Ginyu focused his binoculars on the empty Cheerleading Squad booth. Much to his chagrin, the stack of pamphlets had not been touched for the entire duration of the Club Fair. A grimace emerged on his purple skin. His displeasure somehow made him even more disgusting than his bald, veiny head and black horns.
"Hey, boss!" A deep voice called from behind. "Why you wearin' that junk?"
Ginyu swiveled around and hissed, "Recoome, get DOWN before we're spotted!" He complied. "And for your information, this is a ghillie suit. It's very expensive, highly effective camouflage, not JUNK!"
"Gee, sorry boss," The enormous redhead lay on his stomach next to Ginyu, "I still don't get why we gotta watch the booth from up here instead of bein' down there."
"Apology accepted," Ginyu re-trained his view onto the booth, "I know it's hard for people to understand my PASSION and GENIUS. If we watch from afar instead of encouraging new recruits, we ensure that only people with PASSION will apply!"
"Uh, ok." Recoome adjusted the school uniform collar around his beefy neck.
They lay on the roof for so long that the sun began to set. Ginyu continued to rave about PASSION, ignoring the fact that the last of the students were leaving the Club Fair. Other clubs began dismantling their booths, but the Porunga Boy's High School Cheer Squad pamphlets remained untouched.
Ginyu sighed, "Well, we'd better go clean up." The purple-skinned cheer captain forlornly discarded his ghillie suit and set himself and his underling to the cleaning task.
"Don' worry!" Recoome clapped him on the back, "We'll get members somehow!"
"You're right!" Ginyu pounded his fist into his palm, "We've just got to be more aggressive. If we can't FIND passion… We'll CREATE it!"
The next day was the first day of school. A short, round, green fellow timidly attempted to navigate the halls of Porunga High. He was not uncommon because of his greenness: the all-boys school was populated with a diverse cast of alien students from around the universe. However, the height of the average student was around 5' 10", while the green youngster's bald head barely scraped past the four-foot mark.
His vertical impairment, obviously, made him to a target. Unbeknownst to potential bullies, he had a few tricks up his sleeves. This little trickster, named Guldo, had some extraordinary talents indeed. As he rushed to class, anxiety erupted. He inhaled deeply and held his breath, forcing time to stop. He sprinted into his classroom and fell into his seat before he allowed himself to breathe and release his hold on time.
All eyes turned to him. People whispered to each other, asking when that fat, hyperventilating green kid got there. Guldo's face turned hot. He wished his psychic abilities could turn him invisible.
Meanwhile, young love blossomed in a gym class.
Burter took a deep breath and approached his attractive classmate on the baseball outfield.
"H-hey." Burter greeted with his snake-like voice.
"What are you DOING, mate?!" The cherry-skinned alien unexpectedly hollered.
"What do you mean 'what are you doing'?"
"You ain't covering your end of the field!"
"Oh, don't worry about that!" Burter stood up to his full height, "I'm the fastest in the universe!"
"Fastest at running yer mouth, maybe."
Wooden bat collided with leather. A ball sailed towards the ground that Burter had previously occupied. He snapped into action. He sailed across the field. At his speed, all that anyone could see was a blue blur. The ball was in the pitcher's mitt in the blink of an eye.
"So," Burter swaggered back to the other alien, "Now that you know me, Burter, the fastest in the universe, what's your name?"
"Oh… It's Jeice." He pushed a lock of his snowy hair behind his ear. "I guess you're pretty good." He gave the taller alien a wry smirk.
From the stands, two upperclassmen sat watching the game. Ginyu was using his binoculars to scout out possible cheer squad members while Recoome stuffed his thirtieth hot dog down his throat.
Suddenly, Ginyu gasped. He snatched Recoome by the collar and thrust the binoculars into his hands. "Look! Look at the blue and red guys!" Recoome finished his hot dog and complied. "See them? The big blue guy and little red guy out in left field?"
"Uh, yeah? What about 'em?"
