If Only...
'Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?
What's the worst that I could say?'
It was the soft clatter of claws on glass that disrupted Oliver from his tender inspection of his newspaper. Looking up from the latest article that mentioned his now household-recognised name, he glanced about the room until he caught sight of a familiar tawny owl, which was rapping gently on the window. Getting up from the spindly chair he'd been sitting on, he crossed the room and made to open the window, before his current girlfriend Linda, beat him to it, her mouth still full of toothpaste.
Wrenching open the window, she snatched the petite owl from the air and yanked the letter from its beak. Perusing the address on the front, she raised a graceful eyebrow before chucking the poor bird back out the window and closing it again with an alarming snap.
'It's from another one of your crazy little fan-freaks.' She informed him thickly, handing him the letter with an attempt at a minty grin and walking briskly back to the bathroom to spit out her mouthful of toothpaste.
With a little cough, Oliver raised an eyebrow of his own, before recognising the handwriting on the note and unfolding it as quickly as is humanly possible, eagerly searching the scrawled letter.
hey oLiver,
i just want yOu tO KnOw that i am yoUr biggesT fan!
you are jusT tHE most Wonderfully gorgeous cutIe the world has ever seen!
my Nan says you are such a Darling, and Often suggests that I should ask you to marry me…
Oh Merlin, that Would be something, eh, Oliver?
LOVE always,
Keira-Ann TIbblE
Smirking, Oliver rolled his eyes… trust her.
Walking back over to his desk, he grabbed the nearest quill and wrote out the emboldened letters on the bottom of the note.
L O O K O U T T H E W I N D O W LOVE K A T I E
Look
Out
The
Window
Love
Katie.
Stifling an amused snort, Oliver opened the window and stuck his head out, glancing around but seeing nothing. He was just about to pull his head back in when a small rock hit him on the side of the head. Hissing in pain, Oliver cursed and caught sight of Katie, who was doubled over laughing at him.
Rolling his eyes, he called out to Linda, telling her he was going downstairs to get dome fresh air and grabbed his leather coat from its hook by the door. Closing the apartment door carefully, he grinned, before racing down the apartment block stairs, taking them two at a time.
Bursting out of the double entrance doors, Oliver took a quick look around, jumping when someone hissed at him.
'Psst! Over here!'
His grin broadening, he crept over to the minute garden to the right of the building and was immediately engulfed in an iron-grip hug by someone at least a foot shorter than himself.
'Hello you.' He greeted the little dark-haired figure affectionately, kissing the top of her head.
Pulling away from him she smiled quickly wiping at her face in the hope that he wouldn't notice the two tears that had escaped from her sparkling blue eyes and crept down her cheeks.
'Hey! Hey… what's the matter darlin'?' he asked quietly, reaching out and brushing the trailing tears from her face tenderly.
'It's nothing.' She said a little too quickly.
Oliver frowned but said nothing more on the subject.
'Nice little code you had there, huh?'
She laughed, her pale cheeks flushing a little.
'Brings back memories of spy-games in the holidays before we both went to Hogwarts, doesn't it?'
Nodding, Oliver smiled, but the beautiful crescent was immediately replaced by a look of worry, which Katie noted. 'I'm fine Ol, really. I just missed you, is all.'
He pulled her back into another hug.
'How's Roger then?'
She winced as if in physical pain.
'He's good… ah, yes, he's good.'
'He loves you Katie.' Oliver whispered hoarsely, his voice breaking slightly.
'I know.' She replied steadily, her fingernails digging into his back, 'How's Linda?'
It was Oliver's turn to wince.
'She's good… been driven to the point of distraction by fan-mail, but otherwise good as can be expected I s'pose.'
'I used to hate the fan-mail too… it's a girl thing.' Katie said quietly into his chest, 'But you never really seemed to like it either, so maybe it's just an all-round thing.'
'I could do without it.' He said truthfully, with a rueful smile.
'I missed you.' She said again with a little hiccup, 'you have no idea how much I've hated spending weeks at a time without seeing you.'
'I think you'll find I do.' Oliver said a little coarsely, scrunching up his dark eyes as his most hated memory swept over him again.
'Oliver, there's something I need to tell you…'
She looks nervous, which is never a good sign.
Oliver looks up from his pre-game stretches, worry etched into every line, scar and feature on his handsome face. 'Roger hasn't hurt you or anything has he?'
