This is a collaboration between myself and iJapan in which we tag teamed writing this. Enjoy our rather crack and funny pairing! We sure did!

Moving a hand to wipe his brow, Kuchiki Byakuya stepped back to admire his latest creation. The 28th head of the noble Kuchiki clan was a master artist, and he frequently revelled in his works of beauty and inspiration. His latest: Ambassador Seaweed. Those others participating in this worthless sand castle competition were no match for his delicate and precise movements, his grey eyes sharp and intelligent as he worked the sand into smooth, lifelike features so startlingly realistic that they could only watch and point at his marvellous sculpturing ability. He narrowed his eyes. Laughter? He was hearing laughter?

He turned his head to the side, his gaze as cold as the winter's rain when the figures of Abarai Renji, Kurosaki Ichigo and Madarame Ikkaku scurried off upon noticing his attention directed towards him. He furrowed his brows, his usual Kuchiki Glare in place as he turned his head back to his work.

Pathetic. Those brats had no mind for art, pure and simple.

"Nii-sama! Your work is so refined!"

His face was perfectly moulded into his serene stoic mask as he tilted his head to see his adopted sister, Kuchiki Rukia, gazing at his creation with her indigo eyes widened in joy and admiration. His inner emotions were smug as he crossed his arms over his chest, nodding.

"Of course. I expect you to show the same level of dedication to your work, Rukia. You are of the Kuchiki clan. Never forget that," he said coldly as he eyed the rather pathetic excuse for a sand sculpture that his sister had been working on for the past 2 hours. It was of something called Chappy the Rabbit. Ghastly looking thing. It was all wrinkled and floppy and oh no - that definitely would not do.

Byakuya had to hold back his smirk.

'Try to get the one up on me now, bitch,' he thought.

Rukia nodded happily at her brothers' words, turning back to her work and beaming.

Byakuya regarded his sculpture of the Ambassador. Hmm. Something was off.

"Maybe I should make his arms a little thicker..." he murmured quietly, moving to apply more sand to the already thick seaweed-like appendages of his creation. When he was finished, he allowed a rare smile to pass his lips as he stood up, seeking to wash his hands of the sand that had accumulated on his fingers. He stepped over towards the seashore, the ocean water lapping calmly at the sand on the beach. He waded forwards until he was knee-deep, bending over a little to dip his hands in the cool crystalline blue of the sea.

He narrowed his eyes when he felt something brush against his leg, but he ignored it. He continued washing his hands. His leg twitched.

What the?

Something had definitely touched his leg, that time. For all intents and purposes, Byakuya was a carefully reserved man, but honestly...

"What the fuck?"

He glanced around, looking this way and that, trying to see what had slid across his foot. He readied his hands to use kidou if need be, but was frozen in place when something slithered along his calf muscles. His eyes widened. He must have imagined it but then again he felt something slide over his foot and wrap around his ankle, he stepped forward to dislodge whatever it was. That was when he felt it again, it wrapped around his ankle and urged him deeper.

"What is this?" He said, now he was curious; and a curious Kuchiki was almost as dangerous as an angry one. Somewhat reluctantly Byakuya let himself be led deeper into the water until he was chest deep and could no longer see the bottom. He felt the thing slid up his ankle to his calf and around his knee in a gentle, slimy caress. he bit back feelings of revulsion, he was determined to get to the bottom of this. He felt another slimy arm wrap itself around his other leg and work its way up to his thigh, slowly and steadily creeping up further. Sweet kami was it really going to?

He bit back a gasp as he felt a firm yet gentle grip on his limp cock. Up and down, it began to set a slow undulating rhythm around him, not just jerking him but also circling around him, the sensation was incredible. Despite himself his body had started to show interest and his dick stood erect and proud under the water as the ministrations continued. Byakuya knew this was no coincidence, whoever was doing this had targeted him. He let a small moan slip from his pink lips as he felt his tender balls being cupped gently and felt something engulf them sensually. A sucking sensation tingled across his spine like lightening and he reached his hands down into the water, gasping as he found them tangled in seaweed that was wrapped tightly around his lower half. The sucking grew more and more voracious, as if it was hungry for him and he felt his body demanding he give in. His toes dug into the sand as if to anchor himself and he felt the seaweed embrace him tightly as the suction on his groin deepened. He was so engrossed in it he didn't notice something slowly creeping across his taint and into the crack of his ass until he felt a slimy finger begin to circle his puckered hole. He grunted as he felt it wiggle and push it's way in, slowly it slipped into him and began to search for his sweet spot.

