Extended Summary and Author's Note: Qhuinn is selected to serve Layla during her needing... but is it what he really wanted now that he has changed so much? What about John and Blay? What is an unworthy male to do? Well the Scribe Virgin has something to say about that. And little does he know that Blay will be helping... how will that work?

You'll have to read to find out. There is a reason this is rated M, after all.

Warning (kind of): features some f/m/m scenes... if you don't like, don't read... but if you don't mind, it's definitely worth it. I've been wanting to write a Qhuinn/Blay story for a while... actually ever since Lover Unleashed and there was no Blay/Qhuinn resolution, so here you go.

Update 2/4/13: This story hasn't been updated since 12/31/11... good grief, I didn't know it has been that long. I had to change the timeline, a little. I had said this was probably after Tohr's book (Lover Reborn), but since that can't work, I'll say this is an AU after Lover Unleashed. I haven't finished reading Lover Reborn, but I understand there are a few things that might change the Brotherhood as we know it. I might take those into account as I continue this story. But take comfort in the fact that Blay and Qhuinn are each other's HEA, and that will never change. The Warden stated that years ago, but she didn't put them together fast enough for me. My muse can be a fickle bitch (and I won't take that back even if he has queening out on me for calling him that)... and I can loose my mojo (with family, and work and school and family medical issues), but I will be continuing this story when my muse inspires me again, and when I have time.

Timeline: Definitely after Lover Unleashed. AU after that.

Disclaimer: All characters owned by JR Ward, I own nothing, unfortunately... cause if I did something would have happened in Lover Unleashed, and not with Saxton!

Part 1

Qhuinn was sitting in his room, trying to figure out life, his place in the Brotherhoods home, John's friend and ahstruxnohtrum, Blay… yeah right! You're thinking, right? Qhuinn thinking? About life? Ha! …

Well… believe it… he's always been a thinker. Maybe that was part of the problem to begin with. He thought, about everything, all the time, and the reason behind everything he did. He always seemed to forget out those actions would affect him later, though. He never quite understood the expression that hindsight was 20/20… well, now he got it, loud and fucking clear… yippee.

He was changing though… had been for a while, had wanted to change for even longer, but couldn't. he got rid of his piercings, he was letting his hair grow back in, he still had the chain that signified his place by John's side, but that was his only piece of metal… not counting the pistols he always wore, of course. And he still preferred all black, just like all the Brothers and warriors, but he didn't need to wear the leathers all the time. He wasn't sure whether it was growing up finally, becoming the male he always wanted to be, but knew he couldn't… or maybe… he was trying to be better for something, for someone in particular. He tried to carry himself better, and not come across as the uncaring, selfish asshole everyone thought he was. Well, maybe not his friends, they always saw the real him… why couldn't his family? It was hard to think about his family, the biological family he was born to… who thought he was an abomination and wanted nothing to do with him… wanted him dead. What kind of fucked up family does that?

He had eventually (took him long enough, too) come to the conclusion that they would never accept him, no matter what he did. It wouldn't matter what his actions were, whether he was favored within the Brotherhood or not. It wouldn't matter who he loved either, cause even if he mated a Chosen (yeah fucking right… no way he was that worthy) they probably wouldn't accept him or want him back. He wasn't still grieving for the loss or for the fact that they tried to kill him, but it still pissed him off. And back then, before that whole thing with Blay and Sax… just thinking of that, them, got his adrenaline rushing and made him want to go fight, kill, attack… or… go to the person he loves and tell him he loves him and that he doesn't want anyone else. How fucking poetic. The one person he wants was the one person he had never had and for all intents and purposes was celibate. Well, not technically… cause celibates didn't jerk off, and there was no way in hell he was giving up that, at least not while living with other people.

If he couldn't have Blay, he didn't want anyone. No one measured up to that anymore, and his last fling, oddly enough with a red head, proved that. It was the wrong red head, but what he felt then, was closer to what he wanted than any of the other women, threesomes, and moresomes than he'd been in. Blay deserved someone perfect, someone loving, someone who wasn't tainted inside and out like he was. Blay was beautiful, sensual, flawless, strong, brave, perfection… he deserved someone who would worship the ground he walked on… and not dirty the path with all the filth he was dragging behind.

