stay, and now I've gone and left. It's better though... I never should have asked you to give up anything like that.
Trowa had no luck everywhere. Everything had become a dead end. Death... that's it. Trowa broke out into a full run, remembering this tendency of Heero's... to go to cemeteries. He dashed through the mud, his eyes darting along the fence as he ran. Lightening flashed and he could see the dark lump on the ground. That has to be him...
To be more efficient, Trowa jumped the fence, continuing his run to the object sprawled on the ground. "Heero!" It was futile to yell for him, obvious that he was out cold for now. On reaching him, Trowa immediately scooped him up, cradling him inside his long trench coat. "You idiot," he reprimanded Heero hoarsely, "You goddamn idiot. No jacket, you're sick, and you could have just stayed home... nice and warm." He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. "You're a goddamn idiot."
A tear fell onto Heero, just mimicking the many rain drops that were scattered across his face. Trowa dried him up as well as he could, trying to hold him against his bare chest for warmth. Suddenly, his eyelids fluttered gently, revealing his deep, piercing blue eyes. "Trowa..." He gave a gasp for air, his lungs rejecting it, sending him into another coughing fit.
"Shh, baka." Trowa laughed gently through his tears. "I'm going to take you to the hospital."
"... No..."
"Yes." Trowa hoisted him off the ground, Heero still tightly wrapped up in his jacket.
It took about fifteen minutes for Trowa to find and walk to the nearest hospital. He thanked god that it wasn't much further than that. Not only did he want to get Heero there immediately, but he also was unbelievably tired from carrying him. Rushing through the door, Trowa couldn't help but be frantic for them to help Heero. He was barely breathing now, cold, and pale.
The doctor, after a long wait, had told Trowa it was now pneumonia, and that they would like Heero to stay for some time in the hospital, mostly for observation. Trowa immediately rushing into the room where they had put him, gently gliding his fingers over his face, staring at the now sleeping peacefully face. God, Heero, why?
His eyelids fluttered again, now warm, dry, safe in the unnaturally white room. "Trowa?" The tall boy was up in a split second, right at his side.
"Heero..."
He could feel the warm touch against his face, the callused fingers caressing his cheek. It felt so good. "Trowa, you're here..."
"Yes, Heero, right here." Trowa smiled gently, a smile only Heero ever saw. "You're okay."
Heero softened under his smile. He was worried, he'd come looking for me, he'd carried me all the way here. I feel so awful...
"Why'd you leave?" Trowa's smile faded away, now this serious look on his face.
Heero opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again quickly. What do I tell him? 'Oh, Trowa, I left so you could live a happy and full life.' He won't buy that.
"Well?" Trowa was now practically glaring at him. Heero didn't say a word, just stared. "Fine. We won't talk about it, for now." Trowa's face slowly relaxed, a smile spreading again. "You just need to sleep now. Stay in the hospital for a while. I'll be right here."
Trowa... He almost wanted to cry. He... let him go. He didn't yell, didn't force it out of him. He only wants him to get better. This is too much. This hurts too much. Heero sat up quickly, against the will of his body and lunged his arms around Trowa. It was all he could do to stop himself from crying.
"Hey, take it easy." Trowa laughed gently in Heero's ear, breaking his heart even further. He held him for a while, Heero relaxing to hiding his face in the nape of Trowa's neck. "Just promise, Heero, you won't leave again." He was running his fingers through Heero's hair, the velvety sensation caressing his finger tips.
I can't do that. I still have to go, no matter how much it hurts. "I won't." I didn't lie. But I know how he's hearing it.
"Thank you, Heero."
You're welcome, Trowa. I won't hurt you again... or let you waste your time on me. Trowa laid him back down, laying with him. In a few moments, the lack of sleep had caught up with Trowa. His eyelids slowly closed, losing sight of Heero.
Heero pulled the IV out of his arm, ignoring the twinge of pain. Trowa was laid down next to him on the hospital bed, curled up closely and warmly next to him. One soft kiss and then Heero snuck from between Trowa's arms, suppressing the urge to cough. He slipped back into his clothes which had been under the hospital bed, and then he quietly exited the room, leaving Trowa to sleep again.
This time I'm going to find someplace dry at least. He walked from building to building, avoiding the rain as much as possible. His fatigue was pulling at him, but hey, it wasn't anything the "perfect soldier" couldn't handle, now was it?
I'm leaving... I'm sorry... He almost wished he would have left a note. One thing that assured Trowa he had really loved him, and that this was better. I didn't. But I won't go back now. Heero walked into the train station, trying his best for a ticket to anywhere but here.