Author's Notes: Enjoy reading, and leave a suggestion if you like.
The Great Social Experiment Chapter 1
Percipitation poured down pourfusley onto the Village Hidden in the Rain. Standing on top of one of the taller towers in the busy city, the deadly rinnegan surveyed it's people as Pein stood at the very edge of the skyscraper.
Suddenly a cascade of paper fused together behind him as Konan came up behind the orange haired man, "Leader-sama, the members are now with their new partners, as per your instructions, and our new partners are currently waiting for us inside the building."
Pein nodded in response, never taking his eyes off his city, "Understood." Konan seemed a bit skeptical to the leader's actions though, "However I must ask...why Pein? Why change the infrastructure of the entire organization?"
Pein's face remained emotionless as he addressed her, "Consider this a temporary social experiment my dear Konan. Instead of matching each member with their prime candidate when it comes to skillset, I matched up each member with their most compatible match social wise. I would like to see how members with similiar personalities will be able to work together to carry out their designated assignments."
Konan nodded in understanding, however she still wasn't completely sure about this mixup. Expecially the first group which was sent out a few hours prior, "I see Pein-sama. So group number one is made up of Akatsuki's most hyperactive and talkitive members correct?"
At this Pein awkwardly twiddled his thumbs, "Um...about that group. Since both it's members were special circumstances I had a different reason for putting them together." Konan raised an eyebrow, "And that reason was?"
It was a sunny and humid day on the outskirts of a small no-name village, and currently the gravel of a vacant dirt road was being vicisiously cut through, compliments of a three-bladed scythe.
The form carrying the sycthe trudged somberly down the road, grumbling incoherently save for a swear or two, never taking his eyes off of the ground.
Hidan was currently lost in a wave of self pity as he thought of his current situation, and how Leader-sama royally screwed him over with his new partner. Sure he was happy to get rid of the miserable miser for the time being, but Leader's new choice was someone who pissed him off even more. Just then his shoulders visibly tensed as he heard hyperactive footsteps race up behind him, "Fuck...I thought I lost him" the Jashinist muttered as an orange mask raced around Hidan and stood in front of him.
Tobi panted heavily and bowed his head slightly to the man before him, "Sorry Hidan-san, I went into the village to retrive the item you requested, and couldn't find you at the rendevous point we made."
Hidan growled and muttered under his breath, "Thats because I was trying to ditch you dipshit." Tobi tilted his head, "What was that Hidan-san?"
Hidan cleared his throat abruptly and stood up straighter, "Nothing, so did you get the item I told you to get?" Tobi rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, "Uh, i'm sorry Hidan-san but the stores in the village didn't have any three-bladed scythe polish."
Hidan crossed his arms and feigned dissapointment, "I give you one simple request and of course you can't fucking complete it. What a friggin embarrassment you are" he scowled at the orange mask in front of him who bowed in respect, "S-sorry Hidan-sama, but hey I did stock up on mines and explosive tags! Their my specialty you know" he said happily and held up a mine wrapped with a bunch of tags which gleamed in the hot sun.
Unfortunately the sun seemed to be gleaming much too bright that day, and Hidan eyes widened in horror as one of the explosive tags began to smoke, "IDIOT! Put that out you fucking moron!" Hidan screamed as Tobi began to run around in place, looking for a spot to chuck the mine before he settled for abruptly dropping it to the ground and scurrying away.
As Tobi sped away at breakneck speed, Hidan was frozen in shock, staring at the mine on the ground before him as the tag finally ignited, "Motherfu-" KABOOM!
Five minutes later, an orange mask cautiously peeked out from behind a tree, and then carefully made it's way back towards the explosion, following the scythe marks on the ground and finally coming to a huge hole where minutes before an innocent trail of dirt and gravel lie.
"H-Hidan-san?" Tobi asked worridly as he glanced into the deep hole, and screamed as a torso and several severed appendages stared back at him, absent the head.
Tobi tugged at his hair and danced in place, "Oh my God, Oh my God I killed Hidan-san, what am I gonna do?" "Tobi."