"What do you MEAN what about them? Did you see the blue one catch that ball?"
"Nuh-uh."
"You should have been watching! Oh well, Don't you see how good they look together? They're obviously flirting. Look at that perfect little yin-yang thing they've got going on!"
"Okay."
"We MUST have them on the squad. Do you understand?" Ginyu shot to his feet and clenched a fist dramatically, disturbing other people on the bleachers. "We'll find their weaknesses and use that to recruit them!"
Recoome saw a chance to prove himself. "Ooh! I can do it! I'll get the big guy!"
"Excellent! I have every faith in you. Looks like the game is over. Go get him!" Ginyu pushed his bumbling companion off of the bleachers. Recoome approached Burter with a huge grin.
"Hello!" He began slowly, "What… is… your… weakness?" Ginyu facepalmed at this clumsy and unsubtle approach.
Burter looked confused, "What? Why?"
Ginyu jumped in, "We're doing a survey for the school newspaper!"
Recoome grunted, "Uh, no we're not!" Ginyu elbowed him in the ribs.
Burter's confusion turned into concern, "Yeah, you guys are definitely not in the newspaper club. I would know, because I am."
Ginyu raised an eyebrow, "So, you're interested in clubs, then?"
"Well, sort of." Burter lowered his voice, "My mom says I have to be in at least five clubs, and she gets real nasty if I don't listen to her. Most of them are okay, but I really wish I could find a way out of the underwater basket weaving club."
"Why don't you ditch underwater basket weaving for the coolest club in school?" Ginyu leaned on Recoome's shoulder and struck a pose.
"Uh… Which club is that?"
"The cheerleading team! If we can get five members, we can compete in the Galactic Cheerleading Competition!"
Burter shrugged, "I don't see why not. Nothing could be worse than having to hold my breath all the time while making those useless baskets."
"Then it's settled!" Ginyu stuck out his hand for a shake, and the new recruit tentatively accepted the gesture. "You can sit with us at lunch tomorrow. We can discuss details there."
The next day came quickly, and was filled with hope. Or, at least, hope for the cheerleading team. Other students, such as the diminutive Guldo, were not filled with such dreams.
The little green alien was shocked that he had made it to the second day of school without being bullied. He cherished this relative peace and quiet, but knew it could end at any moment. At lunch, he rushed to be the first to get food. This way, he could find a secluded spot to eat before the lunch room was filled. He settled down on a bench near the corner of the room and started nibbling on his Sloppy Joe.
At a separate lunch table, trouble was brewing.
A nasally voice was complaining, "Jeez, Vegeta, why do you eat so much?"
"Shut up, Cui. I'm a Saiyan, which means I need to eat a lot to fuel my strong and handsome body."
"Yeah, right." Cui rolled his eyes.
"I'll show you how strong I am. Come on!" Vegeta chugged his milk carton and smashed it. He scanned the lunchroom for victims, and his gaze landed on Guldo. He got up and stormed over to him, with an exasperated Cui following at his heels.
Guldo finished his Sloppy Joe, and looked up to see Vegeta looming over him.
"Uh… hello?" Guldo's four bulging eyeballs widened.
"Hey, you little green meatball! You've got some sauce on your mouth!" Vegeta heckled. Guldo wiped his saucy lips and hid his face. He tried to stop time by holding his breath, but couldn't because of his nervous panting. "What's wrong, you four-eyed freak? Scared?"
"N-no!"
"Pity. You should be." Vegeta picked up Guldo and dumped him into the compost barrel. At least he was being environmentally conscious.
Cui laughed, "Ha! Priceless!" The two bullies left arm-in-arm, leaving Guldo to find his own way out of the trash.
Ginyu watched this altercation from afar and recorded Guldo in his "Possible Underclassmen to Exploit" notebook. After writing, he returned to the business at hand. "So, Burter, was it?" Ginyu addressed his new recruit.
"Uh, yes sir."
"Lots of respect! I like that! You seem like the kind of cheerleader we need. The kind of cheerleader who would do anything for the team!"