His eyes were closed and his mouth hanging open, panting prettily, hips thrusting slowly under the water Rukia had never seen her nii-sama like this before. She had come to get him to see if he would help her with her Chappy sculpture however when she took in the scene she had come across she had stopped in her tracks. He wasn't pleasuring himself either, as she saw both of his hands slick his hair back then enter the water at the same time, no something was under there. She felt herself start to tingle at the sight, her brother was beautiful and they weren't blood related so what could it hurt to watch and enjoy. Byakuya's head was slightly back, his dark hair damp against his toned back, beads of water clung to him and she could barely see his hardened nipples peeking out at the top of the water. It was then she heard a moan loose itself from his mouth and she felt herself become damp, staying hidden Rukia snaked a deft finger into her bikini bottom.

Byakuya let loose another sweet sounding moan, his brain too pleasantly addled by pleasure to even consider thinking about pushing the offending object stimulating him out of the way, as another set of slimy fingers reached up and pulled the loose shirt he was wearing off of his shoulders, letting it slide into the water with a faint splashing sound.

His back arched, his grey eyes half lidded and clouded with pleasure, his mouth opened and panting softly as the slimy finger inside of him pulled out slowly, only to enter yet another thick digit alongside it, thrusting gently once more inside of him in a searching, probing motion. He shuddered, a high gasp loosed from his throat when the other hand began to play with his nipples - pinching and pulling slowly on the sensitive hardened buds. At the same time, the sucking on his erect member became harder, his hips jerking forwards faster under the water as he felt himself become swallowed in an even hungrier motion than he thought possible.

A softened scream of delight filled the air when those slimed searching fingers thrust deep inside of him to reach his prostate, his body twitching and jerking as the suction around his groin increased with each slow, heavy ram against his pleasure spot. Garbled words flew from the usually stoic man's mouth - moans and cries of ecstasy unheard by any other gasped out again and again. His dick twitched fervently; Byakuya let out a pained groan when the slimy fingers on his nipples moved down to grasp around his cock, preventing him from claiming his desperately needed release.

The fingers inside of him thrust deeper in a well-timed slow, steady rhythm - pounding against his prostate once more, Byakuya let loose a wanton moan accompanied by a gasp when he felt himself become pulled forwards so he was made to lean against a nearby rock, his hands finding purchase and gripping it tightly so he could keep his head clear of the salty depths of the sea which rose to splash against his face. His head flew back once more, strained and breathless words becoming mixed with his increasingly whorish moans as the fingers inside of him moved faster, the mouth and hand on his cock teasing, sucking, stroking fervently with each pound inside of his quivering, desperate hole.

What was this? This feeling, he was coming undone. He felt his toes curl, gripping the soft sand beneath him as he arched his back, impaling himself further on the invisible tormentor. His breath was coming is soft gasps, his mouth dry, he was panting. Byakuya Kuchiki did not pant! Oh, but he was, tossing his head back he abandoned all reason and sense as he was brutally pumped and jerked, pleasure coursing through his veins. Byakuya was not one for casual sex, and seeing as how he had not known intercourse since Hisana died the feeling of impending release was quite, well, new to him. The coil of fire deep in his groin began to kick violently and he felt his hips buck in an erractic and needy rhythm. Grunting and moaning as he lost all of his self control strangled cries dropped from his lips as his cock desperately sought release.

The slimy hands stroking him ceased, and gripped him at the base of his shaft in a pleasurable yet brutal embrace. He felt the thrusting in his backside become more violent, he leaned against the rocks for purchase as he moaned, throwing his head back. He thought he could take no more, thought the tip of his cock would explode, when finally the sweet warmth returned to it. Slowly it swirled under the tender tip of his dick, lightly flicking the underside, making its way up and down the velvety shaft. He felt his balls being cupped, something tracing up and down the seam between them and then they too were consumed with warmth. He shuddered in pleasure.

"Fuck" it was out of his mouth before he realized, his body seized up and began to jerk with the force of his release. He saw black, felt fluid exploding from his cock, his insides tingling, toes gripping onto the sand for dear life as his body spasmed and convulsed with his orgasm.

His breath came out in hard and frantic gasps for air, his head falling forwards to rest against his arms on the rock as he groaned loudly, his legs giving out underneath him so he was leaning on the rock and rather uncomfortable rocky structure. His body was tingling and weak with pleasurable tremors, his dick twitching from the remnants of his explosive release. Another groan fell from Byakuya's parted lips when he felt those slimy fingers almost teasingly slide out of his abused hole, the familiar warm sensation around his cock making itself known once more as a mouth moved underwater to lap at his seed.