"I'm gonna have to leave the Akatsuki, find a new mask, use a new name!" "Tobi" "Hmn, lets see Walter Subchack should be good, then I'm gonna" "Hey fuckface! I"m not dead, I'm over here!" a voice screamed and Tobi looked over towards a group of bushes to see a disembodied head giving him a deadly glare.
Back in rain country Pein sighed, "I put them together since Tobi's natural ability to cause harm to his partner while escaping literally unscaved leaves Hidan as the perfect candidate." Konan nodded and decided to switch topics, "And what personality choice did you decide on for group number two?"
Pein humphed, "Lets just say they aren't the life of many parties."
There was much hussel and bussel in the busy streets of the Land Hidden in the Clouds in Lightning Country, as the large elevated nation held it's yearly festival honoring the past Raikage. However if one was able to look past the happy cheers, music, and overall excitement, they may be able to spot two somber-looking individuals wearing familiar cloaks with red clouds.
The taller of the two individuals wore a cloth over his face and as the two reached the end of a thriving marketplace, he pointed with a stitched finger towards a simple pawn shop, "In here" Kakuzu muttered.
The smaller of the two had black hair in a simple pony-tail, "Hmn" was Itachi's response as the two entered, only to be greeted by a middle-aged man behind a counter with a thick mustache and foreign accent, "Greetings my friends, what can I intrest you with?" he said happily before Kakuzu simply pulled out a brown envelope and tossed it over the counter.
The man opened the envelope which contained three stacks of bills, "Ah I see, so you are the ones here to pick up the information on the 8-tails for your little 'organization' correct?"
Kakuzu and Itachi both simultaniously nodded and the man glanced cautsiously around his shop before retrieving a large brown envelope of his own, "This is information from surveillences and research over a five month period, top notch info at that too. Gives daily routines, bios of the guards, and even has lots of information about the Raikage who is the 8-tails brother."
Kakuzu pulled out the info and read over all the ninja info cards, and maps of the area, "Is it all there?" Itachi asked boredly and Kakuzu nodded, "I believe so. You may eliminate him now...make sure you don't harm the money" he said in an equally bored tone and Itachi only 'hmned' in response.
The man gasped at Kakuzu's words but couldn't do much more after that as Itachi was behind him with lightning speed and the man fell with a thump as a kunai was embedded into his back.
Kakuzu lazily picked put the three packs of bills, "The fool thought I would really pay him this much for just info? I wouldn't give him this much if he handed me the 8-tails himself on a silver platter."
Itachi began to walk away, "Money is the root of all evil Kakuzu" the shorter man muttered before exiting the shop. Kakuzu glared after his new temporary partner for a few seconds until he was out of earshot, then he literally gave a small squeal of delight.
No cursing, no stopping every five minutes for some ritual or to take a shit, and best yet the younger man was just as boring as he was, if not more. They were able to complete a mission that would take Hidan probably an extra two hours to complete, and would probably contain a lot more unwanted gore. He may have to ask Leader-sama if he could make this partnership permanent when they returned, and with that he exited the small shop as well.
Konan chuckled, "Kakuzu and Itachi huh...they have to be-" "Boring as shit" Pein finished her sentence, "But that means they'll enjoy each other's company even more. Speaking of which, I believe your temporary partner is here to retrieve you" Pein said calmly as he gazed at the doorway behind Pein and Konan.
Konan turned around to see Akatsuki's resident fishman leaning awkwardly in the doorway, "Konan-sama, are you ready to depart?" Kisame asked respectivly and even though Konan knew of her partner in advance, she still gave Pein a quick glance, "This is a blue thing isn't it?" she muttered.
Pein smiled and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I paired you with Kisame because he is the most respectful and loyal of the Akatsuki members, and I could think of no one that deserves more respect then God's angel" he cooed and Konan quickly embraced him before heading towards her new partner.