He knew he hurt Blay with his last words spoken to him, but he had to do it. He had to free Blay from following him. Blay deserved to be truly happy, and even though his cousin was a player, he was suave, dashing, a gentleman, and beautiful… definitely more right for Blay than he could ever be. He didn't care what he thought of himself, and he knew Blay didn't care either… but he knew what people thought of him, and if he were with Blay, that would ruin Blay. Pushing Blay away was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

That night Blay went out with Sax… it killed him. His cousin had a reputation with males, just as Qhuinn did with, well, everyone, just with more class and sophistication. Sax wasn't good enough for Blay either, no one would be. That night, he didn't know why he went to Blay's room, he didn't know what he wanted to say or do. He knew why Blay dropped his robe, he knew Blay still had a little hope that Qhuinn might come around. He had to have one last taste, a true goodbye. He knew Blay was confused, even though, just like that previous kiss in the training compound, Blay was open to all possibilities… he even said as much. He hated the thought of Blay being angry with him, hating him, never wanting to see him again… but he didn't regret it, nor did he regret releasing his bonding scent… nothing could have prevented that anyway.

So he let Blay go… let him be happy… let him be with someone that worshipped him and wanted him and only him. Although Qhuinn might be able to give that up now… he couldn't help but think that Blay couldn't possibly want someone like Qhuinn, not after everyone he'd had, how he had them, how often. Blay was too good for him, much too good. He didn't deserve someone like Blay. But that didn't mean he couldn't be a better person. Even if it wasn't for the person he wanted to be with, John deserved a better ahstruxnohtrum, not that he had any problems protecting and defending John. He would, without a second thought, but he could try and be better, an even better fighter and warrior than he had been. The Brotherhood deserved it, too. Everything they had done for him, given him; he wanted to prove that he was worthy of the respect the Brothers already showed him.

He still fought with the Brotherhood, and of course with John. He missed when it was the three of them fighting, though. They worked so well together, flowed together, moved together, thought as one, fought as one. It was so hard not seeing Blay, hard not fighting side by side. Not knowing if he was injured or not, if he was okay, hoping that whoever he fought with would watch his back. Oh, he knew the Brothers, and they would, but not like he would, never like he would. There was that one time Blay was injured and Sax took care of him… what he wouldn't have given to be the one to sooth his wounds, comfort him, feed him… god, just the thought!

But he couldn't think that… Blay deserved Sax far more than he wanted Qhuinn. Blay couldn't possibly want someone like Qhuinn. He knew Blay would see Sax for who he was and that Sax would be the best he could be for Blay, and that's what Blay needed.

Qhuinn had even completely rearranged his schedule so that he was never out with Blay… whichever of them were out the other was in. That's the way he wanted it. It couldn't be any other way. Seeing Blay every day now, would have been just way too hard to handle without confessing exactly how he felt… and he couldn't do that to Blay. He did get updates, he kept his ears open and he would occasionally ask a subtle question or two, just to make sure that Blay was doing well, completely healed and back on rotation.

The only thing he didn't want to know was anything about Sax. He didn't want to know when the male was there, when he left, how long he stayed, where he stayed. Whatever the fuck Sax had done for the King made him a guest that could come and go, but he still had to have clearance each and every time, just in case. He just hoped that Sax was making Blay happy… and he did not want to think about how that happiness might occur. He also sincerely hoped that Sax never hurt Blay. He didn't want to kill his cousin… but for Blay, nothing was off limits.

Although, he didn't really want to know if Blay was really happy either… that might hurt worse. To know that Blay wanted to be with Sax, to be taken by Sax, he would smell like Sax… fuck! He hated feeling this way, but he couldn't help it, couldn't stop it. In a way, he didn't want to, his love for Blay, his self-sacrifice for Blay's happiness, it reminded him he was alive, still fighting, still here. As long as Blay was in the Mansion, so would he. He knew he was here for John, too… if Blay ever left… that he refused to think about, he couldn't. He would have to follow, but didn't know how… but he would have to…

His thoughts were interrupted when he sense something, or rather, someone in his room. Which was weird because he hadn't heard a knock or the door open. He turned from his position on his bed to look… and almost jumped and fell out of bed.

"Holy shit!"

A small black robed figure with a subtle glow under the robe… stood? Hovered? Before him… holy shit!

"That is far from the standard greeting customary to who I am to you and your people warrior. On the other hand, the Brotherhood has seemed far too content to forget their position in relation to me and never greet me appropriately."

Qhuinn responded as fast as he could, drawing on what he's heard, and what Blay has taught him. Although he wasn't dressed appropriately either. How the hell did you dress appropriately to meet the Scribe Virgin, the mother of your race and people?

He knelt on the floor, head bowed in respect, hands behind his back, hoping that his choice of boxers and wife beater were okay… rather pleased suddenly that at least he had something covering himself.

"Well, a different outfit would have been preferable, but I have often caught the Brothers in worse, or nothing at all… some ceremonies require nudity, so that is also acceptable, at times. However, your position is very acceptable and makes up for your original expletive."

