Disclaimer: I wish I could own Battle Royale and especially KAZUO KIRIYAMA I LOVE THAT GUY!
Author's Note: Well I hated the fact when Kazuo died in the manga (he dies in all versions cries) so here is an alternate aftermath. I hope you guys enjoy it. The pairing is unusual but I think it can work out. I mean Noriko is kind-hearted, something Kazuo could use besides Mitsuko/ Kazuo has been done too many times. Also, go read "Iceberg" by Auraborealiis if you want another unique pairing of Kazuo's or if you just like to read one of the best written fics on the net. Well I hope you enjoy my fic!
Skin
I.
Something
Perfection; perfect, the chosen one, I am the flawless. Flawless is so difficult. But, not to me; never to me until now, until it just…maybe it was difficult. I think I was never flawless.
I feel her, looking and probing, with her naivety. With her brown eyes as she has yet to step into my room. She always does this. First thing in the morning: mid-way in the afternoon and before going to bed. She sees me as if she has no choice but to just see me. I hate her.
Before I could be a "nobody" and still be a "somebody". Now, I can no longer do that. For three months approximately I have laid down in this futon. They cleaned my head wound and I had a bandage covering my cheek. Now in place of that I have a scab. I never got wounded before. Not permanently anyway. I hate this. I hate her. If it wasn't for her I would be titled the winner. My existence would move on. I could not have been troubled by the dead and/or the living. Now, everything, something, troubles me. All things trouble me. My existence has borne life. Life of sensations and questioning: my ever-present curious mind now must suffer normalcy. Normalcy as a teenager, I was elevated over the status. Now I feel like I am in someone else's body. Years of logic had not prepared me for experience. I am lost. Lost, I never was lost. I hate her.
Maybe, maybe…when I hear her crying…I think…as she cries in the nearby room…her room…that I was always lost…I wasn't like other people…I'm glad she's crying…
These sensuous attachments that trail me now, what are they? It feels like seven or ten years of feelings that were suspended now have all emerged. Emerged to what? a blind, deaf-mute of their language. I feel so frustrated. I wish I could scream and SCREAM AND SCREAM…but I don't have the energy. I'm not used to screaming.
Once it was all diluted black and white and grey. Now it is a kaleidoscope. Everything is iridescent. It hurts me. It hurts my eye. My left eye was punctured. They say it might heal. I don't care. I think I can manage with one eye. Actually, I know I'll die lying here in this futon. Everything I do now will amount to nothing. Actually, I realized that things I did before also amounted to nothing. Only I guess before I knew no better. I guess I never grew up. The concept of it, "growing-up", stopped the day the…never mind. I don't like to think at all at times. Before I use to think and read. Now I need to think deeper. I'm…scared of it. I don't like doing things anymore. I guess it was always difficult and easy for everyone. For me it was never anything. I guess I cheated my way in this world. Now I pay the price.
Now, everything is so radiant. White is white, black is black, blue is blue and red…is…red. The bad thing…the bad thing…the bad thing…! Why? Why? WHY? WHY SHOULD I REMEMBER THE BAD THING! I DON'T WANT IT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU NORIKO NAKAGAWA!
WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME?!WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! I did things before on impulse! No longer was there logic or technicality! Now I must think internally! I must remember the bad thing! How my mother died shielding me! I hate this! I hate her! I feel something rolling on my face…feels like water…
Why does she cry? I was just thinking…is it pain…why should she feel it…? Why? Is it because Shuya is dead? Or is it because Shogo is dead as well? So, what? Maybe…maybe it was protection…like my mother…Shuya died but he protected Noriko…Shogo died protecting her…She's such a pain…such a pain…I can hear her crying again…my mom…was I a pain to her too? She died giving her life up so mine would still go on…
We are here now. The place that Shogo possibly said can help. I have been here with her. I don't go out of my room. I just lie down. I sleep the whole time. I am a person again. It's difficult being a person.
But, I can feel it now. Contentment – the thing you feel. I could never feel it. No matter what I did I never was I content. Whatever I did followed a consistent cycle. It was never anything more. Now even as I sleep I feel happy. I felt a bit overjoyed in the island…Mitsuko was beautiful…she was like me…but I killed her…I think my heart couldn't accept her…I feel the rolling water again on my face…
Now what? That's what comes incessantly in my mind. Before I just did things: Out of curiosity – I was always a child: I never believed in wrong and right. I guess because I never grew up. I was forever a child. Now the egg of that phase is broken. I feel lost. I don't…I don't know what to do…
I remember Noriko holding me. She felt warm. Shogo had cleaned my wound. He had died because I had wounded him. I recall Noriko coming in front of Shuya and screaming,
' Don't please Kiriyama!' she saw my trembling hand, ' Please don't!'
I just dropped it, the gun. I saw Kayako in her. Kayako, She, didn't run away. Even when she knew I was going to…kill…her…she had someone…Hiroki…I…I've…never had anyone…no one…I don't want to be alone…
She saw I was alone. She cried for me. Because…Because I could no longer stand…she saw it then…in my eye…it was no longer flat. I remember her running towards me despite Shuya screaming, ' Noriko Wait! He ain't safe!' She held me. I closed my eyes. She was so…warm…I never felt that warm…I liked it…
Do I really hate her? Why do I hate her? The people, that storeowner told me, ' Son – you can go and talk to her. She, I know she needs you.' He said that as he bandaged me. I wanted to tell him 'Ok' but I said nothing. Not to anyone. I wanted to…I wanted to talk to her…Why didn't I?
I see their faces. I feel water on my face again. Mitsuru and the boys, Izumi looking horrified, those two girls calling…calling…out for help…I helped them find their way to heaven, Oda: I guess he could have changed his spoiled ways, Hiroki protecting Kayako, Yutaka and then there was Shinji; he deserved to live because he was determined and then there was Mitsuko. The first time I saw a girl nude. I guess I felt lust. She was perfect. Her mind was alone…like mine…but, I guess inside…I couldn't accept her. She had a bad thing too. I didn't want to get hurt again…she wanted the same thing. I HATE MYSELF! I HATE MYSELF! WHY?! JUST BECAUSE OF A FUCKING COIN?! A FUCKING COIN THAT TOLD ME! LIFE ISN'T AS SIMPLE AS FUCKING HEADS OR TAILS! THEY WERE PEOPLE! THEY WERE LIVING LIKE ME! I KILLED THEM! WHY, WHY AM I ALIVE! WHY?!
Noriko, you were so warm. You protected me. But, why don't you hate me? Noriko, please hate me. Why do you always check up on me? Please hate me…it'll be easier…please don't care…do I care about you?
I can hear you crying. Don't cry – don't grow cold. Stay warm. You're so lovely. I want to know you but…but…why? Why? I don't understand anything…anymore…no, I never understood things…but I want to understand you.
Author's Note: Someone once said in a forum that even if Kazuo was ever to become the most successful man in the world he would feel nothing, no contentment as he possessed no feelings – I incorporated this well-though examination into my fic. So tell me what you guys think? I'll update soon.