'No, no, nothing like that.' She assures him hurriedly, her breath curiously thin as if she's holding it in.
'What's wrong then?' he asks, looking back down at his aching calf, the muscle which hasn't yet healed properly from last week's game smarting painfully.
'I'm getting married.'
And in that moment, Oliver's body is jolted with some kind of deliciously miserable jolt of electricity… and his life is never the same again.
'Ol? Ol, what is it?' her voice was shaky and fragile, making Oliver want to keep her in his arms forever, just to keep her safe.
'It's nothing Kates, it's nothing.' He said with an awkward cough, 'just a bad memory.'
They stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity, but then she suddenly looked up, her eyes glimmering and dangerously close to tears.
'I'm sorry that I ever married him Oliver.'
And in that moment, his body experienced that same jolt of deliciously agonising pain that seemed to rip him from his still unhealed calf muscle to his twitching eyelids. Oh God, if only he could bring himself to cry.
'If you'd –' she faltered, before drawing herself up bravely and plundering on, 'If you'd only objected…'
'Don't blame me Katie; it's just the way things turned out to be.' He said steadily with another little cough, 'You have Roger and I have Linda…'
'You don't even like Linda!' she wailed, stunning him into silence… it wasn't like Katie to be so emotionally unstable.
'I like her enough to get me through Kates… and you love Roger more than you realise.'
Oliver frowned as he said this, as if he couldn't even believe what he was saying himself.
'I love you, Oliver, you.'
And there went that jolt again. He needed to get that fixed.
'I don't want Roger, I want you. I need you.'
If only she knew just how much she was killing him right now, maybe she would stop… although Oliver, who knows Katie better than anyone in the world, even more than her accursed husband Roger-bloody-Davies, knew that she wouldn't. Because Katie's one major flaw is forgetting that other people hurt as much as she does.
'Leave Linda and marry me.'
'You're the one that's married.'
'If you had objected Oliver Tobias Wood!'
'I didn't want to ruin your wedding, Katie Ann B- I mean, Davies.'
They both fell into silence, the surname 'Davies' ringing in their ears.
'Oliver, you have to say something to her… don't let her live the rest of her life unaware of the fact that the man who loves her most in the world isn't her husband!'
Oliver turns away, he can't stand to listen to Charlie's words, completely right though they may be.
'Oliver, don't do this.'
He whips around, his face livid with fury, mostly with himself, startling Charlie, who is only trying to help. 'I have to let her go Charlie. I've kept her to myself my whole life, and it's about time I shared.'
'Not if it means giving up the love of your life to a fucking idiot like Davies!'
Charlie's angry too now and Oliver knows why. Of all the Weasleys, who all love Katie like a sister, Charlie is the one who loves her most.
She's his kid sister, the one who made her wear less revealing clothes and taught her to play Gobstones. He and Oliver were her two favourite boys in all the world before Davies and his hundred-watt smile entered her world.
'Oliver? Charlie? What's going on?'
They both glare at each other before forcing smiles on their faces as Katie walks in, radiant and more beautiful than ever before. Her white sheath dress clings to her figure in all the right places, sending a shiver down Oliver's spine, and making Charlie's jaw drop.
Katie Ann Bell isn't their kid sister anymore, nor is she that fifteen year-old girl whining about having a flat chest and no hips. She's the future Mrs. Katie Ann Davies, and she looks so stunning that even Charlie has second thoughts about whether Oliver should open his mouth and tell her that marrying Roger-fucking-Davies is the worst idea she's ever had.
'Oh God, I am so happy that I could cry!' she exclaims, making Oliver and Charlie wince simoultaneously, and to his horror, Oliver sheds a single, painful tear himself, 'My three favourite boys all here together! We are all going to be so happy, aren't we guys?'
They both nod and grunt and Oliver quickly swipes away his little momentary lapse of macho façade. Katie stares at them curiously before launching at them both at once, pulling them into her petite arms.
'You have no idea how much I love you both.' She whispers, and Charlie coughs emotionally.
'I have to go and check, make sure the rings are still in my tux pocket... just do it Oliver.'
Oliver and Katie are left standing together, awkward in the kind of way that screams at you to take the chance you have left.
'Does Charlie want you to tell me you love me?' she asks quietly as her mascara begins to run.