Shit, he forgot about that; but he couldn't help it, he had been sneaked up on, by someone that was… he wasn't even close to worthy enough to be in her presence. What could she possibly want from him?

"You need not be fearful, Qhuinn, son of Lohstrong. I will tell you when I choose, and I commend you for not asking all the questions running through your head. You could teach the other Brothers a thing or two about not questioning me."

But he wasn't a Brother, she was treating him as such… he couldn't be a Brother, either. No way was he worthy enough for that. He knew that, that was part of what made him who he was, what he did, he wasn't even…

"Warrior… I treat people as I see fit. Is my presence meaningless? Would I appear before someone not worthy of my presence? And need I remind you, you are in the Brotherhood's mansion. Brother or not, at the moment, you have been granted the option of living here. Do not make me regret my decision for approving you living here."

His head shot up. "You approved… *bows down, abruptly* sorry, no questions, right. I apologize Scribe Virgin."

"Hmm… I could strike you down for that warrior, but you corrected and apologize quickly enough, you are forgiven, for that. Let's see if you remember better than the others."

He nods in understanding, then thinks about a comment she just made. She said Brother or not, at the moment… did that mean? It couldn't though…

"Very good warrior, you are beginning to learn. But I will not explain to you. I have no need to explain myself."

"Yes, Scribe Virgin, thank you, then, for… well, everything, I guess. I admit I am very nervous in your presence. You said to not be fearful, but I am afraid I do not know what to do, or say."

Thank the Scribe Virgin for Blay, if it weren't for that male's manners and stories and advice, he'd probably be dead… long before now, too.

"Now there is a male who knows how to properly address me. It has been rare in my time in dealing with warriors that I have been treated with such grace, gratitude, respect, and adoration, as Blaylock does."

Qhuinn tried to hold back the comment that came to mind right then, but couldn't.

"He is truly a male of worth, I mean warrior… he is truly a worthy warrior."

"I know what it is you mean warrior. I am also very aware of your feelings and his for you as well, such as they are."

"You are… shit! Sorry… you can…"

"Silence!"

Of course she knows his feelings, and Blays, and probably all of creations. That would be a hell a lot of knowledge, so he could understand why she hates questions. It would get very tiring, very quickly to be constantly bombarded with questions by everyone wanting the answer to every stupid little question… this is our life, we have to figure it out on our own. And what would it matter if she knew how they felt? Life is a fucking hard journey, but one they still had to take, alone.

"Such a remarkable warrior you are. Not many have understood my hatred of questions, or picked up on it so quickly. Actually Blaylock was one of the few. Then again, he understands quite a bit more than most, accept when it comes to love."

"Love can make fools of us all."

He didn't mean that to be out loud, but what followed that comment was the most beautiful sound to behold. The Scribe Virgin's laugh… it was a choir of angels that could raise someone up from the deepest bowels of hell… although he was pretty sure that Blay's laugh might be close. It had been so long since he heard it… any laugh, for that matter.

"You are truly a unique warrior, Qhuinn. You deny yourself love, in the name of love, because you feel you are not worthy, yet he felt you were worthy, but that still didn't matter."

"No, Scribe Virgin, it didn't matter. He only thinks I'm worthy, he deserves someone so much better than me. I know you said I am worthy… but Blaylock… I am not worthy of that male. Forgive me if I offend for being forward, but he cannot be mine."

"No matter how much you want him to be?"

He looked up at her, at that moment, he couldn't stop himself. He knew he shouldn't, he lowered his head back down, in contriteness, but he was still shocked.

"Why shocked warrior. Think you not the first male to want another male?"

He had to bite his tongue at that.

"Or female from wanting a female, for that matter? It doesn't happen as often as it does among humans, but it happens. My children deserve happiness and love, whoever that partner may be. Mind you your bodies are designed to feed and survive and reproduce with that opposite sex, but that is easily overcome for allowing love to flow through you, to another, and receive in return."

He had no idea… does that mean that? No… he couldn't think that… Blay still deserved someone better than what he could give.

"Would you ever hurt Blaylock?"

"Never Scribe Virgin, I couldn't."

"Would you be unfaithful, were he yours?"

"I don't want anyone else, there is no way I would look for someone else if I had him."

"Would you trust Blaylock?"

"With my life Scribe Virgin."

"What about your heart?"

"What… I don't… after all I've done, I doubt he would want it."

"Answer the question warrior."

*sigh* "Yes, Scribe Virgin, I would trust him with my heart and soul."

"Could he trust you with his heart?"

"With every fiber of his being, Scribe Virgin."

"What would you do if he left you?"

"It would be a hurt more painful than being tortured by my enemies for all eternity, but I would allow it, were Blaylock to choose someone else. I could never stop him from being with someone he chooses."

