A/N: Um…I really don't know what to say. This is my first posted TOS story, so I'm kind of nervous about it. I would really like for you guys to review this, cause it's my first TOS story, and I could've made a mistake. How? I don't know!
The characters may be a bit OOC…I'm sorry for that. Also, since I'm not good at writing stories, the fact that this story is kind of a romance/Angst story makes it more difficult for me. I'm better at humor stories, But this story doesn't contain any…or minimal. I guess it's a bit of a Shonen-ai fic, and let's see…
Pairings: In this story the pairings are as follows… Yuan/Lloyd, Kratos/Raine (don't ask. I have no idea why I paired Kratos with Raine…I might change that) It has a bit of Lloyd/Zelos on the side. Not too many pairings as you can see. Oh well.
Side Note: I almost forgot! They can travel back and forth through Tethe'alla and Sylverant at will–with use of Tele-devices! Um…well…I guess it's time to start the story. I can't keep talking forever! (Or can I?)
One more thing though, '/' signifies a sound effect like wind blowing and such, and I'll usea rulerwhen I'm changing scenes or writing styles.'( )' is the character's random babble, '(( ))' is my random babble, and I'll use italics when someone's thinking.
Disclaimer- I do not own TOS, or anything associated with it except this fic…and a copy of the game I have.
Chapter one— Something for someone who has nothing
People passed by; always watching, never caring. Always seeing, but never attempting to help. Never showing even the slightest hint of emotion; and even if the children do, their parents keep them hushed. Always silent, ignorant, and disobedient to the voices that surely cries to them inside their head…
A conscience…
People—Instead of listening to what their heart tells them, they ignore it; and by doing so, they have left and kept the poor soul in the darkness, bound and trapped within a small corner of his lonely heart.
All alone…
It seems to have more impact on him, now. But whether it was aloneness or loneliness has always been a mystery. Perhaps it's loneliness, perhaps aloneness; perhaps it's a bit of both.
Yes. A bit of both makes more sense. He had no one to talk to. Noone! Not even the voices in his head. He was totally alone. In the same sense, ha had been longing for someone—subconsciously, perhaps. But there was definitely a longing.
He wanted someone to be by his side, to help him, and care for him in a time of need. He wanted…a friend.
Yes! A friend…but he already had a friend—Lloyd.
Lloyd was a friend anyone would hope for; a friend that everyone always wanted. He was always there, always trying to help; and in the end, would probably wind up sacrificing himself.
So, why didn't he go to Lloyd? Why didn't he ask Lloyd to help him? Why? Why, why, why?
Maybe he felt that Lloyd wouldn't help him this time. Maybe he felt that Lloyd grew tired of always bailing him out, always putting himself in danger for the life of another. Maybe he felt that Lloyd just wouldn't care anymore…That he just got tired of trying. There would be no hope for Zelos Wilder! He knew, and he knew that Lloyd knew as well.
No! That made no sense! He knew Lloyd; knew that Lloyd would help him no matter what. He knew, because Lloyd was his friend—a friend he could count on. Lloyd would never turn his back on him, even when everyone else would…They did.
Guilt…
That's what it was–guilt. Plain, and simple.
Guilt was holding him back—yes, Zelos has a heart! He felt bad that he always ran to Lloyd when he had nowhere to turn. It was guilt—the pain of knowing that he could always do it the hard way, but always asked Lloyd for help. Perhaps self-guilt, or self-pity.
Either way, he always knew he had two choices; the hard way, or Lloyd. In everything he does, he could do it the hard way, or…
'Lloyd, can you help me?'
It echoes on in his mind.
'Why do I always turn to Lloyd? Why don't I just do it myself? I needed a place to run. A place to hide– somewhere to go! …A friend to talk to.'
Yes, a friend… Someone who's always by your side, not afraid to point out your mistakes, but always lends a helping hand. The only one he had was Lloyd.
Eve now—now that he has nothing. Lloyd is the only one he can turn to. In his time of need, Lloyd was always there…so why didn't he run? Why didn't he leave the dark alleys of Palmacosta-gone-slummy to talk with his friend, and maybe stay a while?
Elimination…
He didn't know why, but he just felt that it was a simple process of elimination. He—Zelos—felt that he should be eliminated. He didn't care about anyone or anything, nor did anything or anyone care about him. Except maybe Lloyd, but he has too big of a heart.
It didn't matter now. He wanted so badly to just disappear from the world. The world so hated him, and he hated it. Thus, the never-ending cycle of love and hate—joy and despair, always had him twisting and turning.
He knew now though; knew that there was nothing left for him in this life, nothing more for him to do. Nothing, except—No! He couldn't think of that, but it was too late. He had already planned it out, had already made up his mind.
