What You Should Have Done
Summary: When Loki is brought back to Asgard his magic is removed and he is condemned to solitary confinement under Asgards dungeons. Thor tries to repair their relationship but will be he able to do it in time before Odin finds him visiting his brother against his orders?
The cold and heartless eyes of Odin bore into his soul and Loki lets go of the end of Gungnir, falling into the void underneath him as the last of his hopes and sanity shatters inside of him. He feels the constant cold that surrounds him, chilling him to his bones and he snorts at the irony. The familiar coldness faded one day when he awoke for his sleep after drifting for so long and doing nothing, he feels the air around him heating up and soon Loki finds himself flying faster and faster through the vortex until as if his skin was on fire.
The pain was excruciating and Loki let out a scream as he was thrown through the abyss until he crash against hard rocks in a ball of fire. His body was in pain and he thought he had broken every single bone in him. His unfocused sees those cold blue eyes once more and submitted to the pain to take him away.
Loki jerks awake at the single blue hard eye and found himself laying in his cell, breathing heavily as he looked up at the flawless ceiling of the clean and bright Asgardian dungeons that were also gold like the rest of the palace. He was bored after being kept here for who knows how long. His magic has been taken the day Thor had brought him back, not a single bit of it left in him other than the thin silver trinket around both his wrist that will help him keep his Asgardian form and not scare the guards. Somehow the whole of Asgard came to learn of his true heritage but even though so the All-father thought it best that if Loki still stayed in his Asgardian skin.
Selfish old bastard!
It was a nightmare for Loki the day Thor had brought him back in gag and chains, he couldn't even fight Odin when his seidr was forcefully and painfully extracted from him. Magic was the thing he held closest, it was what defined him as the God of Mischief, it was the only thing that would never abandon him and stay by his side for eternity. But it now stayed within the All-father, suppressed to stay dormant until Odin felt merciful to return it to him.
The magnitude of being defeated by those mortals who calls themselves the Avengers, those lowly imbeciles that dress in ridiculously colourful tights and metal, and the hate and agony that fill him as he was forced back to Asgard to stand in front of Odin who draws out his precious magic was driving him crazy with fury.
And the punishment of solitude was proving to be more torturous than it sounds. Loki wasn't even able to work his silver tongue at the guards and manipulate them into letting their guard down so that he'd have a chance of escaping because they wouldn't even come close to the cell. And even when they did enter during meal times a deafening spell was cast over them to prevent them from falling into the traps of the God of Lies.
The first few weeks had been terrible for Loki. He was burning with anger and hate and the solitude was boring him to death. But eventually he was tired out of making a fuss and screaming when no one would even come near his cell door except his oaf of a "brother", who obviously will break the orders of the All-father just to see his beloved younger brother. Finding no point in anything anymore, Loki tries to bury the anger so that he might at least live more comfortably during his time here which could be until the day of Rangnarok. But every time when he was so close to keeping all his misery down, Thor would appear and set the anger ablaze all over again.
Thor's every other day, if not daily visits were really getting on Loki's nerves. And here he comes again, his loud entrance would never go unnoticed no matter how subtle he tries to enter the dungeons. Loki groaned in misery as he heard the not so quiet footsteps that Thor no doubt already feels was considered silent, and rolled onto his side, so that his back would be facing Thor.
"Hello Brother!" Thor's low rough and unnecessarily merry voice boomed through the cell and Loki scrunched his face in disgust.
When Loki didn't answer after a while, Thor gestured for the guards to open the cell. The two guards that had escorted the golden prince looked hesitant as Odin had clear orders that Loki was to live in solitude, and Thor's visits have already put them on their toes too many a times.
Impatient with the slow reaction from the guards, Thor snatched over the keys and dismissed the guards who quickly scampered away from in front of the cell, leaving Thor to try all the keys on the large bundle until he found the right one to his brother's cell.
"Brother, are you asleep?" Thor moved closer to the younger man, reaching his hand out to touch his brother. Loki quickly spun around and slapped the large hand away as he felt the oppressing presences of Thor's large being.