"If it means I can letter in it, sure, I guess."
"That's not a very spirited thing of you to say!" Ginyu scowled.
"I meant, yes! Of course! Anything for the team, sir!" Burter saluted.
"That's more like it! We have a very special mission for you, recruit. Isn't that right, Recoome?"
The dimwitted cheerleader glanced up briefly from his massive lunch. "Yeah! Special mission!"
"Special indeed! We need you to tell that red kid how madly in love with him you are."
"What? You mean Jeice?" Burter sweated nervously, "I mean, love is a pretty strong word… Even for somebody with such beautiful hair…"
"Burter, face it. There's mutual interest between you two, and we need to use that to get him on the team. Wouldn't you like to spend more time with him?"
"Well, yeah."
"Of course! Having him on the team is the perfect way to see him, especially since you have no free time."
"Okay, let's say I am that desperate. How do I tell him? I can't just… say it!"
"That's right! High school is a very confusing time, but luckily for you, our team's love expert is here to help you."
"You're a love expert?"
"Haha, no. But Recoome is!"
"Uh… really?"
The beefy cheerleader looked up from his food and gave an enormous, partially-toothless grin. "You bet! I already done wrote you this letter. Don't read it. Jus' trust me." He slid a pink envelope over to him, bleeding glitter everywhere. Burter picked up the caricatural love letter and eyed it skeptically.
Ginyu cleared his throat and pointed to where Jeice stood, reading rugby scores on his phone. "Better do it now, while he's alone!"
"But what if-"
"GO!" Ginyu and Recoome ejected him from the table, shoving him towards his destiny.
Burter glanced back worriedly at his new friends, but started to approach his crush. He tried to take deep breaths to steady himself. His mind raced, wondering what Recoome could have written. He was an upperclassman. He knew what he was doing, right?
Jeice looked up from his phone, "G'day Burter!" He gave a charming smile.
"I, um, I have something for you." Burter handed over the glittery mess of a letter.
"Oh?" Jeice peeled the envelope open and, to Burter's horror, began reading aloud, "My dear sweet Jeice. Your hair is white like snow that has not been peed on. Your skin is radiant like a tomato. You are hot. I am desperate. Please date me and join the cheerleading team. Love, Burter. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO." He paused for a moment, taking in the message. "Gee, mate. That's a lotta hugs n' kisses. I guess you really like me."
"It's true." Burter's face flushed.
"I feel the same way! I don't get why I gotta join the cheerleading team, but I'll do it for you."
Ginyu and Recoome watched from behind the trash cans.
The cheer captain pumped his fist victoriously as Burter and Jeice walked away holding hands. "Bam! Now we only need one more person to be able to enter the Galactic Cheerleading Competition! Who can we get?"
Recoome was distracted, "Do you hear that?" Ginyu cocked his head to the side, listening intently. The sound of soft weeping reached his ears.
"I almost forgot about that kid!" Ginyu reached into the compost barrel and located the source of the weeping. He lifted the lid on the bin that some unobservant lunch lady had put over the trapped student. "Hey, your name is Guldo, right?"
The chubby green alien sniffled and sobbed, "Y-yeah?"
"Today is your lucky day, Guldo! I saw what Vegeta did to you. That guy would do anything to impress Cui. It's pathetic, really. Do you wish you had a group of amazing friends to protect you from him?"
"I do, he r-really scares me."
Ginyu bellowed with laughter, "Vegeta, scary? He's like five feet tall, unless you count his stupid hair!" Guldo chuckled and stopped sobbing. "Say, let's get you out of that barrel." Ginyu reached down and lifted Guldo out of the trash.
"Thanks a million!"
"You're welcome! But you do owe me one thing, if you want me to keep you safe."
"What is it?"
"You have to be the fifth member of our spectacular cheerleading team!"
"Sure, it's a deal!" The two aliens shook hands, and the team was complete.
