Hello there! Ok, I was inspired byBritney Spears'song'Inside Out', I really love it... I can't stop listening to it and thousands Quinntana's scenes keep coming to my mind so... I wrote this, and if you like it... I may continue it ;) I would love to read any advice of you!
Said you gonna be here in a minute
Sitting in the mirror getting pretty
Gotta look my best if we gonna break up
Gotta look my best if we gonna break up
You knew that this would happen, but you didn't care.
You blame it on the way she kisses you, touches you… how she makes you feel like you're the only woman in the world when her chocolate brown eyes are staring at you.
You'll never tell her that you love all of her. You love the way she treats you like a queen, the way she always wakes you up by kissing your body and whispering sweet nothings you've been waiting to hear from someone for so long. Your heart melts every time she looks at you when she's done making love to you. You know deep down that she's confessing that she loves you with that look, but you avoid that and what your heart is trying to tell you. So you grab her by her neck and kiss her with all the passion you have; like you're telling her to 'shut up, I'm not done with you yet' and you swiftly flip her over.
Santana's the only girl for you. She's perfect for you in every way you look at her.
Except that you're not the only girl for her and that's why you kept sleeping with those stupid boys.
You hate daylight.
You hate it because you know that's when she's going to go back to her perfect girlfriend. Her girlfriend... even though you've been having sex for three years, since Mr. Schue's failed Valentine's Day wedding, she went back to Brittany. Of course she would.
You hate yourself because maybe you would be together if it wasn't for your stupid mind that freaked out for months about sleeping with another woman. Even though you loved it. And you hate yourself because you just gave Brittany the perfect opportunity to claim what once was hers during those months of confusion.
And you lost your chance.
So now, you always have to settle for whatever Santana gives you.
And that kills you because you can't live without her, you can't even think straight when she's gone. Every time she leaves, it takes you days to get over the fact that she'll always chose Brittany over you. No matter what, she always leaves you for her. So you go out, get drunk and grab anything with legs that could make you forget about her at least for a minute.
But it's useless, because she'll appear at your apartment with a bottle of red wine in her hands three weeks later and kiss you senseless against your apartment door.
It's like you're drowning in this sick 'relationship'. You want it to stop, to escape from her, but you can't, you're addicted to her, so you want more and more and –
You just can't.
"God, I fucking missed your lips", her raspy voice echoes in your mind and you moan into her mouth when you feel her hands caressing your body. You shut your mind out when you want to ask her, 'Why are you with her if you keep coming back for me?'.
"Bed. Now." she demands, and you smile seductively at her as you start slowly taking your clothes off, never breaking eye contact while she closes the door.
You'll never ask her because you're terrified that she would run away from you and you'll never see her again.
That's your fucking problem.
You'll never do anything for what you want.
Once you give in and beg her to let you cum, your toes curl. Santana's head is above your chest feeling your heartbeat until you come undone digging your fingers into her strong back trying to not scream so loud. You push the Latina by her hair so you can kiss her clumsily and you want her to see how you're surrendering to her. How you are giving her everything you have.
You need to make her mind and heart remember you every time she goes home to her girlfriend that's not you.
And you think that you're succeeding because every time that you do that she whispers "you're so beautiful" so close to you that you believe she loves you back.
Almost.
...
..
.
You've been doing this for almost three years now, and here you are watching yourself in the mirror as you're getting pretty for her.
But this time you think it'll be different, because it was the first time that she'd called you first to warn you that she was coming to your place.
And those words were enough to make your heart ache, because you know deep inside that whatever it is the two of you have going on is coming to an end.
You want to cry, to yell at her and demand that she can't leave you. Not now. Not ever.
You are in a constant battle between your heart and mind about telling Santana your true feelings for her.
You won't do it. You can't
Why?
Because, how are you going to give your heart to a person that you know doesn't love you back? Why should you open yourself up to someone who could destroy you so easily by saying 'I'm so sorry but I don't feel the same' or 'I love you, but I can't'?
It makes no sense. It's stupid.
So, you swallow every stupid thought that flies to your mind and decide to keep putting on makeup and that perfume Santana loves.
Your heart and body freeze when you hear that familiar knock on your door.
Santana's here.
Thum, thumthum, thum, thumthum.
Your heart doesn't know whether to feel crazy, anxious, excited, normal, miserable, hysterical, happy, sad….
It makes you so mad that Santana has that effect on you.
You open the door and you find out that you're right.
This time is different.
Santana doesn't have a bottle of wine in her hands, she has them inside her jacket pockets instead.
You knew then… that was the end.
But again, you can't.
You can't let this happen. You couldn't imagine what it would be like to live without her. Though the only thing you've got from Santana was one night every three weeks. So, for the very first time, you push her against the door and kiss her passionately without giving her any time to react against it and it maddens you and confuses you even more because you start to think that maybe she doesn't want to end this either.
"Quinn", you can hear the sadness in her voice but you shake your head and kiss her more frantically than before, if it were possible.
"Not now", you beg her locking your hazel eyes with hers. She just nods at you while she leans forward to return your kisses and starts to guide the two of you towards your bed.
It's when you grab her left hand that you feel it.
Santana is engaged.
She's engaged to Brittany.
She's going to marry her.