"Ah! Pretending to sleep again I see." Thor let out a low chuckle as he set himself down on Loki's already too small bed, selfishly pushing Loki closer to the cold golden walls.
Irritated by Thor's inconsiderate action, Loki sat up and swings his long thin legs over the edge of the cot, not before deliberately kicking Thor in the ribs, "Why are you here again Thor?" tidying his clothes, Loki spat with distaste "You know that I'm condemned to solitary living for Yggdrasil knows how long and yet you come every day for reasons I do not seem to be able to derive from that oafish brain of yours."
"Must you speak this way brother?" Thor sighed and rubbed his face tiredly "I merely want to be with you."
"For the thousand times Thor, I am not your brother!" Loki shouted and slammed his fist against the stone bed that he was made to sleep on. The wretched cold and hard surface was terrible compared to the soft comforting mattress of his room. For a brief moment Loki wonders if his room is still there, and decided that Odin would undoubtedly have aimed Gurgnir at his chambers and burned his room along with everything that belonged to Loki, along with his very existence the moment he learned that his adopted son was alive and wreaking havoc in Midgard. Well one could say it was expected since Loki was never like Thor in Odin's eyes, he was only a child that he had taken pity on, a child of the enemy that was going to be used for exchange for political reasons when the time is right. And now that Jotunheim had been destroyed by the very hands of the bargaining chip, there was no use for poor little Loki anymore, why keep a room when it could have better uses like a weapons vault for his oh so golden son.
Loki grimaced at the thought that he still wasn't able to do his 'father' proud. Then suddenly he felt that he should be grateful that even after all the mess he had caused, the All-father not only did not execute him on the spot when Thor and him had set foot on the Bifrost, he had been allowed to live, although hidden disgracefully under the grounds of Asgard in solitary if not for Thor's visits.
Loki hadn't noticed that his carefully controlled tears had spilled over his cheeks while laughing cynically by himself until Thor's callused fingers grazed at his pale skin, "Are you alright brother?"
"Don't touch me!" Loki brushed away the rough hands and pulled himself away from Thor who quickly cups his gaunt pale face in his large warm hands, so warm that it disgusts the raven haired man thinking how cold he would always feel in comparison to the Asgardians.
"Why do you do this Loki? All I want is for you to understand that I will always be with you, no matter how long our father decides to have you staying here. We may not be brothers by blood, I know that now," a look of regret and disappointment washed over Thor's features as he was forced to acknowledge the fact "but we grew up together for centuries, we have a bond deeper than some blood brother could ever dream of having, I love you no matter what or who you are because in my heart you will always be Loki, my younger brother that I have sworn to protect."
Those longed cold green eyes turn away from blue as thankfulness and comfort start to warm them. At that moment Loki allowed himself to be enveloped by the emotions Thor gives him, but the memories of falling off the Bifrost and Odin telling him the reason he was brought back to Asgard quickly drowns out the comfort as fiery anger burns ablaze again. Loki closed his eyes in what he knows that was an outburst coming, one that always came whenever Thor spoke.
"Your father, Thor, only yours" Loki warned, reminding voice thin and dangerous like a hidden snake about to leap into attack "and I hate to break to you Thor, but I do not feel the same you as you do. Remember the time when we would play 'Slay the Frost Monsters'?" Loki raised a mock questioning eyebrow as his emerald orbs spark at the excitement at his attempt to hurt Thor just the way he knows.
"Remember when you and your friends would force me to be the Frost Giant and chase me around with swords and your makeshift Mjolnir? And Sif was never the gentle type if I may remind you!" Loki pulled his face away from Thor's hands and stood up, standing above Thor and talking down to him had made him feel the superiority he needed. Seeing Thor's horrified features looking up at him is the air that fills his lungs with rigor. "I was never one of you, merely a bargaining chip to bring Asgard and Jotunheim to a common understanding. You say I'm your brother, you claim to love me, you claim to protect me, but where dear brother, where were you when your friends would tell you to leave me out because I'm weak, because I'm weird, because I use magic to protect myself from you idiotic games, because I'm not YOU?!"