Pein gave Kisame a stern look, "Take good care of her Kisame" he said almost threateningly and Kisame gave a toothy grin, "Of course Leader-sama" he replied and allowed Konan to pass through the doorway before he followed behind her and out of site.
Pein's face soon faultered into a frown as he continued to stare at the vacant doorway, "Now I just need to wait for my partner to arrive" he muttered and as he turned around to stare off into his city again, he was met with a single blue eye and a bunch of blonde hair.
"Leader-sama!" Deidara screamed happily from his place perched on a giant clay bird causing the Deva path to gasp and fall on his ass. Glaring up at the blond, Pein growled and muttered a simple, "Deidara" before standing up and beginning to walk back into the building.
Deidara stared confused at the retreating form of his new partner, and quickly jumped off his bird, "Hey Leader-sama where you going?" Pein never turned around but yelled back, "Come Deidara-san, I have things to do" and Deidara quickly followed.
"You have got to be the dumbest motherfucker I have ever met, you know that?" a disembodied head asked Tobi as he carried it down the trail with one hand, while the other hand contained a sack full of body parts. Hidan's precious scythe was secured to Tobi's back for the time being.
Tobi sighed, "I really am sorry Hidan-san, I sorta just paniced and sped off." Hidan growled, "Yeah your a pussy alright...so how good is your sewing?"
"Uuuuh" Tobi muttered awkwardly and the head rolled his eyes, "Ah for fuck's sake, who would have thought I would be missing that miser already" Hidan muttered before a kunai connected to an explosive tag landed in front of the two.
Tobi and Hidan stared at the flaming tag in shock, "Oh no, what do I do Hidan-san?" Tobi asked frantically and Hidan yelled back, "Do what you do best you idiot, run!"
Tobi screamed as he dove off the trail, just in time for the tag to engulf the surrounding area with a fury of flames. After that, three burly-looking men jumped down from the trees above and landed onto the trail.
The three men wore brown tunics, and each had a dagger at their waistlines, along with some pretty stylish beards, "Did we get him?" the tallest asked and the others just shrugged their shoulders.
"Um...can I help you guys?" a childish voice asked as Tobi walked back onto the trail, still carrying his payload of Hidan and his possessions.
Hidan stared at the men 'Bandits, well isn't this just fucking great' he thought and the shortest of the men observed Tobi for a few seconds before looking at his companions, "Uh...I think maybe we should leave this one alone, he looks pretty hardcore" he stated nervously, looking at the sycthe and the severed head in the masked man's hands.
The other two glared at the third, "Don't pussy out on us, we said we were gonna rob the next person who walked by." The shortest attempted to protest again, "Well what the fuck are we supposed to rob off him? The severed head, or maybe the sack he's carrying thats leaking blood!"
Tobi and Hidan's eyes wandered to the bag at Tobi's side, and sure enough blood was permeating the thick fabric of the sack. "Hey, fuckface, do you know how to use that thing?" Hidan whispered up to his partner, and Tobi nervously glanced at the scythe, "Uh...I don't think so."
Hidan sighed, "Well look, these guys think your a crazy serial killer or something, so your gonna have to act like one." Tobi stared at him confused, "And how do I do that?" Hidan smirked, "Easy, just act exactly like me."
"And now he's talking to the fucking head! I'm telling you man, this guys a friggin nutjob, just let him pass!" the shortest bandit screamed once again as he overheard Tobi. Suddenly Tobi dropped the bag and with his free hand pulled the scythe to his side.
'Hmn...act like Hidan' "Hey Fuckfaces, I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking asses with my fucking sycthe unless you get the fuck out of my fucking way...fuck." The three stared confused at the man and Hidan glared, "What the fuck Tobi, I don't sound like that" the head muttered defensivley.
Tobi chuckled awkwardly, but screamed a second later and dove out of the way as two more explosive tags wizzed by his head. Tobi screamed as he sped down the trail, the three bandits in hot pursuit.
As Hidan's head bobbled back and forth in Tobi's hands, the immortal felt like was gonna hurl, and he probably would have if his stomach wasn't in the bag that the idiot left down the trail.
