"All-right, roll 4d6. Yeah, nope." Click-drag-click. "5d6, much better, give me a bit of an edge. Still no idea what I'm gonna make though." Click-click drag-click. "Hmmm mix of fighter and sorcerer sounds interesting. Let's see how that plays out." Click-click drag scroll-click. "Hmm eldritch knights use magic, maybe get a few more spells just in case." Click-click "Ughh I hate that there's only draconic bloodline and wild magic options. Dragon it is." Click-click. "Sweet feats…hmmm fire adept gives me some extra oomph, and maybe…heheh, Lucky it is. Gonna need all the help I can get." –click-scroll-scroll. "Hmm skills, Athletics, Persuasion, Perception and Survival. Well thanks for picking them for me…" Click- scroll-scroll. "Languages, uhhh heheh, goblin, orc, and draconic." Click-click scroll. "hmm I guess you pick equipment and stuff later. Enter Character now."

CLICK

The screen lit up and I heard a great roaring voice in my ears. "Go forth hero, serve me well!"

When I woke up I couldn't see or remembered what happened, all I heard were the voices around me shouting, and a weight on my stomach.

"What in the 9 hells is this?! Ye call this a summoning?! That ain't him!" It sounded like a pissed off Scottish woman was shouting through a megaphone. "Ye be takin advantage of us?! We asked fer a hero, not some big-boned smith from nowhere."

"Rula calm down, there's got to be some explanation for this." A soft voice spoke from somewhere in front of me and a cool hand touched my forehead. "We don't know for sure what happened."

"I'll tell you what happened Mellie, we save up a fortune for this summoning to get us an advantage on the other groups." There was a panicked yelp from where the Scottish woman had been. "But maybe someone came here first, told him what we were looking for and screwed us. Is that right mister priest?!"

A high pitched man started speaking as though he was choking. "No! No, I swear, I did exactly as you asked Ms. Braga. A summoning spell that would bring a hero unlike any other. I don't know what happened! I swear!"

"Hey guys!" said the soft voice from in front of me, "I think he's waking up."

I tried to open my eyes but the light stung my eyes, I blinked a few times and when they finally adjusted I saw a child sitting on my stomach her nose inches from mine. "Hey mister, we didn't think you were gonna wake up."

I managed to sit up slightly dislodging her and took a look around. I was in a small wooden house and could see sunlight coming through the windows. Looking to my left I saw a short blonde stocky woman in what looked like robes and armor. Standing next to her was a tall athletic shaped woman with green tinged skin wearing some sort of armor made of deer and wolf furs mixed together. She was holding a small thin man in a purple robe up to the wall with one hand and snarling at him with her …tusks.

"Where…where am I?" I looked down at the girl in my lap and noticed she wasn't a child but a young woman but very petite. "What's going on?"

the stocky woman came over and put her hand on my shoulder. "We're damned sorry bout this lad. Ye got mixed up in our business thanks to this cheat over here." She gestured to the man whose face was slowly turning to match the purple of his robes. "Once we're done getting our payment back we'll see about sendin ye back home. Which village are ye from?"

"Village?" I shook my head confused. "I used to live in a city in Ontario. Where am I now? Europe?" I moved to pull the covers off me and realized I was naked underneath.

The small woman in my lap sat back up effectively straddling me and putting her face too close to mine for comfort. "Yourup? That's a funny sounding city. Are you from the south somewhere?" She looked over to the large woman, "Hey Braga, are there a human city in the wild lands named Yourup?"

She looked over and sniffed at me, "none that I know of. The orc hordes would have wiped them out, maybe he is from the islands?"

"Ahh is that it lady? Be ye one of the mages city of the Isles?" The dwarf woman sighed. "Yer gonna have a hard time getting back, you're on the opposite side of the world."

"What? Mage no, I'm from Canada, You know up north, above America." They stared at me blankly. "You know, Polar bears, beavers, maple syrup, hockey and we go around sayin {EH} all the time."

"…lad I think yemust have bumped yer head on the way in." she began checking my head for bruises or cuts. " I ain't ever heard of no Caneduh, and We dwarves live up north in the mountains. Never heard of hockey or people sayin EH, all the time neither."

"What?! Never heard of…wait did you say dwarves?" she nodded and I pointed a finger at her. "dwarves." She nodded and my finger pointed at the tall green woman. "orc?"

"Half only," she smiled. "Full orcs are a lot hairier and meaner than me." I nodded mutely and pointed at the man in her arms who was now foaming at the mouth. "mage?" a strange affirmative gargle was all I received before I pointed at the little woman in my lap.

"Halfling! My name's Mellie, whats yours?'!" she smiled and clapped, before scooting somehow even closer to me. "I bet it's something silly, like Jarduh. Cuz you come from Can of Duhh" she giggled and laughed at her own joke.

"Umm, no, sorry. It's Mike." I chuckled a bit despite myself. "From can of Duh, I can't believe I never thought of that." I coughed to recover my thoughts. "okay this is going to sound strange but what is this world called, or kingdom, empire or whatever."

The dwarf woman raised her eyebrow before answering. "Ye be in the kingdom of Trasta, in the land of Algeran." She held my head and looked me in the eyes. "Thanks a lot mage, ye brought us a broken lad." She turned and looked over at the limp body in Braga's hand. "Ermm, I think ye should have let go a few minutes ago lass."

Braga narrowed her eyes in confusion before turning and looking at the corpse under her hand. "Uhh…shit, well he cheated us! He got what he deserved!" she dropped the body and prodded him with her foot. "Not my fault, he shoulda said something."

"I don't think he had much of a choice, maybe that's what all the blubbering and choking was." Mellie sighed and shook her head. "Now we gotta leave town before anyone notices he's missing. Great job Braga"

Meanwhile I was sitting up in the bed jaw dropped and eyes wide at the corpse currently a few feet from me. Not to mention that I was somehow in some fantasy world with monsters and magic. I think I handled it quite well.

I fainted.