"Loki-" Thor was getting paler by the minute. His brothers words were sharp like blades, cutting consistently and raw at his conscience. He never realize that all the time that he had been basking in the attention everyone was giving him that he had slowly and eventually forgotten his brother, lost track of where the little quiet boy had drifted off to. And the fact that they played 'Slay the Frost Monsters' so often and it crowned the top three games for centuries did not help matters. No it doesn't help at all. In fact it just hurts him even more to be reminded of how he was a part of forcing his little brother to be the monster that the whole of Asgard knows of in stories told to scare children into obedience.
Then a sudden thought flashed crossed his mind that just adds on to his devastation; what must Loki have felt when thinking back of the time he has to be the Frost Giant when in actual fact he was. How terrible Loki must have felt. How terrified Loki must be of him, the one waving Mjolnir at his face, threatened by the only older brother he looks up to. It horrifies Thor to think that all the time while he was shouting 'Kill!', he was actually trying to slaying his dear brother.
"I'll tell you where you were. You were behind me, chasing me with your stupid hammer, enthusiastically trying to kill the Frost Giant!" Loki's voice reached a new high, accusation laced with betrayal and frustration before he soften in resignation "You are an arrogant bastard Thor, if you didn't insist on going to Jotunheim that day when I had desperately told you not to start a fight with the enemy, I would never have found out that the Frost Giants can never hurt me. All of this is all your fault-"
"Enough!" Loki was interrupted by the loud slam of Gurgnir on the golden floor outside his cell. Odin stood kingly with Gurgnir in his hands, his single blue eye bore itself at Loki in anger. Oh how Loki hated those blue eyes that both father and son possess, yet another reminder that Loki didn't belong to their kind. While their eyes were of the brightest blue of clarity, his true eyes were blood red, as if it was fountained by the many blood spilled under the foot of their race. Loki hated those eyes, and yet he can never control his emotions when they looked at him, it held so much weight and authority that makes his pride crumble at his father's feet.
"Thor leave us." The All-father ordered, his voice loud and articulated but far from a shout, not taking his gaze off Loki who stood frozen to the ground holding his forest green eyes at him.
"But father," Thor tries to dissuade Odin, sensing the tension between the estranged father and son.
"Leave now Thor." Odin repeated again, and Thor dejectedly stepped out knowing that there was no way around whatever Odin has decided. Odin step into the cell, standing right before Loki after Thor made a turn by the corner leading to the outside of the dungeon. After making sure that Thor's heavy footsteps could no longer be heard, Odin step up to Loki, and as quickly as Thor could summon lightning Odin has his hand across Loki's face, the impact so hard that his cheek were quickly swollen and the corner of his lip split and bleeding the moment the thinner man tried to push himself off the ground that he had been so roughly and ungracefully thrown upon.
Loki pushed himself up, forcing himself to stand, unwilling to be physically and mentally lower than Odin. Finally standing upright again and the dizzy feeling in his head from the strong slap fading off, Loki stared defiantly into Odin's single eye, a smirk slipping onto his features, waiting in anticipation at what the all mighty All-father was going to do next.
Sure Odin has scolded him, even spanked him as punishment when he was younger but never has he ever slapped Loki this hard before, whatever that has pushed Odin to act this way must be something Loki did and that was just what the God of Mischief was going to find out and most probably take advantage of it, playing it like a feather in between his fingers, using it as useful as he could.
Odin glared back at his stumbling son, his single eye daring Loki to defy him. He had come down to the cell finally after months of keeping Loki down here, with all intent of having a proper conversion with his youngest son in hopes of fixing what should have been fixed long ago, before he fell into Odinsleep, before Loki found out by himself, before Loki even reached his teens. The king had expected to find Loki alone but only to find Thor going against his orders and the brothers fighting. The anger of having Thor disobeying him was already boiling over, but hearing what Loki was saying was all it took to tip the pot.
"You dare accuse your brother for all of your faults?!" Odin did not raise his voice but the anger in each of those words is as clear at the water flowing in the fountains of Valhalla.