A suicide…
Yes, suicides always solved unsolvable things. Such as loneliness, despair, pain, anger, the list continues! Perhaps it could help him, too. He was more than willing to try. But the question was how?
Stabbing himself? No, too painful. Poison, maybe? No. That would take too long. He wanted a quick death, but noone would pull the trigger on themselves. Jump…
Yes, that'll work! He'd jump. Off of what, though? He's not in Tethe'alla, so he can't jump off of the bridge. A mountain…a cliff…Yes! A cliff! Maybe the one in Hima…That would work. Now for the final piece to the puzzle…
A note…
To whom…
It didn't matter. Maybe Raine…Colette, or Sheena. Maybe…Lloyd.
Yes! To Lloyd…that made more sense. Why waste time writing to someone who doesn't care? That's stupid! Then again, so was this. Why do it then?
Pity?
Close.
To care?
Yeah. He wanted people to care. If he commits suicide, then maybe he could see if they really care. He doubted, but longed for the answer. He could be wrong.
There, it's done. A suicidal note, pathetically written in confusion, loneliness, despair, fear, pain, hate, sadness, and a million different feelings and emotions; that if he was paid for it, he'd be richer than Bill Gates.
Now what? How to deliver it?
He didn't want to be seen or heard. He wanted to deliver his message without looking at his friend's face. For he knew that if he did, he would cry. Maybe even give this idea a second thought. Might even try to find a logical way out of this, a philosophical alternative even. And what good is Philosophy?
Eight thirty, that's a good time. He could sneak in the front window and set it on the table in the dining room. After all, Lloyd would be training in the backyard, and Yuan would either be asleep or reading alone in the bedroom, far away from the dining room and kitchen. He knew, he lived there once.
It was a great plan, but if it failed, he would have to hand it to them in person. That would be difficult, but it's another reason why he couldn't fail.
The third reason would've been the fact that he and Lloyd used to have something, a special bond. Unbreakable, until the thoughts became real. It was another reason he felt guilt. For two years of his life, Lloyd had been the best friend he always needed—no, even more than that…his boyfriend—a lover.
Had he realized it then, maybe he would've treated him, and their relationship, better. This situation…These situations… could be fate taking its toll on him. His punishment for his abuse; or perhaps just another hard lesson to learn.
And poor Lloyd…
Always there, so loving and gentle—A forgiving and carefree spirit. Always smiling, but always wanting. Wanting, and never receiving. He deserved better, and Zelos deserved worse…they both got it.
Zelos—Never seemed to keep his feet on the ground. Always caught in the rip current, bound by chains and never breaking free. Always alone—there's noone there. Always reflecting and remembering the times he always treated Lloyd so bad; and how Lloyd always smiled back at him, no matter what happened.
Lloyd—always cheerful; no matter the situation. Always caring, he never stopped saying 'I love you'. He always hid behind a mask. Always…all the time.
Never shedding a tear, at least not in front of Zelos or his friends. Slowly drifting away, hiding in his room. Only to return hours later with a tear streaked face, and a fake smile that always said 'I love you'.
Lloyd deserved better.
Zelos loved Lloyd, but wasn't caring enough. He wanted Lloyd to get someone better, but Lloyd didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go, so Zelos pushed him away and made him want to leave. Until, he finally figured it out, and went to search for someone new. He got it.
Lloyd's received his wishes and prayers—Zelos's as well. Lloyd found someone; he's found happiness and peace. He's found…Yuan.
Yuan—a pretty boy with pretty hair. A calm, warm, and gentle spirit—loving and caring. Everything Lloyd needs and everything Lloyd wanted. He deserves it, he's happy now.
Hmm…It's seven thirty. Funny how time seems to slip away when you least suspect it to.
Zelos, felling that it was time, stood up and slowly began walking out of…What was the name of the city he was in? It's kind of funny; he's been in this place for so long, he'd forgotten the name of it. What was it? Pal…Palma…something. Oh, Palmacosta! That's right. Palmacosta…
That's not too far from Lloyd's home, he would deliver the note as quickly as possible.
Yuan sat on the small bed reading a random book, in which he held little interest. He was bored. He never really understood why he always read when he was bored, but there was nothing to do, and books just happened to be there. So, he read.
/Whish/
What was that?
/Whoosh/
Oh, just the wind. Perhaps through a window or—wait! Wasn't the window closed? Yes, it was. The window was closed, or had he forgotten to close it? Yeah, maybe he'd forgotten to close it…maybe not. Might as well check.
Yuan stood up and walked towards the bedroom door, when he heard a noise…a different noise. What was that noise?
The window…this time it was the window!
