(suggestions)

It just takes a second for my world to come crumbling down
Oh i'm sure in the distance you can hear that awful sound
Oh i plead for an answer, plead for an answer from you
But if you give me an answer, that just makes no sense then whats the use
And just like that my life is broken
I can barely breathe
and now i'm opened for suggestions
At the end of the day lifes a lesson

The door to the back room of Sean Camerons vuneral slammed closed and Emma Nelson was choking up and literally wrapping her hands around her neck as she paced back and forth, trying to breath, having a panic attack.

"I can't do this." she cried out of breath, a worried Manny behind her and trying to put an arm around her best friend but Emma shrugged out of it and went to the other side of the wall.

Manny shoulders dropped sadly, Emma had been a wreck since they heard the news that Sean Cameron, Emma's first love, had been shot and killed in Iraq.

It wasn't fair, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Emma and Sean had plans..

Manny tried to make her feel better, "sure you can, Em, I know you can, you're the strongest girl I know.." she drifted assuringly, tugging a small smile to her lips.

"That's the problem!" Emma cried helplessly, her face turning red as she bursted into tears, clenching her teeth.

Manny gave Emma a confused yet sympathetic look, she'd never know how she felt right now... losing someone you were in love with...forever.

"Everything alright?" came a deep voice, and Jay Hogart squeezed quietly through the door, glancing at Emma and then to Manny and back at the trembling blonde in black. Jay, like everyone else, wore black pants and a black button up shirt. He tried to make his hair look good since the rest of him was a little... damaged. Cut cheek, split lip and a small bruise by his eye.

Let's just say Jay had a little accident after he heard the news of his friends death.. stupidly, accidently, Manny had told him the news on the phone when he was at a bar.. he wouldn't talk about it, not with anyone, but later he was found at the hospital after a car crash and luckily Manny got Snake to take pity and get Jay out of a lot of trouble for drunk driving since friends with the cop who arrested him.

Anways, as usual, everybody outside in the funeral room just stared at Emma, the girl could never catch a break, no wonder she ran off.

Jay had seen the way Emma looked at Sean's coffin... like she thought as if she was the reason he was dead.

Emma was so distraught she didn't even notice Jay come in as she kept crying, leaning her back against the wall and bending forward a bit. She put her hand on her heart, like it was hurting her, and Manny even began to tear up, heart break..it truly did happen and her best friend was a victim of it right now.

Emma began to speak again after taking a moment to breath in shakingly, "I'm strong, I'm smart.." she went on sarcastically, bitterly laughing and then sniffed, "I'm Emma, I'm supposed to be organized, I'm suppose to know everything so why can't I understand this?" as she spoke the last word her voice cracked and she tilted her head, wondering why she couldn't and a tear slid down her cheek.

Why was Sean gone? Why HIM?

Manny stood there, mouth open and waiting impatiently for words to comfort Emma, but she could think of none.

Emma finally noticed Jay was in the room, behind Manny and she sniffed, and turned her back on them, whipping her eyes to try to stop the tears. It was useless.

"I'll go get you some tissues." whispered Manny, turning and went out the door quickly.

Emma wore a black hip hugging dress, down to her knees and the sleeves went to her elbows. Her hair was the honey blonde that everybody loved and yet..as pretty as she looked, she felt horrible. She wanted to go back home, and go back under the covers she'd been hiding under before for a week.

"You're allowed to be weak when you wanna be."

Jay stood behind Emma still, and muttered those words as he stood infront of a vase with roses in it, his fingers tracing the pedals and thorns as Emma looked over her shoulder at him and he then concentrated a bit too hard on the flowers.

"Not when everyone expects so much of me, even at a time like this." Emma bittered, laughing disgustingly at the pedestal everyone had her on. Why couldn't she just cry infront of them? Throw herself at Sean's casket crying like she wanted to..

"Come on." this time Jay snorted sarcastically.

Emma raised an eyebrow at him as he nodded towards the door everyone was outside of.

He turned to her and went on explaining, "Those people aren't looking for you to be tough, their waiting for you to crack..waiting for the next amusement of our daily lives.. and who cares if you do." his eyes squinted at her and she eyed him closely, her tears clearing up.

"I do." she said quietly.

Even all through this, Jay could still bare a small smirk on his lips, "Then don't give them what they want." he confirms.

Emma opened her mouth and then slowly closed it as Manny walked back in, the two still lookng at another and Manny stopped beside Jay who broke his stare off of Emma and looked back down to the vase. Manny reached her arm out and she held a kleenex that Emma took from her.

"You ready?" Manny asked gently, and Emma actually felt herself just that; ready.

"Yeah." Emma admitted, slowly nodding.

Wait, was this some trick? After saying she wasn't strong enough for this and days of everyone else close to her and in her family, insisting she could, it's Jay that reminds her how to be strong?..

She watched Manny nod and bare one more smile before going back out the door, and to Emma's notice, holding Jay's hand tightly and leading him out too.

Jay followed after Manny after giving Emma one more assuring small nod. After everything these two have gone through and yet, his assuring could still make her feel alright..

Alone, Emma stood back in the room, taking one more deep breath before she went out there. Everyone was in black, and everyone from highschool was there, plus more, and some students Sean knew from Wasaga. Emma did her all to avoid his family.. but she could feel Trackers eyes on her the whole time.

"Why does he have to stare like that?" she heard Manny say, they were behind her, and didn't think she could hear them.

Manny stood with Toby and Liberty, and Jay stood more behind them as they talked about Emma, but glanced at the blonde with them.

"He knew his brother loved her.." Liberty insisted that's what it was.

With her back on them, Emma looked down at the ground. Sean loved her, that's why he went to the stupid army, because he wanted to be better, for her! It was her fault..

"Oh Emma, I'm so sorry." a friend came up, making Emma jump and snap out of it.

"He was a nice boy." Emma would hear another person say.

"After everything he's been through.." someone said sadly.

"After everything they've been through.." Emma felt it again, eyes on her.

"I heard his mother wants the ashes spread in Wasaga."

"That's not right, he basically grew up in Degrassi his whole life!"