"You finally come down here and the best you start with is the mention of Thor. How predictable!" Loki sneered, the corner of his eye twitched in suppressed anger. "And yes, to answer your question, I do blame Thor as much as I blame you."
"You set him up!" Odin reminded "You were the one who let the enemy in, knowing that Thor would be angered and go to Jotunheim. It was all your own doing and yet you audaciously push away all responsibility?!"
"If I may remind you Odin," the king twitched at the use of his given name "the enemy whom you call are people of my race. I would appreciate it if you would have a little respect towards them in my presence." Loki mocked just because he could, just because he knew it would hurt Odin "And in my defense, I did let them in but I merely wanted you to see that Thor was not ready to be king with all that uncontrolled anger within him, and mind you, I did all I could to dissuade that idiot from travelling to Jotunheim and waging a war, but no Thor was too arrogant and stubborn for his own good to listen, who would listen to Loki anyways? Even when I have finally made a mutual peaceful retreat, that stupid oaf has to go ruin it and start a fight!" Loki was breathless from all the shouting and he sat down on his bed, all the while staring at Odin even when he shifts to lean back against the wall.
"However I do take part of the blame for what happened in Midgard, maybe just a small part just because it wasn't really on my own will?" Loki lowered his voice towards the end "You can't blame me for those insufferable mortals to be so weak and the Chitauri to be stronger though not anywhere smarter." Loki added on as an afterthought once he had gotten comfortable on his bed.
The anger in Odin continued to boil over with Loki's shouting. He couldn't believe his ears that Loki would deny all responsibility of what he has done, the destruction of Jotunheim, and the attempt takeover of Midgard. "Why Loki? Why have you become the way you are?"
"Well you should know, you are the cause for all of it." Loki spat distastefully.
"We have always loved you, what happened? Just because I didn't tell you of your origins earlier doesn't mean you have to go to such extends." Odin spoke softly, trying sound as gentle and unintimidating as possible.
"Just?!" Loki looked wide eyed at the old king, and a vein popped at his forehead "Just because you didn't tell me earlier I lived like an outcast, never knowing why I was so different from the Aesir, so different for Thor, and so different that you could never see me as me. Oh sure, why should I be enraged JUST because I was lied to?! And you know what? I don't know if you all have always love me, but I do know Thor loves me, in fact he adores me!"
Odin looked weary at what Loki was trying to say. It seems to him that in all the centuries he had known his son, he have never seen Loki in such hysteria. It was like he was risking everything just to vent his anger.
"He adores me so much that you should probably try and make sure that you don't die and I won't ever be let out of here because when you do die, I will gladly ask Thor to release me and I'm sure he's more than willing to let his beloved younger brother out instead of suffering all alone down here without magic. And when I'm out I'll make sure to kill him properly this time round!"
"You!" Odin dropped Gungnir and rushed forwarded pulling at Loki's lapels, his face inches away from Loki's hysterical menacing grin, and his eyes a hollow as if he wasn't even there anymore, as if the anger had burned away everything that ever made him.
"Or better yet, you better make sure I stay in this cell because when I do manage to escape, you don't have to wait for Ragnaork for I will slay you myself!" Loki breathe hotly at Odin.
Fire burned in Odin's eye as Loki's threat lace with venom made its way out of his thin lips. The All- father had never felt so much anger for his son in the many years of mischief he created, but this was the last straw, this was treason! Without thinking, Odin balled his fist and punched Loki in the face, he continued despite Loki's feeble attempts to stop him, blood was roaring at his ears that he couldn't even hear Loki's screams for Thor to come back between fits of painful screaming and laughter.
"FATHER!" Thor roared as he pulled Odin away from Loki and the All-father stumbled violently backwards into Thor's arms which held him tightly, restraining him from his rampage.
Thor had never really left the dungeons after he turned the corner, his gut feeling got the better of him and he decidedly stayed at where the guard post was, waiting and listening at Odin and Loki's confrontation. He very much wanted to leave after Loki's earlier revelation, but he had promise to protect the younger man and he wasn't going to break that promise again. His resolve wavered when he heard Loki recount the day he had dragged his brother and friends to Jotunheim. Indeed it was his fault, even though Loki had set him up, it was ultimately his own decision to confront the Frost Giants, it was his fault they started fighting even after Loki has successfully weave a path for them to leave unhurt.