Yuan bolted out the door in hopes of seeing who it was that climbed through the window. It was usually Zelos who did, and if he did, it would've been one of the front windows. Maybe the one near the dining room…
Yeah. A while back, Yuan would often notice the window near the dining room open, chairs at the table out of place, and Zelos sleeping on the sofa. Yeah…it had to be Zelos.
Yuan checked the area near the closed window, and around the dining room table. Nothing… Nothing except the empty glass vase—which he was going to buy flowers for, a couple of candles, and a folded piece of paper; like a note or something.
A note? That note wasn't there before, was it? If it was he hadn't noticed.
He walked over to the right side of the table to get a better look at the note. Even though it had Lloyd's name on it, something told him to read it. So he did.
'Lloyd,
I'm sorry for all the mean things I've done to you in the past, and even now…I'm sorry. You've been such a good friend and I've been so horrible. I even used you, actually I think I've been using you the whole time. And just to let you know, I'm not writing you to ask for help. I'm just letting you know that I have nothing to live for, not anymore. If you want to see me one last time before I go, I'll be in Hima. But, if you're not there by nine…
Well, just hope you get there in time. I'll be waiting until then.
One more thing, Yuan—I know you're reading this—treat Lloyd well. Give him all the love, care, and support that I never did. He deserves it.
I'll miss you both, and I'm afraid this is my last 'good-bye'.
Zelos '
"What the hell? What's Zelos thinking!" Yuan shouted as he finished reading. At that same moment, Lloyd had returned from his training, and noticed the look on Yuan's face.
"Yuan, what's…"
"Hurry up and go to Hima!" Yuan interrupted. "You only have twenty-five minutes left!"
"Huh? What're you…"
"Lloyd, if you've never listened to me before, listen now! Go to Hima, no questions asked! Oh, and take this," he added as he handed Lloyd a small vile with blue liquid in it. "It's part of the project I've been working on, you'll know what to do with it when you get there."
"Get where?" Lloyd questioned.
"Damn it, Lloyd! When you get to Hima!" Yuan yelled furiously. "You have to save Zelos!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, for crying out loud! He's trying to commit suicide! Now run to Hima, or fly, or whatever…and stop him!"
"But…"
"Go! Go, go, go, go, go!" Yuan screamed in frustration, shooing Lloyd out the door and slammed it shut.
"I just hope you make it in time."
Lloyd wasn't so sure what that was all about, but Yuan had mentioned something about Zelos and suicide, and it was never good to have both words in the same sentence. Yuan mentioned something else though, Hima, and the bottle of blue stuff.
Since he was currently running towards Hima, what had troubled him was the bottle of blue stuff and Zelos's suicide. Would he make it on time? Before leaving the house, Yuan said that he only had twenty-five minutes left. How much time would he have now? Twenty minutes…well, at the least.
If he wanted to save Zelos, he'd have to hurry up…but how? Noishe! Yes, Noishe was much faster.
Lloyd whistled for Noishe, and surprisingly, Noishe showed up almost instantaneously.
"That was fast!" Lloyd said as he climbed on Noishe's back. "Noishe, take me to Hima…I've got to save Zelos…"
Hmm…almost time. Eight fifty...ten minutes left. Lloyd isn't here yet…Oh well, might as well wait.
Hmm…Time seems to pass so slowly now. The urge to just throw myself off the cliff is eating at me intensely. But I promised to wait, so I will.
Almost time…Lloyd's really pushing his luck on this one. Maybe he didn't take me seriously…oh well! I might as well wait…
You know it's funny how up until now, I was always so impatient and I never kept my promises to anyone. Is my life so pathetic that I'm happiest before death? …Well, I guess so.
Woah! Time sped up…Only six minutes left. I can barely wait. I do wish Lloyd would hurry up though, I wonder if he got my message.
Crap! I really need to hurry! I have o clue how much time I have left, but I know it's not much! I really need to hurry up; I don't want Zelos to die…Not like this. Not yet!
I will reach him in time…I have to!
Jeez…Now time's slowing up again. I don't know if I can take this pressure…but I'll be willing to wait. At least, a little while longer.
Hmm…three minutes left. I wonder if he's really coming.
I don't have much time left! I need to hurry! Oh…I can see it! I can see the path to Hima. Come on, I've got to hurry! I can't let Zelos die on me…I have to save him…I must!
Lloyd climbed off of Noishe and gave him a quick scratch behind the ears to show his appreciation, and ran up the path to the top of Hima. He only had a few seconds left, yet he had enough hope to do his best to save his friend…
Zelos sat on the cliff area, waiting out the last few seconds—holding on to the little bit of faith he had left. He kept telling himself that Lloyd would make it, and tried his best not to look at his watch.