As one of the bandits closed in, Hidan screamed, "Tobi! Use whats in your hand, fight him!" he commanded as he eyed his scythe in Tobi's right palm.
"Ok!" Tobi screamed and abruptly turned around, however in his panic he swung what was in his left hand instead and Hidan yelped as his head connected with the shortest bandit's cranium who fell to the ground.
As Tobi sped off again the taller bandits ran up to their fallen comrade, "Get up pansy-ass, we gotta catch him!" The shortest one finally had enough, "You know what, thats it i'm done. I'm not following around some weirdo who carries around a bloody sack and headbutts people with severed heads! Screw you guys, I'm going home" he muttered as he got up and walked away.
The two other bandits scowled in his direction before sprinting after Tobi once again.
Back inside Akatsuki's main headquarters in Rain Country, A black and white man with a flytrap sat patiently inside one of the darkened rooms of spacious skyscraper. As Zetsu sat in a small wooden chair in the dusy vacant room, the white side of his face held a look of excitement and anticipation, while the black side held a cross of bordem and slight annoyance, "What the hell are you so happy about?" the black side abruptly asked.
"I'm excited because today is the day that we finally get a partner" the white side said happily, and the black side rolled his amber eye, "Why the hell would we need a partner? We are basically two seperate people, plus who else here can merge with walls?" The white side glared at the wall in front of him since he couldn't glare at himself, "Look, don't rain on my parade alright, I finally get to have a conversation with somebody I can actually look at while i'm talking to them. Leader-sama just told us to wait here and our partner will be taken to us."
As if on command, the metal door opened with a rusty squeak and the Deva path walked in, with an awkward look on his face, "Uh...hi Zetsu" he muttered and Zetsu's white side beamed at him, "Good day Leader-sama! Is my partner with you?" he asked and Pein rubbed his head awkwardly, "Yeah, he's here" and he stepped to the side revealing Deidara next to him.
Zetsu's black side scowled at the blonde and the white side's eyebrow raised slightly, "Deidaras my partner? Um, thats cool I guess" he said optimistically and the blonde chuckled, "Yeah you wish plantfreak" he said in a cocky tone and Zetsu then noticed a parcel in Deidara's hands.
Suddenly the parcel was tossed into the plantman's lap, "The fuck is this?" Zetsu demanded and Deidara laughed as he walked away, "Your new partner, have fun." Pein frowned sympathetically towards him, "I'm really sorry Zetsu, but unfortunately we don't have an even number of members so we had to...compensate."
Zetsu was pissed, "Compensate? You call this compensating, no, compensating would be allowing Oorochimaru back in and making him be my partner, but this is basically delivering a kick to my multicolored balls!" he screamed as he stared at the lifeless eyes of the head in his hands, which was once Sasori of the Red Sand.
Pein sighed, "Again i'm sorry, but do try to treat Sasori's remains with respect-" he began and then glanced around for any signs of the blonde bomber. After making sure he was out of earshot, Pein cupped his hands and whispered, "-Deidara keeps it under his bed, and talks to it when no-one is around." And with that Pein left the steaming Zetsu.
Zetu's black side stared at the puppet boredly, "Welp, I hope your enjoying our new partner. Not very talkitive is he" he said sarcastically, "FUCK!" the white side screamed as he threw the head into the wall which toppled down into an awaiting trashcan.
Then he sharply rose from his chair and began to storm out the door. However as he was about to cross the threshold, he paused and stared at the trashcan momentarily, until giving a heavy sigh and retrieved the head before exiting the room.
Author's Notes: Well there you have it. Tobi's having fun with Hidan, Kakuzu is palling around with Itachi, Konan and Kisame are enjoying each others company, Pein and Deidara are having barrels of fun, and Zetsu gets his very own partner...'s head. Don't worry, he's not done with it yet. Anyway, I really enjoy reviews and would appreciate it, and please feel free to give me any ideas or advice for what different group's missions should be. Thanks again.