A New Infinity
Chapter 1
One year, that's how long it's been since I, along with the rest of the world, lost Augustus Waters forever. It wasn't long after he died that I found out I was pregnant; apparently our romantic night in Amsterdam had more of an impact than either of us knew. It was a difficult pregnancy, filled with all manner of sicknesses and eventually ending with a scheduled C- section. Even though it was tough, it was totally worth the struggle to hold my precious little boy, proof of mine and Augustus's perfect little infinity, in my arms for the first time. Six pounds, five ounces and seventeen inches long. I named him Augustus Isaac Waters; Auggie for short. Today, I'm going to visit Gus's grave. I go there often alone, but today it's all about introducing Gus to his son.
I walk the familiar path, dragging my oxygen tank behind me. My mom follows, toting Auggie in his carrier, fast asleep from the car ride here. Finally, out of breath and a little light-headed, I'm standing in front of Gus's recently placed headstone. I sit down in the grass next to Auggie's carrier and gently pull him out. He starts to protest, but I have him out before he has much of a chance.
"Mom," I utter looking up, "can you give is a minute?"
"Of course, Sweetie," she replies quietly. She lightly touches my shoulder before she kneels down to place a gentle kiss on Auggie's forehead and then walks slowly through the other graves as if she recognizes every name. Once she's out of earshot, I say what I've wanted to for the past six months.
"Hey Augustus," I start with a deep, painful breath. "Although we can't see each other, I thought you should know that you're the father of a beautiful, healthy, cancer free, baby boy. It was painful, but it was so worth it. God, I wish you could've been there to see him, Gus. His name is Augustus Isaac Waters. He is so precious, I love him so much.
He has bright blue eyes, just like you, that catch your attention immediately. And a very bubbly personality! I can barely touch his tummy and he goes into a giggle fit. Every time I look at him, I smile because he reminds me of you. I will do the very best that I can to raise him. For him. For you. For us.
I promise you, not a day will go by that I won't tell him about you. As long as I am here with him, he will always hear about how smart, witty, talented, and special his daddy was. I know you'd love him Gus, just as much as I know he already loves you. Just as much as I love you. I want nothing more than for him to find a love like ours someday. What we have is special Gus, and not even death can break the bond we share."
Much too soon, my mom is back, telling me it's time to go. I gently place Auggie back in his carrier and stand up. My mom picks up the carrier and heads for the car. She stops when she realizes I'm not following, but I tell her to go ahead.
"I'll be there in just a minute." I say, wiping the tears I had shed from my cheeks and reaching into my tank cart's front pocket for a tissue. She turns and takes our precious gift to put him in the car. I reach into my tank's pocket again and pull out a pack of cigarettes that I had bought the day before. I place them gently among the petals of the flowers that my mother had laid on Gus's headstone.
"Like I said a year ago," I whisper, "you can light these if you want. I won't mind." I kiss my first two fingers lightly and touch them to the stone. "I love you Augustus Waters, see you soon." I wipe away a stray tear, take the handle of my tank cart and walk away, leaving Gus's grave behind me.