"Except you."

A question and accusation was on the tip of his tongue, but didn't unleash it… and wait… he hadn't thought of it like that.

"No, you had not… for that is precisely what you are doing. You are hurting him and causing him pain by pushing him away and not allowing him to be with the person he wants."

He felt ill, horribly and painfully ill; he didn't know he was causing Blay such pain. Was the pain Blay was in anything like the pain he was in?

"I think you did know warrior, but you acted irrationally and let your brain befuddle the matters of the heart, based on what you thought others would think. And you will not be sick, that would be an interruption and I will not have it."

He wasn't sure whether he should be scared or laugh. Who knew the Scribe Virgin had a sense of humor.

"Very few actually. To create life and care for life, one has to have infinite patience and incredible sense of humor… and in my position, a merciful, but unwavering rule."

He had no idea how to respond to that.

"No response is necessary warrior…. And certainly better than a question."

He had to chuckle at that, a little. But, boy that was creepy, he wasn't even speaking… although it would have come handy when dealing with Blay all those years… and definitely useful when dealing with John. Well except for when he was thinking of Xhex.

She chuckles her beautiful laugh again. "You are amusing warrior, and it is a gift that is also a burden, but one I must bear."

If Blay was here he could probably say something complimentary and beautiful, but "you go girl" seems hardly appropriate for his races deity and protector and advisor.

"I think that says it perfectly, but I am not the protector, in a sense, merely the counselor to the protectors… who are the Brotherhood… and those warriors they deem worthy to fight with them."

That made sense, he guessed. He wasn't going to think or respond to the whole worthy thing though.

"Very smart decision, warrior. Now… I will tell you why I am actually here. You will listen and do as I say. You will not question and you will not doubt… for you know what I am about to say is true, if you can remember."

Well that sounds foreboding.

"That's all a matter of perspective."

He nods, accepting, his perception was of foreboding, but he waited, nervous, anxious… and would do what she said.

"As you may know our race is decreasing in size and the Primale didn't quite fix the situation as planned."

You could say that again, thinking back to what he remembered about that whole period.

"Indeed… our race is still in need of growth, and the sooner we start the better. And I have decided that one of my Chosen is going to go through her needing shortly, and I have decided who shall service her."

Uh oh…

"You assume correct Qhuinn. Layla has been ready for some time, but has yet to service anyone, and remains unused. She will come to you soon. Everything will be ready, and you will provide the first Chosen with a child, outside the Primale, in many an age."

Holy fucking shit, this is… he … he can't even sensor this… holy fucking shit!

"I can see all the questions and doubts that fill your mind. Picture Layla in your head warrior… what do you see?"

He imagines Layla, all the times she's fed him. The first time he pleasured her, but couldn't use her. The many times she had asked but he couldn't. The times she would feed him and Blay… He couldn't think of that. Suddenly he remembered a vision, if you could call it that… a little girl with blond hair and two bright green eyes.

"I knew you would remember… you see Qhuinn… you already know, your body will know what to do as well as hers. Mating need not be necessary, for your mind nor heart will allow it, but your body was meant to provide your race with this child, if not more. You are a great warrior for your race, a credit to the Brotherhood, as it stands, and you will do as I command."

Holy shit… but he was still imaging that little girl, and … he could see that… being a father… accepting her, no matter what, being 100, no, 1000 times better than his father had ever been.

"That was most unfortunate your family could not see your inner strength and goodness warrior."

Oh my god! Or wait… dearest Scribe Virgin… she just… not even Blay complimented like that, well, he did, but this…

"Blaylock saw the real you warrior, long before you saw yourself. I have chosen you for this task, warrior. Layla is thrilled as well as terrified. I expect you to treat her as reverently and carefully as she deserves. I realize during the needing it is easy to be not so careful and gentle, I do not expect you to fight your base needs and how your body will respond, but treat her right warrior. Make sure she is taken care of, and you will have my blessing to be with whom you choose, warrior."

His breath caught at that.

"You may look upon me warrior."

He looked up and stilled, she was beautiful, radiant, magnificent, he was filled with awe and splendor.

"You have changed warrior, and not just outside, although I prefer this look. You are yourself, not hidden, more proud of who you are and what you want to be. The outer change you have made reflects your inner changes. And you heard me correct warrior.

There will come a time when you are forced to make a choice. It will not be easy, for it will not be an obvious choice. At that moment when hope seems lost and doubt starts to cloud your thinking, listen to your heart and follow your heart."

And with that she was gone.

A/N: Thank you wonderful readers and loyal followers, thank you for reading and thank you for favoriting!