Byakuya grit his teeth, willing his feverish heartbeat to cease pounding so harshly in his chest, soft moans sounding in his throat with every caress of that warmth over his dick. He was about to gather as much of his thoughts together as he possibly could in his lust-clouded mind to determine what the fuck had actually just happened, but the sliding of slimed finger-like projections squeezing around his thighs in a slow circular motion, the hands moving in a trailing dance over his firm buttocks and gripping the pale cheeks, had him gasp aloud again and moan faintly as sweet shivers ran down his spine. The hands continued to map his body, the fingers sliding up to his hips as the mouth around his cock gave a final deep lick. Moaning at the sudden loss of contact Byakuya felt his knees shaking, his hands plunged into the water to find his assailant but he was rewarded with only water slipping through his fingers. Shaking his head he made his way toward shore, his feet touching the hot, dry sand.

Then, he glanced out into the sea, one final look and saw it. A white, braided headband floating in a mass of seaweed that seemed to almost be swimming with the waves. His eyes widened, a feeling of uncertainty and dread flooding his body. That headband... the way the braids hung in such a familiar drape across the green seaweed's back... Byakuya shook his head again, silently berating himself for jumping to illogical conclusions when he chanced a gaze at the sand sculpture of Ambassador Seaweed along the shoreline. Swallowing thickly, he re-adjusted his swim trunks and took a shaky step forwards, his body still numb and trembling pleasurably as he made his way back to the sculpture.

Leaning down, he picked up a nearby towel and scrubbed himself clean of all of the sea water.

His mind was reeling, yet he did not outwardly show it as he took a deep calming breath. He turned to look at the sculpture of Chappy the Rabbit which was by now even more decrepit than before with the sun's heat beaming down on the floppily packed sand. He noticed that his sister was not there.

"Rukia?" his eyes narrowed as he called out quietly. Hearing no response, he slung the towel over his shoulders and walked away, beginning his search for the small woman. Sure enough, he saw a head of black hair and a petite body crouched down behind a rock some few feet away. Sighing, he continued forwards.

He was barely a foot away from her when he stopped.

He raised an eyebrow; Rukia was peeking out at the sea with a desperately searching glance, as if trying to regain sight of something she had been settling her eyes on. Her hand was dipped below inside of her bikini bottom.

"Rukia? What are you doing?"

"HOLY JESUS!" Rukia shrieked when she heard the unmistakeable cold voice of her nii-sama from beside her. Her hand promptly shot back up, the woman jumping into the air and scrambling back slightly, her face flushed a deep red as she avoided her brother's steely gaze.

An awkward silence passed.

"... I'm in trouble, aren't I?" came Rukia's wavering whisper some moments later.

Byakuya turned his back, walking off.

"Yep."

several days later

Rukia had been living in dread of her dear nii-san for a few days, Byakuya had said nothing to her about the rather uncomfortable incident by the sea. She was secretly hoping he had forgotten it, yet nothing slipped past her nii-san. She wondered if maybe he was just so shaken up that he decided not to revisit the incident? Yes, she thought, that sounded right. Confident her line of thinking was correct she made her way back to the manor to discover a lovely aroma emanating from the kitchen.

"Nii-san, are you cooking?" She asked, poking her head into the kitchen to see that yes, he was.

"Yes, I gave the staff the night off; they deserved a break." His voice was smooth and stoic as usual, she berated herself for thinking he was upset with her.

"It smells delicious."

"I'm glad" he smiled at her "come and sit, it's almost done." It was a simple but delicious dinner, miso soup with a small salad. For the main course he had made a hot pot with rice, beef and steamed vegetables, she was absolutely stuffed to the brim with her brother's delicious cooking. She leaned back in her chair, sipping her tea happily.

"Nii-san, that was wonderful." He regarded her with interest as poured himself more tea.

"Thank you Rukia, I also have dessert if you'd like?" Dessert! Of course she wanted some, she loved sweets.

"Of course! Let me help you-"

"There is no need, I will get it. Please just rest" he fluidly got up from the table and headed back into the kitchen. She heard him rustling around and smiled when he re-emerged carrying two plates with ice cream, and something else. Gingerly he placed it in front of her and her hands flew to her mouth as she gasped in surprise.

Staring up at her from her plate were several small green ambassador seaweed shaped cookies, nestled among mint chocolate chip green ice cream.