"Parody – the Story"- by Hoogiman
Chapter One
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SSBM characters here, and who would want SSBM characters to use in their fics when they could simply use my OC's, which, even though they have no personality whatsoever, they would make me feel good if you could include them in there.
"Hey-a Yoshi," said Dr. Mario, walking into Yoshi's room. "I-am-a feeling-a a bit sick-a today. I was wondering if you could fill in for me today?"
The lethargic Yoshi suddenly was wide awake and smiling. Yoshi always wanted to be a doctor for a day. Oh, imagine the accomplishment that he could feel when his patients felt better, because of what he thought, because of his recommendations.
"Yoshi, Yoshi hur Yoshi!" said Yoshi excitedly. "Of course, that would be a great privilege!"
Dr Mario departed from Yoshi's room, and Yoshi snuggled back into sleep, knowing that today would be a good day.
"Okay everybody," announced Master Hand to most of the smashers sitting at the dining table. "There is going to be a new Smasher coming to Smash Mansion, who has not appeared in any Nintendo games, has no interesting personality whatsoever, but is still better at fighting than all of you combined!"
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Silence.
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"Master Hand, this is almost as low as inviting a completely unrelated character that would add nothing to Smash Mansion, except make a cheap excuse for romances with Link, Marth, Captain Falcon or Zelda, and still get interest from the readers, because the main characters in the stories are the most popular ones," said Tails.
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An awkward silence.
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"Hey, you know what Tails?" asked Master Hand.
"What?" asked Tails.
"Shut up," said Master Hand.
Unfortunately, Tails could not hear Master Hand as Zelda and Pac Man were making out very loudly behind him.
Yoshi sat eagerly on Dr. Mario's desk, waiting for paitients that he could cure. Suddenly, the door opened. Yay! Someone that was of needing Yoshi's assistance! Yoshi smiled, and looked at the person coming in.
"Hi Dr. Mar- oh, hi Yoshi!" said Falco, walking in, relatively cheerily.
"Yoshi, hup herr, hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. "Falco, I'm filling in for Dr. Mario today!"
"Oh, okay," said Falco. "Well uh, let's say I have this friend… who likes fruit… I mean like… he likes fruit a lot…"
Yoshi noticed Falco taking a lot of long pauses in his speech.
"Not me of course… and let's just say that one time he tried to stuff fruit…"
Falco described what happened.
Yoshi wept in the corner.
"Everyone, here's our new Smasher!" announced Master Hand.
Her name was Annabel. The first thought of the other smashers as they gazed their eyes at this perfect looking symbol of beauty (COPYRIGHT HOOGIMAN DO NOT STEAL MY CHARACTER AS I WILL THEN SEND YOU THREATENING LETTERS IF I CAN AFFORD THE POSTAGE! IF YOU LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, THAN IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU STILL WOULDN'T STEAL HER, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE'S LIKE THE MOST PERFECT CHARACTER, SHE'S LIKE BETTER THAN MARY SUE OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? SO YEAH, DON'T STEAL HER) was that she was beautiful. At a ripe young age of just 14, the smashers were unaware of the almost pure perfectness that she would hold. Everyone blankly gazed at the perfect, ideal, wonderful, adorable, perfect, exquisite, gentle, generous, stunning, grand, charming, perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, faultless, pretty, kind, perfect, open-hearted, perfect, cute, perfect, lovely, delightful, perfect young woman who was so full of perfectness, that she was more perfect than the most perfect people in the world, combined with the most perfect horsies, bunnies, mousey-wousies, horsies, antelope and ponies. Actually, she was so perfect, that the queen and the pope commented on her perfectness, and said, "At a ripe young age of just 14, before we were unaware of the almost pure perfectness that you would hold. We will now stare blankly and gaze at the perfect, ideal, wonderful, adorable, perfect, exquisite, gentle, generous, stunning, grand, charming, perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, faultless, pretty, kind, perfect…"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHSFVUEWSVUSD!1111" screamed Bowser, heaving a ten-tonne giant crowbar into her left lung. He then picked up a double-bass, pounded it into her groinal region, got a baseball bat and repetitively bashed it into her face until no more blood could be drawn, and could ooze out onto the floor, making a river of pure brains and blood, picked up a viola, and stabbed her 26 times into the left nostril, got a pick axe, cut her back open, grabbed out her spinal chord and stabbed her.
She died.
"Hey Fox," said Falco.
"Yeah?" replied Fox.
"Have you noticed that in stories with a few reoccurring themes or sub-stories, there is always the odd paragraph that doesn't contribute anything to the story, and just acts as a filler so that one of the more interesting sub-stories can move on a period of time, or simply increase the word count?" asked Falco.
"Increase the word count?" asked Fox.
"Increase the word count," replied Falco.
"Increase the word count?"
"Increase the word count."
"Increase the word count?"
"Increase the word count."
"Oh, in that case, yes," said Fox.
"That's good to know," said Falco.
"And another random piece of information that doesn't add to the story whatsoever is that I am going to go to the store and buy gumballs!" announced Fox.
"I think Annabel died," said Jigglypuff, looking at Annabel's dead carcass.
"Yeah, the whole 'Mrs. Perfect' being stabbed by Bowser repeatedly, and that big deep throbbing pile of blood, oozing out of her body, oh yeah, and the whole, 'She died' thing that the author just described, showing that Annabel died, maybe you could have seen that, and you see that? There aren't usually maggots on a good, healthy body for no reason, oh, and see Master Hand? I think he's making phone calls planning her funeral! And with all of that evidence there showing that she's dead, you just, 'Think that she's dead?' Not even an acknowledgement knowing that she's dead with all of that bleedin' obvious evidence showing that she's dead?" replied Pikachu in a slightly angry tone.
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Silence.
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"You know Pikachu?" replied Jigglypuff.
"Yes?" asked a slightly angry Pikachu.
"I think you might have a point there."
"That's very good to know," replied Pikachu in a now very restless voice.
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"You know how Annabel is perfect? Well I figure, because she's so perfect, she wouldn't be bleeding if she was alive, because, you know she's so prefect? Well, I think she's dead," said Jigglypuff in a slightly cocky manner, patting her chest, or where it would be.
Pikachu stared awkwardly at Jigglypuff.
"Did you just tune out after my first sentence?" asked Pikachu, now quite irritated.
"Uh… Well…"
Jigglypuff thought about that.
"No," she said brightly, "I copied it from what you said!"
She beamed at him proudly.
Pikachu stared at her blankly.
Jigglypuff beamed at him proudly.
"That's not clever," said Pikachu. "That's just ripping off what I said."
Jigglypuff frowned.
Then, she beamed at him proudly.
"Are you listening?" said Pikachu angrily.
"Will you marry me?" said Jigglypuff.
"No," said a harassed Pikachu.
Jigglypuff frowned.
The chapter ended.