35…34…33…32…31…
'Hurry up, Lloyd!'
29…28…27…26…
'He'll come for me…I know he will!'
23…22…21…
'Come on Lloyd, don't prove me wrong!'
18…17…16…15…
'Please don't let me die without seeing you one last time…'
Lloyd ran up the path as fast as he could. He was halfway up, and already his legs began to cave; but he pressed on. He was not about to let someone he cared about die, knowing he had the chance to help.
Suppressing the urge to cough, Lloyd forced himself to run the rest of the way up. When he got there, he saw Zelos standing very close to the edge, looking down into the black abyss below.
Zelos turned around with a tear-streaked face and stared at Lloyd.
"I couldn't…without seeing you…I couldn't…" he stuttered as tears streamed down his face. "I couldn't…without seeing you."
Lloyd walked up to Zelos and pulled him in close. The next moment would leave Zelos, as well as Lloyd himself, feeling a bit confused.
Zelos suddenly found himself being pulled into a deep, mesmerizing kiss. It was short, but was nothing less than passionate. He could tell that the kissing could've gone on forever and led to other things, but despite how much he missed and longed for the forgotten taste of Lloyd, he broke it off.
"I thought you loved Yuan?" Zelos had hissed the name 'Yuan', but it was an indistinct hiss, and it seemed Lloyd didn't take notice to it…Good!
"I…I do!" Lloyd cried with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.
It was kind of a 'How could you ask something like that, of course I do!' mixed with a hint of '…I think I do…I hope I do…Do I?'
"I'm just…I just…I…" Lloyd added as he seemed to be at a loss for words. "I…just got…carried away! That's all!"
This time it seemed that he was trying to convince himself that it was just confusion taking over, and he tricked his mind into believing that that's all it was…confusion!
Lloyd held back a cough that was trying to force its way out, and stared at his feet.
Dead silence…
Both Zelos and Lloyd dreaded…Hated awkward silences like this one; still neither dared to speak after what just happened. Well, until Lloyd remembered the weird bottle of blue stuff Yuan gave him.
He reached into his left pocket and pulled out the small vile. Yep, still here, unharmed, full of that weird unknown blue stuff.
"Z…Zelos um…" Lloyd mumbled, breaking the silence between them. "Uh…well…Yuan was working on this project…and well…here!" He sighed as he handed Zelos the bottle, ignoring the weird look he was currently receiving.
"What is it?" Zelos questioned. The tears now dry on his face.
"It's…a project Yuan was working on. Y-You don't have to take it. The effects are…irreversible anyway! H-He said that different things happen to different people…I just…"
"I'll just hold on to it, and ask questions about it later…"
Zelos's comment kind of made Lloyd feel better. Or rather, the fact that Zelos stopped eyeing him weirdly and making him feel uncomfortable eased his nervousness. He was thankful for it.
A few series of coughs escaped from Lloyd's throat all at once. This had caused him to fall to the ground in a feeble attempt to catch his breath. It wasn't working.
Zelos rushed to his side and asked him if he was okay. Within seconds, the coughing ceased and Lloyd managed to choke out the words 'Yes, I'm fine', as tears streamed down his cheeks and his eyes began to burn.
"Are you sure?" Zelos continued to question him. It never hurts to be safe.
"Yeah," Lloyd responded, looking at Zelos with pink and watery eyes. "I'm fine. Spit just…went down the wrong pipe. That's all!" he added with a forced smile.
"Yeah okay. We should…head back to your place then." Zelos really wanted to know what was going on, but decided not to dwell on the matter. If Lloyd didn't want him to know, he didn't want to know!
"Yeah we should. Yuan's probably worried about us!"
Sure. Worried about Lloyd, anyway. Still, for some strange reason he felt a sense of hope wash over him. Maybe it's because he realized that what he tried to do was stupid, and that he should've just asked Lloyd for help. Why? Because Lloyd was his friend, his best friend. And for someone who had nothing, a friend was a hell of a lot more than he thought he had…
/End chapter 1/
A/N: I'm finally done typing! Well, I'm sure you all have a lot of questions and a lot of flames you're just dying to get out. Go ahead! If you're wondering about Yuan's project, don't. It'll be explained in a later chapter. I realize that Palmacosta and Hima are far away…I think…I usually confuse the location of Hima with Hakonesia peak…So I'm sure I messed up there. And you're probably wondering about the rating…you'll see later. And I bet some of you are wondering why Lloyd always tries to hold back his coughs rather than letting them out...Well I'm not telling you yet.
So go ahead and unleash those flames, I'm sure I'll be getting plenty of them…if I get any reviews at all! Oh yeah, and I told you they were OOC for at least a bit.
Stay tuned for chapter two…maybe.