Nodding dumbly, Oliver lowers his dark head onto her soft shoulder and lets out one single, heartbreaking sob.
'I'm sorry Oliver, but I can't break Roger's heart.' She says hoarsely, clutching his head to the nape of her neck, 'I can't make him look like a fool in front of all these people.'
'But you're content to break mine?' he rasps, clinging her fragile body to his tall, strong frame.
'You don't love me Oliver, you just think you do.' She informs him before letting him go and untangling herself from his embrace, 'and I have to go and marry the man I love.'
Wiping his eyes, Oliver stands tall.
'You're wrong Katie.'
'I know Ol, I know,' she replies, 'but I have to believe that I'm right.'
What Oliver wouldn't give to go back to that day… If only he'd known that by wanting to make her happy, he was damning her to a life of regret, he wouldn't have let her go. But he did, and now as he stands with her in his arms, as they both cry freely one freezing week before Christmas, he wants to slap himself about the head.
'If only you'd objected!' she moaned again, and Oliver shook his head, unable to bear the pain.
'And if any witch or wizard should have an objection to the consummation of this marriage, he should speak now or forever hold his peace under the loving guidance of the father of wizardry, the Great Merlin.'
Charlie flashes him a look that plainly states that he hasn't got a clue about what he should do.
Oliver just shrugs, leans between Roger and Katie and kisses her on the forehead tenderly. 'Live happily, love each other always, and cherish every moment you have with her Roger, because she is the most precious thing you'll ever be given.'
There is a collective 'Aww' from the crowd of relatives and friends; even Angelina the Emotionless is shedding a tear for her ex-captain's beautiful little speech.
Charlie nods. He knows just as well as the younger man that Katie deserves to have her wedding day uninterrupted by a confession that would tear her in two forever.
'Thanks Oliver.' Roger says with an awkward glance at the burly Scotsman, who nods grimly and claps him on the back.
The Wedding Official coughs and proceeds on in his dull, monotone voice.
'I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride Master Davies.'
As they lean in and kiss, Oliver's own lips tingle. He knows what it's like to be kissed by Katie, and it's nothing dull. It's like fireworks, and his stomach sinks as he knows he's never going to feel those fireworks again.
'You did the right thing.' Charlie mouths over the heads of the happily married couple.
If only doing the right thing would make him feel better.
If only…
Oliver groaned painfully.
Mustering all the courage he could, he pulled away from Katie's embrace and uttered the most agonising words he'd ever say.
'You don't love me Katie, you just think you do.'
Startled, Katie shook her head.
'I love you Oliver! Don't you dare use that on me!? Do you have any fucking idea how much it took to say that to you!?'
Nodding, Oliver smiled sadly.
'I'm experiencing the pain right now. I don't love you Katie.'
'You… don't love me?'
Dying inside, he shook his head.
'No, I don't.'
'You bastard.'
The three words resonated inside his skull.
'You love me and you know it! Why can't you just say it!?'
'Because you're not mine, you're Davies… and I can't love you anymore.' He replied quietly, turning slowly and beginning to walk away.
'Don't you walk away from me! Don't you fucking walk away from me Oliver Wood!'
'I'll see you when I see you, Mrs. Davies.'
'I FUCKING HATE YOU!'
He kept walking, each footstep stomping on his heart, shredding it.
'OLIVER!'
'If only you knew Katie, if only you knew.' He murmured, walking into the building and letting the thick glass doors slam behind him.
Outside, Katie was sprawled under the tree, screaming and pleading with him.
'I hate you Oliver Wood… but if only you knew.'
If only…
A/N: lyrics used... 'Helena' - MCR.
Disclaimer: I don't own Oliver, Katie or Roger. I do own Linda, who is not really anyone special. Lyrics aren't mine. Plot is. End of.
Okay, okay, so you're all gonna hate me again now aren't you?
Haha, i know you lot don't like angst much, but i seem to be able to write it better than fluff lately, so you're getting Angst instead. apologies darlings.
I shall be updating 'Amidst Our Youthful Denial' soon too, so keep an eye out for that.
If you don't know what its about, its a Katie/Oliver war story, with enough humour and lovey mush to keep it from being Angst, so if you hated this, you'll probably like 'Amidst..' much better, I promise.
Love,
Ash xx