Time passed, and the cheerleading team eventually got their uniforms. Ginyu was ecstatic, and demanded that they wear them the next day to school. At lunch that day, they felt giddy from the sense of unity their new outfits brought. Another student, however, was not pleased.
Vegeta watched the group disdainfully, the crease between his eyebrows deeper than the Marianas trench. His massive sense of entitlement hadn't made him this irritated since Cui broke up with him. He couldn't force Cui to love him (or like him, for that matter) but he was certain he could force somebody to accept him. He started stalking towards the cheerleaders.
Guldo tugged on Ginyu's green pleated skirt, "Hey, why is Vegeta coming over here?" Vegeta had left Guldo alone since he started hanging out with the cheer crew. This was a new development.
"Hey, nerds!" Vegeta growled, "I'm sitting here." He plunked down defiantly in a chair at their table.
"YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!" Guldo shrieked. The lunch room went silent. Nobody had ever heard Guldo speak in anything but a whisper.
"Excuse you?"
"I said. You. Can't. Sit. Here." Guldo gritted his teeth, "This table is for cheerleaders only, not stupid bullies like you!"
Jeice clapped Guldo on the back, "Yeah, you tell 'em G-man!"
Vegeta shot to his feet and yelled back, "You can't talk to me like that! I'm the prince of all Saiyans!"
"Nobody cares about the Saiyans, you loser!" Guldo spat.
"You little mongrel! I'll have my revenge! Nobody talks about my race like that!" Vegeta stormed off, parting the sea of students with his rage. He knew that if he tried to attack Guldo right then, his friends would have stopped him. His retribution would have to wait. Unfortunately for little Guldo, the one thing Vegeta was good at was holding a grudge.
The day had finally come. The day of the Galactic Cheerleading Competition.
The cheerleaders of Porunga Boy's High School had practiced their routine relentlessly and even came up with their own name: the Ginyu Force.
"Huddle up, men!" Ginyu gathered his ragtag group of cheerleaders around him before the final showdown, "Before we go out there, I just want to tell you all that I'm really-" He choked back a sob, straining his voice, "Really proud of you!" He wiped away a manly tear.
"We can do this, cap'n!" Jeice exclaimed.
"Yeah, we've got this!" Burter added.
"Haha, no you haven't!" A malicious voice interrupted their huddle. They turned around and saw Vegeta, surrounded by four other boys in matching uniforms.
Guldo gasped, "No way!"
"Yes way!" Vegeta crossed his arms and raised his chin arrogantly, "Since you chumps rejected me, I went to another school and founded my own cheerleading team!"
"That's pathetic." Ginyu sighed.
"It doesn't matter what you think, because I'm going to win! Later, losers." He turned to walk away.
"Wait!" Ginyu exclaimed. Vegeta halted and looked over his shoulder. "Why don't you take these brownies as a gift? Let's not go into this last competition with bad blood." Ginyu rummaged in his large duffel bag and pulled out a tupperware container of brownies.
"Hmph, fine." Vegeta snatched the baked goods from his rival. His Saiyan blood made him many things: arrogant, proud, competitive, strong, but mostly hungry. He and his team devoured the food within seconds. Ginyu had a vapid smile on his face, but a gleam in his eye.
Recoome whined, "Why didn't you make brownies for us?"
"Because you need to earn your brownies, Recoome!" Ginyu retorted. The redhead pouted.
Finally, it was time.
The Ginyu Force performed their routine to "Barbie Girl" to thunderous applause. However, when Vegeta's team was called to the stage, none of them surfaced. One officiator went searching for them, and returned with (not really) grave news.
The nervous young officiator cleared his throat to get the crowd's attention, "It seems that, ah, they're all in the bathroom. It's safe to say that they won't be able to compete. So that means that this year's winner of the Galactic Cheerleading Competition is… The Ginyu Force!"
Ginyu and his crew went wild. All of their hard work and training had paid off!
Their story just goes to show: If you spend your life dumping on others, the most important parts of your life will be missed because you're dumping.