Flashbacks of that day replayed in his mind eye until he heard Loki's screams among laughter, calling out at his name. Even through the unexplainable laughter, Thor could hear the pain and desperation in them. The laugh sounded so cold, so unsprited, so like Loki has given in to whatever was consuming him.
When Thor had found himself running towards Loki's cell, he could feel the crackling of Odin's magic as he got closer. His worry spiked and he ran faster, he reached the cell door to see Loki pinned underneath their father, his face swollen and bloodied with tears streaked all over. His screams have crease by now, like he knows that no amount of it will help, Thor see the look on his brother's face and he feared the worst. All emotion and hope had escaped Loki, very much like the day on the Bifrost and Thor felt a shiver run down his spine.
Odin was still punching and slapping the dishonoured prince lost in his own anger and frustrations of not know how his son became so broken. Thor lunged into the cell and pulled his father away, wrapping his arms around his king tightly, fearing that if he were to accidently loosen his arms his brother would be hurt again.
Odin finally snapped out of his wrath as he felt the strong grip of his oldest son restraining him. Heaving heavily the old king tried to compose himself until he was calm enough for Thor to finally let go of his python grip.
"What have you done father?!" Thor asked bewildered when he was sure Odin could hear him. Letting go of Odin, Thor stride forward to pick up his brother from the bed. Cradling Loki's almost lifeless body, trembling fingers push back strands of blood stained raven hair so that he could see the extend of the damage. Greens eyes were open in red swollen half lids, but they were cold and empty. The pale face paled even more with the loss of blood, making the crimson fluid even more noticeable. Blood was everywhere, from his broken nose, from his mouth and even his tears.
For the next few moments, no one moved, Odin was silent, taken aback by the extent of his outburst. He had beaten his son nearly to death, was it true what Loki had said? That he didn't really love Loki if he were to be able to unleash such strong anger towards the boy.
"Urgh…" Loki forced a moan as he pushed himself off Thor.
"No don't. I'll bring you to the healers this instant Loki." But all Loki did was seat up against Thor, using his bigger frame for support.
"I… I ne- never knew you had so… much ha- hatred to- towards me…" Loki strangled out from his already raw throat from all that screaming and shouting. Odin wore a look of horror as Loki spoke the words. Thor squeezed Loki tighter into an embrace in attempt to convey all his comfort to the younger man. Loki ignored all the looks of horror and feeling of comfort as he pulled away from Thor when he got what little bit of strength he had back. Slipping to the floor, Thor scrambled to grab Loki so that he would not hurt himself further, but Loki simply swatted away his large hands and made to crawl over to Odin.
Loki sat at Odin's feet, waving his hand weakly, indicting the All-father to come closer. When Odin shakily squat down and bend forward, he felt the cold touch of Gungnir in his hands. Loki had picked up the staff and wrapped his bloodied hands around it.
"This," Odin felt a pull at his hand, then the contact with a restriction, then a harder pull as he felt Gungnir sinking into something soft. Looking down, Loki had guided his hand with Gungnir into his chest "is what you should have done, the day you found me in the temple." Loki's voice was calm as he forced the spear further into his body, more blood flowed out, soaking his clothes, forming a puddle on the cell floor, covering Odin's hands fully.
Green eyes flutter, Odin's face started to smudge, his blue eye glossed and Loki wondered if they were of sadness for his coming death or of relieve for finally getting rid of his regret.
Must be the latter. Who would mourn for that oddly quiet boy, Loki the mischief maker, Loki the Frost Giant? Well at least that's the least of my problems now, not that I will have to deal with them anymore.
Loki smiled sheepishly as he felt his eye lids growing heavier. Too tired to keep up with always putting a strong front, Loki decided that he was allowed to be vulnerable at his death bed and he let his eyes close, his breathing shallow as it slows down to nothingness.
Shut up Thor… you're being too noisy. I can't sleep with your rambling. Hela, father's coming.